Insanity and Reason and Light and Dark

[Cloric the Cleric]

Hmm. Well, it took me a while to get this back up, but...well, here it is.

My own little corner of the Quill to ramble, rant, praise...and....well...anything else I want, I suppose.

Oh, and the perfect place to post my favorite picture from vacation. one of the best one's too.

Sunset on the Gulf Coast of Florida, July 4, 2003


Hmm...or not. I'll check about this in the problems thread.

[Cloric the Cleric]

Star wanted to see this, so....here ya go...

[Cloric the Cleric]

Well, we bought our "first" tree this year. It's an Artificial 7 foot Blue Oregon Pine. We also bought some Garland, lights, and a topper. We have ornaments, but I don't know if they'll be enough. I'm a big believer that a Christmas tree should go up the day after Thanksgiving, so I'm glad we finally got one, but...man.

We went ahead and took it out of the box, and set it up so that it could breath a little, and we'd have the next two days to shape and just generally get a feel for it. It's fricken HUGE! I swear, I could lay down under it, and just my toes and the top of my head would be sticking out, and I'm not a short man. We're going to have to rearrange the dining room to accomodate it. *sigh* We only got 900 lights, and 2 18' strands garland. I have a feeling I'm going to be spending more money.

[Cloric the Cleric]

Okay, We put the tree up last wednesday. The idea was to let it sit for a couple of days, then we'd decorate on Friday. That was until I went to the basement to get ornaments, etc. and discovered that in one of my moves, I seem to have lost a couple boxes. Now, under normal circumstances, meh. No big deal. BUT, some of the things in those boxes I have had from early childhood. I am quite upset by this development, so the tree sits the weekend while I consider what to do.

Today, I decide to go ahead and shape the tree. We've got plenty of time to get more ornaments and garland, since the lights are the only thing that can't really be moved once they're up. I'm having a horrible time shaping this tree. Nothing I do really seems to help. It's about this time that I notice a piece of paper in the box, which, by the by, is still sitting in our dining room at this point. The paper is instructions on how to shape a tree. Bah! I'm a man, Master of this Tree. I don't need instructions.

About half an hour later, I give up and reach for the directions. And read them. And look at the tree, and read them again. "Shape each branch as you place it on the tree." WHAT? So I sigh, and begin to disassemble this tree. Once I was done I seriously thought about packing it back up in it's box and returning it to Wal-Mart. But I didn't. I picked up the first of the lower-most branches, and followed the directions.

A little over an hour later, I was done. And had a nicely, if not beautifully, shaped tree. A few more years, and I just may get the hang of this.

[Cloric the Cleric]

So after I finished shaping the tree, I went down and pulled out all the Christmas stuff I could find. This amounted to 6 stuffed animal, some stocking hangers, a 3 foot tree from a couple years ago and about 60 ornaments. Not enough, I thought to myself, so I'm off to Wal-mart again. I didn't do to bad, I only spent $35 and got 60 more ornaments, more lights for the tree, the first set of lights for outside and some gutter hooks.

I get home and start to consider the outside lighting. Problem. We have no ladder, and I'm not too keen on the only way onto the roof from inside the house, since it's a steep pitch, and very narrow. I put one set up around the column on the porch. And that's about all I can do at this point. So now my porch looks lopsided. Fah!

I rest for a couple of hours 'til the boyfriend gets home. We eat, then we decorate. My 7' tree now has 1200 lights on it. While I'm doing the lights, he's putting the hooks in all the ornaments. We get all those on, and the garland, and I discover I don't really care for our topper. It doesn't light up, and looks really dark. I'm working on a solution to that. We get the garland on. I put the tree skirt around the base. I prop the stuffed animals around the tree. I chase a cat away from the tree. We turn off all the lights. Wow. It's actually pretty. I put the christmas place mats and napkin holders on the kitchen table, and start thinking about the rest of the house. And Christmas Cards. I am dreading these.

[Cloric the Cleric]

First night of second week of Class....


A+ Hardware...

so far...*yawn*

[Cloric the Cleric]

Ya know, it's strange. Somehow you'd think that over the last...what is it now?...8 months?...of my unemployment, this place, and more specifically this thread would have become my home, my safe harbor in the fury of the storm. Somehow, things just didn't work out that way. Instead I buried myself in computer games, books, and other things that kept me away from actually interacting with people. I don't know how that happened. I'd like to, but I just don't.

I like to think of myself as a people person and, in all honesty, I am when I have to be. But the flat out truth of matter is that I'm a solitary by nature. Leave me alone with a good book, some music in the background, and enough soda, beer, or whatever, and I'm perfectly happy...for a while. Then the cravings start. The cravings for companionship, human contact, someone, ANYone to talk to. Cats are great, but they tend not to be the worlds best conversationalists.

So maybe I'm wrong. I'm not solitary by nature, but neither am I a great socializer. In groups of people I don't know that well, I tend to be quiet, shy, and reserved. I know I have an almost inverted sense of humor. Some call it dry, I've heard. I've also been told that my demeaner makes me seem somewhat "unapproachable," whatever that's supposed to mean.

I feel bad because I've neglected friendships that I've had for years. Malcor, Star, and a couple others...I really don't know what's going on with them. And that's my fault. Problem is, I just don't know how to fix it. I promise myself I'll write more emails, IM them when I see them on, call more. Then it doesn't happen, and I lapse into a kind of funk. *sigh* maybe I'm just crazy. In fact, I think that's what this is, the crazy rantings of a person who doesn't understand his own dual nature.

I'm leaving now. I'll be back. I'm promising myself that I will take this up more. We'll see. I don't know about more, but I'll try not to abandon it complelely this time. I will try.

[Cloric the Cleric]

Reflections...images...distorted, clear, obscured...what does this mean? hmph...it means I've been at work too bloody long, that's what...

[Cloric the Cleric]

Wow....over a year since I posted here...this is crazy...but, and I just realized this, I've posted here more in one day than I probably have in the past 6 months combined, so why not update my Reflections thread again....

Anyway, work tells us that we need a place to let off steam, to tell people about the strangeness of our day, etc. and I think the boyfriend can only hear about this for so long before he just quits listening...

I never thought I could feel apathetic about this tragedy...and I don't now...I don't feel apathetic at all, actually...I feel anger...

These people have lost everything, yes, and I understand that...I've come rather close to it in the past myself, though that was through my own...ineptitude...rather than the doings of some unthinkable natural tragedy, and maybe that's different, but...I never thought I was owed anything...

These people...more fairly, SOME of these people...*sigh*...just want to take advantage...

A son, 18 years old, has been living with his family, but see these programs as a way to start living on his own...

People get money from FEMA to pay for rent, but spend the money on something else and still want HUD to give them a house for 18 months rent free

People who refuse to accept that we simply don't have enough homes in the NOLA area for everyone who wants to go back using our program

Black people saying they're not getting the assitance they need because they're black and the very next call I have a white lady telling me that she's not getting the assitance she needs because she's white...

It's all too much...but I stick it out...they pay well...well enough anyway...

But I'm looking...and to think I was so very excited about the job when I got it...excited to be doing something...thinking I might be making a difference...

*sigh*

[Cloric the Cleric]

Just a single piece of advice...never EVER open a folder/webpage/disk, etc of pictures at work if you can't remember what is on there....

Even if its pictures you took or are of you...


I don't think I've ever closed a webpage so fast...


nothing terribly graphic mind you, but a bit beyond the PG image I do my best to exude at work...and you never know when they're taking screenshots...they can do that here, after all...

[Cloric the Cleric]

New job killing me.... Feet hurt.... counted no less than 7 blisters on the bottoms of my feet from having to wear dress shoes while doing manual labor and much heavy lifting... not to mention the other various wounds that I have had inflicted upon me... I think I will just lay down and die, now.

Thank you very much.

[Cloric the Cleric]

This is insanity. Absolute insanity.:furious:



That is all.

[Cloric the Cleric]

A conversation I had with a friend regarding my recent trip to Dalls for the weekend.... oh, and the names have been changed to protect the moronic...


wingofhorus: Well, how was the next day at the party place?
cloric_99: oooh... lord... it was... shall we say... HIDEOUS!
wingofhorus: Now you see why i wanted to avoid the man. And still do. Ergh. I always run into them down here. Obsessive and desperate.
cloric_99: oh... no, it gets better....
wingofhorus: Mm.. I suppose..
wingofhorus: Can't wait. {gritted teeth} Tell me.
cloric_99: so we go out saturday night... someone had finally showed up, by the way... a hot little guy I think even you would have liked... woof...
cloric_99: anyway... so we go out... and ride with this guy... against my better judgement I might add... none of us met this guy until the night before... we get to TMC... Mike has forgotten his wallet, but we don't get carded or anything, so not really a big deal....
cloric_99: so we're sittin there, boozin, havin a few laughs, except that I'm avoiding carter like the plague... everytime he walks up, I walk away...
wingofhorus:
cloric_99: well, one of the times I walk away, Carter manages to insult our ride in some way. so this guy disappears...
wingofhorus: Oh, great.. he drove and then disappeared..
cloric_99: Carter says, no biggie... I found us someone who'll give us a ride home, or we can take a cab, it's not that far away. Well, a little while later, CARTER disappears... so I'm sitting there with a VERY drunken Michael... flirting with the bartender, trying to find carter...
cloric_99: about 3 am, I finally give up on finding his ass, drag mike out to the taxi stand, and we take a cab back to the house.
wingofhorus: And where did his majesty end up?
cloric_99: get to the front door... which I have a key to, so no biggie... and there's carter's shirt, his wallet, and various other items... but the door is still locked, and I can see his keys lying on the counter. I go in, wander around looking for carter, go back out, and here comes the flake around the corner...
cloric_99: covered in blood.
cloric_99: SOMEhow, not even he remebers exactly how, not even the next day... he's managed to cut himself right below his chin. and he's bleeding profusely...
cloric_99: Mike's ranting about calling an Ambulance, carter's ranting about the cost, and his REPUTATION for god's sake, I'm just trying to avoid stepping in any bloody puddles...
cloric_99: well, Mike finally wins, mainly because no one knows where to find a damn hospital, and I wasn't calling you at three am b/c the ass is being...well... an ass.... they get there... and do NOTHING....
wingofhorus: Keep going..
cloric_99: they tell him to apply pressure with an ice pack for 30 minutes, and the bleeding should stop.... yeah... carter couldn't apply pressure to his bladder at that point....
cloric_99: he kept applying pressure to the point of his chin... I wasn't getting anywhere near him, and Mike... well... yeah... so the bleeding doesn't stop, so Mike calls 911 again. They won't take him to the emergency room, he's on the lawn arguing with them... loudly... so much for his reputation...
wingofhorus: Yes, I'm extremely glad you didn't call me. And that I didn't go with you.
cloric_99: so they put like 8 4x4's on his wound and wrap his head like he was Gloria-fucking-Swanson... and go on their merry way...
wingofhorus: Charming.. that's Dallas emergency for you..
cloric_99: carter walks back into the house, and the moron grabs another beer... apparently, he hasn't stopped drinking throughout this entire episode... so I grab the beer from his hand, tell him to lay the fuck down and shut up, and if I have to, I will empty every single bottle of alcohol in this house. Yay for me for finally getting involved....
wingofhorus: I would have been tempted to tie him down and not in a fun way. Did he?
cloric_99: I quite calmly... considering the volume of my voice, explain to the imbecile that probably the reason he's still bleeding is b/c he is STILL drinking and all the alcohol is doing is thining his blood. He lays down, and after about 5 minutes starts whining about the bandage. so I yell, from the bedroom, that "So help me god, if I get up in the morning and that bandage is not on your head, I will beat you black and blue." He shuts up. I go to sleep.
wingofhorus: So what happened the next morning?
cloric_99: lol... oh, he thought it was a dream....

[Cloric the Cleric]

Well... it finally happened... a while ago, really... but.... yeah... the boyfriend and I are no more... it all seems to amicable, even after about 3 weeks... and it was me who did the breaking... I thought he'd take it harder than he is. And I didn't think I'd take it as hard as I have been. I think part of what is making it so difficult is that we still live together... seperate bedrooms, of course, but still the same apartment. some days it feels like nothing has changed. He's still there everyday when I wake up, and every night when I go to bed. Somedays... EVERYthing has changed. and that's just it. the truth, as usual, lies somewhere in between. We changed. I changed. but... we're still friends.... or trying to be. I love him dearly, and I know he loves me, but... the...what? spark? passion?... gone. I don't question my decision tho... well, VERY rarely... and that makes me feel good about it. Okay, this seems random and not put together very well... perhaps I'll re-organize later.... who knows... i just needed to put some of my feelings down on... well... digital media, I guess... lol...

*sits down to think*

[Cloric the Cleric]

Romantic Compatibility

Provided by Astrology.com Taurus & Scorpio
When Taurus and Scorpio come together in a love affair, their union is nothing if not intense, whether that's in a positive or a negative way. They are opposite Signs in the Zodiac, giving them a special, complex connection. They can combine to make a whole, each partner's strengths balancing the other's weaknesses. Their sexual attraction is likely to be off the charts! Taurus and Scorpio have tons in common, but because their personalities are so powerful, they often swing between passionate love and passionate disagreement!

Taurus and Scorpio both have deep desires, Taurus for possessions and Scorpio for power. They're both concerned with wealth and resources, and they're both intensely passionate about all sorts of things. Taurus is a bit more self-focused than Scorpio, who is more concerned with their lover and immediate family. Both of these Signs have a great, deep-rooted need for security in a relationship, but with slightly different focuses. While Taurus prizes honesty and forthrightness and abhors infidelity, Scorpio loves to be mysterious. A Scorpio's need for security is more about the need to be constantly reassured that their emotional connection with their loved one is strong. The good thing is, Taurus needs this reassurance too -- and is also willing to provide it for their Scorpio lover.

Taurus is ruled by Venus (Love and Money) and Scorpio is ruled by Mars (Passion) and Pluto (Power). This combination is very intense, thanks to Pluto's influence, but it's an excellent balance of masculine and feminine energy. Scorpio and Taurus together form the basis of all love relationships -- love and passion. Venus and Mars go well together; Venus is about the beauty of romance, and Mars is about the passion of romance. Scorpio is smoldering and intense (and intensely sexual), and Taurus, a sensual and tireless lover, is attracted to this intensity. In turn, Scorpio enjoys the devotion inherent in Venus-ruled Taurus.

Taurus is an Earth Sign and Scorpio is a Water Sign. Scorpio tends to be very deep -- like an ocean, too much upset will cause a tidal wave! When Scorpio feels crossed by a lover, watch out for that Scorpion's tail, which can whip out and sting their lover without warning! It's a good thing that these two Signs are so strongly loyal to each other. But while Taurus is open, with everything laid bare on the surface, Scorpio is more secretive and inscrutable. They can both teach one another about their opposite views of life (direct versus complex). Another factor adding a tantalizing dimension to this union is the two Signs' mutual tendency toward jealousy. Taurus loves it when Scorpio displays their jealous -- it means Taurus is adored and appreciated!

Taurus and Scorpio are both Fixed Signs. This means they're both pretty stubborn and resolute once their minds are made up. Let's hope their minds agree -- if not, they're prone to fights the likes of which neither experiences with any other Sign. Taurus seems to prevail as the dominant partner, but that's not always the case. Scorpio can ""win"" through more devious means, such as employing emotional manipulation to get what they want. These partners must learn to discuss their views and needs openly and to reach a compromise if they want their union to be lasting and happy. This largely depends on Scorpio's ability to learn to trust Taurus. The relationship will only fail if the two partners truly cannot overcome their opinionated, fixed stances.

What's the best aspect of the Taurus-Scorpio relationship? Their powerful connection that can shine when obstacles to intimacy are cleared away. When Scorpio realizes that Taurus is there for the long term and won't create the misery that some Scorpios attract to their lives, this relationship can blossom.

[Cloric the Cleric]

I'm sure there are those who would read this as fishing, or what-have-you...

understand, please, that isn't how this is meant... I mean... the realization I've had that's saddened me is entirely my own fault...

I visited the quill for the first time in over a month today... probably only the half-dozenth (is that a word??) time I've done so in the past year... and realized that, at some level, I expected to see some reference to me... with my birthday just past by a couple weeks ago... i dunno...

I know, for a fact, that I have no right to expect anyone to celebrate me in my seeming - and factual - absence from the site, but I'm still saddened by my own inability to maintain so simple a connection... a connection with people on a site that I feel, justly or not, that I was quote-unquote a founding member of...

People that I had seen go through changes, from a distance, such as marriage, divorce, child-birth, graduations, moves, finding and losing loves, jobs, and such... and who have seen me go through the same types of changes...

I've been travelling around the Southeastern US for the past three weeks, and never even thought to find out if any quillers now lived in the area...

Wow... I know I've asked myself the question before, but... part of me wonders how much I even qualify as a quiller these days... I remember being told by a lovely member of our family that I would always belong, no matter if I wished it or not, but... well, I'll just have to make a commitment to myself to push my nose back into this house of words a bit more often... through reminding myself until it once again becomes the habit it was back when the Quill was new...

*goes off to set up daily reminders*

[Cloric the Cleric]

Someone pointed out to me that it sounds a bit like I'm bitching in the previous post...

and after a re-read... I realize they have a point...

Sorry about that... I was being sincere... I wasn't fishing, I wasn't bitching... not intentionally at least...

As I explained to him, I guess, while I wasn't really expecting to find a birthday post, or what have you, when I logged in this morning, I was more disappointed by the lack than I realized on the surface...

the only excuse I can give for myself is a poor one... as I said, I've been travelling the SE US for the past 3+ weeks as part of my current job... missing Mother's Day and my Birthday with friends and family, so I guess my emotions are a bit vulnerable at the moment...

I apologize if anyone was upset at my temerity...

and, by-the-by.. I have made a commitment to come back more often... even set up reminders in Thunderbird...

[Cloric the Cleric]

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp

Your Type is
INFPIntrovertedIntuitiveFeelingPerceiving Strength of the preferences % 22387522
The Portrait of the Healer (INFP)


Healer Idealists are abstract in thought and speech, cooperative in striving for their ends, and investigative and attentive in their interpersonal relations. Healer present a seemingly tranquil, and noticeably pleasant face to the world, and though to all appearances they might seem reserved, and even shy, on the inside they are anything but reserved, having a capacity for caring not always found in other types. They care deeply-indeed, passionately-about a few special persons or a favorite cause, and their fervent aim is to bring peace and integrity to their loved ones and the world.
Healers have a profound sense of idealism derived from a strong personal morality, and they conceive of the world as an ethical, honorable place. Indeed, to understand Healers, we must understand their idealism as almost boundless and selfless, inspiring them to make extraordinary sacrifices for someone or something they believe in. The Healer is the Prince or Princess of fairytale, the King's Champion or Defender of the Faith, like Sir Galahad or Joan of Arc. Healers are found in only 1 percent of the general population, although, at times, their idealism leaves them feeling even more isolated from the rest of humanity.
Healers seek unity in their lives, unity of body and mind, emotions and intellect, perhaps because they are likely to have a sense of inner division threaded through their lives, which comes from their often unhappy childhood. Healers live a fantasy-filled childhood, which, unfortunately, is discouraged or even punished by many parents. In a practical-minded family, required by their parents to be sociable and industrious in concrete ways, and also given down-to-earth siblings who conform to these parental expectations, Healers come to see themselves as ugly ducklings. Other types usually shrug off parental expectations that do not fit them, but not the Healers. Wishing to please their parents and siblings, but not knowing quite how to do it, they try to hide their differences, believing they are bad to be so fanciful, so unlike their more solid brothers and sisters. They wonder, some of them for the rest of their lives, whether they are OK. They are quite OK, just different from the rest of their family-swans reared in a family of ducks. Even so, to realize and really believe this is not easy for them. Deeply committed to the positive and the good, yet taught to believe there is evil in them, Healers can come to develop a certain fascination with the problem of good and evil, sacred and profane. Healers are drawn toward purity, but can become engrossed with the profane, continuously on the lookout for the wickedness that lurks within them. Then, when Healers believe they have yielded to an impure temptation, they may be given to acts of self-sacrifice in atonement. Others seldom detect this inner turmoil, however, for the struggle between good and evil is within the Healer, who does not feel compelled to make the issue public.
Princess Diana (http://keirsey.com/handler.aspx?s=keirsey&f=fourtemps&tab=3&c=diana), Richard Gere, Audrey Hephurn, Albert Schweitzer, George Orwell, Karen Armstrong, Aldous Huxley, Mia Farrow, and Isabel Meyers are examples of a Healer Idealists.