my rock, and shell.

[jUstIn]

so i dont evenknow when i last posted here. its been a bit im sure. also....wait, i just hit the restore button and everything went back to normal... so as i was saying, i got a new marker, will be visiting my brother in about ten days, and ummm...im going to play some paintball today? we all sat around the fire last night. it was good fun. ive also discovered i can urinate in an arc thats higher than my head!! crazy!!! hehehe anyway, until next time!!.......




Ok, so im terrible at talking about my self because i normally asume all parties involved dont care and would rather not hear me, thus making most anything i say inconsiqunntial to all parties involved. This being said, many of my thought lines get tossed out the door before i ever speak, resulting in a drull, smug and cynical plaster presented to world by me. I also realize this is not how one goes about getting noticed but im rather liking the whole "laying low in the world" thing i have going. But then i come upon a problem. i read a few reflections and realized im living in a hollow shell of life, that i built myself. Its very disapointing, to say the least. Counterpoint to this sceniario is recently ive become aware of many people with a deep respect for me as a person that i didnt know was there previously. and my nice barrier that i built leaves me unable to cope with these copliments, because i dismiss them as unimportant and not worth other peoples time and therefor they should hold no weight for me. I've fallen into a vicious cycle that leaves my life a big empty hole. i used to live once, i remember it like a dream really. I guess it feels like buying a lotto ticket, and thinking what would i do with the money. coffee, paintball, and ripping through trails at absurdly dangerous speeds on my motorcycle get my blood pumping but it still feels like a shadow of what could be. The infathomable question of what is out there that i can't grasp haunts me, and I allow it to. untill next time..........

[jUstIn]

played poker and won some money, i suspected i would lose big but i got lucky and caught some cards, and ended up getting third. good times!!! i'll go into detail alter....

[jUstIn]

deeper into poker. yeah i got lucky and got third by playing upredictable like and folding alot. i did get a straight flush once though, and that always helps.

back to mad trippy stuff.
(author's note: i hate work rants but im going to do it anyway)

so here i am, a kid still almost. busting my ass at fixing cars for seven years now, five full time. i guess i learned most of what i know the hard way. reading manuals, testing, retesting, notes, theorys, and hypothisis on weird car probles described veguely by unforthcoming costomers, or just a quick note on a work order to "check blah blah blah" by pounding the books and experience, and mucho "scope" work, ive gotten this weird car "feeling" i can look, listen and drive cars and alot of times figure out whats going on in an extremely short amount of time. but then we have the nice fun joy cars that we call nightmares. On these cars the problems are right at impossible to pin down. We dont just start replaceing parts here either. we test stuff and make sure the right things are being replaced. anyway, nightmares make me lose my ass cause im paid commision, make me drink so i can sleep, and make me hate life in general. Primary problem here is in the only person in the shop capable of dealing with nightmares, and one of very few in town that can. im by far the cheapest though. these poblem cars just keep adding to my knowlage of cars and keep making me a better mechanic. i think i've surpassed my boss even, who is well known around town as being an awesome mechanic, and has actually trained many of the mechanics around here. Boss man keeps defering to me about problems he's having with cars and asks what i think should be done, then does it. this frightes me a tad, coming from a man who commands respect from people. He has a deep respect for my ability. ive also started training mechanics, i got two partially trained, and im working on my third. all three are damn fine wrenches, but none have surpassed me so i say partially trained. four months after our new "rookie" mech started, bossman hire a mech who had been working on cars for 20 some odd years. i personnally though he had shit for brains, and rookie mech was constantly showing him how to fix shit. god he must have felt stupid. he rarely comprehended what i tried to ask him, and thought he knew what the fuck he was talking about, which pretty much always ass backwards. twenty years and still brain damaged. yeah so.
(end work rant)

wisdom for the second, i'll never forget this, and this advice can run your life
"dont be dumb, kid"
it pans out ok for me most of the time. ~shrugs~
it sure as hell doesnt get you no chicks though!! ~shallow moment of the day~
on paintball: i have a noobcannonseartripper, need i say more?
on this day: i worked and ate a frozen pizza again for lunch. at some point i think i'll have to eat more, cause its been a frozen pizza at noon all week and thats it. suzuki sidekick hood releases are in the glove box. ~nods~ my boss and co worker took a stab at a nightmare, and got completly nowhere.
on this month: pool league endded our team in fourth, not bad for a new team. i need to transfer a couple of titles yet too, before the months over.
meh see yall next time

justin

[jUstIn]

got the old motorbike out today, it was nice, almost 60 F. had some fun. also it was crazy hat day at the shop, declared by me. i wore my motorcycle helmet (mx style) all morning, and stobe, my co-worker, duckt taped a butternut coffee can to his sideways snap-on hat, which he wore all morning, including the service call we did. we have pictures too. ~nods~ we were attempting to get dissmissed for the day for reason of insanity, but it didnt pan out, and we got laughed at for the most part! but god what fun!!! :D
heh, what else? i guess i have a pool tournement to play in tomarrow, and i pray again i can sneak down to des moines to play some paintball sunday.

dont let your meat loaf!!
justin

[jUstIn]

ive decide to start taking notes, so i can post here. i come up with huge thought line as per inserational moment and lose it all before i have the chance to post it. i think i was going to do a religion rant. something about paintball possibly, how do you get an elephant out of a shopping cart?
take the " F " out of safe and the " F " out of way.

in other news. ummm yeah, i have no idea what im going to get roped into tonight but as always, nothing good can come of it. last weekend was a graveljam fest, with hick town bar stops in there, thank god i got a ride home. as always, i hope to play some paintball this weekend, i just hope the weather holds. if noone wants to play i'll go arrowhead hunting i think. i still have some to send i think too. hmmm.... i think i get so fragged at work i go all blank until im about halfway home. pretty broken up rantings huh? we did crazy hat day again. bossman said if we wore our new hats, and drove around town on our motorbikes with a blowup sex doll on the back for one half hour we could get the rest of the afternoon off. we werent able to come up with any dolls. in paintball, WGP will soon be releasing a trilogy electro for around 300!!! awesome, i wants it! its ours!! hopefully they sell the triggerframe as well, so my buddy can go electro. i also pulled a psycic twin trip thing on bossman today. my phone was on vibrate in my pocket, and it started vibrating, as soon as the voice message thing beeped, the shop phone rang. i told bossman as he went to answer it "it's for me" and he came back out of the office and said, yeah, its for you, it's jon. hehehe. im evil. oh yeah, i was going to say something about quillfests are like overdosing on life and happyness. ~nods~ ask anyone who has been to one. i just got a phone call. i thought my friday night crazyness had started. turns out it hasnt yet. i think i got lucky. idealy i'll be passed out before things can get bad, which means, before my friends start calling. this leaves me a very narrow window to get chug as many beers as possible. if i get caught though, before i go to bed.... things may get wild. note: playing starwars at home on a friday night doesnt get you chicks. oh shit i forgot, some girl was coming to town this weekend, and she wanted to go out. she told me to call her back when i got out of work and i never did. hopefully i can ditch out on that too. i ditched out on going to the bar last night too, ditched out on poker tonight, ditched out of a pool tournement tonight. i wonder what im waiting for? im not going to go play star wars, im going to probably read a feast for crows, which sucks, and do nothing. maybe contimplate social inteaction at some weird detached level, like im inclined to do. ponder my inner workings of my mind, and mayhaps try to figure out how theygot those damned crystals in the aftershock bottles. i was thinking of fishing too. the pike should start biting soon. i need to be on the lookout for a sparts show coming up too, i MUST attend to obtain some god lures. 2" white twistertails of a specific mold ive only ever seen at trade shows and swapmeets that no other 2" white twistertails can even think about being near as good. im serious. ask jon if you dont believe me. ~shrugs~ lol
alas, let the crazyshitonfridaynight commence

justin

[jUstIn]

well, i hope its over. i happend like i thought. pure insanity from firnight till now. growl. crazy crazy crazy! i should have went to play paintball. a little more calmness even if speedball. now its snowing like mad and im not making the trip like this outside. jesus... i think i'll take a nap or something.
no use prettymuch sums it all up. a nap would be good

justin

[jUstIn]

ok. so last night at about eleven i got this urge to go make and eat a bacon sandwich, which i did. (three actually, and a half pound of bacon) shortly thereafter, i could no longer keep my eyes open and i went to bed. at about 2:30 am i woke up with this mad thirst, and heartburn, and went and had like three glasses of milk. went back to bed and started dreaming: well, right off, im getting on a train bound for germany in the middle of the night with my mother and aunt and after eight or so hours i realize that you cant take a train from the us to germany, so i figure we must have been in france. i get off at the next station after realizing im now alone on the train. i walk into the stations bar, and sit next to my friend thats there, and have a beer with him. i get about half way through my beer and realize that were in with a rough crowd. about the time i think that, a brute comes up to our table and demands my wallet, money and posesions, which i give him, but he keeps demanding more from me. he snatched my knife from my pocket then, and started waving it in my face. at that point i got very pissed, and snached my knife back and run it right up to his throat, and i very desperatly want to bury the blade. it would cause too much trouble i decide, and the man bolts. i case him out the door only to see his beat up mid eighties trans am burning out and taking off down the road. it turns out im actually in a neighboring city to the one i live in, and figure out where the car went. i got the stuff out of the car, and sneak back over the hill, at which point im in a park with a ball feild, and it becomes daytime. im actuallly assistant coach for one of the teams, (juvinile baseball) and bolth teams ended up winning, somehow. my girlfriend (i dont have a girlfriend) was coaching the other team and after the game, i went to her and she gave me a hug. the end. so then i wake up again, and get three more glasses of milk cause of the heartburn creeping back up. then i went back to sleep for the rest of the night. i think i drank three quarters of a gallon of milk last night.

[jUstIn]

ive been meaning to post here for about a week now. i have alot to cover. ive been busy!!! currently im sitting at work, crazyness started when the boss left, then my coworker went to lunch and the shit all hit the fan. its 12:40, and i just sat down for lunch break. its snowing like mad as well. my car developed a fuel leak too, at some point during the previous weekend. i'll fix that tonight. i'll finish this post later, or make a new one

EDIT:ok so it didnt stop(the crazy shit) and my current state of mind leave me capable of drawing, drooling and not a whole lot else. i guess i can type too. its just the shit that come from my fingers is about nonsense. and another crazy weekend im sure. how will i keep up? maybe i'll just do a highlight reel. :p huh.....

EDIT II: archives rock....wendy your doomed (or destined) to see me again ;)

~ace voice~

thanks wendy girl, had no time to say good bye, had a plane to catch. ~straghtens hair~ besides, some day, somewhere, we'll meet again.

smoke me a kipper, i'll be back for breakfast

~end ace voice~

i love it. oh so classic

[jUstIn]

so i dont evenknow when i last posted here. its been a bit im sure. also....wait, i just hit the restore button and everything went back to normal... so as i was saying, i got a new marker, will be visiting my brother in about ten days, and ummm...im going to play some paintball today? we all sat around the fire last night. it was good fun. ive also discovered i can urinate in an arc thats higher than my head!! crazy!!! hehehe :D anyway, until next time!!

[jUstIn]

ok, i have a moment.....the friday night madness will bypass me tonight im thinking.....as all of my friends are broke as of now, and half of them owe me money. i hope i can collect before my trip to cali next thursday. work went ok this week...i fought down the urge to beat my boss silly for the past week. last week wast pretty. i was madder than hell all week. Hell hath no fury. trust me. i think a costomer is coming in shortly, and then i have to do a starter then a c-v shaft, then i'll finish this post....so untill later tonight.

[jUstIn]

later tonight never came cause some friends came over and we went and raised hell. i think we need to grill tonight. im thinking its settled. i'll run to the store and get the steaks, chips and ummm...whatever else, and we'll grill out.
much better than liquid bread at slowrates of speed on gravel roads...
i.m still wound about the trip though. miss my bro, and stuff. and i terribly need a vacation, whitch i think ive said a few times. but you'll have that from time to time!
ok, so im off to start the planning!!!

[jUstIn]

jeaus. its been awhile.....
we did end up grilling, and it was awesome. i went to LA too. that was a blast, and i realized how much i missed my bro. what next? im trapped in a downward spiral of what should have been. and there is nothing i can do. im back though and perhaps im better for it. i'll post again some time this week.

[jUstIn]

i'll edit this one soon, and add content. every waking moment ive been busy... for quite some time now... i will update ya'll though.....


sorry no update just crazyness, then calmness.
im getting my life calmed down. ~cheer~

ok. my next post will be a bit of a report on a story im going to write. my imspiration is very spotty though so it may be a while.

[jUstIn]

hahaha!! its been a good two months and my story has changed along the way.... funny how that works.... and i still havent told it. i have an errie feeling i'll not be posting it at all this week, as i have a shitload of work to do catching up, as the shop was closed cause of vacation.

justin

[jUstIn]

my story sorta fizzled out, and im not even sure it was worth reading, though i think it was worth telling. sometimes even a captive audience is a shakey proposition at best. so right now im just sittin here typin shit down on the ole quill. grand fun to say the least. i did however read a bit by a fellow quiller about some sort of contentment worker type rythim stable state of mind type thing some people are. Ive decided that im the adventureours sort that lacks the capacity for drama. ummmm ok....right. i also have very few problems, and like to keep my problems to the most basic level. like will i be able to sleep in this cold ass weather? did i bother to plan provisions for food at this mealtime? will i bother to eat? how long can i let my car go before the sob breaks down. speaking of that!!! im getting another car. :P yeah i know, but it will be great for winter as it has wipers, new tires and a heater, plus the radio works!!(WOOT: the car im currently driving has none of these "ammenities" and im looking forward to the luxury) ive bumped it up a notch this year, as ive bought a truck, motorcycle and now a car in about four months. ok back to my wonderous contentishness. ive been having weird dreams/nightmares the past few days, and they are really kinda spooky, as to the fack im unable to tell these dreams from real life. and im plowing through them more than a touch frusterated, but i keep ah movin on. not really gettin wound up or anything. now if i can hold a subject...
im thinking of going on a few more vacations soon, just because its fun. ~shrugs~ thats about everything. i havent been doing any hardcore riding or balling lately either, which needs to change and hollow is coming up and i have a party to go to. ~cheer~ but my weekends are seeming to become less mine as everyone seems to want to rob them from me.....~sigh~ oh well, i can still hide. obsession? my obsession right now? ummmmmm...... not realyy much of anything. my brain has been assaulted lately by lack of boredom. hahaha, i remembered the chocolate eggs i made, just now. reminds me of "green eggs and ham" only it would be more apt to be called "chocolate eggs and bacon" though the ryming may be a touch more difficult to pull off and Sam I Am would have a hard push not to vomit just by the smell of them, let alone atempting to get his friend to eat the crap. lesson learned there!!! you can read more about these eggs on my "myspace" page's blog, if you so desire. im going to cook up another strange recipy tonight, cheesy steakon. thats actually quite good, though i wouldnt want to attempt to count the calories there, as im sure its probably WELL over the 4000 range. there is a reason i drink light beer, and smoke light cigarettes. :P so i hope the last bit was a tad entertaining anyway. laters

justin

[jUstIn]

hey everyone!
hahaha!!! the momories!!! those are some funny stories i told. and i did some koolaid scrabled eggs once too, hahaha! so i was gunna write another one of these. i really dont think it will compare to what i have dont. im not really in a creative mood. no, not really at all. im a freeking forklift mechanic now. huge change there. i guess i dont have anything else to say. i was in a darkly creative mood for a bit there and i read my own posts and lightened up a tad. it happens i guess
good or bad? who knows. i DO want to know where the fuck i came from....who built me? ha, thats a hard question to ask. let me rephrase this. how did i construct the personality and whatever it is that i am. lol! i am not average. i think i have the potential to be a blazing sun i a universe full of stars... i havent taken the steps yet to do so though. i am not an island but im feeliing like one right now. there are great things in my future....i am an island.....

hahaha.

i gotta thank dark fucuia for the fly fishing stuff again. ive been getting good at it... "i dont have to think, i only have to do it, the results are always perfect, but that old news" is there anything i cant do? i dont think i have run into it yet. i dont know.


now if i look back i probably wrote something i have already wrote, on previous days. something someone else wrote, the same story. words repeated in divine clareity of this thoughtful insite that people have been saying for years. but we dont listen, or i dont listen. odd that. perhaps i failed to put these thoughs to the words or into what i want....heh now im distracted.. later i guess
justin

[jUstIn]

ah the fun!! has anyone seen fear and loathing in las vegas? i wish i could drop a monolauge like the one the hunter thompson's chactor drops after smoking shit out of a light bulb.... im not prepared to take that step to literary enlightenment!! and i think im trying to spell too big of words... arg!!!

[jUstIn]

ah, good times here. aparently i didnt mention my new job, or my awesome and wonderful girlfriend. weve been together for almost 2 years now and its been awesome!! besided that, and me kikkin but at my new job, things have been sweet!!! talk soon


justin