Staring into the mirror, some reflections from the raven's nest

[Corvus Corax]

Since I seem to have too much time on my hands (I'm here aren't I ;) ) I thought I might take up the responsability to make a reflection thread for myself. I plan on posting quite frequently, although I've proven to be unreliable in such matters. Lyrics I like, or not, will appear here along with maybe some poetry, although I'm not much of a poet. So the poetry will probably come from other people, just as the lyrics. Isn't it nice to make a reflectionsthread for yourself and posting mostly other people's writings :D .

Then I'll try to post some writings of my own, although I don't know how often this will take place. Sometimes I'm a man of few words, other moments I seem to suffer from a form of verbal diarhoea. In neither case it would be wise for me to post in here, but believe me, I will.

I'll try to choose carefully in what I write here and what I'll write on other threads. I wouldn't want to write everything down here.

And thusly, I think I have posted my first rant, there'll be a few of those as well I'm afaid, sutable for those people who have even more time on their hands than me.

And so, it begins......

[Corvus Corax]

I'll start of with some lyrics, nice and easy (ergo lazy :D)

most people will know this from the tv-series M*A*S*H* (I've seen that dozens of times, but can't seem to remember speific episodes, they were all very simmilar imo, but I liked them :) )

It's the themesong for the movie and the series, and it was a hit for the Zombies, if memory serves. So here goes :

Suicide is painless (damn, reading that I resemble a bad DJ from a very local radiostation *sighs* )




Through early morning fog I see,
Visions of the things to be,
The pains that are withheld for me,
I realize and I can see...


[REFRAIN]:
That suicide is painless.
It brings on many changes.
And I can take or leave it if I please.




I try to find a way to make,
All our little joys relate,
Without that ever-present hate,
But now I know that it's too late, and...


[REFRAIN]

The game of life is hard to play,
I'm gonna lose it anyway.
The losing card I'll someday lay,
So this is all I have to say.


[REFRAIN]

The only way to win is cheat,
And lay it down before I'm beat,
And to another give my seat,
For that's the only painless feat.


[REFRAIN]

The sword of time will pierce our skins.
It doesn't hurt when it begins.
But as it works its way on in,
The pain grows stronger...watch it grin, but...


[REFRAIN]

A brave man once requested me,
to answer questions that are key.
Is it to be or not to be?
And I replied 'Oh why ask me?'


[REFRAIN]


'Cause suicide is painless.

It brings on many changes.

And I can take or leave it if I please.

...And you can do the same thing if you choose.

[Corvus Corax]

To make sure I can put my raven avatar up in no time I'll post some other lyrics as well :D .

But first, very important, some poetry.

The Raven, by Edgar Allen Poe

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
`'Tis some visitor,' I muttered, `tapping at my chamber door -
Only this, and nothing more.'

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; - vainly I had sought to borrow
From my books surcease of sorrow - sorrow for the lost Lenore -
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels named Lenore -
Nameless here for evermore.

And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
`'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door -
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door; -
This it is, and nothing more,'

Presently my heart grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
`Sir,' said I, `or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you' - here I opened wide the door; -
Darkness there, and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream to dream before
But the silence was unbroken, and the darkness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, `Lenore!'
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, `Lenore!'
Merely this and nothing more.

Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
`Surely,' said I, `surely that is something at my window lattice;
Let me see then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore -
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; -
'Tis the wind and nothing more!'

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of yore.
Not the least obeisance made he; not an instant stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door -
Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door -
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,
`Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,' I said, `art sure no craven.
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the nightly shore -
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Thouhg its answer little meaning - little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door -
Bird or beast above the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
With such name as `Nevermore.'

But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only,
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing further then he uttered - not a feather then he fluttered -
Till I scarcely more than muttered `Other friends have flown before -
On the morrow will he leave me, as my hopes have flown before.'
Then the bird said, `Nevermore.'

Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
`Doubtless,' said I, `what it utters is its only stock and store,
Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful disaster
Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore -
Till the dirges of his hope that melancholy burden bore
Of "Never-nevermore."'

But the raven still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird and bust and door;
Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore -
What this grim, ungainly, gaunt, and ominous bird of yore
Meant in croaking `Nevermore.'

This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
On the cushion's velvet violet lining that the lamp-light gloated o'er,
But whose velvet violet lining with the lamp-light gloating o'er,
She shall press, ah, nevermore!

Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by angels whose faint foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor.
`Wretch,' I cried, `thy God hath lent thee - by these angels he has sent thee
Respite - respite and nepenthe from tha memories of Lenore!
Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe, and forget this lost Lenore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

`Prophet!' said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil! -
Whether tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted -
On this home by horror haunted - tell me truly, I implore -
Is there - is there balm in Gilead? - tell me - tell me, I implore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

`Prophet!' said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil!
By that Heaven that bends above us - by that God we both adore -
Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels named Lenore -
Clasp a rare and radiant maiden, whom the angels named Lenore?'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

`Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!' I shrieked upstarting -
`Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken! - quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take tha form from off my door!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted - nevermore!

somewhat funnier:
http://www.aridolan.com/ofiles/PictureBrowser/DancingBaby/PictureBrowser.html

[Corvus Corax]

Now, for some 'lighter' work, here's

Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds - Red Right Hand

Take a litle walk to the edge of town
Go across the tracks
Where the viaduct looms,
like a bird of doom
As it shifts and cracks
Where secrets lie in the border fires,
in the humming wires
Hey man, you know
you're never coming back
Past the square, past the bridge,
past the mills, past the stacks
On a gathering storm comes
a tall handsome man
In a dusty black coat with
a red right hand


He'll wrap you in his arms,
tell you that you've been a good boy
He'll rekindle all the dreams
it took you a lifetime to destroy
He'll reach deep into the hole,
heal your shrinking soul
Hey buddy, you know you're
never ever coming back
He's a god, he's a man,
he's a ghost, he's a guru
They're whispering his name
through this disappearing land
But hidden in his coat
is a red right hand


You ain't got no money?
He'll get you some
You ain't got no car? He'll get you one
You ain't got no self-respect,
you feel like an insect
Well don't you worry buddy,
cause here he comes
Through the ghettos and the barrio
and the bowery and the slum
A shadow is cast wherever he stands
Stacks of green paper in his
red right hand


(Organ solo)


You'll see him in your nightmares,
you'll see him in your dreams
He'll appear out of nowhere but
he ain't what he seems
You'll see him in your head,
on the TV screen
And hey buddy, I'm warning
you to turn it off
He's a ghost, he's a god,
he's a man, he's a guru
You're one microscopic cog
in his catastrophic plan
Designed and directed by
his red right hand


(Organ solo)

[Corvus Corax]

So far for the personal input :) . I'm finding it difficult to post here without getting any responce.

I'm trying my poetry skills a bit now, but I won't even bother trying to make it rhyme. Still unfinished and quite rough.

We're all lost in the darkest of forests
Lost on a walk we never planned to take
with only the lightening to show us,
hints of what we'd see by day
burning trees as it shows us
roaring thunders to remind us

In the darkness we stumble
bumping into the trees
climbing them, in despair
to have a look, into the pitchblack night
burning as the lightening hits

some try to guide
some try to follow
both to find the edge
without hitting the trees
never knowing
the forest is the trees

Some are scared to hit another tree,
some of the raging storm
but do not feel lost
on a walk that leads nowhere.



Ok, I know, work under construction. If I ever finifsh it, I'll post it on an appropriate thread. To think I originally wanted to post a 'scientific' post on evolution :rolleyes: . Well, that will be the next then :D

[Corvus Corax]

ok, I've tought about that 'poem' thingy and desided to cut a bit. Newer version, nice and short:

Lost in the darkest of forests
Lost on a walk we never planned to take
with only the lightening to show us,
hints of what we'd see by day
burning trees as it shows us
roaring thunders as it reminds us

Not to fear the burning trees
in a forest with an ever closing edge
not to feel lost
on a walk that leads nowhere

still not what it should be, but a work in progress none the less

[Corvus Corax]

The lyrics are pointless, but a beautifull song which brings me lots of different memories, some very nice, some very sad. btw, sorry about the language :( .

Gorky - Mia

Toen ik honger had
Kwam ik naar je toe
Je zei: eten kan
Als je de afwas doet
Mensen als jij moeten niet moeilijk doen
Geef ze een kans voor ze stom gaan doen

De middenstand regeert het land
Beter dan ooit tevoren
Mia heeft het licht gezien
ze zegt: niemand gaat verloren

Sterren komen, sterren gaan
Alleen Elvis blijft bestaan
Mia heeft nooit afgezien
Ze vraagt: kun jij nog dromen

Voorlopig gaan we nog even door
Op het lichtend pad
Het verkeerde spoor
Mensen als ik vind je overal
Op de arbeidsmarkt
In dit tranendal

Sterren komen, sterren gaan
Alleen Elvis blijft bestaan
Mia heeft nooit afgezien
Ze vraagt: kun jij nog dromen

De middenstand regeert het land
Beter dan ooit tevoren
Mia heeft het licht gezien
Ze zegt: niemand gaat verloren


Sterren komen, sterren gaan
Alleen Elvis blijft bestaan
Mia heeft nooit afgezien
Ze vraagt: kun jij nog dromen

Sterren komen, sterren gaan
Alleen Elvis blijft bestaan
Mia heeft nooit afgezien
Ze vraagt: kun jij nog dromen

[Corvus Corax]

Another song I like a lot and has different kinds of memories attached to it.

The Cure - A Forest

Come closer and see
See into the trees
Find the girl
If you can
Come closer and see
See into the dark
Just follow your eyes
Just follow your eyes

I hear her voice
Calling my name
The sound is deep
In the dark
I hear her voice
And start to run
Into the trees
Into the trees

Into the trees

Suddenly I stop
But I know it's too late
I'm lost in a forest
All alone
The girl was never there
It's always the same
I'm running towards nothing
Again and again and again and again


I must admit that these memories aren't as sad as earlier :)

[Corvus Corax]

Well, since I don't know in what kind of mood I am today,ranting or silent, I will just start typing and see where I end up.

First of all, I've deleted some posts I posted in this thread earlier. They were about evolution and I was boring myself (believe me, this is difficult) while I typed them. So, to make this thread a bit more readable, I just killed them. Nice evolution :D .

Sighs

*tumbleweed*

BORINGWARNING

So, how is my week going on?

Not too bad. Had to work the early shift on sunday (up at 4:30 am) and went to a volleyballtournament afterwards. I only got to play two matches, since I arrived there straight from work at 3pm. But I enjoyed the matches I played. It's only recreational, but I like it.

Now, this week, my brother's on vacation, after buying a second hand car last week. He asked me to take care of the deal for him :rolleyes: .
So I had to remove his radio from his car, had to change the wheels before I can go to the cardealer to pick up his "new" car. Now I'm just waiting for the dealer to give a call, so I can pick up the new one and deliver the cheque. So next week when, or if, he returns, his car will be waiting for him.

*nagging about work part*
I've had to work last sunday, and the saturday the week before and I think I'll have to work this saturdaymorning as well :( . And I fear that this is just the begining, soon I'll have to change shifts in the weekend, which is horrible. Getting home friday evening at 23:00 (11pm) and getting up saturday at 4:30 (am). bleuuuh. I'll have to work during the three weeks the rest of the factory is practicaly closed, since I have only three days of vacation this year. :( I haven't had a day off yet, except for the days they forced me to use my days of compensation I collected with the overtime I put in. :( .

*End nag*
*End Boringwarning*

ok, so I've posted once again and I've cut a lot, so I think I was in a ranting mood :p . I hope to post better stuff in real threads.

it might not be good to try to justify a reflections thread.

[Corvus Corax]

Another set of lyrics, from back in the day. They used to mean something to me. I guess they still do.

Channel Zero - Self control

I had some news today
I lose control in here
My self control is coming down

I've lost the world today
I slightly fade away
My self control is going down

Ignorance feels the worst
The bad stay, the good go first
All I observe is black for me without a smile

My world falls apart
Reality strikes and hits you real hard
Sometimes reality is killing you without a sound

I'm gonna breakdown my agony
Mastering my self control
So I'll breakdown my agony
Searching for my self control

I heard the news again
I lose control in here
My self control is coming down

I've lost the world today
Slightly fade away
My self control is going down

I need to hold on tight
Mind struggling in my fight
My mind struggles every night since you're gone

I feel so helpless now
I try to catch it somehow
All you ever leave behind are memories to find

Breakdown my agony
Mastering my self control
So I'll breakdown my agony
Searching for my self control

Inside my head it's kinda weird
I try to follow you
I feel the pain it's like a gain
That keeps me going on

I speak to you, communicate
Ask for advice to know
Maybe it's a crazy thought
I know that I will walk alone

[Corvus Corax]

So, in order to fill this place up I'll write down things that happened to me. As simple as that.

Been having headaches again, not heavy, but a mild headache with a peak, now and then. It sucks :(.


On monday, while I was at work, someone from the nightshift at my departement was hit by a truck as he was checking his motorbike by the side of the road. I did not know this untill the day after, when I was told that he was in hospital in a critical condition. To be honest, I didn't know who they were talking about, since I only know the name of the supervisor of the nightshift. As work went on I got a call from his son (19 years old) telling me that his father had died. This was not an easy phonecall, as you might imagine. I noted it and went to inform my boss. As I went to talk to some of my workers on this matter, since the guy used to work on my shift, before I worked there. Only then I found out that it was the guy from the nightshift who always came in 20 minutes early, to drink his coffee and chat with me while I was doing my end of the day paperwork. He had been on vacation for a while, so I didn't notice him not being there that monday. Quite a shock. He's being cremated this saturday, but I won't be able to go. No one will miss me there, but still I feel bad about it, since I'm going to a "birthdayparty" this weekend. Yet again a dent in my selfimage.

On a different note:
While I am still looking for another job (things are going faster on that front :D ) a small problem appears on the horizon :( . Today my boss wasn't at work, as he left for his vacation. And he won't be back untill the second half of august. With him gone I am now in charge of the departement, which brings some extra responsabilities. Within three weeks the factory will close down for a big part during the three week vacation. Since I only have three days of vacation this year (and i don't think it will be possible for me to take this while my boss is away) I have to work during those three weeks, seeing to it that housekeeping and maintenance works are done in my departement and see to production of another departement. Chances are that my boss will not come back at all, since he might retire within a few months.

Now: if I get another job soon, I'll leave a big mess behind, I think. It's not that I would feel bad for the company, since I know they are using me as much as I'm using them, but I would feel bad for the people I work with, as it would be them who would have to deal with that mess.

On the other hand, if I don't take a job now, will I have one before my contract is finished.

Another thought on this matter: this evening I got a message to call for a jobinterview. Since my contract includes that I can go to jobinterviews during workhours and still get payed (I know it, lovely, isn't it? :D ) I am thinking of planning this interview during workhours next week. This will show the boss of my boss ( not the easiest person to work for) that I'm thinking of leaving and may put some presure to get a fixed contract, if not, there's always the jobinterview :D. Since there is a departement closing just when my contract expires and it's being replaced by another six months later, there will be supervisors a plenty, so my contract will not be renewed at that time. Maybe by aplying some presure at this time, I'll be able to get the contract. Although the other job as test engineer is quite appealing as well.

bwah, I'll see how things work out. But a storm is forming, that's for sure.

[Corvus Corax]

I'm just back from "the birthdayparty", so it's probably time again to write a bit.

friday: I made the appointement for my jobinterview. I had the choise between tuesday 10:00 and tuesday 15:00 (3pm). Since I have the early shift next week, which ends at 14:00, it would be the easiest if I planned the interview for 15:00. But I decided to go for the 10:00 option. I've convinced myself this was the correct choise (or I tried to at least) . First of all, I finaly get to enjoy my sollicitation vacation :D and I get to send out my signal (at a perfect timing). If I were to go at 15:00 I should keep quiet about it, since going to my boss's boss to tell him I might be leaving soon is quite rediculous (this may sound crazy, but believe me, it is). So if I would get the job, I would leave them no warning and put the knife straight to their throat.

I know, selfjustification has always been a hobby of mine :D.

anyway, alea jacta est. The mail to ask for my leave has been sent, since the one responsible for this was away when I tried to phone him.

So, friday, straight from work I got in my car and drove to the ardennes, to the birthdayparty. A friend of mine had his birthday last week and had rented a bungalow for the weekend, to throw a birthdayparty. No trouble finding the way, which was a small miracle, driving through the dark in such a place :rolleyes: . As I arrived after a two hour drive, I found the other guys playing drinking games (they had brought 264 beercans for 9 people :rolleyes: ) . So I joined them, grabbing a snack which had a funny taste. The others were suprised to see I was the first one to notice they were dogbiscuits :dozey: . We all drank too much (I brought a bottle of sheridans (empty after the first night) and a bottle of woodberriegin). On saturday we went to visit a brewery (la chouffe (http://www.achouffe.be/) ) :rolleyes: (healthy friends of mine), but since I was driving I didn't drink any. I'm glad about that, since I don't want my weekends to be one period of being drunk. At night we had a big bbq, at which the bottle of gin was emptied, together with a great part of the beers. I slept a lot (for me) this weekend. We went to sleep at 3:30 (since alcohol and a nearby bed have devestating effects on one's abilities) and I got up at 9:00, which gave me the chance to enjoy a relaxed shower, go to the baker and read a bit in my book (golden fool, arrived last week :D) while I waited for the others to wake up. All in all it was fun, but fun enough not to go to a funeral? And then there is the question: what if it was the most fun I ever had (which it wasn't), would I feel worse about the funeral?

Next week will be hell in a freezer, but I fear it might appear just as boring to me as the last :( . *sighs*
I need a good hobby.

[Corvus Corax]

Jaques Brel - le plat pays

Avec la mer du Nord pour dernier terrain vague
Et des vagues de dunes pour arrêter les vagues
Et de vagues rochers que les marées dépassent
Et qui ont à jamais le coeur à marée basse
Avec infiniment de brumes à venir
Avec le vent de l'est écoutez-le tenir
Le plat pays qui est le mien

Avec des cathédrales pour uniques montagnes
Et de noirs clochers comme mâts de cocagne
Où des diables en pierre décrochent les nuages
Avec le fil des jours pour unique voyage
Et des chemins de pluie pour unique bonsoir
Avec le vent d'ouest écoutez le vouloir
Le plat pays qui est le mien

Avec un ciel si bas qu'un canal s'est perdu
Avec un ciel si bas qu'il fait l'humilité
Avec un ciel si gris qu'un canal s'est pendu
Avec un ciel si gris qu'il faut lui pardonner
Avec le vent du nord qui vient s'écarteler
Avec le vent du nord écoutez-le craquer
Le plat pays qui est le mien

Avec de l'Italie qui descendrait l'Escaut
Avec Frida la blonde quand elle devient Margot
Quand les fils de novembre nous reviennent en mai
Quand la plaine est fumante et tremble sous juillet
Quand le vent est au rire quand le vent est au blé
Quand le vent est au sud écoutez-le chanter
Le plat pays qui est le mien.

[Corvus Corax]

Another grasp at poetry
Another work under construction (man, my horoscope is right)


the taming of the singing sun,
the leaving of forced tranquility,
it happenes fast, it has to come,
no day has immortality.

with a decadence of its own
the heat carreses all to kneel,
all motivation overthrown
this will end, can't you feel?

None dare to fear, the dark that rose
none dare to speak, the warning words
apathy is all that grows
apathy, for all, no worse

the dark has rissen, inevitably
holding he who holds captive fear
holding even his memory
there it is, the first tear

blown to shreds before it hits the ground
fear, it is released at last
bewilderment is in all around
the chaos has come fast

the dark it eats itself
with ever growing apitite
untill the burner comes again
he's called savior, this time

the frightened world, it breathes again
it knows it had to be choked
before rebirth, you have to die
the truth of heat can be so cold

and thus the path, it starts again
none of this can be revoked
cycles turn, it is no lie
and thus, even the sun grows old



needs a bit of work on the rhyming, hehe, another understatement
anyway, another post, another feather plucked.

[Corvus Corax]

some lyrics:
The perfect drug - Nine Inch nails


I got my head but my head is unraveling
cant keep control can't keep track of where it's traveling
I got my heart but my heart's no good
you're the only one that's understood

I come along but I don't know where you're taking me
I shouldn't go but you're wrenching dragging shaking me
turn off the sun pull the stars from the sky
the more I give to you the more I die

and I want you

you are the perfect drug
the perfect drug
the perfect drug
the perfect drug

you make me hard when i'm all soft inside
I see the truth when i'm all stupid-eyed
the arrow goes straight through my heart
without you everything just falls apart

my blood just wants to say hello to you
my fear is warm to get inside of you
my soul is so afraid to realize
how every little bit is left of me

take me with you
without you everything just falls apart
it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces




The calm ending realy makes this song special to me, although I don't realy know why.

[Corvus Corax]

The week has ended, it is time again to report.

As I predicted, this week was hell in a freezer. Every day has been hell at work, since my boss isn't there. It is alright when I have the late shift, since I don't have to go to as many meetings and I don't have to report to the higher managers. But allas, this week all this was mine. I had a conflict with my two colleagues of the other shifts. After a bit of backstabbing politics I've gotten the guy on the night shift to back down and help me, while I still had problems with the other. The other and me are now back on "friendly" terms. It's weird, we meet eachother fo about 20 minutes a day and we act all nice and open and the second you walk out (or he walks out since this week) everything changes. But at least we're on speaking terms. I think however that I'd better keep my eye on the supervisor from the nightshift as well.

Anyway, the sollicitation :D :
on monday morning I walked bye the secretary and told him that the appointment for my sollicitation had been moved. He didn't know what I was talking about, since he hadn't had chance to check his mail. So I told him I was going to sollicitate on wednesday and that I wanted to know where I should leave the form after I returned (I didn't ask him if it was possible, as I know the nagging that would have caused). I can still laugh with that little glimmer of panic in his eyes :D :D :D . They obviously did not see this comming. I like suprising people, I hate it when I'm predictable when I don't want to be.

The interview itself went well :), now it's just waiting for next week. They had a few more candidates, so I hope my "natural charm" :rolleyes: didn't interfere too much.

Since I had to work today (saturday) I'm not in the shape to post much more on the matter. Thankfully the headache didn't have many peaks this week, it was even milder :) . On the other hand I fear that my mood is heading towards the darker corners of my mind again for a few months. Bah, maybe it's just another quick moodswing, I seem to have them a lot lately, especialy on fridays, go figure.

damn, still no good hobby, still bored.
*wanders off to find a good hobby*

[Corvus Corax]

I-ya,
I against I,
Flesh of my flesh,
And mind of my mind,
Two of a kind but one won't survive,
My images reflect in the enemy's eye,
And his images reflect in mine the same time,

I-ya, I-ya,
I against I,
Flesh of my flesh,
And mind of my mind,
Two of a kind but one won't survive,

Right here is where the end gon' start at,
Conflict, contact 'n' combat,
Fighters stand where the land is marked at,
Settle the dispute about who the livest,
Three word answer,
Whoever survive this,
Only one of us can ride forever,
So you and I can't ride together,
Can't live or can't die together,
All we can do is collide together,
So I skillfully apply the pressure,
Won't stop until I'm forever... One!

A door step where death never come,
Spread across time til my time never done,
And I'm never done,
Walk tall, why ever run?
When they move if I ever come?
Bad man never fret the war, tell'em come
General we have the stock, the mad fire burn

I-ya,
I against I,
Flesh of my flesh,
And mind of my mind,
Two of a kind but one won't survive,
My images reflect in the enemy's eye,
And his images reflect in mine the same time,

I-ya, I-ya,
I against I,
Flesh of my flesh,
And mind of my mind,
Two of a kind but one won't survive,
Survive (x16)

Reign supreme in your U-N-I,
V-E-R-S-E with the sharpness,
Narrow row building no space for partners,
No space for drivers, no space for walkers,
No space regardless,
You're on my path then get off it,
Hardheaded and unresponsive,
Get they lives put on target with harshness,
Come with the canons sparkin' they darken,
Who am I? One man squadron,
Ma stir the fire this time that'd snatch your tomorrow,
The thousand yard spear that'll pierce through your armor,
You can get it on right now if you want to,
But when ya front 9 get marched through,
I warned you,
You know who forever belong to,

I-ya, I-ya
I against I,
Flesh of my flesh,
And mind of my mind,
Two of a kind but one won't survive,
My images reflect in the enemy's eye,
And his images reflect in mine the same time,

I-ya, I-ya,
I against I,
Flesh of my flesh,
And mind of my mind,
Two of a kind but one won't survive,
My images reflect in the enemy's eye,
And his images reflect in mine, survive
Survive (x16)

[Corvus Corax]

Disarm you with a smile
And cut you like you want me to
Cut that little child
Inside of me and such a part of you
Ooh, the years burn

I used to be a little boy
So old in my shoes
And what I choose is my choice
What's a boy supposed to do?
The killer in me is the killer in you
My love
I send this smile over to you

Disarm you with a smile
And leave you like they left me here
To wither in denial
The bitterness of one who's left alone
Ooh, the years burn
Ooh, the years burn, burn, burn

I used to be a little boy
So old in my shoes
And what I choose is my voice
What's a boy supposed to do?
The killer in me is the killer in you
My love
I send this smile over to you

The killer in me is the killer in you
Send this smile over to you
The killer in me is the killer in you
Send this smile over to you
The killer in me is the killer in you
Send this smile over to you

[Corvus Corax]

Anne Clark
Our Darkness

Through these city nightmares you'd walk with me
And we'd talk of it with idealistic assurance
That it wouldn't tear us apart
We'd keep our heads above the blackened water
But there's no room for ideals in this mechanical place
And you're gone now

Through a grimy window that I can't keep clean
Through billowing smoke that's swallowed the sun
You're nowhere to be seen

Do you think our desires still burn
I guess it was desires that tore us apart
There has to be passion
A passion for living, surviving
And that means detachment
Every-body has a weapon to fight you with
To beat you with when you are down
There were too many defence between us
Doubting all the time
Fearing all the time
Doubting all the time
Fearing all the time
That like these urban nightmares
We'd blacken each other skies

When we passed the subway we tried to ignore our fate there
Of written threats on endless walls
Unjustified crimes carried on stifled calls
Would you walk with me now through this pouring rain
It used to mingle with our tears then dry with the hopes
That we left behind
It rains even harder now .

[Corvus Corax]

well, due to complete lack of originality at the moment I'l just copy other's ideas :D.

So here goes my horoscope as I find myself in it:

Aries:

Aries is the trail blazer and the pathfinder, they are great starters of things but they soon hand it over to someone else to finish while they search for new worlds to conquer! That is their role in life and the reason that the sun is exalted in the Aries sign as it is here the will is given free rein to express itself. Aries are born leaders and teachers, their teaching is felt more in the relationships they have with others, for example, getting people to see their own actions in a new way or a different light.



Force as being a part of the Arian nature, means that you should not be afraid of being forceful when circumstances dictate that you should be. If there have been circumstances in your life which made you a victim of force at an early age then you may see fear creeping in and, if you for this reason, do not allow yourself to exhibit your true nature it will lead to suppression and inner turmoil. Suppressing the natural urges, especially when needed to right a wrong to yourself or someone else can also lead to guilt and actual, bodily ailments.


You absolutely love a challenge that will stir you to action. The monetary rewards will not be as attractive as the inner satisfaction you get from meeting and overcoming these challenges and leaving your opponents in your heel dust. And, Aries, you were also that weird little kid in school that couldn't wait to take a test to prove you were more capable than your classmates. You always have to be the best at what you do, anything less just does not make any sense to you; you will not accept your own excuses even though you let the world believe them. Arians make very good friends and will be ready and able to help you solve your problems with the same zeal and conviction that he/she attacks his/her own.

Aries is an extremist, physical, mental, and most assuredly, emotional. But if you are not careful you could go too far and become a social outcast, in which case you would be extremely lonely. ; You are the champion of the underdog and are known to climb up on the soap box anytime or place. You inject new life into your surroundings as you are always emerging into life, spurring others on to come out of the darkness and into the light. Aries is a survivor and even during adversity or perhaps starvation you are apt to ask yourself, "It's not too bad yet, when will the bad times start?".

[Corvus Corax]

Well, I've got some news

On friday I went to a festival (marktrock) since I had a day off (august 15 is a national holiday here). I drank a lot, but not enough to be completely wasted, I don't usualy drink a lot when I'm in my less "happy" mode. Anyway, when this was finished we went to the bus. A café owner I know had arranged a bus for his birthday, he does so every year :) . At 1:15, while we were at the bus, waiting for the other people to arrive, my brother called. Expecting a call along the lines of "I'm stranded here in some god forsaken town on the other side of Belgium, can you come and pick me up?" i picked up the phone. Suprisingly it was another call I've been expecting for a long time. The hospital had phoned, it was time for my father's hearttransplant.

Even though I wasn't realy drunk, this got me sober in no time. My father was already on his way in an ambulance, while my brother would stop at home to pick up our mother. Luckely the festival was in the same city as where the hearttransplant would take place, so I took a taxi to the hospital. I was there first, then my father, some time later my borther arrived as well with my mother. At least we were all there.

We had always been told that there should only be 4 hours between the call and the operation, this includes a full shave, a bath and some last minute checks as well. So we expected some busyness in the departement. I was quite suprised to see things being delt with in a very relaxed, slow fashion. We learnt that the operation wasn't untill 7 am. Therefore we suspect the donor to have been a case of pulling the plug.

Anyway, we stayed there untill 7:30 to hear the operation was started. Then we went home to wait for the news, no point staying there, I guess, if there was any bad news, there was no chance to see him in his last minutes. The operation was going to last untill noon. I stayed up a bit, to wait for a phonecall, but at 10:30 I deceided to call it a night. I got up at 1:30, the operation was a succes, and the situation was stable. They'd keep him asleep for a day, to let him recover gently. So I chose to get some distractions with my friends. I went to see Pirates of the Carribean (without Jhonny Depp that movie would have sucked, but with him in it it's great). After that some drinks in the café and a little chat on the net.

I went to see him today, in the intensive care unit (an improvement to the last time he was in hospital, when we had to see him in the operating quarter). Wearing a green robe, a mouthcloth and rubber gloves, we were allowed there for 15 minutes. He was awake, but couldn't talk because of the tube in his throat, as usual. The tube is supposed to come out tonight, although I'm expecting it to be removed tomorrow.

Anyway, that's the situation thusfar. I'm going out again tonight, not too late though, since I've got the early shift tomorrow. I thought an average of 4.5 hours a night was exhausting, lol. I seem to be able to go on with far less than that.

[Corvus Corax]

Well, my father is still stable and will probably leave the intensive care unit on wednesday. The tube was removed today, as I suspected. I'll go to visit him again at 19:00.

Now, for work:

A prediction: within three weeks there will be a lot of troubles at work.

My reasons for making this prediction:

As I took a look at my departements planning for this week I saw that the parts we are to make for Jaguar will be made in great quantity (11 000 where it used to be 1 300). This will ensure a buffer for this good paying customer.

We get less than 60% of the orders we used to get, with almost the same amount of people in production. Thus almost doubling the cost of a car for the factory.

The higer management has been trying things like temporal integration of the night and weekend shifts in the two dayshifts of the week. This has been protested against strongly by the unions and the management backed up a bit.

My predicted scenario:

- The management will make new and radical changes, in order to save a lot of money (about $30 000 000 per year was the goal, although I think the real goal is quite a bit higher)

- The unions, stupid as they are, will call an all out strike (I'm hoping this can be settled without the holding of middle management ie : me)

- The management will sit it out. They don't have to produce as much as they used to, so they can easaly recover after the strike. They don't have to pay the workers, since they should get payed by the unions.

- The unions will have no good place in the negotiations and will have to back down and give in, big time.

I just hope my predictions are wrong, I can do without such problems at the moment. If anyone tries to hold me captive, they'll pay for it in all manners I can think of, not only the legal.

If the unions were smart they'd keep their mouths shut untill the spring of next year, when the new models come into production. Then they'll have a knife to hold against the managements throat, instead of the cotton candy they're holding now.

bwah, we'll see.

[Corvus Corax]

My father's situation hasn't improved much. They reinstalled the tube for breathing last week and they are keeping him alseep again, for four days so far. He has an infection on the lungs, which the people at the hospital toled us was probably due to the breathingaperatus. He also had problems with his kidneys, but that seems to have been cleared. i had to work yestarday, so I wasn't able to see him then, but today he looked a bit better, a bit. Not much you can do in 15 minutes.

Nothingness is filling me and a thin image of happyness surrounds me. At least the nothingness is a change in scenery from the dark period that was knocking on my door some days before my father's operation. Indifference and boredom are making me not to care anymore. Lately I've seen I don't scare appart from an instinctive reflex. I'd say I need a vacation, but I know better. I've seen what vacations do with me and what I do with vacations. Boredom. And I'm bored lately, so a vacation wouldn't change that? If I do what I want, I'll hurt other people. It's part of one of my many visions on life: in everything you have the choise, to be a bastard or a loser. My advise usualy is that you shouldn't chose one of them too much, but I don't seem to follow my own advise. At the moment I'm not planning to change to the other option.

to cut the story short: bleuh

[Corvus Corax]

En de raaf, zonder bewegen, zit nog steeds, als zonder leven,
op het bleke beeld van Pallas, op de sponning van mijn deur;
in zijn ogen, als een omen, ligt de glans van duivelsdromen,
't lamplicht boven hem in stromen werpt zijn schaduw op de vloer;
en mijn ziel komt uit die schaduw, scherp geworpen op de vloer,
opgerezen - nimmermeer!

[Corvus Corax]

so, I've got some time to spare, since this is the first weekend in months that I don't have to work (except the one where my father got his operation). That's why I'll post a bit of diary again.

I'll keep it to the last week and a bit structured.

My father:
well, after almost three weeks of intensive care he was moved to the cardio departement. He was supposed to stay in the ICU for only a week and in hospital for only a month in total, but I think it's going to be a lot longer now, we'll see when we'll get him back. Although I prefer him to be in hospital at the moment, it's quiet at home and he's as safe as can be. Well, quiet isn't the word, thanks to the constant phonecalls. It's nice when you've got a huge family (my father had 13 siblings, my mother 11 and they were both latecommers, as were me and my brother, which makes me as old as most of the children of my cousins) and then there are even more friends that call. :rolleyes:
My father himself may be in a somewhat more normal room, but we still have to wear the rubber gloves, the green robe and mouthloth to visit him. He can bearly talk and when he does it is aparent that the weeks of drugging have made him a bit confused, to say the least. He talked about how he was planning to buy the house we live in from the owner. While he built it with his bare hands himself, and it's been payed off for years. Well, he isn't confusing me for his twin brother who died of leukemie when he was 16, like the last time he had a serious operation (on the aorta). I'll go see him this evening.

Work:
another 'fun' subject. I can't even be bothered to type everything going on there. There was an audit last week and there will be another the comming week, which means I've got a ton of paperwork to do, because I've got an extra departement under me since a few weeks, which has none of the necessary paperwork whatsoever. Then there are the problems I had with one worker in particular, who has been slakking for some time now and who tried to blackmail me to give him a day of vacation that I couldn't give. I didn't answer, closed the book and put it away and resumed my work, saying he had to go back to his line. He came back the other day with a bit more manners, asking where there were possibilities to get vacation. He might have redeemed himself a bit, but he will have to watch his every step from now on. I don't realy want to get my payback, but an example has to be made.

With the recuperating of my lack of sleep, the numbness is fading and the darkness isn't gone. I guess it's like falling into an abyss, it doesn't hurt untill you hit the bottom, but the longer you fall, the harder the hit will be. I guess it's hard to find a goal in life when you're convinced of it's insignificance.

[Corvus Corax]

Grey day - Zootwoman


No relief, from this blue melody
the right words, escape me
Love you go down
Love is a erased now

know your face, from this blue memory
open doors, close on me
Love you go down
Love, no trace now

Put your smile on my face, stop me wasting away
make a promise you'll break. Green light all the way, to a grey day
Love you go down
Love is a erased now

Put your smile on my face, stop me wasting away
make a promise you'll break. Green light all the way, to a grey day
Love you go down
Love, no trace now

Each new voice and good times let me be.
Change your tune, sounds the same
Put your smile on my face, stop me wasting away
make a promise you'll break, stop me wasting away
Put your smile on my face, stop me wasting away
make a promise you'll break. Green light all the way, to a grey day

[Corvus Corax]

Soulwax - much against everyone's advise

I
seem to have a history
at missing the point
at this stuff
apparently
very absentmindedly
I care
but never enough
for
...
you

TIIIIIIIIIME-to put the record straight
TIIIIIIIIIME-to stop communicating
please anticipate

AND I'M TRYING TO COMPREHEND THE THINGS I WRITE
AND I'M LIVING THE LIE THAT I CANNOT SATISFY
MUCH AGAINST EVERYONE'S ADVICE
I'M STILL TRYING I'M TRYING I'M TRYING I'M TRYING

faith
cheated me of everything
but I laughed until
I stopped
publicly
very, very openly
I sat alone with my thoughts
for
...
you

TIIIIIIIIIME-to put the record straight
TIIIIIIIIIME-to stop communicating
please anticipate

AND I'M TRYING TO COMPREHEND THE THINGS I WRITE
AND I'M LIVING THE LIE THAT I CANNOT SATISFY
MUCH AGAINST EVERYONE'S ADVICE
I'M STILL TRYING I'M TRYING I'M TRYING I'M TRYING

[Corvus Corax]

just some lyrics I want to keep somewhere, I might as well keep them here, in the hidden open.

Alles is voorgoed gedaan
Als jij er klaar voor bent
'k Heb aan je zijde gestaan
Mijn God, ik heb je graag gekend

Ik blijf nu hier jij gaat naar daar
En daar is niet zover van hier
We spreken af, ik weet niet waar
En daar ontmoeten we elkaar

Zonder jou tikt de klok even snel
Maar de tijden veranderen wel
Dus ik neem afscheid, jij moet nu gaan
Weet dat je in m'n hart altijd blijft voortbestaan

Slaap zacht, je hebt het verdiend
Je vocht tot aan je laatste zucht
En ga, ga nu m'n vriend
En droom voor eeuwig opgelucht

Net zoals vroeger kom je wel terecht
Ik weet je vindt een thuis heel gauw
En ik herhaal wat jij me ooit hebt gezegd
In m'n hart blijf ik je trouw


Zonder jou...
chorus

En ik weet ik zou dankbaar moeten zijn
Maar precies daarom doet het zo'n pijn


Zonder jou...
chorus

[Corvus Corax]

CNN link (http://edition.cnn.com/2003/BUSINESS/10/01/ford.europe/index.html)

Well, it's sunday now and I've got some time before I'll go visit my father, so I'll try to make some sort of comprehensibel tale out of this.

As I pointed out earlier in this thread (don't ask me where) I was expecting some sort of drastic change in the factory I work, givven the fact that there were measures being taken to minimise the effects of possibel strikes. So, when the European board was to meet on wednesday, we were all interested in the news they'd bring.

Now, on tuesday, the unions had heard rumours from Germany and deceided to close the factory for all large transports, so no equipment, parts for other factories or cars could be removed, while it also prevented material to enter the factory. This all happened on my shift, the early shift this last week. So I made sure to watch the news later that night and saw that the management had deceided to send the late shift home, while the next day, the people were to remain home as well, payed by the factory, they also announced that the workers would have to stay home the rest of the week, on 'economic wellfare', since there was no material.

A bit suprised by all this, I called my colleague of the other shift and asked him what the hell was going on. He was glad I called, since he didn't know my number and he told me all this was true and asked me to inform my men as well. I was to come in on the dayshift the following days.

So, on wednesday all monthly payed employees came in on the dayshift, with the whole factory closed. It was kind of weird, walking around in such a huge factory with only emergency lighting. So my boss, my two colleagues and myself were sitting there, at our departement, listening to the radio, eating some left over cake from a celebration on tuesday. then, after a few hours of waiting we heard the news.

We were expecting something along the line of: no more weekend shift and an integration of the nightshift in the other two shifts.
What we got was something different though, something the worst rumours mentioned:
- 3 000 people will be layed off before februari
- the new model focus won't be produced at our factory
- and worst of all, the promised € 900 000 000 isn't going to be invested
- and in the following months it will be deceided whether the new model mondeo will be produced in our factory (to threaten the unions not to strike too hard)

After hearing this news we found our way to an information session, where we were all informed a bit more. We were allowed to leave early that day, after exchanging telephone and cellphone numbers for the following days.

The next day was useless, since we weren't allowed inside the factory. I did have a jobinterview planned that day though, a nice coincidence.

On friday, we weren't allowed in either, so we went to a local meeting center and had some discussions over there. I don't know whether I'm allowed to discuss all that's been said there, so I shall refrain from that.

The unions have announced a 24 hour strike on monday and no finished part nor any equipment will be allowed to leave the factory once the production starts again.

Now, where do I fit into this picture:
- I had a 99.5% certainty that my contract wouldn't be renewed in januari, since that's the policy (since it's my first job, I'm subsidised)
. So the prospect of being fired isn't that allarming to me (hence the planned jobinterview on thursday, it was planned weeks ago);

- the unions and human resources departement will deceide the procedure of selction for lay off. I'll probably have to make some choises as well, who to protect and who not. Saying that will be a hard thing to do, would be a serious understatement. Saying that telling the people affected that they will be fired will be even harder, I guess. I hope. I don't think I'd feel good about myself if I was to find out I don't have any problems sacking people.

All in all, my first job will be a memorable one. Not many people can say that their first job included leading 40 guys (80 in effect, as of late), handling more money than your year's sallary on a daily basis, passing two major audits (all pointless in the end) and having to lay off people (I hope I won't get too much exercise in that). Hell, I'm only 23 years old.

I planned to study an extra year of specialisation after I graduated, but givven my father's bad health I refrained from that. I'll considder this one year as an extra year of learining then. With a bigger, if not the biggest, pay of all the people who graduated in my year :D.

:( I may have sold my soul (not that I had a good one to begin with), but at least I gave them a good run for their money.

[Corvus Corax]

This is getting old and so are you.
Everything you know and never knew.
Will run through your fingers just like sand.

Enjoy it while you can.

Like a snake between two stones it itches in your bones.
Take a deep breath and swallow your sorrow tomorrow.

So raise it up and lets propose a toast.
To the thing that hurts you most.

It's your last cup of sorrow.
What can you say? Finish it today.
It's your last cup of sorrow.
So think of me and get on your way.

It won't begin until you make it end.
Until you know the how the where and the when.
With a new face you might surprise yourself.

[Corvus Corax]

Well, what can I say? It's been a while.
I've been thinking about killing off this thread of mine, but after further consideration I've deceided to start posting again, it might just help me through these times a bit.

I've been a bit busy with life or, better put: life has been a bit busy with me. My life is going through changes. Not one, but several. If anything, this period in my life will be memorable.

So, how did this all come to be, you might ask (I'll take the liberty of putting some words that fit me into your mouth).

Well, I think I'll start with my days off, it's good to know where and when to begin in an explenation and those days off are a good place and time to start. I had finaly taken three whole weeks off from work. This was quite an acomplishment, since I only had three days off when I started there, in januari. All the rest was overtime that needed compensation. And since I hadn't had any days off since I started working, it was needed. The first two weeks were a mix of mental and physical hedonism. I finlay had the chance to catch up on some sleep and so the stuff I like. The changes started in the third week.

Actualy, the changes started on the saturday preceding that week, when the first change revealed itself. And low and behold: it was a change in my lovelife. There is a girl, let's call her Debbie (mostly because that's her name), who I've known for six years now. I've been in love with her twice since then, now it's the third time. She had a relationship for the last five years, with a guy who became my friend (because he was with her, or just because I liked him? I wouldn't know). I always had the philosophy that there one always has the choise to be a bastard or a loser and that it isn't wise to chose any of those options too often. Well, in those cases I always chose the loser option and I didn't tell her about my feelings. Seeing her being happy was all I needed to justify to myself that interupting her, at that time, happy life with my problems, or was it just cowardice? Anyway, I always tried to help her and be there for her if she needed me, albeit I did look for another (I'm not that big a loser) and found new loves. Now, however, after five years in the relationship, they went to live together. I helped them move into the place, but everyone saw that they had problems (no, this isn't self justification, some of my less tactfull friends even had a wager on how long they'd last).

So now, on that particular saturday we all went out together with a big group of friends, when he went to their place alone (it was almost walking distance) after yet another night of silence between the two. She asked me to drive her home later and told me she had something to tell me. Not being a total idiot, I had some idea about what this could be. When we arrived at their place, we talked in the car and she told me the reason why they had so much problems. Apparently, and still quite unbelievable to me, she was in love with me and had been for quite a while. She had thought that this would pass, but finaly couldn't hold out anymore. Not being a liar or a complete loser, I told her my feelings as well. We both overlooked our predicament and deceided that we'd talk about this the following monday. Watching her entering the apartment that night was one of the thoughest things I've had to do in a long while. The following sunday, she broke up with the other guy and started preparations to move back home. That monday, we had a talk, in a café where noone knew us. Even though we knew eachother for six years, we were both very nervous. And even though we both originaly wanted to wait a few months before starting a relationship, things turned out a bit different.

Thus the week progressed, with secret meetings and public meetings where we were to act as usual. Then, on thursday, I received bad news. My father, who was in hospital for more than three months after his hearttransplant had yet another infection, but this time the doctors weren't able to help him anymore. The drugs that ensured that the body wouldn't reject the strange heart work by lowering the body's resistance, which makes it vunerable to infections. He had had infections before, but this time the infection was too strong to stop with antibiotics and the abscess that was the result was near his aorta. His aorta had been operated on some years ago and a plastic tube was installed, ideal for infections to settle in, if the abscess was tried to be removed. Anyway, to keep a long story short: my father wasn't going to survive this. My mother was devastated, as was my brother. I myself however, was a bit more controlled. Plans were made to bring my father back, so he could die at home, which was only possible the next monday. The following days were hard. As the infection grew it caused more and more pain. At first my father was givven simple painkillers, but soon enough they were giving him morphine. We visited him every day, but he only woke up because of the pain, soon relieved by morphine, which only caused him to fall asleep again. I wanted Debbie to get the opportunity to see my father before he died, even if it was in this condition (6'1" and 130 lbs, while he used to be a big man), so I told my mother of the situation. She was to meet him the following tuesday. At that time, my vacation came to an end and I had to return to work that monday, on the early shift (which means getting up at 4am). As I was up preparing to leave for work, we had a phonecall, which I knew couldn't be good. Obviously it was the hospital, my father wasn't going to last much longer. Unfortunatly, I had to go to work, as one of my workers was waiting for me to pick him up. My brother drove my mother to the hospital at literaly more than 200 km/h, while I went to work to drop of my worker and inform my bosses. As I drove to the hospital I got stuck in a traffic jam for an hour. By the time I entered my father's room, my father was already dead, lying in a shirt and tie in his bed, with all the medical equipment out of the room. Apparently my mother and my brother were in time to see him alive and he noticed their presence. He even kissed my mother goodbye. As I was left alone in the room, I cried, for the first time in over 11 years.

My mother didn't want things to be streched too long in time and deceided to have the funeral the following thursday, which was a bit of a problem, since a lot of people had to work and couldn't get a day off. Maybe it was for the best, since the church was full with the 400 people who could get some time off. Sadly enough, it was at my father's funeral that my mother was to meet Debbie for the first time. After the funeral, at the coffeetable ( a local tradition after a funeral ) I got a call from someone in the human resources department of a company called Collins and Aikman. They were calling if I was interested in a position as resident engineer in their firm. As my contract is almost at an end I agreed to have a jobinterview the following day, after my work. The interview went well and I was invited for a second interview the next week. That went good as well and now I'm waiting for the company to call wether I have the job or not, since only one of the two senior engineers was present at the second interview.

In the mean time, the situation at work hasn't improved a bit. I'm not going to get into detail, but the immenent lay offs are realy nerving up the place. My direct superior is going on his early retirement on december 19th, while my first assistant is getting caught in the 13 week social security and 1 week of work deal, which renders him useless to any managing of the department. With all the experiance being cut out of the factory, things will become very difficult to manage. Since my boss informed himself wether I would be able to get my contract renewed and got a negative answer, I'm not involved much, but since my department demands a lot of experiance to manage, I fear things might get difficult for my men to work in. I pitty the fool who gets my boss's job.

These were the rough outlinings of my life in the past few weeks. I hope to be able to make some more time for this.

[Corvus Corax]

a good site about the people over here (http://pespmc1.vub.ac.be/BelgCul2.html)

mmhhh, it's been a while, again.

too bad

[Corvus Corax]

My personal favorite Novastar song: Caramia

everyday I think of you
won't you be a friend of mine
all I do is think of you, Caramia
and it blows my mind to find
you’re still out there
all I do is think of you, Caramia

and it’s all too much for me to take
I guess it’s all too much for me to take

ever since you came around
I feel so fine
all I want is you, Caramia

and it’s all too much for me to take
I guess it’s all too much for me to take

I simply can not find the truth for myself
suddenly I found the truth for myself
so come come, turn me on
so come come, turn me on
so come come, turn me on

every day I think of you
won’t you be a friend of mine
all I want is you, Caramia

I simply can not find the truth for myself
I simply can not live my life on myself

so come come, turn me on
Caramia
you turn me on
Caramia
you turn me on

[Corvus Corax]

Time to post again. (I know, this thread has the heartbeat of a hibernating slug)

first of all: I'VE BEEN LIVING A LIE (at least this site tells me so) (http://zapatopi.net/belgium.html) :umm: :D :D :D

And second:

I seem to have a new job :)

Yesterday, as Debbie and I were driving to Antwerp to go to a restaurant and see a show (Humo's Pop-poll deluxe), I got a call from one of the many many job agencies I'm registered in.

Two weeks ago I got knowledge of a vacancy at a company in Hoboken (Antwerp) which I thought suited me, so I applied for the job via e-mail. I got a call that same day to register in the job agency in Antwerp, so the following day I went to Antwerp to register, which I had done a few times before at other agencies. After that (which took ten minutes after a 45 minute drive) I drove home, just to be called by them when I was almost there. They had sent my curicullum vitae to the company and they wanted an interview with me, which would take place the next week. That interview went very well and the human resource manager told me that if I was approved for the next round, I'd get a second interview with a tour through the firm and some further tests afterwards.

So, back to yesterday, when I got the call from the agency. They didn't say, as I would expect, that I got throught to the second round, but that I had made such a good impression that I could start, without further tests or interviews.

The firm just has to test some workers who want the job (since it is to replace a person who's going to retire and it's normal procedure to allow workers to apply before outside candidates), but this is just pro forma to keep the unions happy, as they already know there aren't any workers who they would see fit for the job. They'll call my agency on friday for more details, but for now, I am to start in April, there isn't a fixed date yet.

The job?: WCM engineer - teamleader, along the line of junior management
the job description states:

responsible for several production lines: reaching production targets, directing production workers and technicians
responsible for quality: reaching quality targets, draw up procedures and/or addapt them
training of staff

sounds fun, doesn't it? :D

[Corvus Corax]

*cracks his knuckles*

Time to revive this thread again.

First off: this is being brought to you by means of my new computer :D

*picks up new computer and shows it to (fill in your own name if you want to feel like you've got a nagging friend)*

it's a P4 3.06GHZ 512MB DDR 160GB HD GeForce 5600 256Mb video DVD RW, DVD, a whole bunch of memory card reders and USB and firewire connections on the front. I could rant on even more, but I don't want to brag just too much.

Ok, I know, it isn't the best around, but it's good enough for me and it's all mine (not a shared purchase, like the former). I'm hunting down awp'ers in CS again.

And since two weeks I've started at my new job. I'll explain that a bit more chronological.

In my earlier post, I spoke about the call that informed me I had the job. Now, the following thursday, I got a second call, where they asked how much I made in my former job (interesting question, no?). I told them, but I added that I didn't expect that they could afford that much and that I might do it for a bit less. This seems to have enticed them and now I make more than last year :D. Which isn't as obvious as it seems, since I made a lot last year, for someone my age.

I also got informed that I wasn't to start as a supervicor, but as a process engineer, which was a position you could only get after being a supervisor for several years at my fomrer job. I got that position to get to know the factory, the people, the procedures etcetera. This way the unions won't object if I replace the retiring supervisor next year.

So now I spend my days in the factory, learning. I think I'm going to ask for an assignment or something alike, since they're not pushing me to my edge and I need a lot of presure to work at my max. I've given myself asignments last week, but I need to be sure it's for the good of it all. I'll learn as I go.

On the first week at my new job, my mother went on a vacation to Turkey with some friends of her (her first true vacation in years, since my father was to sick to travel for a long time), debbie quit smoking and stayed over for the whole week (she had one week off from work, too bad it had to be that week :( ). That was one crazy week.

Ah, before I forget, she took me to a hotel as a birhtday present a few weeks ago :). That was a nice present, especialy since I normally don't get birthday presents.

For the rest, I've noticed that I think about my father, every day and sometimes it hurts as much and more than a few months ago. I doubt that'll go away soon. And I don't realy want that to go away, certainly not soon.

As long as I'm in the day shift (a fifty minute drive to work becomes a 1.5 hour struggle) I won't be posting much, since I hardly have any free time left that way. But once I start working in shifts, I'll be posting more frequently.

But for now: adios

[Corvus Corax]

I just got back from Gent (100 miles from here) where we went to the final of miss sports Belgium 2004. Not that I usualy do such a thing, but Debbie's younger sister was one of the twenty remaining finalists, so we went to support her. It was an all dressed up event and I'll probably be on the tv later this week, wearing my fancy outfit :D . She didn't win, but we all had a good time. Of course she had a bit of a better time than us, since the finalists all went to Tunesia for two weeks to prepare for the final.

She actualy didn't want to win, since she isn't all that sporty and she didn't want all those "responsabilities" the miss gets.

*btw, if you hadn't noticed, I'm bragging again :D *

ehm, what else can I say for now????

here are the lyrics of the song I'm listening to atm

We walked in the cold air.
Freezing breath on a window pane,
Lying and waiting.
The man in the dark in a picture frame,
So mystic and soulful.
A voice reaching out in a piercing cry,
It stays with you until

The feeling has gone only you and I.
It means nothing to me.
This means nothing to me.
Oh,Vienna.

The music is weaving
Haunting notes, pizzicato strings,
The rhythm is calling.
Alone in the night as the daylight brings,
A cool empty silence.
The warmth of your hand and a cold grey sky,
It fades to the distance.

The image has gone only you and I.
It means nothing to me.
This means nothing to me.
Oh,Vienna.

This means nothing to me.
This means nothing to me.
Oh,Vienna.

goodnight
*bows gracefully*

[Corvus Corax]

Gorki - de olifant is grijs

Ik sloof mij uit, ik doe al die moeite voor mijn broeders.
Ik sleur aan de kar en ik krijg een beroerte van al dat lijden.

Ze doen alles verkeerd, en je ziet ze bezig en je wil ze helpen.
Als ik wil helpen is er niemand die luistert, naar mijn wijze raad.
Ik spreek de waarheid, de olifant is grijs.

Ze namen teveel, teveel van het goeie, en nu zien ze sterren
en een roze olifant, die mee naar bed wil, en dat wordt zwoegen.

Ze doen alles verkeerd, en je ziet ze bezig en je wil ze helpen.
Als ik wil helpen is er niemand die luistert, naar mijn wijze raad.
Ik spreek de waarheid, de olifant is grijs.

Als ik wil helpen is er niemand die luistert, naar mijn wijze raad.
Ik spreek de waarheid, de olifant is grijs.

Als ik wil helpen is er niemand die luistert, naar mijn wijze raad.
Ik spreek de waarheid, de olifant is grijs.

gorki - lieve kleine piranha

Bartje staat te kijken door het raam,
hij denkt aan Mia en alles wat ze deed.
Hij ziet zijn leven, de eeuwen gaan voorbij.
Hij huilt een beetje en hij roept haar naam...

Lieve kleine piranha, lieve kleine piranha,
Lieve kleine piranha, verscheur me.

Als de nacht komt wil ik dat je blijft,
Want ik ben bang dat de wereld zou vergaan.
Jij drinkt mijn bloed dat alleen voor jou stroomt,
Jij breekt mijn hart dat alleen voor jou slaat

Lieve kleine piranha, lieve kleine piranha,
Lieve kleine piranha, verscheur me.

De oorlog is voorbij
En de schapen zijn geteld,
Je kruipt onder de wol
Samen met je beer.

En de kraakvis die jij kraakt,
Die leeft diep in de zee,
Hij kan je nu niet kraken,
Jankt niet meer.

Lieve kleine piranha, lieve kleine piranha,
Lieve kleine piranha, verscheur me.

Lieve kleine piranha, lieve kleine piranha,
Lieve kleine piranha, verscheur me.
Verscheur me
Verscheur me
Verscheur me

[Corvus Corax]

I realy should post a bit more frequently in this little thread of mine. But then again, what would I have posted? My diary? Well, I'll try to do that some more then and some lyrics and texts I like. *looks at the htread so far* well, the usual.

soo, diary diary, what to write?
I took a day off work today, just to make two short weeks out of one long week. Today it's a national day of mourning for the (so far) 18 dead who sied because of the explosion last week. Makes the day kind of strange, since it is also the first birthday my father didn't reach. He would have turned 60 today.

My boss told us on monday that he will leave the factory in two months. I wonder who will be my next boss then (if he only had stayed one more year, then I might have been able to take over myself :D ). I guess it will be the curent quality manager.

Ok, that's enough to get started again. I'll post some more later.


Endless tears
Forever joy
To feel most every feeling
Forever more

[Corvus Corax]

In honor of one of my budies who's back from yet another "exciting" missions with our infamous (for the amount of beer they carry) navy. He had to take part of a military parade in London (We're the only country in the world that may have a military parade in London appart from great brittain, neato).

Axel Bauer - Cargo de nuit

Trente-cinq jours sans voir la terre
Pull rayé, mal rasé
On vient de débarquer (cargo de suie)
Trente-cinq jours de galère
Et deux nuits pour se vider
(la nuit, te suis, change de port, cargo de nuit)
J'avance sur ce quai humide
La sueur brûle comme l'acide
L'enfer va commencer (cargo de nuit)
Bière chaude et narguilé
Chez Mario, tout oublier (la nuit te nuit, change de port)

Mais cette machine dans ma tête
Machine sourde et tempête
Mais cette machine dans ma tête
Leitmotiv, nuit secrète
Tatoue mon âme à mon dégoût
(Cargo de nuit)
Lanterne rouge : je guette l'entrée
L'alcool est mon allié
L'amour, il faut payer (cargo d'ennui)
Virée grasse, elle m'entraîne
Vers l'angoisse et la rengaine
(la nuit, d'ennui, change de port)
Da da da daya da da da daya...



Mais cette machine dans ma tête
Machine sourde et tempête
Mais cette machine dans ma tête
Leitmotiv, nuit secrète
Tatoue mon âme à mon dégoût
J'ai voulu tout chaviré
Mon espoir s'est échoué
J'en ai marre de ramer
La détresse polluée
L'océan de mes pensées
Et cette machine dans ma tête
Machine sourde et tempête
Et cette machine dans ma tête
Leitmotiv, nuit secrète
Tatoue mon âme à mon dégoût
Da da da daya da da da daya...
(cargo de nuit, la nuit, cargo de nuit...)

[Corvus Corax]

Pure Pleasure Seeker - moloko



Yeah

Gotta get me some
Gotta get me instant gratification.
Gimme new kicks,
Won't you show me new tricks
Without the ramifications.

Give it a try, don't be shy.
Well you know you might like it.
Never been to keen a timekeeper
But I'm a pure new pleasure seeker.

All the way from Venus.
Invading from Mars.
Don't let that come between us.
It's written in the stars.

Save me from fading afraid.
The tears of a fool on parade.
Quietly turn into stone.
Make me flesh and bone.

Well come on, oh.
You know that you want it now
Well come on, yeah.
You know that you want it and how.

Stimulation in body and cell.
For the good and misguided.
Desperation I'm under your spell.
Misunderstood and derided.

Speculation they kiss and they tell.
Misjudged and misquoted.
Fell into the abyss
I must have wanted this.

Another myth exploded.
Take a weight off your mind.
Trust the voice of experience.
I'll tell you little white lies.
Viva indifference.

Stoke up the fire
I'm all you require.
They won't set you alight.
Come and live your desire.

Come make me whole.
Body and soul, come make me whole ...
YEAH.

Well come on, oh, oh.
You know that you want it now.
Well come on, oh.
You know that you want it and how.
Well come yeah
You know that you want it now.
Well come yeah
You know that you want it now.

Gimme new kicks
I wanna go deeper
Never been to keen a timekeeper
Show me new tricks
You can get me on the beeper
I'm a pure new pleasure seeker.

Gimme new kicks
I wanna go deeper
Never been to keen a timekeeper
Show me new tricks
You can get me on the beeper
I'm a pure new pleasure seeker.

Be crime against passion
Not to itch that itch
Oh don't ask how it happened
This is it
All we have ever wanted
All we will ever need
Nothing can take his plan
It's written all over your face
Yeah
You know that you want it now
Come on
Oh ah you know that you want it how.
Come on
Yeah you know that you want it now.
Come on
Oh ah you know that you want it how.

Gimme new kicks
I wanna go deeper
Never been to keen a timekeeper
Show me new tricks
You can get me on the beeper
I'm a pure new pleasure seeker.

Come make me whole
Body and soul ....

[Corvus Corax]

Here are some lyrics that are quite close to my heart. Far too close to just post it in the lyrics thread. Guess what made it special, surpise surprise : a girl :d . I'm gettting far too many memories

Enjoy The Silence
Depeche Mode


Words like violence
Break the silence
Come crashing in
Into my little world
Painful to me
Pierce right through me
Can't you understand
Oh my little girl
All I ever wanted
All I ever needed
Is here in my arms
Words are very unnecessary
They can only do harm

Vows are spoken
To be broken
Feelings are intense
Words are trivial
Pleasures remain
So does the pain
Words are meaningless
And forgettable

All I ever wanted
All I ever needed
Is here in my arms
Words are very unnecessary
They can only do harm

Enjoy the silence

In other news (well, since the former is a memory, this will be the first news in the post, but I just like to sound like a news anchor from time to time):

Went to the doctor today and guess what: strong and healthy as an ox (though still having the parts the ox misses thankfully :D). I needed it to sign up for Kendo. I've taken two initiation lessons already and they seem to do me good. Besides going to the gym ,which I started some months ago, this is a good way to focus my thoughts and movements. Getting in touch with the old body again. I've been told by all the horoscope books I've ever read (which are quite a lot, come to think of it) that Aries like me need some physical outlet (well, I know my favourite physical outlet, but that's not always available, sadly enough :( :( :( ;) ). Together with a game of squash and a tournament of volleyball it's becomming something of an exercise.

I want to go to the very end of my abilities, but sadly enough, I've never done it, come to think of it :( . In all fields, physical and mental. Too lazy and uncaring I guess. Then again, I've gotten quite far without givving my all. But, I will give my all in what I do from now on (the highland games next sunday are a good test). Perhaps going into my reserves will finally let me crash. I need to crash, I think. It's been too long since I've started my fall, it's time for me to hit the bottom, so I can crawl back up again, or not, whatever. I don't think I can remember ever really crashing, even through some of the harder periods in my life. Actually, come to think of it, I tend to more unstable when there's "nothing wrong". I'm not a stress addict (the first person to get me stressed has yet to be born) but I think I need some hardship in my life. Better to bring it on myself I guess. By challenging myself, since I've got too big an ego to be challenged by someone else. If someone ever was able to motivate me, it was me. Too bad that challenging myself is hard for me to do, since I know that it's all pointless, really.

*looks at above text* would you believe this actually is a positive post?

to make it shorter: I like to suffer from time to time, just to show to myself that I can get through anything. When I was young I loved it when I had to ride my bike against the wind when it was raining. I even broke off one of my pedals that way once :d . I like the cold, but hate the heat, though I sometimes like it to be very hot, just to see I can do everything as if things were normal.
Nature seems to be the only one to give me some decent challenges from time to time :) .

Anyway, I feel more energy flowing through me since I started going to the gym and such, yet I still want to crash. Just givving up, once. Though I know I can't give up. Well, one day I will be forced to, that's for sure. A coma could help, maybe :d .

So, my to do list: givving my all, letting go of all inhibitions, opening up and then crashing. With my luck I'll probably win :(


mmhh, quite a rant *puts down a box of chocolate for whomever put up with all the nagging and finished reading the post anyway*
*puts a "congratulations, this is the end" sign next to it*
*realises a lot of quillers have and are reading WoT and are used to such rants*
*eats chocolate by himself and puts the sign in his back pocket*

btw: listening to the Stone Roses now: I wanna be adored (don't take this personally) great song.

[Corvus Corax]

As some of you know, I live in Flanders (ergo all the okelidoklies I utter), one of the bloodiest battlegrounds of WW1, with Ypres and Paschendaele as two of it's most inhuman examples.

One of the Canadian soldiers fighting (and dying) here, wrote a poem about all he had seen here:


In Flanders Fields

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.


We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved, and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.


Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

[Corvus Corax]

Earlier today I was reading a bit through my reflections to look at the past year, since it will be a year next monday since my father got his heart transplant. While doing this, I stumbled on some flemish lyrics I posted there for storage and it burnt a hole in me. I'll post the same text with the translation.


Alles is voorgoed gedaan
Als jij er klaar voor bent
'k Heb aan je zijde gestaan
Mijn God, ik heb je graag gekend

Ik blijf nu hier jij gaat naar daar
En daar is niet zover van hier
We spreken af, ik weet niet waar
En daar ontmoeten we elkaar

Zonder jou tikt de klok even snel
Maar de tijden veranderen wel
Dus ik neem afscheid, jij moet nu gaan
Weet dat je in m'n hart altijd blijft voortbestaan

Slaap zacht, je hebt het verdiend
Je vocht tot aan je laatste zucht
En ga, ga nu m'n vriend
En droom voor eeuwig opgelucht

Net zoals vroeger kom je wel terecht
Ik weet je vindt een thuis heel gauw
En ik herhaal wat jij me ooit hebt gezegd
In m'n hart blijf ik je trouw


Zonder jou...
chorus

En ik weet ik zou dankbaar moeten zijn
Maar precies daarom doet het zo'n pijn


Zonder jou...
chorus


Everything's done
if you're ready for it
I've stood by your side
My God, I enjoyed knowing you

I'll stay here, you'll go there
and there isn't so far from here
we'll arrange a meeting, I don't know where
and there we'll meet

without you, the clock ticks just as fast,
but the times they do change
so I'll say farewell, you'll have to go now
know that you'll remain forever in my heart

sleep softly, you've deserved it
you fought untill your last sigh
and go, go now my friend
and dream forever relieved

just like you used to, you'll find your way
I know, you'll find your home real fast
and I'll repeat what you once told me
In my heart I'll remain loyal to you

without you, the clock ticks just as fast..

And I know I should be gratefull,
but that's precisely why it hurts so much

without you, the clock ticks just as fast..

[Corvus Corax]

it's now exactly one year ago since I got the phone call from my brother telling me that my father was to have his heartransplant. It can't have been a year already, it just can't. :(

[Corvus Corax]

dEUS - instant street

to remind me of a weird dance

You’re probably right,
Seen from your side,
That I have been lucky.
But I’ve been meaning to crack all week.
Yes I’ve been involved,
It never resolved into anything shocking.
Pain’s playing yoyo in my body as we speak.

And now I found something to look for,
And I can’t decide,
Cause I might find that stroll behind is better than to score.
Just like I did before.

It wouldn’t be true, not towards you,
To say that I’m staying.
When on every single impulse,
On every other move I react.
'Cause in any old creek, with changing technique,
You’ll see me playing.
And after any old motherfucking blow
I’ll be back.

We turned away from instant stuff
Our cracking codes were breaking up
Our words were sucked out, it made them clean.
And after lowness say it
And after more let it be known
Our codes are grown into something mean.

You’re probably right, as for tonight, you’re making me nervous.
What is it you want me to be thinking of ?
I’ll put on a movie, I’ll play something groovy as a matter of service.
And I’ll chuckle when you smile as a matter of love.
'Cause you know it’s not my style to be giving up now.
And this pain in my side, I had enough.

This time I go for instant street
This life’s a soulless excuse for all abuse and parenthesis.
The flyspecked windows and the - the stinking lobbies they’ll remain
All the same, all the same.

This time I go !
This time I go !

[Corvus Corax]

Jeff Buckley Forget Her

While this town is busy sleeping,
All the noise has died away.
I walk the streets to stop my weeping,
But she'll never change her ways.
Don't fool yourself, she was heartache from the moment that you met her.
My heart feels so still as I try to find the will to forget her, somehow.
Oh I think I've forgotten her now.
Her love is a rose, pale and dying.
Dropping her petals and then I know.
All full of wine, the world before her, was sober with no place to go.
Don't fool yourself, she was heartache from the moment that you met her.
My heart is so still as I try to find the will to forget her, somehow.
Oh she's somewhere out there now.
My tears are falling down as I try to forget,
Her love was a joke from the day that we met.
All of the words, all of the men, all of my pain when I think back till when.
Remember her hair as it shown in the sun, the smell of the bed when I knew what
she'd done.
Tell yourself over and over you won't ever need her again.
But don't fool yourself, she was heartache from the moment that you met her.
My heart is frozen still as I try to find the will to forget her, somehow.
She's out there somewhere now.
She was heartache from the day that I first met her.
My heart is frozen still as I try to find the will to forget you, somehow.
Cause I know you're somewhere out there right now.

[Corvus Corax]

no time for diary, just lyrics, somewhat on topic

SMASHING PUMPKINS - Zero

My reflection, dirty mirror
There's no connection to myself
I'm your lover, I'm your zero
I'm in the face of your dreams of glass
So save your prayers
For when we're really gonna need'em
Throw out your cares and fly
Wanna go for a ride?

She's the one for me
She's all I really need
Cause she's the one for me
Emptiness is loneliness, and loneliness is cleanliness
And cleanliness is godliness, and god is empty just like me
Intoxicated with the madness, I'm in love with my sadness
Bullshit fakers, enchanted kingdoms
The fasion victims chew their charcoal teeth
I never let on, that I was on a sinking ship
I never let on that I was down
You blame yourself, for what you can't ignore
You blame yourself for wanting more
She's the one for me
She's all I really need
She's the one for me
She's my one and only

[Corvus Corax]

woops, slipped my mind again. So, I'll fill in a bit of my diary :)

Yesterday it was the national kendo championship. Since I started with kendo in july, I joined my dojo, to support our team and to have a go at a tournament myself, to gain experiance.

So, after a long day, with a jeep driving on vetgetable oil and a lot of people whacking sticks, I ended up in the 1/8th final :D (not bad, for a 6th kiyu in the 4th to 6th kiyu competition).

Saw some psycho 5 year olds as well :umm: :quirk: ;) :p

[Corvus Corax]

Your own personal jesus
Someone to hear your prayers
Someone who cares
Your own personal jesus
Someone to hear your prayers
Someone who’s there

Feeling unknown
And you’re all alone
Flesh and bone
By the telephone
Lift up the receiver
I’ll make you a believer

Take second best
Put me to the test
Things on your chest
You need to confess
I will deliver
You know I’m a forgiver

Reach out and touch faith
Reach out and touch faith

Your own personal jesus...

Feeling unknown
And you’re all alone
Flesh and bone
By the telephone
Lift up the receiver
I’ll make you a believer

I will deliver
You know I’m a forgiver

Reach out and touch faith

Your own personal jesus

Reach out and touch faith

[Corvus Corax]

Heel de Wereld stinkt - Katastroof

Weirkt gelijk ne zot, betoald uw eigen rot,
moar die rijke stinkerds blijven lekker boite schot.
D’r werd gecumuleerd, gepoterd met plezier
de kleine man doet dapper mee, moar ten op zijn manier.

Iel de wereld stinkt, iel de wereld stinkt:
Ikke stink, golle stinkt, iel de wereld stinkt. (refrein 2x)

Wij zijn allemoal tegen oorlog, vooral met onze mond,
kerncentrales en raketten vinden we ongezond.
Mor met al onze kritiek loaten we ons altijd nog verlije,
om te blijven stemmen op de grote machtspartije.

Iedereen heeft ne lijfreuk, iedereen stinkt nor drek,
den ienen uit zijn darréme, den andere uit zijnen bek.
Van iel men stinkend lijk stinken mijn voeten nog het meest,
moar nikske dat zo hard kan stinken als ne rotte geest.

Loat de stad moar stinken, de mensen stinken der ook,
den iene stinkt nor fritten en den andere stinkt nor look.
De stank van stinkfabrieken maakt ons elken dag nog zieker,
moar nikske dat zo hard kan stinken als ne politieker.

Sprekt ge Vloms of Frans, geeft mekoar een kans,
mokt nie van uw klote, nee, verkoept na giene zwans.
Zedde rood of zwert, of groen zelfs veur mijn part,
als ge moet gon kakke, stinkt ge allemaal even hard.

[Corvus Corax]

I don’t need respect from you
Don’t think I deserve it too
I’ve got too much ships to load
To be riding three lane roads
Don’t unlock your hidden thruth
Don’t put your bags on this old mule
Don’t you get my puzzle wrong
I don’t let no reason rule
But I’ll protect ya from my truth
Substitute your demons too
Please let me release the peace
I need your keys I’m hooked on you
I got this bitter cold turkey
Tempting me teasing me like
I don’t need ya

I got addicted to
The kinky stuff you do
But you’re affected too
Cause you’re a victim too
I got addicted to
My dirty blood turns blue
I need the best of you
Cause I’m addicted to you
I got addicted to
Got to depend on you
I know you’re tempted too
So come to my rescue
I want your picture too
Give me a déjà vu
Break down your last taboo
cause I’m addicted to you

I need something to score
No more no man no user man
Dealing with your healing hand
You’re my methadonna
Gotta clean up my act in fact
I’d sign any kind of saving pact

I got addicted to
The kinky stuff you do
But you’re affected too
Cause you’re a victim too
I got addicted to
My dirty blood turns blue
I need the best of you
Cause I’m addicted to you
I got addicted to
Got to depend on you

When loving gets stronger my antidote is you
When loving gets strong I run away to you

[Corvus Corax]

Well, this has been dead for so long again, I won't even bother making a promise I won't let it die anymore.

The reason for all this... well, appart from having moved into an appartment and some other glorious events in the very near future, I had quite a shock last thursday. Apparently, a guy from the Kendo club I used to frequent thought it necessary to get himself a winchester and start his own little killing spree in the city of Antwerp, resulting in one dead 2 year old girl, one dead pregnant 20ish year old woman and one 47 year old woman seriously injured. Luckely a police officer managed to shoot him in the stomach before he got any further, resulting in his arrest. Apparently his motives for choosing the victims were racist, taking them with him in his suicidal shooting.

I didn't realy know the guy personally, but the fact that this was a guy I've met makes it very weird for me. Even more so since this is an extreme rarity in Belgium. I hate seeing the press starting to make the mood in all this. Even the fact that he was a kendoka was mentioned in his description, as if that was of any importance in all this. Now s0n, the leader of the club was interviewed on tv :s, she's someone I've always admired, and it was very weird to see her on tv like that.

All in all, I'm more surprised about the way it doesn't really affect me. I'm a bit shocked, but in all, life goes on. I've always been slow in these things.

*sighs* not much to say after this, I guess.

Well, appart from being my old self and doing as I've done far too much on these boards, post a link to the story (http://www.expatica.com/source/site_article.asp?subchannel_id=24&story_id=29955&RSS) and not really putting time in actually writing down my own thoughts on the matter. I guess that's something I could analyse as well, something my brain seems to love, fah.

well, for old time's sake, I shall say it again: I'm going to try to post more regularly in this little thread of mine (although once every six months is regular too, if you think about it :p )

p.s.: should be getting my internet connection installed on monday, oh joy

[Corvus Corax]

Faith No More - Just a man

Sky is clear tonight
Sky is clear tomorrow
A star is out
I reach for one to sparkle in my hand
A star is out
I will not touch you, I am just a man

Sky is clear tonight
Sky is clear tomorrow

And every night I shut my eyes
So I don't have to see the light
Shining so bright
I'll dream about a cloudy sky,
A cloudy sky

Man was born to love-
Though often he has sought
Like Icarus, to fly too high.
And far too lonely than he ought
To kiss the sun of east and west
And hold the world at his behest-
To hold the terrible power
To whom only gods are blessed-
But me, I am just a man
And every night I shut my eyes
So I don't have to see the light
Shining so bright
I'll dream about a cloudy sky, a cloudy sky

And every night I shut my eyes
But now I've got them open wide
You've fallen into my hands
And now you're burning me
You're burning me

[Corvus Corax]

So, I wanted to post some flemish lyric again, but translating them, I found out they were almost impossible to translate to anything worth reading.

Anyway, here, without translation

De eerste sneeuw (the first snow)

Ik werd heel langzaam wakker, ik wreef m'n ogen uit,
ik werd heel langzaam wakker, ik wreef m'n ogen uit,
ik kon het niet geloven, maar voor de vensterruit,
viel zacht naar beneden, de eerste sneeuw.
Mijn mama kwam naar boven, 't Is tijd om op te staan,
mijm mama kwam naar boven, kom trek je kleren aan,
mama, lieve mama, kijk eens naar beneden,
ga je met mij mee, in de eerste sneeuw.
Kijk eens naar omhoog en kijk
de lucht is grijs en zit vol vlokken
'k wou dat dit kon blijven duren
dat het nooit meer zou stoppen.
'k Voel me zo gelukkig in de eerste sneeuw,
'k Voel me zo gelukkig in de eerste sneeuw.
Waar is mijn wollen muts nu, waar is mijn dikke sjaal,
waar is mijn wollen muts nu, waar is mijn dikke sjaal,
en ergens in de kelder ligt toch nog die slee,
papa moet me duwen door de eerste sneeuw.
Kijk eens naar omhoog en kijk
de lucht is grijs en zit vol vlokken
'k wou dat dit kon blijven duren
dat het nooit meer zou stoppen.
'k Voel me zo gelukkig in de eerste sneeuw,
'k Voel me zo gelukkig in de eerste sneeuw.
Nu twintig jaren later, heb ik geen zin om op te staan,
nu twintig jaren later, kijk ik weer uit het raam,
mijn mama zal niet komen, mijn mama is lang dood,
ze ligt al lang beneden, in de eerste sneeuw.
Kijk eens omhoog en kijk de lucht is grijs en zit vol vlokken.
'k Wou dat dit kon blijven duren,
dat het nooit meer zou stoppen.
'k Voel me zo alleen in de eerste sneeuw,
'k Voel me zo alleen in de eerste sneeuw,
in de eerste sneeuw

It reminds me of christmas of last year when this old classic beauty was played last. Now I've bought it on iTunes. The people over there must think me quite the wacko for all the different kinds of music I get :D . I just call it a broad taste, finding the beauty and likeable things in all different kinds.

I guess I do that with everything, music, food, movies, cars, people... the lot :) . That's why I like so many people, I think (or maybe I just meet likeably people). Finding the beauty in each one, the little quirks and habits. Of course, this way you get to see all the less pretty sides as well, but I mark it up as being human. I like the sunny days, I like the rainy days. When I'm in a likeable mood, of course ;) .

Fizz is a nice example of such a person, full of quirks and peculiar habits :) , but more lovely because of it. And in the process you get to see different sides of people, same way as I'm turning Fizz into ma petite salope ;) :p (for those who read Amelia's post in the chat thread :p ) .

Oooh, btw, planning on going to Australia this november (Sydney side), hoping the hot weather won't fry me :cool: .

note to self: next time you try to cheer up fifteen year old girls who've just been dumped, don't be as stupid as to say "well, luckely I've got your phone number ;) " . Great way to create stalkers (I post this here since I re-read this thread often) .

[Corvus Corax]

I never wanted to be normal. I guess that's the thing I've got most in common with all the other humans. I always was a bit of a goofball, weirdo. I stood up for the teased when I was a kid. I wrecked havoc in my own way.

So, in light of my vacation this year I didn't know where to go. I suddenly thought Iceland, since it's a place I always wanted to go (and still do), yet it isn't feasable at the moment (mostly thanks to the winter over there). And thusly it became Australia. Ravens need to fly sometimes, you know ;)

When I still had Iceland and Finland in mind though, it came up in a conversation at work that I regretted not having taken part of the Erasmus project when I was studying. That's a European project that allows you to study in another european country for one year, getting to know that other country and the people over there getting to know you and what have you. After that conversation, I thought I must have lacked the guts to do so, or, even worse, the abnormality. Yet, thanks to my mother I remembered the real reason. My father's health situation at the time caused me never to think about going far away. It kept me close to home.

As sad as it was, my mother saying that cheered me up quite a lot. I wasn't as normal as I feared I was.

And so, another feather plucked.

[Corvus Corax]

Wow, been a while again. The Oz trip is months behind me.
In short: my first thought as I go off the plane in Sydney: "fuck, I still need to fly allll the way back as well". The weather had been changed especially for me. A lot of flies and other weird stuff.

The reason for posting here though, is that I came up with a wee idea. Instead of going all bloggy, I considdered the fact that I tend to post far too many links to my liking on the quill (too little personal input). That's why I thought I'd have a link diarhoea in here, a bit more private. Now, I'll just post some links of clips and songs I want to preserve for myself and for others. I'l classify them and sometimes give a bit of explenation (especially with the weirder pieces). Going to edit several times to save a bit of work ;) . PLease let me know if I fucked up a link. And by all means, have a look around if you're bored and entertain yourself :)

80's - 90's

Manu Chao - Bongo bong (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zEZTuF1mnqs&mode=related&search=) a must hear
Elastica - Waking up (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MIt7eWa0oG4)
Breeders - Canonball (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7WlSg7nmOKM)
Rage against the machine - bombtrack (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ljiu7zaHTx4)
Whale - Hobo humpin' slobo babe (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KMN9yKQIk2w) I LOVE(d) this song
Therapy? - Die Laughing (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZ8d3hQ1p-k) great live band.
radiohead - street spirit (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BrZTNhW44-o) my personal radiohead favorite, mainly because of memories.
Skunk Anansie - Twisted (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5AWEVv0Q27w) reminds me of the girls next door my brother and I considder as our sisters.
PJ Harvey and Thom Yorke - This mess we're in (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0wbgZcm952U) I don't know if it's from the 90's (doubt it), but I don't care.
Sugar Ray - Mean machine (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gjb7UD7jPqM) before they went soft.
Pearl Jam - Do the evolution (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJ-h3j_g-eE) .....great clip
Mercury Rev - the dark is rising (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BgVoYONg8cE) again, not the 90's, but who cares?
the cure - aforest (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1QGPlcSdMxc) I love dreaming songs
Depeche Mode - Enjoy the silence (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hd7y6A-5uTY) all I ever wanted, all I ever needed, is here, in my arms....
Queens of the stone age - go with the flow (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OkXAQ9a3yhk) not the 90's? see above.
Shivaree - Goodnight moon (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0XebkHajH8) got to know it thanks to Kill Bill and absolutely love it
Nick Cave - Red right hand (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DrodaLzfi5s) I had to pick one from mister cave and this was my selection..


Belgian

dEUS- Instant street (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oGTxfKaIoRI) weird video, great song
Goose - British mode (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AZwli-ulUNg) some newer music.
Hooverphonic - Eden (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_PrgrvGHF3Q)
Daan - Swedish designer drugs (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ko_QKDM3Syw) weird video, weird music, an aquired taste, but I love it
Admiral Freebee - Rags 'n' run (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bh6VSEG757U)
Soulwax - Much against everyone's advice (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJrgC5tbvAM)
Praga Khan - Lonely (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vvPIaKZZwdI) if you watch the clip, you might recognise somebody you know ;)
Stash - Sadness (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CVx_KBjMK5E) I'm actually sck and tired of this song, but I guess some might like it.
Zornik - Scared of yourself (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ho1YGuStxXk) not too shabby for a jannet...
Millionaire - Ballad Of Pure Thought (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kuj_gf39Rck)
Lalalover - the revelation (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xi1AVYvf1oE) lacking a bit of inspirition imho, but easy listening.
Gabriel Rios - broad daylight (live during a show with the showband) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ppUzBtqaiQ) something for the ladies
Arsenal - Saudade (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_va8jsWUlfc)
Buscemi - Bollywood swing king (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qy5eA379KSk)
Novastar - Wrong (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wa8eCD5q8rs) too bad I couldn't find Cara Mia



things that make me like electronic music

Daft Punk - Around the world (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QC0zEfzzXgU) inspirating lyrics ;) :p . addicting
Wamdue Project - King Of My Castle (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HMmBj34IlzY) yes, the video is made from Ghost in the shell
Underworld - Born slippy (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZyIRJUc-5Zs)
Laurent Garnier - Crispy Bacon (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sxfqRv6P99o) the video fucks up a lot of the music though, the album version is a bit longer and more of a tease. Dangerous in the car.
the knife - heartbeats (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZatCZ1YWQeI) original version
Chemical brothers - Setting sun (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V7Y7fMbbaP8)
Tiga & Zyntherius-Sunglasses At Night (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NsW7SwtdmaA) Camp, anyone?
Air - Don't be light (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dqNkqhgbYbw) Preferably watched while drunk or really ou there.
Pills - Rock me (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qoy0qOvEPe0) this is one of the songs that got me into electro. still GREAT
Sono - Keep Control (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXaXuPwMZL4) memories...
Prodigy - Voodoo people (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WKHhtRmivgs)
Bodyrox - Yeah Yeah (vocal version) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_cMDwuCtVF0&mode=related&search=) some today's stuff, clean version
Mason - Exceeder (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPLZndIHKEc) the original, also more present day
Mason vs Princess superstar - perfect superstar (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCSYGOlfzLo) or how to screw something up.
Fedde Legrand - Put your hands up (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zI9aJDVg7o4)..present day...fat, as we say...dutch....yeah...
Aphex Twin - Window licker (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2fmo1Sjn7dg)...freaky...really...freaky
Djuma soundsystem - Les djinns (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ynUKKhcAwr0) I almost forgot about this beauty


Some things that made me hate electronic music back in the days
Technohead - I wanna be a hippy (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_Iqg3BekCY) It's funny now, you really should watch this one, but you have to imagine this was at the beginning of hardcore house and gabber music. There were several guys dressed like that in my school, btw. It's not a "silly outfit". Dutch
Bonzai Channel one - Thunderball (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UL5U9ZZnm1U) .........the horror, the trauma....now it's just part of memories of days gone. Could have been placed in the belgian section, but I bear no pride for this.

[Corvus Corax]

Working on another list of links, but in the mean time, I came across a nice song from back when I was a kid.

Eh toi dis-moi que tu m'aimes
Même si c'est un mensonge et qu'on n'a pas une chance
La vie est si triste, dis-moi que tu m'aimes
Tous les jours sont les mêmes, j'ai besoin de romance

Un peu de beauté plastique pour effacer nos cernes
De plaisir chimique pour nos cerveaux trop ternes
Que nos vies aient l'air d'un film parfait

Eh toi dis-moi que tu m'aimes
Même si c'est un mensonge puisque je sais que tu mens
La vie est si triste, dis-moi que tu m'aimes
Oublions tout nous-mêmes, ce que nous sommes vraiment

Amoureux solitaires dans une ville morte
Amoureux imaginaires après tout qu'importe!
Que nos vies aient l'air d'un film parfait...

somewhat fitting

[Corvus Corax]

The nucleus around which this book was formed was a short magazine article I wrote about Joshua Norton, the Englishman, who in 1859 proclaimed himself emperor of the United States. The citizens of his adopted city, San Francisco, took Norton to their hearts, clothing him, accepting his homemade currency and standing in tribute when he entered a restaurant or theatre.
The special appeal of Norton’s story is in the warmth with which San Franciscans accepted his self-assigned role. The extent to which an individual or a society can tolerate or even encourage differentness is a significant measure of its strength, its confidence, its intelligence.
On ideological grounds alone, eccentricity has had a number of eloquent supporters. John Stuart Mill, in his essay, On Liberty, argued that, for as long as mankind is imperfect, different opinions and varieties of character should be given free scope as experiments in living. Diversity is a pre-condition of evolution, genetic or behavioural. Mill thought eccentricity desirable in an age of conformity, simply as an example of freedom. ‘Eccentricity has always abounded when and where strength of character has abounded. . . . . That so few now dare to be eccentric marks the chief danger of the time.’
Mill’s conviction that eccentricity is an indication of strength of character was echoed by a Times leader in May 1966, on the occasion of the death of Colonel Wintle. ‘Eccentricity may be impractical, uncomfortable, at times a nuisance. But it denotes character and individuality. It also pleases the escapist imp in all of us.’
The fact that eccentric behaviour is not always easy to live with, that it may be ‘impractical, uncomfortable, at times a nuisance’, may account for the widespread perception that true eccentricity is on the decline. A certain interval of time or distance may be necessary before we van recognise eccentricity as something other than inconvenient or offensive behaviour.
Having chosen my own eccentrics, so to speak, and known them for almost two years, I am extremely fond of most of them. Nevertheless, there are a number with whom I would not relish the prospect of living. George Mathew, who devoted himself to pleasing his friends, would surely have been a joy to know, but the Earl of Bridgewater, serving formal dinners to his dogs and reading his will aloud to friends, must have been hard to bear. Had I lived in London in 1815 I would have been pleased to accept an invitation to one of William Kitchiner’s Eta Beta Pi dinners, but having made my way through the filthy streets, I should probably have turned away at the door for arriving one minute after the appointed hour.
Having constructed an elaborate system of social intercourse, we do not like to grant exemptions without some tangible benefit to ourselves. Geniuses and artists are often excused their irregularities (at least by the general public, as, once again, it is not so easy for those who have to live with them), in return for the fruits of their talents. Ordinary people are expected to abide by the rules. Most, indeed, are happy to do so. As Mil says of such people, again in On Liberty, ‘I do not mean that they choose what is customary in preference to do what suits their inclination. It does not occur to them to have any inclination, except what is customary.’ The people in this book are not, for the most part geniuses. But they are strong individuals with inclinations of their own which they were not afraid to follow.
Not all unorthodox behaviour, of course, can be called eccentric. Categories such as eccentric, affected, fanatical, mad and simply funny, blend imperceptibly into one another because, happily, human behaviour is not subject to precise delineations and measurements. The Oxford English Dictionary’s definition of an eccentric as an irregular, odd or whimsical person is too vague to use as a yardstick. Many writers have included witches, freaks, criminals, madmen and rogues in their galleries of eccentric characters. I have chosen to write about what I call the pure eccentric, which might be defined as what is left over when the types mentioned above have been filtered out.
Eccentricity implies minor deviation. An object is eccentric when it is slightly off-course or off-centre. A violent rerouting of the path, a complete rejection of the old centre lifts the action out of eccentricity and into rebellion, criminality or madness.
Eccentrics, at least for my purposes, are also funny. They deviate from the norm in ways so odd and quirky that one wonders what made them think of it, not to mention what drove them to act out their ideas. One source of eccentric humour is the discrepancy between the strength of will needed to flout convention and the frivolous or inconsequential nature of the result. Like a blade of grass pushing through a concrete paving slab, the effect is incongruous and a little awe-inspiring. Thomas de Quincey, a great admirer of ‘Walking Stewart’, said of him that ‘he was a man of genius, but not a man of talents; at least his genius was out of all proportions to his talents.’
Though eccentricity is an indication of character, the social prerequisite for eccentricity is a strong standardised code of conduct. In Britain, rules of behaviour that form the basis of our present code began to take shape in the fifteenth and sixteenth centuries. Deprived of real power by the development of a strong monarchy that took control of financial and military affairs into its own hands and of financial omnipotence by the growth of the merchant class, the aristocracy managed to retain its privileged position not by threat of force, but by developing distinctive patterns of behaviour that set it apart from the rest of the population.
Dress, language, humour and manners were some of the ways in which people made significant statements about themselves. Fashion in behaviour changed, of course partly as a result of the upper class’s struggle to maintain a distinct identity as aristocratic mores filtered though the rest of society. There was a tendency towards even finer gradations of rank and increasingly restrictive behaviour. This codification provided a framework for maintaining social order (and social orders). It also gave an opportunity for and eccentric few, by following their own internal codes, to shock or amuse people and by their transgressions to define the limits of the public code. The word eccentric, according to The Oxford English Dictionary, was first used in a figurative sense, meaning odd or whimsical, in 1630.
The function of eccentricity as a rebellion against strict standards of social behaviour may also explain why there are relatively few records of female eccentricity. Because their role has been less public than men’s, women have been less affected by public conventions. And, as irrational creatures, women have not been relied upon to uphold the logical, man-made social order. Small acts of female eccentricity are subsumed in the greater eccentricity of simply being female in a masculine world. It is not altogether astonishing that male writers have not paid close attention to nuances of behaviour of a group whose rules and actions they could not fully understand and which they thought unimportant.
To the extent to which eccentricity is an expression of individuality, it is a most unlikely attribute for a woman trained to submerge herself in the care of a husband and family. The same holds true for a labourer whose employment depends on his subservience and obedience to orders.
Eccentricity, however, is not merely a rich man’s prerogative. It is the prerogative of those who can afford to step outside the system. Wealthy men are, of course, in a position to do this, but wealth alone is neither a sufficient nor a necessary condition for eccentric behaviour. There must be an internal impetus, an element of originality, of individuality, to distinguish eccentricity from a rich man’s self-indulgence.
There are other types of people whose position in life makes it easier, if they have the will, to ignore custom. Scholars, for example, and clergymen, though not necessarily wealthy, exist in institutions that bother support and define them, giving them the freedom to behave in a contrary fashion. People with low expectations of society are also freer to act as they please. Tramps, recluses, Jacks of all trades, and, to a degree, literary men, why rely on their wits for a living, all fall into this category.
I have tried to explain why I selected these particular eccentrics, though the reader will doubtless notice many omissions and quarrel with many inclusions. My defence must be that individual inclinations are so varied, so outlandish and so unpredictable that they defy all analysis. In the end, my choice is itself eccentric.

The intro to: The man who ate bluebottles and other great British eccentrics, by Catherine Caufield.

A book I got from a very special person and which I love. I thought it deserved a place in here so I took the time to copy it all by hand. I hope you will enjoy it.

[Corvus Corax]

After 12 consecutive weeks in Slovakia and in sight of my thirteenth I think it's about time I share some of my "adventures" over there. Mostly because this week, I had something that differed from the previous 11 weeks. An intersting 4 days in Slovakia and a friday that reminded me of the movie Final Destination. I'll refrain from talking about work too much ;) .

An introduction of characters

Herwig: a flemish man in his 40's who lives in Slovakia in lieu of our company. He does the planning of production. He is very thin and bent over with fish eyes, which reminds me a bit of Gollem. He sees everything black and white and knows little to nothing of our company, since he only got hired to work in Slovakia. He isn't married, but goes on a three week vacation to Thailand each year.... . All my time in Slovakia, he was there. At times he was the only one I had dinner with after work. Since 3 out of 4 words comming out of his mouth concern work, even after 14 hour work days, I grew a bit tired of him, especially since I see him most of my waking hours in Slovakia. p.s.: can't drive without ruining the car's gearbox and only knows one way of breaking and thats hard. Also mumbles to himself while gesturing and driving the car.

Janca: a 23 year old slovakian girl that works in the hotel I stay at since two weeks, to replace Maria (a law student I went out on a date with). She is rather good looking, but her english is lamentable and appears to me to be way past crazy.

Tony: A belgian technician that accompanied me the week before last. He has a girl and two kids. Rather calm guy, but good to share a beer with.

Wouter: another belgian technician who came to roulate with Tony. Party animal, but hard working at the job. Has a girlfriend with whom he's building a house.

Anana: a 20 year old slovakian girl that works in café Brazil and is a student. Her English is rather good. She went out with Herwig one time and has rebuked attempts of him to go on a second date together on several occasions I witnessed.


The week

Monday: I picked up Wouter at 5:30am and we set off to Brussels to catch the flight to Vienna and consecutivly catch the taxi to Trnava and the plant. We arrived at work at 1pm, where we worked till 8:30pm after which we went out to eat, together with Herwig. At dinner Herwig mentioned that the next day, he'd come to pick us up extra early, so he would get a chance to chat up with Janca, who he had met the week before, in an attempt to ask her out on a date. After dinner and a drink Herwig left, but since Wouter hadn't been there yet, he wanted to drink a few more beers. The evening ended after a lot of fun and beers in a drunken state at the hotel at about midnight.

Tuesday: As per usual I got up at 6:30 and had breakfast at 7. Herwig arrived earlier, as promised (which was a rarity, since he's usualy late) and went to talk with Janca. Then we were off to work till 9pm. After that we went out to dinner with Herwig and Herr Riedel, a german paint supplier that was there to offer technical support. Herwig mentioned he'd pick us up at the same time, to grant him more time with Janca again before leaving Wouter and I with Herr Riedel. Herr Riedel is a funny guy, so we went out till 1am, yet not as drunk a the night before. (After 3 weeks I was already tired about the barhopping each night, but it had been a while and Wouter IS a party animal)

Wednesday (D-day): The same morning as the day before, we worked till 6:30pm and Herr Riedel left for germany since it's a holiday on thursday. Wouter, Herwig and I agreed to meet at the hotel reception at 7:15pm to go to dinner after freshening up. At 7pm I walk into the reception to find Wouter talking with Janca, who apparantly had asked him whether I liked her. Since I have learned to steer clear of women who remind me of psycho killers, I didn't go into that in English. Then Herwig arrived and we left for the restaurant. At dinner, Wouter mentions that Tony had caled him to say that since his traveling time wasn't considderd working time the week before, he was considdred to have worked 7 hours instead of the needed 8 and wouldn't get that much extra for comming to Slovakia after all. (since I'm on a month based contract, I don't have overtime and get payed €0 extra for the whole Slovakia thing). So Tony who thinks this is a bad deal told Wouter he wouldn't be comming to Slovakia anymore. When Wouter mentions this Herwig gets a bit aggitated and starts discussing this with Wouter. I mention that I'm getting sick and tired of the lack of information we get on how the whole Slovakian project is looked upon in the long term. At this time Herwig starts lecturing us about "opportunities" and stuff like that. It was an interesting dinner.

After dinner,we set off to café Brazil, where Anana was serving. We have a few beers and somewhere in the conversation I utter the word tequilla and I pronounce it the way they say it in Mexico (without the l's). Now, I know tequilla is pronounced with or without the l's, everybody knows what you're talking about, but not Herwig (who sees only black and white). He starts lecturing me that I don't know what tequilla is :rolleyes: and starts shouting to Anana to bring me a tequilla so I may learn what it is and how to pronounce it. I refuse to drink it and order two more and state that I con't drink if they won't drink. So down goes the tequilla. After the barkeeper confirms that tequilla is pronounced both ways Herwig finally shuts up about it, leaving me rather annoyed. At this point Herwig goes to sit at the bar to talk to Anana, trying yet again to get her on a second date. I explain the situation to Wouter and we make the assumption that she went out with him thinking of the money. We decide to test this assumption and ponder whether Herwig would be lecturing to us about "opportunities" when all the women he's after end up interested in us. Wouter and I start drinking cocktails. After a while Herwig left for his appartment and we settled at the bar. Wouter starts claiming he's going to work in China next week, which will be tough, but the extra money will be plenty to buy him a new mercedes and stuff like that. All big fat lies, but as he kept talking like this and I was doing nothing to make her think he was lying, both drinking a few coktails too many, our assumptioned proved to be correct. The café normally closes at midnight, but at quarter to one, we finally left with Anana to a disco, where we wisely switched to coke. Wouter danced and talked with Anana, I danced and talked to her friend (whose name I can't remember :umm: ). While me and her friend danced (well, "danced", I'm a white guy, so I moved) and talked normally (she was a nice girl, but there was nothing between us) Anana started giving Wouter something that resembled more of a lapdance than any other dance. In the end, we go back to hotel at 4am, accompanied by the girls, who, catholic as they are, said goodbye to us at 4 yards from the hotel door.

Wouter has a gf and nothing more than some dancing happened (no kissing and stuff), but our assumption was confirmed.

Thursday: same old same old, only now we were a bit more tired than usual. We told Herwig we went to the disco and that we stayed out till 4am, but don't mention Anana. He laughed at us when we yawned (honestly, we weren't THAT tired) and made a bit of fun of us. At 2pm our taxi arrives and Herwig gives a final stab before saying goodbye to us. On our way to the taxi we ponder out loudly if he would be laughing so loud if he found out who went out with. He who laughs last laughs best, is it not?

I was tipsy, I was tired, I was rather annoyed, in short; I wasn't on my most compasionate the night before.

Friday:
in the morning I went to the dentist to get my wisdom tooth that had been acting up pulled (fun). In the afternoon I went to work, mostly to fill in my expense report (only hotel, transport and food, no drinking, fyi :p ). As I was sitting at my desk I smelled a bit of a chloride scent and my colleague and I mentioned that the wind must have turned to the chemical laboratory from our company. A bit later, sirenes start going and the whole factory is evacuated. Apparently there had been a mistake which led to a small accident, releasing huge ammounts of chlorine gas (as was initially used in WWI). Eventually 20 people were taken to hospital by ambulance, of whom 5 were seriously injured.

After this, I went home and hear on the radio that due to the heavy rainfall and vibrations, the roof of the press shop in Ford Genk (the exact place where I worked at my first job) had collapsed....again, luckely without any injuries....again. It had happened before in the early 90's.

I got a bit of a final destinations feeling going on. Come back to Belgium and all kinds of nasty stuff happens :umm:

After writing this, I hardly feel the need to post it anymore, but since it is so rare that I post here and since it is a ratehr long post, I'll let it stick.

Dovidienja

[Corvus Corax]

Et si tu n'existais pas,
Dis-moi pourquoi j'existerais.
Pour traîner dans un monde sans toi,
Sans espoir et sans regrets.
Et si tu n'existais pas,
J'essaierais d'inventer l'amour,
Comme un peintre qui voit sous ses doigts
Naître les couleurs du jour.
Et qui n'en revient pas.
Et si tu n'existais pas,
Dis-moi pour qui j'existerais.
Des passantes endormies dans mes bras
Que je n'aimerais jamais.
Et si tu n'existais pas,
Je ne serais qu'un point de plus
Dans ce monde qui vient et qui va,
Je me sentirais perdu,
J'aurais besoin de toi.
Et si tu n'existais pas,
Dis-moi comment j'existerais.
Je pourrais faire semblant d'être moi,
Mais je ne serais pas vrai.
Et si tu n'existais pas,
Je crois que je l'aurais trouvé,
Le secret de la vie, le pourquoi,
Simplement pour te créer
Et pour te regarder.

[Corvus Corax]

So, for those who didn't know, my country is in a bit of a mess at the moment. Normally I'd post such a thing in the deep thoughts section, but I didn't feel like this one belonged there due to a certain degree of personal involvement and the fact that I rarely make use of this here reflections thread made me think it best to post it here. (Does that scentense make sense? nm).

So, what's the problem: more than 150 days after the elections we still don't have a federal government, which is a record. In a "normal" situation the king appoints first an informer and then a "formateur" to make a government out of the parties in the parliament. This formateur is usualy the next prime minister as well. We always have a coalition of at least four parties. Two big flemish parties and their walloon counterparts. So for instance in the last government there were VLD (flemish liberals) MR (walloon liberals) SPa (flemish socialists) and PS (walloon socialists). During the forming of such a coalition, a government agreement is made wherein certain goals are declared for that governemtn on which everybody can agree. These goals are the programs of the different parties.

The cause of the problem in this particular government forming is as per usual a conflict between the walloon and flemish communities (or at least their political leaders). More specific the splitting of the voting district Brussels-Halle-Volvoorde. At the moment, voters in the flemish cities of Halle and Vilvoorde can vote on walloon parties as well (something I think is part of a federal state, but hey, who asked me) because they are part of the "special case" of Brussels.

This topic is part of the flemish party cartel CD&V-NVA's program for government for which they were elected (they didn't get my vote, btw). This party therefor has to make the split a part of the government agreement, something the walloon parties are very strongly against.

So, since the elections Yves Leterme, the formateur of CD&V-NVA apointed by the king, has been trying to form some kind of an agreement with the walloon parties on this particualr matter. The parties had found agreements on social and economic matters, but on these matter between communities the walloon politicians wouldn't give an inch.

This situation was in a deadlock untill yesterday, when for the first time in the history of Belgium, the flemish political parties in parliament made use of their numerical superiority over the walloons and voted a law to split B-H-V. The reason why they never did that before was not to harm the trust between the flemish and walloons. The walloon politicians have reacted by calling in an emergency procedure stalling the law for 60 days, something they can do 4 times. Now there is talk of an emergency government that will take care of everything but the problems concerning the communities, a bit like the former government still taking care of running afairs at the moment.

The country hasn't been so close to breaking up in a long time, maybe never as close as now. Personally I think the whole stress between the communities is created by politicians (and enlarged by the media) to gain power. Granted, there may be a money flow from Flanders to the Walloon region, but there will always be a part of the country that has more prosperaty than the rest, there will always be money flows, that's part of being a country. If you drive the thought that there shouldn't be money flows through, you shouldn't pay taxes, since you pay more than you receive... Idiots.

So, personally, I hope the country will not split up. Hardly anyone knows where to situate Belgium on a world map, let alone Flanders or Wallonia. What would happen with the German speaking community? What would happen with the army? And even though I think the chances very slim, with a break up there is always a chance a civil war may break out (although I doubt anybody has time to bother with that).

Show me a politician and I'll show you manipulation at work.

-CC, Flemish and therefor Belgian.

[Corvus Corax]

My four weeks of vacation are over, I already spent one week at work last week (in Belgium, thankfully). I didn't go anywhere this year. It's a bit weird that it felt like breaking a habit of going abroad each year. Then again, before I started my international travels, I hardly went anywhere up untill my 22nd year. The fact that I've already had 26 trips to Slovakia behind me meant I wasn't all that excited about the idea of getting on a plane.

In the mean time some things changed.

Kelly, a girl I know quite well needed an official address because a dorm doesn't count as one. So, long story short, I'm no longer living alone. Albeit she's mostly at her dorm or studying and I'm mostly at work.

Relationshipwise it's nothing, but that doesn't mean I won't use it to my advantage.

Now, before you start having all these bad ideas about me, I should explain:

In a bit of an Aes Sedai kind of way I've told the people at work that I'm living together with her. This lead those people to believe that she is my girlfriend. Something that will help me to stay home more :) . Because I already told Kelly: "The people at work are going to be under the impression you're one nagging bitch" :D .

Anyway, tomorrow I should get my evaluation from the past year. Something I should have had last week, but I'm not complaining. Sloakia will be the main issue and normally my raise and bonus should be discussed as well. Less than 10% would be an insult, imho, but we'll see.

Anyway, my trips to Slovakia will start again tomorrow.... I really need to win the lottery or something.

While driving and listening to old self made compelation tapes this weekend I came across a good old Nick Cave song and once again marveled at it's beauty.

So here goesNick Cave & The Bad Seeds - (Are You) The One (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J4keNw7Q0Aw)

It's weird how I get more relaxed the more energy I have.

Sorry, couldn't help putting in this classic beauty as well. Tempus Fugit. Where are the days? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-cme2q0N7nM)

[Corvus Corax]

It's been a while, I feel like posting something, but I wouldn't know where to start.

I'm one of those people who should write down trails of thought when they have them, but since I usualy have them while driving in my car, I never get the opportunity to do so. Usualy just pondering about the point of it all, really. That's where it all ends up anyway. Sometimes through realisations about the, if you'll excuse my French, "Human Nature" or just through the usual frustrations caused by work and life in general (two things that coincide a lot) .

Yes, you might have noticed I'm treading down the path of barstool philosophy again. But rest assured, it never lasts long.

I've had quite an interesting conversation with one of my slovakian operators a few weeks ago (he speaks fluent english, before you start thinking my knowledge of the slovak language extends beyond "now try it without using your teeth"). Since we were doing something pointless again, we got to the subject of believes. Or, better yet, he asked me what I believe in. And I must say my answer was: nothing.

I'm a quite logical kind of guy, we came to conclude. I think things through. Something which isn't always the best way of approaching things, I know. I don't think there's anything like an afterlife. I don't think there's a big plan or track we're on to reach a "higher state". In my way of thinking, humans aren't any better than rats, lice or bacteria. If you're alive, you're still in the race, that's how evolution works in my mind. The only thing "special" about the human race as a whole is that it adapts it's environment to it's needs instead of following the million year evolutionary course the other races still have to make. By the way: in my logic, I know there is stuff we don't, can't and probably will never understand. I just don't see how somebody waving his scepter/totem/dick around can claim to have a greater understanding than anybody else, especially scientists.

In short: we're nothing special. Yet some people, like the slovakian operator, seem(ed) to believe we're supposed to be on our way on a path of enlightenment. In my logic, there is no such path. The only track we're on is the one behind us. Before us is an open plane and anything is possible. If conditions in the future make it so that you can only survive if you have a rare lung mutation, congratulations if you got it, since you'll be one of the few (if any) to parent the offspring of the human race".

My slovakian colleague had this idea that stuff like "good and bad" exist. Something which, in my logic, is trivial. Good and bad are only concepts we experience through genes and experience. And that experience is what you can call the source of Karma. In my logic Karma exists. Not in the being reborn kind of way, but in the basic Karma of every day life. The first lessons in Karma are experienced during the todler years. I punch this kid, he punches me back, I cry, Karma is a a bitch. That about sums up Karma in it's most simple and basic form for me. So Good and Evil, in my mind, only exist as social behaviour through evolution. That's the biblical fruit of the tree of knowledge, the knowledge of the extent of your actions. You can't "sin" if you don't know the implications of your actions. Goes in line with "Blessed are the simple of mind".

So, if life is pointless and good and evil don't exist, why bother with doing stuff like "loving thy neighbour (and his wife not too much)"? Well, apart from Karma, as explained before, I look at it this way: we're all in the same situation and we might as well make it as comfortable as possible for each other. Not much unlike my brother's way of thinking. He's a conscious nihilistic hedonist who, in general, leaves people be and just enjoys life as much as possible, where I try to do the same (when I'm not thinking too much), but I sometimes, consciously, try to help people. Not because it's better for society or anything, I don't care that much about it all, but to make them feel a bit better. Paliative care for the temporarily alive. Doesn't take away the fact that I will make a little effort to screw up somebody's life if I judge this person to be a "poo poo head". I know my judgement is arbitrary, but I don't care too much about that fact.

The bottle is empty and I do have this crappy stuff called work in the morning so I'll cut it short: Enjoy life while you can, go to hospitals often to remind you of your blessings. Do looney stuff when you feel like doing them. Enjoy the simple things in life, since they're the most honest. And so on and so on....you know all this stuff, you only have to think about it regularly.

And that's why I posted this one meandering thought.

And to keep form, I'll post a link or two:

something that speaks to my primal mind and tells it it's all ok (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xXosA7Yhkw)

A book I read when I was sixteen and changed my views on history (http://www.troy-in-england.co.uk/)

goodnight

[Corvus Corax]

So, today Hugo Claus was cremated (yes, he was dead). He was one of our biggest writers. Never really read that much of his works, but seeing his goodbye video I really liked his 15th sonnet.

Jaren geleden kon ik dromen
(o infantiele profetische ziel)
van de dingen die zouden komen
fataal als de uitvinding van het wiel.

Nu is de wereld sterfelijk als ik
en daarmee uit.
Alleen onzekerheid geeft mij een kick,
ik geloof geen fluit.

Dromen jaag ik naar de zolder
waar de domme kinderen wonen.
Ik lieg. Er is nog één dolle kolder

en dat is zij waarover ik bericht
in dit gelovig klinkgedicht,
de laatste van mijn demonen.

In my rotten English:

Years ago I could dream
(oh infantile profetic soul)
about the things that would come
fatal as the invention of the wheel.

Now the world is mortal as I
and that's it.
Only incertainty gives me a kick,
I don't believe shit.

I drive dreams off to the attic
where the stupid children live.
I lie. One follie remains

and that is her about whom I'm speaking
in this pious poem of sound,
the last of my demons

And hey, another post in my reflections... only one week after the former. Go me.

[Corvus Corax]

There is too much junk in the world, it's all so pointless, and this realisation irritates a lot.

The last months, or maybe even the last year, I have come to this realisation. Not that I didn't know it before, but much like an inperfection in a mirror you didin't pay attention to untill you thought about it, this too keeps taking the main stage when my thoughts begin to meander.

You might think: "but I already know that there is too much junk in the world. Junk is superfluous by defenition." and you would be correct. But what irritates me is that we have created a system that thrives on junk and needs junk to be produced en masse in order to maintain a certain degree of stability. Also the energy that it takes for this gigantic amount of crap to be produced is one of the thorns in my side these days. Maybe I'd better clarify with an example, so you might understand what I'm talking about.

First of all, look around you and try to count all the "things" you see. Little statues, pens, publicity folders... all that stuff.

Now, let's take, for example a modest key chain. Or, as Jebus would have said: "considder the key chain, for it is but a piece of crap."
Now imagine all the effort it took for that key chain to be made and sold to you or to whomever gave it to you. I'll try to help you with that.
As an industrial engineer, I've had some experience with crap like this (albeit not key chains in particular), so here are my thoughts on what has been done to get that piece of crap attached to your keys.
First of all, the material, which has been either mined in case of metals, or pumped up in case of plastics. This work usualy doesn't take place in the nicest environments. People are taking serious health risks there and in quite a lot of cases this happens in the third world where "prevention" is unheard of. Add to this some environmental hazards and we're off to the next step.
Transporting the raw materials to a forge/refinery. There it gets made into pure material, after which it is, again, transported to, hopefully, the manufacturer.
The manufacturer has special machines, designed, fabricated and optimized to produce that particular key chain. A lot of meetings took place between designers, engineers, managers, quality departments and what not before the first key chain making machine ever got made. Don't even get me started on sales and marketing departments. Once the production is running a lot of people need training and coaching, machines need maintenance and optimisation.
After a lot of blood, sweat and tears the key chain is made and transported, yet again, to a retail store near you (skipping a few steps here).

What I'm trying to make clear is the amount of effort and energy it took for that single key chain to have gotten into your hands.
People set their alarm clocks to make sure they get at the factory in time to make it.
They have to drop their kids off at the day care center.
They might have moved away from friends and family to live closer to the factory, yet still they need to stand in trafic, every morning.
Relationships, marriages and family ties might have suffered or collapsed altogether by the stresses caused by this.
People are sleeping badly, because they worry, since production has to be cheaper, they will have to find way to make the same amount in the same time with less people. Who will get fired?
All the fuel it took to transport all the material in the different stages of production.
Considder the fact that all the equipment used to process/transport the material all have an entire industry of their own behind them.
And you should be glad I'm talking about a low quality item here, or we'd be throwing away more than half of all the production due to "quality" issues at the different steps.

Trust me when I say this is only the tip of the iceberg, but we'll leave it at that.
Now, once again, look at all the little pieces of junk around you and know that behind each and every one of them is an industry. We're making crap by the truckloads.

Industry is good. I like the fact that medicines/medical equipment/farming tools/lifeguard boats/firefighting equipment/beer/housing/water treatment and such things are able to be produced in numbers that can support a community. What I don't like is the fact that our society also requires rampant production like this, or so it seems. I'd like to blame the marketing and advertising departments, but they aren't the root cause. They're just means to an end.

We're entering a period of crisis, after which the whole thing will flourish again. So much energy is being put in trivial stuff, so much is being suffered, for trivial stuff. And when my mind dreams on I ask myself: why do we still have nations? They only slow things down. Why are we all so fucking backwards? We're being fed bread and games. We're being made to work and worry about mortgages so we're content when at the end of our lives we don't have debts and have been able to leave something behind for our children. And I don't mind that. But at least put all that effort and energy in things that are usefull in the long term and not to produce junk, the by product of modernisation. I used to think the Amish were a bit weird, but these days, not considdering religious matters, I think they're on to something.

I always said: the only people who have to work are farmers and doctors, all the rest is occupational therapy. I'm not the most eloquent of men, far from it.
That's why I'd like to end this shortened (trust me, it is) rant with a quote from the most eloquent man I know, Stephen Fry:

"The only ugly things you will see when you look out of the window are things made by man."

Something light to end with (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13VEonU3hWU)

[Corvus Corax]

So, on one of my google-fu trips through the internet I came across the wikipedia article on Dr. Magnus Pyke (via Thomas Dolby). Especially the bit about the Science Myth spoke to me. Certainly when put in light of my last post in this thread of mine.

So, to keep this thread going, I'll be lazy and post that article here ;) .

Although Pyke was known for bringing science to a lay audience, in The Science Myth (and similar writings, such as Slaves Unaware?) he was also a critic of the way in which citizens of industrialized nations have historically been lured into social conformity by the comforts and security offered by applied sciences or technology, and the associated industrial/economic propaganda and advertising. He claims that this has entailed the loss of important individual freedoms in the name of an ever-increasing gross national product or standard of living, measured monetarily, with some associated negation of independent human values, common sense and individuality, family and community, health, safety and ergonomics. In his 1962 book, he uses the Greek myth of Procrustes and his Procrustean bed as a metaphor for the way citizens are forced to conform to the one-size-fits-all rigid structure of modern industrial society. He cites associated problems such as coronary disease related to diet, psychological and social problems stemming from work-related stress and training leading to people being "...softly and persistently hammered into shape until — Pinocchio in reverse — from being a living creature... becomes for forty hours an insensate puppet..." and educational systems, which "knock out of the ingenious adolescent all of the 'nonsense' of the young, this being most of his or her eagerness and ingeniousness". He asserts that the Western work environment fails youthful expectations to an even greater extent than the schools: "(a)t school, success is judged in terms of work, whereas in industrial life this is not so..." after young people hasten to leave school for the benefit of the social significance of the work, rather than for the work itself, they find that "(w)ork seldom seems to the worker to have meaning or worth..." and "achievement is judged by the pay envelope which may have no relation to the difficulty of the work."[2]

Pyke professes that there are alternative systems to that of the Western industrialized nations which could retain many of the benefits of science and technology, allow a reasonable standard of living, but still make room for the "good life", many aspects of which were enjoyed by pre-industrial societies. He claims that just as wise nations may not wish to retain a demanding and overbearing monarchy that requires too many unjustified sacrifices, it is "up to the nations who have committed themselves to scientific technology and power to temper the rigors of efficiency and productivity..." He criticizes misplaced values of the Western system in statements such as the following:

* "The main body of the citizenry, the 'workers,' are kept segregated from the drones, the women at home, the children, the old and the idle ...the necessary doctrine of the division of labor makes this regimentation necessary. But it has the effect of setting economic effort apart and dividing the day and the week into "work" and "everything else".
* "This way of thinking has so deranged our minds that we have come to accept that only when we are actually carrying out paid industrial work are we serving our purpose on earth."
* "To minds so deformed, the things that 'retired' people do are not considered to be of value. They are empty, merely something to do."
* "The leisure pursuits of the senior executive seem to be corroded with competitiveness, superficial sociability, display, and conspicuous consumption. He must own an automobile of a certain size and make, not necessarily to travel in, but to prove that he can afford it."

Sometimes I forget that such realisations have been around for quite some time now, be it by a minority. The way I see it, little has changed. Maybe it got even worse since the system as it is gives us some small ways to rebel, yet stay in the system. Like little schoolboys we're allowed to stick our tongues out to the teacher. Where the schoolboy would have been punished before, these days they'll grant us the feeling that the teacher was upset by it, but at the end of the day we just get a pat on the head while we're back to being nice little schoolboys.

Recently I read the manifesto of the unabomber and found that it contained quite a lot of things that have been on my mind as well recently.

And this brings me to the saddest point of all. I'll try to put it in here as clear as I can, since I'm not that good at explaining my trails of thought.

Bear with me:
Humans aren't genetically capable of dealing with groups bigger than 150 people. Everything above that amount will cause strain, tensions. The big strength of humans though, is the brainpower that lets us, in a way, evolve super fast. What I mean by this is: in order for an insect to infiltrate cold environments, a few thousand generations will have to pass before they can succesfully infiltrate the area. Humans made clothing and spread out quickly. The same principle goes for other problems and also "solved" the problem of tensions in larger groups.

Laws and social structures were created. Customs and communities changed into traditions and tribes. Those changed into judical systems and kingdoms, empires. And even within that, a constant tinkering at social systems was needed. Capitalism, socialism and communism being some of the latest. Of course, no system is perfect, nor can it achieve perfection in an ever changing world. Most changes happen through revolution though. Growing pains. And that is a serious understatement when you considder the human misery.

So, I've come to the realisation that I am part of a system that is designed to reduce your life to "birth, school, work, death". This particular system uses, amongst other things, that "work" part to control the masses. Making sure everybody needs to work a certain amount of time to live a normal life. This amount of time guaranteeing you have just enough free time left to worry about your mortgage and get some rest while you are entertained by the same system. The old bread and games principle.

Of course, if you look at the amount of CRAP that system produces with all that "work" (see post above) you realise that the work is indeed a sort of occupational therapy to keep the masses busy.

It seems to me that we're all on a bus with no destination, but the driver is afraid to stop the bus or his passengers will find out. The great strength of Hitler (yes, I know, bad example, but the first that came to mind) is that he gave his entire country the feeling that they had a direction, a purpose.

And here comes the killer. What should I do about it all?
A revolution? That'd cause great suffering, resulting in another system that'll be just as imperfect. Maybe change to a system with a clear purpose? One world government focussing the waisted "work" onto space exploration? Maybe that'd keep us entertained for another couple of millenia before we realise even spacetime itself is pointless.

Oh how I wonder why I'm such an escapist.... Have I seen the answer and did I realise that 42 is far better for my mind to live with?

And before I leave: like every good eccentric, Dr. Pyke also had some "wacky" ideas. One of them, apparently, being that excess human blood should be used to make black pudding.

That seems about long enough :p

[Corvus Corax]

It might be a good idea to log culinary experiments here. So here goes number one.

Chicken with leek, mushrooms and pears.

Execution:

Roughly sliced one shallot and one small container of mushrooms and started frying it in a spoon of olive oil in a non stick pan. While it was frying, cut up two leeks and started microwaving a bag of potatoes. Noticed the mushroom/shallot mixture was getting rather dry and added the liquid from the canned pears instead of the usual wine. Once the leeks were cut, added them to the frying pan, stirring often, adding pepper and a bit of cumin as seasoning. Started to pre-heat the oven at 180°C.

Prepped an oven dish with another table spoon of olive oil and placed the canned pears as a bottom. The potatoes were done and added them as well, almost completely filling the bottom.

Now I started to slice two chicken breast filets and seasoned them with chicken mix. Thickness between 1 and 2cm. Placed the slices on top of the pears and potatoes.

Fried the leeks, mushrooms and shallot to a slight caramelisation, added a dash of milk to soften the taste and to be able to mix in the caramelised bottom into the whole. Poored the whole thing over the chicken slices and placed it in the oven for 30min.

Observations:

There could have been more pears, mushrooms and leek in the mix.

The taste of the chicken mix was predominant in the chicken.


Follow up experiment:

Adding garlic rum to the chicken.
More of the mushroom-leek mix.
Less seasoning on the chicken.
More pears.
Maybe add honey for extra caramelisation.

Overall: Not too bad, wouldn't reccomend making it for guests.

[Corvus Corax]

Chicken with leek, mushrooms and pears, the remake.

Same as above with following changes:

only one chicken filet;
no mixed chicken spices, but pepper, salt and honey on the chicken;
more pears;
garlic added to the leek and mushrooms;
added more more liquid from the pears to the leek and mushrooms.
Reduced this completely. Still had about half the liquid of the big can left;
also added honey to the leek and mushrooms.

Result:
The pears left a lot of liquid in the oven dish. Might be best to let them dry on some towels before use.
The added honey didn't bring much to the leek. Might be best to marinade the chicken slices a day in a mix of honey and garlic rum.
The chicken was better without the mix, but some paprika powder could also be a good alternative to the marinade.

I wouldn't be too ashamed to have guests eat this. Then again, my tollerance for shame has increased a lot over the years.

Tomorrow I'll be eating the leftovers, but on thursday I've got a vegetarian (easily made vegan) dish planned. Will write down that recipe as well. In case I grow tired of it for a while and forget how to make it exactly.

[Corvus Corax]

So, forgot about posting the vegetarian dish. Will be for later, in the mean time another oven experiment.

Yesterday's experiment: Filled paprika (bell pepper).

Chopped up two big mushrooms into fine pieces and started frying them slowly in a tablespoon of olive oil while chopping a small onion. Then added 125g of ground meat (pig/veal) and a box of tofu ground meat replacement (might make a complete switch in future) to the frying pan, adding pepper, a touch of cumin (still my favored spice) and salt. Prepped a bag of potatoes and pre-heated the oven to 180°C. Cleaned and opened up two big red bell peppers, making sure no white pieces remained. Added two drizzles of garlic rum to the frying pan. Thinking the dish could do with some more vetgetables/cement for the mixture, I added a can of peas to the frying pan as well. Making sure everything's fried well, I added the onion and then filled the two bell peppers with the mixture, placing them in an oven dish on top of the potatoes and into the oven. Since only half of the mixture could go into the peppers, I continued frying the rest, adding some low fat yoghurt and a tablespoon of sugar.

The peppers remained in the oven for 45min, although they could have come out sooner.

Result: the bell peppers and the mix don't really compliment each other, but it's not like they are mutualy exclusive. The yoghurt/sugar half of the mixture was better than expected and better than the mix that went into the pepper. The whole oven part could be scratched from the process.
The yoghurt part was interesting and will be remembered in future experiments.

And for readers of this thread, other than myself: the garlic rum is a bottle I enherited from my father. He made it himself and is older than me. An old wine bottle, filled halfway up with cloves of garlic, then filled further with rum. A nice trick to add some zing to a sauce.

[Corvus Corax]

It's been almost a year since the last elections. Since then, no new government has been able to be made. We're still not even close and they're talking about plans for, maybe, 2012... I could rant about this for quite a bit, but I get plenty of oportunities to do that elsewhere. Here, I'll post a song, with lyrics, which dates back from the 70's, but still holds truths today. It's Walloon and contains quite a few plays of words in French, which I'll try to capture as well.

André Bialek - Le belle gigue (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XlaPoiyR-Dc)

In advance: a gigue is a dance which is quite lively.

Ah la belle gigue, gigue
Gigue que l'on pourrait danser
Si les vieilles digues, digues
Diguedon les faisait tomber

Dans le royaume de Belgique
Y'a du temps qu'on a plus dansé
Est-ce à cause de la drache
Qu'on a les quilles toutes rouillées?

Mais la belle gigue, gigue
Gigue que l'on pourrait danser
Si les vieilles digues, digues
Diguedon les faisait tomber

Si c'est pas à cause de la drache
Qu'on a les quilles toutes rouillées
C'est qu'on n'sait plus sur quel pied
On pourrait se mettre à danser

Mais la belle gigue, gigue ....

Si on ne sait plus sur quel pied
On pourrait se mettre à danser
C'est cause aux vieilles querelles
Entre Wallons et Flamands

Mais la belle gigue, gigue ....

Entre Wallons et Flamands
Entre Flamands et Wallons
Y'a les Bourgeois les Fransquillons
Pendant qu'on se tire les deux langues
Qui nous étreignent et nous étranglent

Mais la belle gigue, gigue
Gigue qu'on leur ferra danser
Quand les vieilles digues, digues
Diguedon les fera tomber

Si c'est possible…

Ah the beautiful gigue (Oh Belgium)
Gigue we could be dancing
if one would let the old dykes fall.

In the kingdom of Belgium
it's been a long time since we danced.
Is it because of the heavy rains
that corrodes our legs?

But the beautiful gigue...

If it isn't because of the heavy rains
that we have corroded legs
then it's because we don't know anymore
with which foot to begin the dance.

But the beautiful gigue...

That we no longer know with what foot
we have to begin the dance
is because of the old quarrels
between Walloons and Flemings

But the beautiful gigue...

Between Wallons and Flemings
Between Flemings and Walloons
there are the Bourgeoisie, the Fransquillons (little french men/ Flemish people who spoke French to associate with the Bourgeoisie)
Who, while we stick our tongues/languages out to each other
have us in their clutch and choke us.

But the beautiful gigue, gigue
Gigues we'll have them dance
When we have let the old dykes (obstacles) fall.

If it's possible...