archely's waking dream

[sir archely]

My little piece of story carpet on the web. All are welcome.

[sir archely]

Have you ever felt like you don’t belong? Like you don’t apply to this system of school, and jobs? Have you ever felt like something just isn’t right with the world and how you exist in it? Or maybe you know what you want, you have known what you want to do for a long time? Why do you want to be an engineer, or an architect, or an English teacher? What are you helping? Is the human race advancing? Are we making progress towards anything?

You know, people were just as happy back when there were no cell-phones, or cars, or light bulbs, or guns, or knifes, or wheels…people can be happy no matter what technology there is in their life. And isn’t that really the issue? Are you going to be happy designing buildings for people? Or how about teaching people how to speak properly? Hopefully I haven’t typed a single thing in proper English. Why do I need to know what a predicate is? Or how the verb tells how the noun is acting? I know how to communicate my ideas, maybe better when I’m not confined by these so-called rules that apply to the language. I’m pretty sure people were speaking languages before there was anyone to tell them how to do it. Or maybe one day there was a single moment of inspiration is some cave man’s head, and he became the very first English teacher.

What are you learning these rules for? What are you doing these tasks for? What is the goal? If the goal is something other than to be happy, you are sorely misguided. Aren’t you just continuing the system? Aren’t you just encouraging other people to do as you do? You teach your kids that you are doing this so that they can have a good life, or a good education, or maybe you don’t have kids that you are doing this for, maybe you are doing it for yourself, and you want to have a good life, and you aspire to what you think is the social top of the ladder. You want to have the things you want, the things you need so badly: a fancy car to impress your neighbors, a big house to have those big dinner parties, a nice watch, so you always know what time it is.

Why do you need to know what time it is anyway? Do you think that somewhere in the universe there is a big watch ticking out the time for the universe? That time is somehow a necessary requirement for existence? I hate to break it to you, but humans invented time…so they could carry out human business with efficiency. So they could tell each other when they went to the bathroom, and when they had a coffee break. Time may be useful in some sense, but guess what, you don’t need it. None of us need it, the way we need water, shelter, and food.

Ask yourself, what is my goal in life? If you are content to exist as nothing more than a bricklayer, or a CEO of a fortune 500 company, or a computer systems analyst, then by all means, go ahead and deceive yourself some more, you can trick yourself into thinking that these things make you happy, that you are content to sit there, eat your salami on white with mustard, and feel like you know what’s going on, because you are doing something for this society.

Me though, I know this isn’t enough for me. How do I know this? Because I answer yes to the questions at the top of the page…because I don’t feel right just going along with everyone else…because having a job, making money, and raising a family according to the way I’m supposed to just doesn’t seem right to me. Why should I work so hard? For what?

Here’s another fact of life I hate to make so readily apparent to you…You will die. For sure. There’s no if about it. Do you know anyone who has lived for more than 100 years? Yes, I know someone like that…they are one in a million. Do you know anyone who’s lived more than 150 years? Okay, so you heard about that one guy who knew some guy who told him about this other guy that was living in China or something, and he lived for about 150 years right? Okay how about 200? 300? Maybe 400? Now, wait a minute, can you tell me how long people have been around? I didn’t think so. But you know it’s more than 400 years, right? You are going to die. If you don’t know it, then figure it out, because you don’t have all the time in the world to screw around making money.

So let’s talk about money for a second. Money is kind of like time. Did you ever hear that saying, time is money? I have. It’s true. Both of them limit your actions…both of them are desired more than they should be. People who don’t have them want them. And, like time, money is made by humans. It’s a creation, a conjuration, is it really real? So let’s see, our money here in the US is based on gold, so it does have some backing in the real world, right? And let’s see, how do you tell how much gold is worth? Oh yeah, that gold ring is worth two hundred dollars. Not karma points, or heaven tickets, or anything like that. So maybe you weigh gold to see how much it’s worth. But wait a second, why exactly is gold worth anything? Why gold? Because you can’t get it everywhere? Because it’s rare? Well, let’s see….variegate porphyria is rare, should we use people who have it as currency? Who exactly decided that gold, silver, gems, are useful as “money”?

However, we aren’t concerned with money here, as we shouldn’t be. Money has no bearing on “the real world”. Are you in college right now? Or maybe high school, or maybe some other institution of higher education. You know how they say that when you graduate, you are going to be entering “the real world”? Well, guess what, this isn’t the real world at all, all the mean when they say that is that you are going to be entering the world as it was created by humans, not the world as it really is.

You ever notice that our impression of the world is the one that we have created? It seems that we are god in this world, and we like that. In this world, if we so choose, we have the power to make our dreams come true, to work a little magic maybe. We can work hard, get some money, and then get some stuff. You know, getting stuff is all well and good, but where does it end?

So you are getting money to give to your children. Let’s say for a moment you are getting money to give to your son, and he’s going to make money to give to his son, and then his son, and then another son….and so on. Where does this end? What is it’s purpose? Who really cares about this money anyway? Only other people who want it. Shouldn’t you work at making yourself and those around you happy instead of working at obtaining these little green slips of paper?



I wrote that a couple years ago....i still believe it, but i've since, sadly, performed a full frontal lobotomy on my soul and become just another sheep in the flock.

It makes me sad to dwell on it, so i won't for very much longer, but if anyone knows how to perform a reversal, let me know.

[sir archely]

This isn't mine...it's by Robert Service and is one of my favorites.

The Man Who Knew

The Dreamer visioned Life as it might be,
And from his dream forthright a picture grew,
A painting all the people thronged to see,
And joyed therein -- till came the Man Who Knew,
Saying: "'Tis bad! Why do ye gape, ye fools!
He painteth not according to the schools."

The Dreamer probed Life's mystery of woe,
And in a book he sought to give the clue;
The people read, and saw that it was so,
And read again -- then came the Man Who Knew,
Saying: "Ye witless ones! this book is vile:
It hath not got the rudiments of style."

Love smote the Dreamer's lips, and silver clear
He sang a song so sweet, so tender true,
That all the market-place was thrilled to hear,
And listened rapt -- till came the Man Who Knew,
Saying: "His technique's wrong; he singeth ill.
Waste not your time." The singer's voice was still.

And then the people roused as if from sleep,
Crying: "What care we if it be not Art!
Hath he not charmed us, made us laugh and weep?
Come, let us crown him where he sits apart."
Then, with his picture spurned, his book unread,
His song unsung, they found their Dreamer -- dead.

[sir archely]

You know, i'm a really bad procrastinator, as is told by my title, but it's really a problem. The problem isn't that i procrastinate and get in trouble and forget things and stuff. The problem is simply that i don't get caught. I'm sure some of you out there are saying...er....what? But that's the truth. I never learn from the "mistake" of avoiding work, because i never get in trouble for it. I think the procrastination really started in middle school, and i'd get home and do my homework, and, like all kids, i didn't want to. So there was probably that time when i just didn't, and found out i could get it done in the space between classes, and the teachers wouldn't even be able to give me a worse grade, or even tell that i had rushed. So from there it was downhill. I'm not quite sure how much homework i actually did in high school, but i'm fairly certain i did about 10 hours total my entire freshman year. I'd do it inbetween classes...during class...whenever. I think that the biggest chunk of homework i did in high school was the 6 hours i spent on a sun. night writing up a 15 page research paper on the chinese revolution. This was a semester project by the way. The worst part of all this is that my grades didn't suffer at all. Not one bit. You are probably thinking, yeah right, some of us like grades better than C's and D's....but that simply isn't the case....i don't mean to toot my own horn here, but i graduated second in my class of 300. And i'm thinking...how is this possible? I put forth nil to zero effort throughout my high school career, and still i have to give some stupid speech at my graduation. Being one of the "good" students had it's perks too, no authority figure in the school would stop me in the hallway and ask me if i was where i was supposed to be, they'd just assume i was supposed to be where i was....wandering in the halls...or walking to McDonalds for lunch....or going home. Crazy. When i came to college, i figured, okay, this is going to be tougher, i'm actually going to have to try. And i figured i would have a big failure because of my refusal to work, and then i'd get my act together and work a bit......except that didn't happen. I continue to do things at the last minute, putting forth a minimal effort and just barely completing them on time....and yet i still continue to succeed. I don't understand this at all. By everything i've been taught, i should have failed out of school long ago. My work ethic is terrible (at least when it comes to school, jobs are different, then i'm getting paid, not paying them) , and i barely try. Anyway, just some rambly thoughts i had.

[sir archely]

you know, i was just thinking about something...so i'll put it down...

Maybe i'll be stating the obvious here, but i really don't understand why people are "for" something by being against something else. I really don't understand people who are running around saying "up with women" and then are practicing their beliefs by bashing men and making vague generalizations about men....which is exactly what they are trying to prevent happening to women.

So...let me try to get my thoughts straight, these people want to promote the status of women by bashing men. Okay, now, don't get me wrong, i'm not saying that in general being pro-woman leads to bashing men, that would just make me the same as what i'm bitching about. Quite the contrary, i would consider myself someone who treats women and men equally. Period.

I'm of the opinion that if we want equality, you get equality, you don't get to pick and choose the bits that you like or don't like. Sure, i might hold open a door for a women to be nice, i also may hold open a door for a guy to be nice. I also wouldn't mind it if sometime a woman decided to hold open a door for me to be nice.

Except, what i see happening very often, at least around here, is that women want to be pro-woman by being anti-man. They just want to assume the role that man has played in the past, treating the other sex like dirt. I've heard that being pro-women's rights is defined as being a womanist, while pretending to be pro-women's rights while really being anti-man is called being feminist. If so, i'd have to say that being a feminist is a really stupid idea.

The fact is, and nobody can deny this, that the sexes are different. Personally, i don't believe that they are as different as is sometimes thought, but still different. Furthermore, i think these differences are extremely important, they balance out.

Right now i'm getting the feeling that my comments are old hat. However, i feel like i need to say this, probably not for anyone but myself. Anyway, that's enough blathering for now. I don't really feel that my thought is complete, and i could say more, but i don't really feel like it.

[sir archely]

Does anyone ever get a certain feeling, a hard to explain feeling, but a feeling of something like awareness or something? I can't exactly put my finger on it, but it's like someone has just pushed the zoom out button on the world.

Sometimes i feel like that, it feels like i'm aware of pretty much everything that's going on. Just that i'm aware of everyone moving around, everyone doing something different. I'll look at a person and i think i'm able to see the world through their eyes, see what they see. Or i look at a dog and feel what being dog is like.

The feeling doesn't usually last for a very long time, and i always feel a sense of loss when it goes away. If i could, i think i would stay feeling that way all the time.

I wish that i was either a little dumber or a whole lot smarter.

It'd be nice to be a little dumber and not think about things. Not think about much at all beyond the price of gas and when it's time to go to class. Or, if i was a lot smarter i could know the questions that always are on the tip of my tongue and never come out, and then try to figure out the answers.

Even in this post, i feel like there is something that i'm almost saying, but i never quite get to. I know that you can feel it too. That's what it is like a lot for me, either you get me or you don't. It seems like i'm doomed to always have it on the tip of my tongue but it never comes out.

So then, at the end of the day, i use my rational scientific western upbringing to reassure myself that it's all in my head and beyond the price of gas, nothing really matters anyway. At least that way i can sleep at night.

[sir archely]

So, a few years back i formulated this thing as sort of a joke, because my friends like to comment on how lazy i am and what a detriment i am to the good of stuff....anyway, i never really wrote it down, so we'll see...

I've determined that laziness is the one true Way to act in accordance with the universe and life. Not only is it the most rewarding act, it is also the action that is most in harmony with creation and everything around us.

First off, you may be saying, archely, that's not the most rewarding act, what about helping your fellow man, accomplishing something, building something...helping people out. Well, my answer to that has a few points. First off, by being lazy, i consume less energy, therefore, my intake of food and other things decreases, allowing more for other people in the world...i'm actually helping world hunger. Secondly, by being lazy, i'm actually decreasing the amount of negative energy in the world. Possibly, i could be out shooting up the place, but i'm not, that'd take too much effort. Not only that, but being lazy gives one a lot of time to think...i suspect that if our world leaders would just be lazy a little more often, they'd have a better perspective on things.

Again, you may say, archely, that's not what i mean, i mean rewarding to you. All i have to say to that is that you've definitely never tried it before....to steal from office space, and probably get it wrong..."i did nothing, and it was everything i thought it could be."

Now i'm sure you are thinking..."okay, you're a fool...i'm not sure i want to ask...but why is laziness most in harmony with creation?" Well, here you go....in what path does water flow? the path of least resistance. Indeed, that is just one example of how everything works in nature. When making a kill, which would the predator rather take, the fast, young prey, or the older, slower, possibly sick prey that's easier to take? I think you know the answer.

Here's where a lot of people like to bring up bees, or beavers...the so-called "busy" or "hardworking" creatures. All i have to say to this is that both bees and beavers, if you look with an open mind, are doing their thing in the easiest way possible. Does a beaver cut down an excess of trees? Or throw them about willy nilly? I'm no expert on beavers, but i'd suspect not.

Well, there you have it, ahem, undisputable, ahem, proof that laziness is not only best for creation, it's best for you and me.

[sir archely]

So you know that saying "A watched pot never boils " ?

NOT FUCKING TRUE!

I proved it tonight......

I'm so mislead....what else have i been told that's not true?

[sir archely]

Dream:

So myself and three other guys are running from some sort of authority figures. We are in the country, sleeping in barns, stealing food from farms and surviving by similar means. One night, we decide to sing some songs, and the farmer hears us. Instead of summoning the dogs and getting his pitchfork, the farmer likes what he hears, and summons his neighbors. We are still singing in the loft when they all come, and we put on a psuedo-concert from the loft of this barn. So the word spreads, underground of course, we don't want the authorities to find out, and we are singing in barn lofts for food and a warm place to sleep. Eventually an agent attaches himself to us and we are playing at larger and more lucrative gigs. We had basically decided we were a "rock" band....don't ask how or why, that's just the way it was. However, our agent was slowly turning us into a boy-band type thing. We didn't really realize it until this one concert on a hill, for all of these little kids. We didn't have any instruments, we just had mics, and we eventually realized they weren't on. We all became disgusted and threw our mics at the agent guy, who was sitting on some upraised stage thingy. He got hit in the head a few times and was down and out.

We took our money that we made, and decided it was time to just relax for a while. We took all of the kids that were at that last terrible concert on vacation to this really big mountain/tourist spot. There were hiking trails and pools on the side of the mountain. Slides and such. Crazy, normally i don't like commercialized stuff, but this seemed actually well done. I climbed up past the low level of the mountain where a lot of the people stayed, and went with this kid from the concert. We became friends and bouldered and stuff. We decided to then climb to the top of the lookout on top of the mountain. We kept climbing and climbing and the lookout was really tall. Finally we got to the top of it and we could see everything in a big circle, nothing was higher than us as far as we could see. The sunset was beautiful. Then it was dark so we started to go back down. Except we wanted to swim in this channel that was cut out in the mountain on the way down. It wound down and stuff and in places went into the mountain and was a tunnel. In one place you had to take a deep breath, go under and swim for a while because the water went up to the roof of the tunnel. It was pretty small. I held my breath and swam for a while, feeling ahead of me because it was really dark. After a bit i decided i must have found a little side passage off the main thing, because it was taking too long and the passage was getting far too small for me to swim through. I had long since lost my little pal. I was running out of breath and felt ahead of me to see if i could get out. I found out that above me the passage opened up and i could squeeze through.

I could feel air on my face and came out on some hill, far away from the mountain. It was now daytime, and i was in the middle of a medieval battle. I had a big battle axe and was with a group of fighters that were more like vikings and less like knights. We were facing a group of knights, and we all went berserk. We won the fight, and i did well, so i was promoted. Many battles later, i was one of six head guys under the main head guy. Upcoming was a major battle against the other people. We were getting ready, and it was the night before when one of my fellow six killed the head guy. I was the first to find him, and killed him. Before he died, he whispered to me, "it's not over." I was made main head guy for my actions against the traitor. The next day, we were getting ready for battle, and then the battle started. It was going well until another one of the original six turned traitor as well. A whole side of my front turned into enemies and fought us. Myself, and the other three loyal commander guys were taken prisoner by the commander of the knight army. We were bound, and made to watch as our entire army was butchered. Then, laughing, they butchered the group that had turned traitor. There's no need for a traitor after he's succeeded. Then we were to be force-marched to a bigger knight-guys' camp. On the way we managed to escape and fled into the country.

With our captors on our heels, we hid in barns, and stole from farms to feed ourselves. We also sang to pass the time....

I just have to say one thing: This is quite possibly the longest and most realistic damn dream i've ever had. It was extremely vivid. Anybody want to tell me what it means?

[sir archely]

the warm rain on my face
i embrace

of the earthy smell in the air
i am aware

the sun through the trees
green shadows i see

time is ticking, clicking, showing endless choices
all around me, whispering voices

except now, time ceases
i am at peace

=========

tonight i laugh, and smile
tonight i just sit a while
tonight i spend time with friends
tonight i can pretend

i pretend to be careless and worry free
i pretend that nothing troubles me
i pretend there is no pain i feel
i pretend and my pretending is real

i am careless, my smiles sincere
i am happy, with nothing to fear
i am shining, just like the sun
i am joyous, life is so fun

tomorrow it starts, everything that i dread
tomorrow it begins, new things in my head
tomorrow it dawns, tho' i drag my feet
tomorrow it rises, and when it does, i'm beat.

but tonight, tonight is still mine
i take a deep breath and everything's fine
and i realize it's alright,
because right now...right now is tonight.


========

i'm lonely,
but surrounded.

they are all happy,
i don't think so.

people all around,
noone i know.

no man is an island,
except me.

======

What am i doing here?
Will i ever know?
I'll be pulled under,
If i go with the flow.

I'm swimming upstream,
Looking for land.
I'm struggling in the deep,
Wishing I could stand.

What's the purpose of life?
Will anyone ever get it?
I'm just going to live.
Purpose, Meaning? Forget it.

=======

[sir archely]

I saw this episode of batman (the cartoon) once where some guy named lazarus (or maybe he just was going into lazarus pits....) anyway, this guy, who was supposedly some sort of psycho....hmm...the more i think about it, the less i think his name was lazarus. Now i'm going to have to go find some website that will tell me....well, i guess his name is Ra's al Ghul....although i can't quite remember how to pronounce it....anyway...

In this episode, the "madman" Ra's has set bombs or something in a bunch of these lazarus pits around the world. (give me a break here, it was a while ago) The nature of the lazarus pits is that they rejuvenate or something like that, sooo...when the bombs go off, the liquid from the lazarus pits will go over the earth, and wipe out all traces of human civilization, reverting the earth back to a natural state. In the episode, batman saves the earth...or something, by preventing the bombs. Anyway, that's what i vaguely semi-remember. Ra's is the bad crazy guy that batman needs to overcome to be the hero.

I just remember watching this episode and thinking to myself, "i hope the bad guy wins".....there was absolutely nothing in me rooting for batman to win. If i could snap my fingers, and accomplish what Ra's couldn't, i'd do it in a second.

I feel like such a fucking piece of shit, sitting here in my heated home, typing on this damn computer, with food up in the fridge whenever i want it, and lights blazing in the night. My clothes are in the washer right now, getting clean. All i did was stick the damn things in and push start, and i feel like a big piece of shit for it. Right now, as i sit here on my ass, i'm contributing to things that i think are wrong, and i hate myself for it.

But you know what the really terrible thing is? I know that i'm not going to do anything. Who really does anything? There are people who fight for saving the earth, and all that shit....and in the end, they use the same cut down trees for their signs, and the same chemicals for their markers, and the same processed synthetic material for their clothes, and probably at night, many of them go back to homes not unlike where i am right now...what's even the point? The few, very few i'd imagine, who are smart enough and willful enough to get out of this system...they're way too smart to come back and tell us all off. Otherwise they'd be right back in it.

And i'm not going to do anything....because i'm a big piece of shit. Just like everyone else. I guarantee that 5 minutes from now, anything you felt while reading this will be out of your mind.

[sir archely]

You know, about a year ago i was in this geography class....it wasn't what you might think...like a "here's where the mountains are, and here's where the cities are" type class, it was actually technically a "human geography" class if i remember the classification correctly. It had much more to do with demographics, politics and things of that nature. Anyway, the point is that at one section of the course, we received some population data. I really have no way of verifying the validity of the data, even if i remembered the exact figures. However, i do remember something i did on my own...

Basically, we were given some numbers as the the time it took for the population of the humans on the planet to double. Like i said, I don't remember the exact numbers, but it was fairly alarming. Bear in mind, of course, that as close-minded as historians are, there's alwasy that funky non-time they call pre-history, and even though the time span is greater than that of history, it apparently doesn't matter, because people "weren't doing much" during that time...at least not by our standards today. Anyway, during what we call "history" the doubling time had gone from something like 5000 years...down to 2500...down to 1200....and down and down and down....to 65....to 35....and down and down and down....

Like i said, these are just vague approximations. However, in class, once we were given this data, it was just one bit in one 10 minute section going over figures in one lecture, and it wasn't mentioned again. I'm pretty sure it didn't appear on any exams or anything of that nature, a minor point in the course, to say the least....

Of course, it (obviously by now) caught my interest. I went home that day and spent some time during which i was supposed to be doing homework trying to find other sources for this information on the web. I took what figures i had, and graphed it. You may or may not know, but before i burned out on science and math, i took only these types of classes in high school, and was an engineering major at the beginning of my college career. My math and science skills, unused, are fading, and i don't know the names for what i do anymore, but i can still do things. In any case, I graphed the info, and used it to try and predict possibilities for population growth in the future.

What i found was that, given the rate of decreasing doubling time that's been shown so far, the population will be doubling in something like every minute when we get to the year 2052. I think that two things should be noted here. A) my math skills aren't perfect, but i think what i did was fairly resonable. B) i don't think it's possible for the population of the world to be doubling every minute, or every day, or whatever it was, and have the earth still able to support the human race.

In my mind, what i calculated simply can't happen. It won't. Far before that would happen, there would be so much famine, and disease from living conditions, and things of that nature, that it wouldn't get that far. I my opinion, something has to happen between now and then. Some major event. Good or ill.

Perhaps the human race finally takes itself to the stars and expansion is limitless. Perhaps we engage in war after war, and destroy ourselves and the earth along with us. Who knows? I'm probably wrong about the whole thing anyway....

[sir archely]

I'm hungry, so hungry
and it really is a fright...
I'm hungry, so hungry,
I'm eating everything in sight!

The poor cat on the sill was the first to go,
I can hear him meowing in my tummy.
Eating a cat is bad, i know,
But wow, he was so....delicious.

My bed was the next victim in line,
You know I'm not one to waste.
It went down this gullet of mine,
with a surprisingly nice.....flavor.

I ate the tv with no remorse,
even though it lacked good meat.
It found itself the as the main course,
It was actually quite the.....delicacy.

Hmmm, now what am I supposed to do?
It seems i've gone and eaten all the food.
Oh dear, in my haste, I fear i've eaten you!
Well, no matter, you did taste rather....exquisite...

========

nothing outside did i dread,
it was all in my head.
it haunted my dreams,
none heard me scream.
a vision in the night,
less bark, more bite.
fresh sweat down my back,
new fears on old stack.
then my mind went blank,
and down, down i sank.

=====

[sir archely]

If the World Was Crazy

If the world was crazy, you know what I'd eat?
A big slice of soup and a whole quart of meat,
A lemonade sandwich, and then I might try
Some roasted ice cream or a bicycle pie,
A nice notebook salad, an underwear roast,
An omelet of hats and some crisp cardboard toast,
A thick malted milk made from pencils and daisies,
And that's what I'd eat if the world was crazy.

If the world was crazy, you know what I'd wear?
A chocolate suit and tie of eclair,
Some marshmallow earmuffs, some licorice shoes,
And I'd read a paper of peppermint news.
I'd call the boys "Suzy" and i'd call the girls "Harry,"
I'd talk through my ears, and I always would carry
A paper umbrella for when it grew hazy
To keep in the rain, if the world was crazy.

If the world was crazy, you know what I'd do?
I'd walk on the ocean and swim in my shoe,
I'd fly through the ground and I'd skip through the air,
I'd run down the bathtub and bathe on the stair.
When I met somebody I'd say "G'bye, Joe,"
And when I was leaving--then I'd say "Hello."
And the greatest of men would be silly and lazy
So I would be king . . . if the world was crazy.


========

Outside or Underneath?

Bob bought a hundred-dollar suit
But couldn't afford any underwear.
Says he, "If your outside looks real good
No one will know what's under there."

Jack bought some hundred-dollar shorts
But wore a suit with rips and tears.
Says he, "It won't matter what people see
As long as I know what's under there."

Tom bought a flute and a box of crayons,
Some bread and cheese and a goldern pear.
And as for his suit or his underwear
He doesn't think about them much . . . or care.

=========

Put Something In

Draw a crazy picture,
Write a nutty poem,
Sing a mumble-gumble song,
Whistle through your comb.
Do a loony-goony dance
'Cross the kitchen floor,
Put something silly in the world
that ain't been there before.

==========

The Garden

Ol' man Simon, planted a diamond,
Grew hisself a garden the likes of none.
Sprouts all growin', comin' up glowin',
Fruit of jewels all shinin' in the sun.
Colors of the rainbow,
See the sun and rain grow
Sapphires and rubies on ivory vines,
Grapes of jade, just
Ripenin' in the shade, just
Ready for the squeezin' into green jade wine.
Pure gold corn there,
Blowin' in the warm air,
Ol' crow nibblin' on the amnythyst seeds.
In between the diamonds, ol' man Simon
Crawls about pullin' out platinum weeds.
Pink pearl berries,
All you can carry,
Put 'em in a bushel and
Haul 'em into town.
Up in the tree there's
Opal nuts and gold pears --
Hurry quick, grab a stick
And shake some down.
Take a silver tater,
Emerald tomater,
Fresh plump coral melons
Hangin' in reach.
Ol' man Simon,
Diggin' in his diamonds,
Stops and rests and dreams about
One . . . real . . . peach.

[sir archely]

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[sir archely]

Ugh.

That hammock in my avy is looking mighty nice right about now. Stupid sleep. Now i'm just feeling sad. I don't know why.

Ugh, i keep writing things, and then just deleting them. I tried to get out some poetry earlier, but it just wouldn't come. I'd get a few lines, or ten lines, and then it'd just look crappy as hell. Everything looks crappy as hell right now. Why won't sleep come?

Maybe everyone has their own life. Maybe you people are all there, but have your own lives. You never die in your own life. The main character never dies. Everyone is the main character in their own story. Everything that i know, all of that is part of my story. It makes my story. Anything i don't know, that isn't in my story. Everyone has their own story. Maybe in your story i'm just a supporting character. Maybe i'm just a background character. Maybe i die a horrible death in your story. Maybe i don't have a point. Maybe i do.

I just want a little peace.

Maybe you don't have a soul. We aren't all built the same, why would we all have to have souls? Maybe nobody has a soul, but if someone does, maybe you don't. Maybe you'll live and maybe i won't. Maybe you're just a prop giving body to the back drop. Maybe i'm an empty shell. Just on my way to hell. Who decides what's crazy or sane? Who decides what's good or evil? Why does it matter? Black can be white sometimes. White can be black. Not everything has to make sense. Even your eyes tell you that. Look at your white wall. Can you see the black? I know you can. Look closer.

Without sleeping there's no waking. Without fantasy reality is nothing. Without death life is a joke.

[sir archely]

Anyway, I do want to say something about marriage. I'm not sure yet what, but hopefully my thoughts will organize themselves as i go.

The reason for this is that some people say they are waiting until they are married to have sex. It just seems rather absurd to me. No offense to you people who are waiting, i don't have anything against it, but for me, it's like, what's the point? I'm not even sure i want to get married (even though i probably will end up married). It's just not that big a deal. I'm thinking, okay, why should i get married?

First off, i'm definitely NOT into the church. It's not even that i'm irreligious or anything, just that my views on things like that lead me to have my own personal views, and i don't think it's right to try and find a church that's "the best fit" as so many people do. If you don't fit it completely, then there are some things about it you don't agree with, so don't go around pretending you do. So, at least in some aspect, marriage seems pointless, since i don't have any desire to do it for any sort of religion.

I also think that part of the whole 'mythology' of marriage is ass-backwards. So many people think that marrying is what binds them together. I say, if you aren't bound together before marriage, you have no business getting married at all. It seems part of our culture to look at marriage as the final step in affirming your love to someone. If the person i'm with can't see that i'm hopelessly in love with them before we get married, then what the hell is the point? And if you are already completely bound to them before marriage, then what exactly is the purpose of marriage?

It seems that marriage is more and more simply a thing for government. I have problems with our gov't as well, so it's not really an incentive to me to be married in the eyes of the gov't either. HOWEVER, (here's why i said earlier that i'll probably end up married anyway) it seems that marriage would be the better way to go just for legal reasons. I mean, i don't even know about all that crap, but i know that things like insurance are better for married people (especially males), it's easier to get loans, etc etc. Really rather crappy when you look at it. It's quite a shame that our 'secular' country is so bound up in religion.

I feel really bad for my gay friends who, as of right now, don't even have the choice to get married. Well, i don't want to turn this into a rant about how crappy it is for gay people out there, i'll save that for another reflection.

[sir archely]

some poems i've enjoyed immensely

POLITICALLY CORRECT

Hold me in your anarchy
and penetrate my lust
with dreams of phallic freedom
and warm utopian trust
Hold me tight, tonight, my sweet
and I will please you well
I'll melt you with my whispers
and burn you with my spells
I'll fill your dreams with passion
originality and faith
I'll celebrate your freedom
and make your independence safe

by: nightfairy

SOMETHING IN MY EYE


Magenta swirls in playful patterns
before my eyes, upon the wall
green and indigo match the swirls
in sparks around the edges of my vision
Doors slamming every which way
and darting frogs scattered along my path
Someone drinking
age old whiskey
and offering a swig
or two
An annoying bird twittering
at 5a.m. in God knows where
on the rooftop of some building
a school, maybe
fantasizing I'm dreaming
but even my dreams
are frighteningly real
something glitters in the sky
or maybe it's something in my eye

by nightfairy again...

kindred spirits
speaking silent
broken hearts
and drifting clouds
holding softly
to a twilight
loneliness
forever bound

kindred spirits
pull me through
fevers and blisters
and blinded by truth
winding my way
through torment and tears
raped and remembered
I find myself here

The tears that I have never shed
that glint in my eyes as I say
we're both here,
and both alone
and still a world away

by nightfairy....is there a trend here?

Oh where my friend, have you gone?
You're still absent come dawn.
You never used to have these stange ways.
Throughout those most tender days,
You were my near constant companion.
But now things have changed.

You're more akin to an ephemeral ghost,
A fleetingly elusive shadow at most.
How did I merit such rejection?
So harsh and bitter dejection?
I know you're that not far,
I can feel just out of my grasp.

I need you but you don't need me.
The lack of you is hurting me.
Damn you sleep!
My once good health you did reap.
Though, I have a new friend now,
His name is insomnia.

by: LaughingTurtle

sad boy you laugh at everything and nothing
and your eyes are silver in the corners of my mind

your soul is a blank slate for me to write on
and I've filled it with the colours that I hope to one day find

perhaps it's always meaningless to follow
apparitions, sad petitions from the corners of my mind

but I know its an excuse for me, to live on
to long for something beautiful, impossible to find

sad boy I only want to share your sorrow
and see your eyes of silver start to shine

so all the world can know that your not hollow
the way I always knew it, though I know you’ll not be mine

by: wendy

its time to open the window
let the dust diffuse
let the cool fresh air come in
and foil your petty ruse

because I cannot breath in here
in this dark and dingy cell
you promised me a heaven
but you only gave me hell

its time to open the window
lets shed some light on this scene
its so easy to see right now
what we have is just obscene

you always pull the shutters down
stay hidden from the world
well boy I hide from nothing
today the shutters are unfurled

its time to open the window
and boy I'm climbing out
I advise you do same right now
or perhaps you'll never get out

I'm sorry boy, I love you
but I gotta leave you behind
I'm going out the window
to see what I can find

by: wendy

something about rain
that strips you naked
something about rain
when you’re soaked to the skin
something about rain
it exposes your soul
and all the powers held within

something about rain
when it leaves you with nothing
something about rain
that imbues you with strength
something about rain
it cuts to the core of you
and suddenly you don’t need to be safe

to stand in the midst of a terrible storm
to laugh at the clouds as the darkness forms
to raise your arms and to taste its threat
to revel in the ridiculous wet

something about rain
it settles the soul
something about rain
that releases control
something about rain
when your wild and free
that always brings you home to me

by: nightfairy


Deadlines awaiting,
Sleep abaiting,
Yet still I'm waiting,
Waiting for nothing.

Work deflating,
Mind sedating,
Yet still I'm waiting,
Waiting for nothing.

Time grating
Effort negating
Yet still I'm waiting,
Waiting for nothing.

Slacker creating,
Self berating,
Yet still I'm waiting,
Waiting for nothing.

Tis my affliction,
Procrastination.

by: LT

To you who seems to want to care
and get as close as you can get
I wish to show you what you seek
but need to guard against regret

To you whose eyes can fill me up
with all the passions and the pain
I wish that I could kiss your scars
and take the memory away

To you whose touch can make me fear
the feelings dawning in my heart
I wish that I could find a way
to shine my light into your dark

To you who seeks with such intent
to know whom I have come to be
I wish that I could show you how
much you have come to mean to me

by: nf

come the travelled road to me
for it is long past worn
it’s tiles are laid
it’s safe as day
it’s night when fears are born

come the travelled road to me
quickly
make your distance
for I am here
and you are there
please make no resistance

come the travelled road to me
ignore the sharpened brambles
for there are those
who walked before
and hedged them for your ambles

come the travelled road to me
for here I stand alone
and here I’ll stay
till end of days
or someone walks that road

I’d come the travelled road to you
but I am long past worn
my boots are cracked
my swag is slack
my coat is black and torn

and here I am alone, alone
forgotten by the wind
that drew me forth
so quickly
I forgot where I begin’d

so come the travelled road to me
by stars or merry sun
pick me up
and carry me
and carry me back home

by: wendy

A possible future

in these hills there is a presence steeped deep into the land
it murmers greeting to the people who wander near at hand
they kneel down on the blackened ground their fingers raising dust
to grasp at shiny onyx glass that purge the hills like rust
the townfolk say its sorry luck to enter this strange place
a curse is set upon those hills they'll whisper in great haste
and those who dare the iron hills oft feel that this is true
for not a living sound is heard and nought here ever grew
and why it's so no one can know for who can tell the past?
when all thats left is blasted earth and shards of broken glass
and though their hearts cry out, perhaps, it was not always so
there are hearths to keep and floors to sweep and crops to tend and grow
the plow, the spear, the wind, the rain, these are the things to mind
not the ancient eery mysteries of struggling humankind

by: wendy

[sir archely]

never resting
never sleeping
time moves slowly,
ever creeping.

my eyes are open
seeing nothing.
what's the ending?
let it be something.

people i know,
always bitching.
myself included,
never living.

======

running and searching,
for what? who knows?
looking and seeking,
where the wind blows.

my goal escapes me,
the more i try.
i watch it taunt me,
as it slips by.

frustrated, tired,
i'm so lost.
for that i desire,
what is the cost?

down i drop,
to lay on the ground.
and only then, when i stop,
is my goal found.

=======

i want to sleep,
beneath the sky.
and kill some time,
before i die.

i want to lay,
on a bed of grass.
and nap awhile,
before i pass.

i want to see it
all i can,
before it's gone
by the hand of man.

=====

i feel something inside my brain
someone took off the lid to seek my pain
he tinkers and twists and pokes around
in the darkness for hidden answers found.

he finds what he wants and brings it out
he signals his triumph with a shout
and steals my answers away from me
never heard, is my final plea

there's emptyness behind my eyes
i see through all the daily lies
we tell ourselves to keep on living
the meaning to life they are giving

all i see shows as hollow
and all i do is stumble, follow
i look at all with a vacant stare
why should i want, or care?

======

we've made our gods to tell us
how special we all are.
we see their faces looking down,
look closer, the face is ours.

Am I made in God's image?
or is he made in mine?
of course we're made in his!
said the deaf man to the blind.

the earth is ours, inherited,
to care for as we see fit.
such a good job we've done so far,
living in all this shit.

it's nice that god has told us
that we're at the top rung.
look around, what do you see?
mother earth was hung.

=====

As I lay me down to sleep,
My mind falls down a well so deep.
Each night I die before I wake,
My body stirs and my mind, it breaks.

During the day I might become an old man,
Seventy, maybe eighty, that's the length of my span.
During the night I live a thousand years,
Many laughs I have, and many a tear.

Which is fake and which is real?
where do I truly think and feel?
dreaming or waking, they're both the same,
When i'm in one, the other's the dream.

[sir archely]

Okay, so everyone knows why we have leap year....right? It's because in actuality, the earth doesn't rotate on its axis 365 times for one revolution around the sun, it rotates 365.25 times. Or something close to that anyway. So, every fourth year we add a day to make up the difference and keep our calendar from shifting.

Okay, so that's great and everything, but i think we should do something different. How about at the end of each year, we just tack on 6 extra hours that don't count for anything? So, every dec. 31 would be 30 hours in length, instead of just 24. I think that would be much cooler.

{later}

thanks to malcor...

Malcor (3:09:39 PM): Because every 400 years you would have added 3 days too much...or something like that ;)
archely (3:09:56 PM): heh, isn't that the same then?
Malcor (3:10:38 PM): No, the way leap years work is every 4 years. With the exception of years divisible by 100 (unless its also divisible by 400)
Malcor (3:11:04 PM): 1900 was not a leap year
Malcor S (3:11:23 PM): 200 was (by virtue of being divisible by 100 and 400)
Malcor (3:11:26 PM): 2000
archely (3:12:12 PM): hmm...perhaps this is more complicated and asinine then i originally thought...
Malcor (3:12:27 PM): ~nods~ Indeed
Malcor (3:12:31 PM): lol
archely (3:12:53 PM): eh, just add whatever fraction it is to the end of each year
Malcor (3:13:53 PM): It could be difficult to measure, it would probably come out to like 5.94357 hours
archely (3:13:59 PM): not my problem
archely (3:14:04 PM): ~nods~
Malcor (3:14:10 PM): lol
archely (3:14:35 PM): i still think a free 5.94357 hours at the end of each year is better than a day every four
Malcor (3:15:30 PM): Take it up with the pope... ~chuckles~
archely (3:15:34 PM): lol
Malcor (3:16:33 PM): As it is, the calender is still off about a day every 2500 hundred years
Malcor (3:16:38 PM): ~nods sagely~
archely (3:16:58 PM): damn, how can i plan my vacations around that system?
Malcor (3:17:07 PM): hehe

[sir archely]

Why do stars twinkle?
Why does a jewel shine?
Why do trees grow,
In not so straight lines?

Why is the sun yellow?
And why's the sky blue?
Does the world look to me,
As it does to you too?

What's great about rainbows?
Or the way that a stream knows,
Just where to meander and roll?
Why does the moon at night,
Show its silvery white light,
Giving it all that beautiful glow?

Why do leaves in the fall,
Put on a show for us all,
with their bright yellows and reds?
And why do birds sing,
when it changes to spring,
what's going on in their heads?

Just look up and see,
there's wonder all around.
All of it ready,
to amaze and and astound.

Why do we need to know,
The answer to why?
Next time just try,
shut your mouth, and open your eyes.

========

pagers and cellphones
beeping and ring tones
interrupting my time with a book.
a guy passes by
i catch his eye
and he gives me a dirty look.

i'm here all alone
except for my phone
and these people in the palm of my hand.
only, they're all simply voices
and none have their faces
their phrases are packaged and canned.

beeps in my ear echo
my sanity let's go
this drives me right to the brink
then i'm fine and i smile
i whistle a while
cause i just threw my phone in the drink.

[sir archely]

sometimes you just gotta close your eyes, and let the music take you.

[sir archely]

i was going to post something, but then i didn't.

[sir archely]

It's rather sad when we live in a society in which any offer of help by a stranger is immediately looked upon with suspicion and mistrust of a deeper motive.

[sir archely]

War.

I don't even know where to begin. Why is it that people are able to see other people as nothing more than numbers, than little marks on a damn piece of paper? I mean, who isn't guilty of this? Why can we distance ourselves so much from these things that some of us are able to say "damn, i hope we get in there and start bombing the shit out of some fucking iraqis soon," ? My gf heard some people talking that way ahead of her in line at a grocery store.

We sit here and talk about why we should go to war. Why we shouldn't go to war. What's 'right' or 'wrong' about some action. What the hell? How come we can all distance ourselves so much that it's just another topic among the sexual innuendos, what i'm wearing and celebrity shit? Do we do this on purpose? Do we need to do this? Is this some sort of defense tactic in our head so that we all don't get horribly horribly depressed about what our species is capable of? I mean look what we've created. A lose-lose situation. Why?

The sadness is palpable tonight.

I can feel it weighing on me. I'm sick of who's right, who's wrong. I'm sick of any sides at all.

Why? Just why? The greed is beyond my capacity to understand. The huge lack of compassion that is necessary to do these things. The ego that is required before you can say that you're more important than someone else. That they deserve to die because you want something more. Why?

I admire all of you who are able to keep to your hope. Able to keep your faith in humanity. I have that little shred of hope. You know that "against all odds" type of hope. That little hopeful part of me that says 'it's okay, people are good, we'll eventually get the hang of this co-existence thing and shape up. We'll figure out how we can all be happy and nice to one another.' Is that what this little experiment called life is all about? Trying to figure that out?

Once upon a time, on this board, i asked the question "are we advancing, progressing, as a species, at all?" I forget the answers i got now, but i'm pretty sure many of them started off with "well, how do you measure progress?" You know, i left it vague on purpose. I think the answer is unequivocally no. What have we done? Science? Great, we've developed so many fun ways of killing ourselves off faster. Oh, and killing the environment too. I'd just like to say this. Science is superstition. Superstition begat science. It's just our new mythology. Science tells you so, so it must be right. How is this any different from any other belief that any human culture had over the entire time we've been around? Because science is "right"? In terms of what? In terms that we can understand. In terms that we've defined, for ourselves. Could it be any other way? Doubtful. And even then, how short a memory must we have to see science as 'right'? 50 years? Far from it. 10 years? Getting closer maybe. 1 year? Closer still. How many times has science been right, only to really have been wrong? How self-centered must I be to say that 'oh, now we've gotten it. now we're right on, because now we're superior to how they were then. I mean, c'mon. Every culture has its mythology of how the world works, how we work, and how we're constructed. Do you think they took their own any less seriously than we take ours?

Do you seriously believe that every culture didn't think that they had the answers? That they didn't, for some reason, think that they were the ones who were getting closer to the Truth of things?

How depressing is it that most humans can't see past their own egos?

War.

You know, most in the western world tend to see things as black and white. On or off. One or the other. I'm choosing here to embrace a dichtomy. I condemn going to war, and i condemn inaction.

I don't want to hear stuff about me having to take a stance one way or the other. I am. I don't want to hear stuff about me not making logical sense. I am. If you can't see that then you obviously can't see my point of view. I can see yours, i reject it. I don't want to hear stuff about being realistic. Not being a dreamer. Dealing with the world in a real way. This isn't a dream, it's a nightmare. And i feel sorry for you, i truly do, if you can't break out of reality for a while. If you can't see what's on the other side of the mirror, if you can't look beyond, if you don't want to close your eyes and see, then you'll never understand.

I don't expect many of you read that. Even those of you who regularly read this thread. I don't really blame you. It's one just one click. Among more than any of us can comprehend. And, of course, it's all unoriginal.

[sir archely]

so you know the tortoise and the hare story? Nearly everyone knows it, but, briefly: a tortoise and a hare have a race, i forget why, but anyway, the tortoise is slow, but keeps methodically plodding on continously. the hare is fast, but stops to rest and chat and things all the time. in the end, the tortoise wins, and the moral is that "slow and steady wins the race." people seem to say this all the time.

well, that whole story is bullshit. as a kid, i never understood what we were supposed to get out of the story. i mean, sure, the tortoise wins, but only because the hare is a dumbass. if the hare had just not been a dumbass, he would have blown the frickin tortoise out of the water.

slow and steady wins the race, but only against fast and idiotic, never against fast and smart.

i mean, hell, the hare didn't even have to be all that smart to win. just not be a complete moron. he could have jogged slowly across the finish line with the damn tortoise ten feet away if he felt like it, just to be a jerk. all it really does is feed kids a great moral from the american dream machine. which is, you can do anything you want, no matter who you are. you can accomplish anything, despite who you are. not even sure this is simply from the american dream machine, it seems it's most of western culture.

but anyway, this is bullshit. 99 out of a 100 times the frickin hare is going to beat the tortoise in the race. it's faster, it's built for speed, the tortoise is not. if we're talking about a race, the hare clearly has an inharent (;))advantage over the tortoise. take away the story's doctored image of the hare being stupid, and the hare easily crushes the tortoise, due to it's superior speed.

That's life. Where the western tradition (i'm not speaking at all for the eastern tradition here, positively or negatively. growing up here, i just know more about western stuff) would have children grow up believing they can do anything, it simply isn't true. there are simply people who lack the physical and/or mental abilities to do certain tasks. That's the simple truth. Actually, when you think about it, much of our early education is built on setting this notion up in children's heads, and then later tearing it down. It's quite sad really. Some people just aren't cut out for school. Or sports. Or any number of things. Not everyone grows up to be a hero. I think most people in the western world know this....they just don't realize that they teach kids exactly the opposite. Quite sad.

Fucking tortoise.

[sir archely]

everyone be thankful that dockers has captured a new niche in the market: the murderer niche.

i mean, who else really has a need/want for pants that don't get dirty or stained? murderers, of course, will buy these pants by the truckload. anyone else who works in dirty conditions probably doesn't care if their pants get dirty, because they have more common sense than that. the only real people these pants serve are murderers and office-goers who drink a lot of coffee. Now what does THAT tell you? huh? heh.

"with stain-defender cargo pants, be sure that those pesky blood stains that give you away never happen again. Never worry about compromising yourself again, the blood just washes right off. in addition, the pants have compartments to keep up to 17 deadly weapons not only handy, but concealed as well. Unless, of course, the police have x-ray glasses. Jon Argrove says this: 'i murdered eight people, and nobody suspects a thing! thanks stain-defender.' :D *ting* "

they are cool pants though....

heh heh heh

~looks around suspiciously~

[sir archely]

So...tonight was strange...

Last night i left to go up north for a wedding. The wedding was this morning, but it was at 11, and with a 2.5 hour drive, going up the night before was in order. In any case, the wedding was extremely nice, simple, outside, beautiful day, right on lake michigan (literally 50 ft. from the waves), and fun people. That was not strange.

What was strange was coming back. I drove up with my sister, and she had to get back tonight, because she has kayaking in the morning. Actually, i may go along, i'm just not sure yet. Anyway, coming back to my apartment, we got back here around 11:30. I get my stuff out of her car, and walk up the steps to my apartment. There are tons of people hanging out on my back porch, drinking and smoking. I go into the kitchen, and people are everywhere, and i have no idea who they are. I throw my crap in my room, and go make a round of the apartment and porches....nowhere do i see a soul that i remotely recognize, and as of this writing, i have still not seen a single one of my 5 roommates. Yeah, that's kinda strange. It has SORT OF died down now. Well, died down is relative. It's 2 am. About an hour ago I went out in the kitchen to get a glass of water, and there were zero people there....just a radio blasting some radio station with carrot top on it as loud as it would go. Ugh. I've been hiding in my room except for a few excursions out to see if i can find a roommate and ask them what the hell is going on. I'm unsuccessful so far. It's times like these that i'm thankful i lock my door when i leave town. My kitchen floor has reached and is surpassing the level of stickiness you'll find in such places as movie theaters and dairy queens. There also seems to be some sort of small swimming pool fill with punch. (I forget the 'technical' name for this type of punch, where you just throw in all the random alcohol you can find...i know there is a certain name for it, at least around here, but i'm drawing a blank.) Gah, i can tell i'm getting tired, because all my tenses are going to hell.

Anyway, I do believe that i just heard one of my roommates yelling at the top of her lungs, so i'm going to go see if she's actually out there. Well, at least, i'll try. If i don't return, it means the kitchen floor has eaten me. Avenge my death.

[sir archely]

i can't sleep. :(
i have class tomorrow at 8 am. :(

i'm going to go try again.

~sigh~

[sir archely]

For the animal shall not be measured by man. In a world older and more complete than ours, they move finished and complete, gifted with the extension of the senses we have lost or never attained, living by voices we shall never hear. They are not brethren, they are not underlings: they are other nations, caught with ourselves in the net of life and time, fellow prisoners of the splendour and travail of the earth.

-Henry Besten, The Outermost House

[sir archely]

Today was hell. Just sucked completely. not like anything really major happened, a few more than minor things, but nobody died or anything. it just was awful.

I get up, go to class, and that was boring. After that, i go to the library, to try and check out a book for the class, because i'm too poor to actually buy the books like i'd hoped. ~sigh~ So, i go to check it out, and they say i've got an overdue book. Well, i'm thinking, no, i just checked out two books, and they're not due until July 7th. So...apparently they've got this "recall' system. If someone else registers that they want the book, it's "recalled" from whoever has it, and the due date gets shortened. wtf? That's how a library works, if the book you want isn't there, then someone else got it first, and you have to wait. I don't really care, since i finished the book about a week ago, but still, wtf? They actually shortened the time i get the book for. gah! what if i wasn't done with it? i was there first, but instead someone else gets it because they want it? damn, i'm just going to find some fricking books that are checked out and say i want to recall them. Then, when they get in, i'll just say, oops, i don't need those anymore. Damn library. what the hell. I mean, c'mon. If you're going to potentially shorten the time i have the book for, at least tell me when i check it out, instead of making me think i have it until a certain time, when in actuality someone could just make them call it back whenever. so...i didn't get to check out the book, because the 'overdue' book i had was here at my apt. Damn it. if they try to fine me for it i'm going to raise hell.

Anyway, after that my afternoon was pretty much nothing, except that i got a notice from my cell phone company. apparently my last payment was lost in the mail or something, in any case, they didn't get it. that really pisses me off. now they want to turn off my service (it's my only phone line) and it would cost me 40 bucks to have it turned on again. i think i got it straightened out, but you never know with this crap. it was a headache.

next i got a call from my parents to find out that my mom was standing on a chair painting or something and fell off, hurting her knee. i don't know what exactly she did (my mom and sister are a nurse of 25 years and a doc in training respectively, whenever something like this happens they tend to just rattle off medical stuff i don't get) but she's probably going to have to have surgery.

also, my food supply is getting dangerously low, and the only money i really have is going to my rent for july, so that i can remain living somewhere. i still can't get a damn job, and despite my rep, i can tell you it's not from lack of trying. actually, most people i talk to who are looking can't get one. stupid economonomy.

both of my bike tires are flat.

i have an exam in the morning for my class, 40% of my grade i think. it shouldn't be too bad, but it's still a pain in the ass.

now, i must sleep. and like the song says, i could sleep forever. if i could sleep forever.

[sir archely]

hmm...cosmic balance. everything tends towards the middle.

tonight was really...nice. not spectacularly amazing. or great. or anything but nice. my sister wanted to go out to some bar to see some live music. (on any given night you could see about 50 different live acts in madison) i decided i really just didn't want to do that tonight. didn't really feel like seeing other people much. so...we just rented a movie, got some sodas, and watched the movie. it was really good. now, i've come home to a quiet, empty house. all the roommates are away. all the lights are off. i operate much better in the dark than i do in the light. most times whenever i walk through the apartment, i'm constantly turning things off.

lights, radios, fans, tvs...etc. if it's electrical, my roommates leave it on. especially the lights. even when nobody is here, the lights are blazing. well, when i'm here, the lights are out. if you ever come over, and the lights are on, then nobody's home.

right now it's just peaceful. i can't even hear any parties, which is unusual for a friday night. maybe it's because of the rain. man, i love rain. it's so peaceful and cleansing. so soothing. it's dark, and the rain. the gentle lulling of the wind through the tops of the trees, and the patter of rain is relaxing me. i was just sitting out on the porch in the rain for a bit....but i thought i might fall asleep, and i didn't want to fall asleep out there. i don't really know if i want to go to sleep at all. it's so relaxing, and peaceful, that it's like i'm already dreaming anyway. and if i go to sleep, it's going to be over, and it's tomorrow then. if i just wait, and stay up, i'll get to feel like this for a longer time. it was a night like this that i wrote the poem that's back there in this thread a bit.

cause right now....right now is tonight.

i wish for you waking dreams and peaceful nights.

goodnight all.

[sir archely]

hmm....if the night before last was peaceful, last night was anything but. Didn't get to sleep until about 3 or 4 am, because they were having a party downstairs. Oh well.

Today i woke up to the cat chewing apart the cord on my cell phone charger. So...as that's my only means of phone communication, i won't be talking on the phone much in the future. Doh. Fricking cat. :mad: :(

[sir archely]

i'd just like to say, planning for a wedding really bites the big one. we tried to come up with a list of people to invite tonight. it's hopefully going to be small, but who do you not invite? ~sigh~ :(

[sir archely]

hmm...so...this isn't going to be much of substance. more like, me rambling while waiting to go to sleep. i'd advise skipping this and going to look at something more worthwhile.

this past weekend was good. 4th of july and all that. 'cept i'm not much one for celebrating this country. bah. anyway, my parents went to visit relatives, so my sister and i had a small party at their house. ate good food, grilled out kebabs (sp?), fresh fruit, other good things. played some games.(including Family Feud the board game from 1977 that we found in my parents' basement.) had fireworks. also, i saw friends who i don't get to see while i'm living up here in madison. stayed up til 4-5 am most nights playing RPGs or Risk 2210. oh yeah, we're exciting, you know it. Risk can be highly amusing when you've gotten next to zero sleep in the past few days. Also, i actually made some money this weekend. one of my friends owns a pizza place, and they were short on sat. so i filled in as delivery guy. heh, it was actually kinda fun. plus, i made about 100 bucks, which is nice for about 5 hours of just driving around. all cash. :D

came back up here on sunday night. i've got less than a month in this apartment, and i can't wait to get out. ugh. apparently i missed quite a nice show this weekend. these guys downstairs just moved in this summer, and you may have heard me complain about them. (smoking in particular) anyway, they had a party thurs. night i think. turns out they had 4 kegs. (damn big for their small apartment) my roommates said that people were everywhere. spilling into the streets, etc. one of my roommates has a parking space behind the apt. (which costs her 110 bucks a month or something, ugh) and there were cars everywhere from this party. soo....she went down and tried to get them to move a car. i guess they weren't being very nice about it. (doesn't help that they were probably trashed beyond belief.) anyway, they were also having fun shouting homophobic comments at people on the street. well, my roommates didn't take to that very well. (2 of them are gay, but even if they weren't, it isn't exactly polite) so....my roommate who was trying to park her car called the landlord. landlord called cops. i guess a lot of the guests of this party were high schoolers. classy. anyway, my roommates said people were running everywhere when the police came. they gave out tons of tickets, to the people downstairs too. i guess that this is their 8th apt. in madison. they've been evicted from 7 others. that's just...wow. to get evicted from 7 apartments is an amazing job.

anyway, i'm done rambling for tonight. class in the morning. only 3 left. woo!

i'm thinking about going home for the remainder of july, and just filling in being delivery guy. their normal guy got a DWI, or DUI or whatever, so can't exactly deliver pizzas with no license. it'd be good money, and parents' food is nice. plus, see friends i don't get to see. well, we'll see. maybe i'll actually end up getting a job up here. :rolleyes:

night anyone. oh, and if you actually read all that. ~thumbs up~ i'd give you the smiley, but i can't remember the little thing for it, and this is in quick reply. so nertz to you. wait, no, thumbs up to you. :D

[sir archely]

notice:

archely has just completed his summer class. as of yesterday. he now has nothing...absolutely nothing...to do in the immediate or even slightly immediate future. in addition, any people he considers friends enough to go do something with are now all in different parts of the state/country, and too far away to really do anything with. Therefore, he stays in his room most of the time. he probably will leave his house once next week. to get groceries. then, he will return, to hang out in his room and go slowly more and more insane. not crazy. insane. serial killer insane. either that or he will develop a new, deeper understanding of himself, his soul, and the world around him. it could really go either way. you have been warned.

if you have interactions with him, please be kind, as he may not be able to distinguish between being awake or sleeping after a while. realistically, the lines between fantasy and reality weren't all that clear before this, so it's only going to get worse.

thank you.

[sir archely]

so...

i'm going back to my parents' house tomorrow. strange how it isn't home anymore. not sure i have a home. well, home is where my heart is...but even she moves around a bit. ~sigh~ i haven't been home in about a month and a half. probably won't be home for another month. long distance sucks. :( anyway, as i was saying, i'm going home tomorrow. i'm actually going to be the pizza delivery boy. heh. weird. at least i'll be making some cash. plus, the food at my parents' house is free! hooray! since i've been living off of 10 bucks a week for the past month or so, i'm going to be living like a king. you know, the only thing i really crave is some fruit. a good apple. or some grapes. or something. that and i'd like to drink something besides water for a change. milk would be nice. or juice. yum. can't wait for that. plus, i might actually get some good meals out of my parents. man, it's going to be great. i'll only be delivering fri, sat and sunday nights, so the rest of the time i'll still be doing what i'm doing now....except that i actually have friends down there to do stuff with. i probably won't be online nearly as much, since it's going to be dial-up, but still. man, i'm so excited for the food! hehe. :D

words of wisdom for the day: when you're driving down the highway at night, do you ever imagine that some cars tail-lights look like a big alien's eyes?

[sir archely]

oh, one more note of interest...i've started using this "recall" thing at the library. bastards. hehe. payback. if you want the story on that, go back a few posts.

[sir archely]

Last night i couldn't sleep. But...it was okay, because about an hour after i got in bed we had this AMAZING storm. It was so cool. Started off barely audible, and the flashes of lightning were such that you only saw it out of the corner of your eye, and wondered if it was lightning at all. Then it just moved in and took over. Lightning cracking above my head, thunder shaking the walls, rain coming down in sheets...it was awesome. In the real sense of the word. Rain coming off the roof like a waterfall, and that great smell of rain everywhere. It lasted about an hour, and then it was gone.

Now...the downside. Because i stayed up listening and watching the storm until 3, i was thinking i'd probably sleep in this morning. Dead wrong. I didn't take into consideration the fact that the construction guys next door working on the sorority were going to start up their stone saw thingy at 7 am. So, i had to get up at 7 too. It isn't sooo bad. 4 hours of sleep, but i saw a great storm, and being up in the morning does let me have a lot more day. Man, these construction guys are so slow. It's taken them forever just to build the concrete stairway thing that leads up to the sorority's door. Why they needed a new one is beyond me anyway, it's basically the same as the old, except with another stairway off the back of it. The funny part is that one day, they brought in the cement truck and poured for that back stairway. The next day, they brought it what was pretty much a bobcat with a jackhammer attached to the arms, and demolished the stairway they had just built. The day after that, the cement truck was back, pouring for the stairs again. Now, i'm assuming they screwed something up, but to my untrained eye, it doesn't look all that different. Now they're putting in this brick walkway behind the thing, and they suck at that too. My dad, me, and one of his friends built a brick patio probably more than twice the size of this in my parents' back yard, and it only took us a couple weekends to finish. These guys work at it everyday and still aren't done. Jeez. Anyway, i'm mostly just rambling again because it's early in the morning. So, ~waves~

[sir archely]

ah, my poor neglected reflections thread.

this is another one of those you-should-probably-just-ignore-rather-than-reading posts, as it's about 3 am, and i just don't feel like going to sleep.

tonight i delivered pizzas, which is now a normal night for me somehow, and then i went over to a friend's house because he rented TTT dvd. mmm....TTT. Basically, i stayed up and watched it while my friend passed out on the couch. Then i watched a few of the special features before waking him up and driving back home.

Except...on my way home i passed by the beach, and this early in the morning everything is deserted down there. A stark contrast from the days, when you can't really see any of the sand for the bodies packed onto it. So, i parked, walked down there, and just sat on the beach for about an hour, listening to the waves and just absorbing it. I don't know why, i just felt compelled somewhy. I'm in one of those moods right now where my perspective keeps shifting wildly, someone is fiddling with my cosmic zoom switch. I get really detached, think how insignificant everything is, how absurd and trivial are so many things that we do...and then a few minutes later i'm pouring sand out of a fist just for the feel of it running off my skin onto the ground. Just because it's not insignificant, and little things like that should matter.

I've been smiling a lot lately, and i can't figure out why. Half the time i'll be doing whatever, and just start laughing for no reason. Like someone told a joke, but only my unconscious gets it. It always surprises me how much people are taken aback by smiling, or just general goodwill. Driving so much lately, i take my time. I know i'm supposed to be a quick delivery guy and all, but really, with our range, it doesn't make much of a difference whether i go 5 mph faster. Actually, it doesn't make much of a difference anyway. So i'm the nice car that lets people go first when they stop at a stop sign at the same time, or when lanes are merging, or when someone wants to get out into traffic, but can't, or when someone wants to cross the street. Kinda sad that people can't understand it. Give me puzzled looks when i smile and nod, or wave to them. Like, "who are you, what do you think you're doing, smiling?"

You ever find yourself doing something in a strange way, but not noticing until after you started? Maybe that's not a good explanation. Let's say you're a righty, and one day you got up, got a bowl of cereal, started reading the paper and eating, and found you were eating with your left hand. I find myself doing things like that lately. I'll be driving down the road and all of a sudden realize i'm sitting in a funny position. Or i'll randomly change my handwriting for a note, and then look at it after i'm done and think, "did i really write this?" How strange. and kind of scary. I do all of this unconsciously...what else could i do that might not be as mundane? Anyway. I think i might head to bed. Or else i'll go get in the car and just drive away. On the way home from the beach i took the long way around, and very nearly ended up in illinois...which to be fair isn't very far, but i thought to myself "what if i just keep going? How far would i get? where would this road take me?" Almost, but not quite...i went. ~shrug~ Who knows.

[sir archely]

~waves~

farewell...for now.

i'm moving back up to madison tomorrow, and i've got a new apartment, complete with new roommates. However, my internet service up there is questionable. I might have dial-up, i'm not sure. But...only one phone line for the three of us. We all have cell-phones, so it probably won't be a problem to use it, but, we'll see. I'm still trying to convince them we need cable, or DSL or whatever. Anyway, i probably won't be around for at least this weekend, and then it's up in the air after that. Cross your fingers for me, so i can convince them into supporting a good internet service. :D

[sir archely]

Well, here it is, 10:40 am...and i'm sitting in the computer lab. Class doesn't start until 1:20. The reason i'm here is that i was supposed to have a meeting with someone this morning, but they weren't there when i got there, and i was on time. In fact, the entire building was locked, so i didn't really know what to do. I just left and came here. Anyway, the point is that i have a lot of time right now, so i'm going to tell you all what classes i'm taking this semester, and my first impression of them. It'll be fun (for me) to see how i'm right/wrong about the class as the semester goes on.

Extinction of Species - Zoo 360 - Professors Tim Moermond and Stan Temple: Should be fairly interesting i think. I've had both of the profs as guest speakers in another cours, Moermond was a bit kooky and flightly, but okay, and Temple was way into power point presentations. For that one lecture i had like 7 pages of notes. We'll see how that goes. Anyway, we'll be talking about extinction, the bio-diversity "crisis," human causes of extinction and stuff like that. This was the first course of its kind in the world, and the text book we have was modeled after the class, so that should be good. I'm thinking it will be interesting, but it could also be a let down.

Introduction to Biblical Literature - Relig. Studies 227 - Prof Ronald Troxel: This is an intro course, but i've heard great things about it from other relig. studies profs i've had, and high praise for Troxel from nearly everyone, other profs and students alike. We'll be doing a fairly in depth look at the Hebrew bible. Should be interesting, as i'm interested in this stuff. It's a surprisingly large class size, i thought it would be smaller, but there are probably 150 people in there. I'm thinking positively about it, but i don't think it will be a walk in the park either. I've got presentations to do, and quite a bit of reading.

Political, Social & Moral Challenges of Artificial Intelligence, Genetic Engineering, Cloning & Nanotechnology - ILS 400 Capstone Seminar - Prof Kathleen Sell: This is the one class i really sort of had to take this semester. It completes a minor for me in ILS which is nice, but sort of happened by accident. Anyhow, the prof is a self-professed Matrix freak, and we'll be watching that in class some time soon. The class is 2.5 hours long, so it could drag, but i don't think it will. We have lots of interesting stuff on the reading list, fiction and non-fiction alike. The reading load is quite heavy, but that's never a problem. I'm really looking forward to this, it should be quite the class. It's a small class, living room setting (we all sit on recliners or couches in a house) and the group is very diverse as far as academic background is concerned. There should be quite the number of different perspectives on topics.

Ethics of Biotechnology - Philo 545 - Prof Robert Streiffer: I may have spelled the profs name incorrectly, but whatever. I'm looking forward to this one as well. I think some of the issues will overlap with the ILS 400 class, but i have no problem with that. We've started by talking about genetically modified and genetically engineered food products, and its been very interesting so far. This one also meets for 2.5 hours, and it might drag towards the end. Plus, i have a class after it, so that's no good. I'm encouraged by the fact that the prof is a philo-guy, and not a bio-guy or engr-guy. I actually think having a philo background will give me an advantage here. I've read a lot of the philo materials we have on slate for the semester already. I'm also only one of 3 philo students (one of whom is a grad student). The rest are all bio or engr or legal studies or whatever. Again, a variety of backgrounds should give a nice discussion. I'm just a little worried that the bio stuff might get over my head, but i doubt it.

Age of Dinosaurs - Geology 333 - Prof ?: Okay, this is my internet course. I took it mostly because: 1. I didn't have anything i really needed to take this semester, just credit reqs, so i could take whatever i want. 2. It's done entirely online, and i thought it would be beneficial, as i now live a fair distance from campus. It's a shame i have no internet. Oh well. 3. I've heard it's really really easy. What can i say, it's an easy, online, 3 credits. ~shrug~ When i was in elementary school, i was obsessed with dinos, as are a lot of kids i think. At the age of 7, my dream was to become a paleontologist. Anyway, i obviously drifted away from that as i got to high school and college, but i still find it interesting. Plus, it'll be neat to get a fresh update, and see what theories, dinos, etc. have changed since i was a wee one.

All in all i'm pretty pleased with the classes i've got going, and i should be in for a good semester. Only thing is, i came in here thinking it would probably be a pretty easy one, and it's shaping up to be looking a lot harder than i thought. A lot more reading, and a lot more work. Although, it's the good work, the kind that you do because you want to, not because you have to. We'll see.

[sir archely]

:p

I just wanted to do that.

[sir archely]

i just bought some popsicles, and they're sour, and i just ate one, and i think i'm going to cry because they're so good. :cry:

[sir archely]

Well, i went a little bit nuts today. With the quill anyway. Maybe a little bit nuts besides that, but definitely with the quill.

I just feel like i want things to happen, stuff to be going on. I want this place to be alive. And...well...it's getting there, i think. More people are joining, seems like every day. Sure, so far it's all people someone around here already knows, but it's at least spreading. I really hope people are liking the site, and want to stay. Word of mouth is good. :) I've gotten around to starting up my games, or soon enough, LT's getting going on his, and we've even got a couple people starting new ones. Which is great. People are posting, discussing, things. It's growing. It's hard to say about oneself i think, but i at least hope i can say that i've put a lot of myself into this. In any case, it feels like it. Back whenever we started talking about this, i really didn't know how it was going to turn out, in the beginning i wasn't quite sure if i even thought it'd be more than an idea, ever. But, here it is.

Wow. I'm still feeling like, Go go go! Grow! Perhaps feeling a bit impatient at this point, but i can see it changing and actually growing, and i'm excited. Enthusiastic. High hopes. Now, maybe some will tell you hope only makes us feel more pain than is necessary, ( ;) ) but i really think hope is a nice feeling. Not having hope, that'd be scary. If i thought about something, and decided i didn't have any hope, that'd mean...well, it'd mean i didn't think it would ever even possibly have the chance of happening. I hope about this place, i hope people like it, i hope it grows, i hope it's all fun and good. That means whatever else i may think, i do think that there's a chance, bad or good, that those things will be true. That's nice to feel. There's so much potential, in my eyes, for the quill. I really want people to feel like, hey, i belong here. I feel like a part of this.

I haven't been around much until recently, since i didn't have internet. Coming back, it seems like my fellows are feeling a bit discouraged...or something. Maybe i'm just imagining it. It's hard to say here. I'm not sure i want to say it here. It just seems like in the face of all the little things, all the discussions and debates and hang-ups, we sometimes have lost sight of what we're really trying to do. We get stuck, and then nobody just stops, looks around, and says, 'hey, let's go!' Maybe i'm unrealistic. Maybe i'm just dreaming. I don't know. I guess maybe that's my job, huh? :D

i've said this before, but i don't think perfection means being perfect. If you catch my drift. When you get something just so, just right. It doesn't have to be perfectly fitting, perfectly straight, or perfectly right. It just has to make you smile and say, there.

You know, it's a fantasy website, but i don't think just in genre. It's fantasy in mindset. Fantastical in feeling. Fantasy isn't just confined to the fantasy place, it's in every news article that's posted, and every comment someone makes. The site is just fantasy made real. That makes me smile, and say, there. Course, i'm just a dreamer. ;)

[sir archely]

man, what the hell am i doing? There's absolutely no reason i should be sitting on here writing in my reflections thread. Course, here i am. Damn me. I have so many other things i could, no, should be doing. ~sigh~

One of these things is a nice paper that's due at 11 tomorrow morning. That'd be nice. Here's my topic, if any would like to complete it for me in the next couple hours, that'd be great. "Is our moving genes across species boundaries using rDNA techniques intrinsically wrong because it is unnatural for us to do so? Yes or no; defend your answer."

edit: i've decided to put a spoiler text on this. i dunno why. just, it's probably a waste of your time. actually, i'm not sure i wanted to put this up at all. just...i don't know. well, i'll leave it up to you.

In addition, last night i had the fun experience of opening my tuition bill. Now, normally this isn't such a bad thing, since scholarships cover most of it, and usually financial aid supplies close to the rest. However, this particular year, i open it to the horrible sight of me needing to pay quite a large sum. By friday. Well, i don't know how 'large' the sum is, but for someone with no money, it's a big one. Now, this is a huge problem, because apparently my fafsa loan info was lost somewhere in the mail. And of course, being really stupid and such, i neglected to think about it, since it usually isn't a problem and not something i have to think about too much. ~sigh~ So i don't know what to do. I should call my parents, and hopefully they'll bail me out, but i'm loathe to do that. It's just...i really can't see any other options. :( Unless i can somehow get a job that pays somewhere in the neighborhood of $100/hour and i somehow get in a bunch of hours between now and friday... ~sigh~ This really sucks. It's one thing to be poor...with literally no money. I know i have no money, and whatever money i have made or may "have" is actually not mine, it belongs to my landlord for rent in the future, or maybe to my phone company. It definitely isn't mine. So, i don't go 'out' really. When i do, it's to places that don't cost anything, or cost very very little, and i can scrape up some change to go. If i drank, i'd be screwed by now, since most people i know that do drink spend tons of money to get wasted. At least, tons to a guy with none. 'Cept, it's another thing entirely to just have this crushing bill in front of my face. Something that there's no way i can pay...no way in hell. So...i have to call my parents. I'm not sure what they'll do. It isn't as if they can't afford it. Just that they both pretty much put themselves through college with little family help, so i'm expected to do the same. I'm not sure how i feel about that. Wait, yes i am. If i end up with a kid, and he or she wants to go to school, i'll do everything in my power to help pay their way. If you ever want to make your kid feel bad...wait until he goes off to school, make him pay his own way...and then, while he's at school, put an addition on to your house to the tune of 80K. Oh, and also, redecorate. And, if you really feel like bringing him down, take him and his sister who's about 100K in debt from undergrad and med school to hawaii. Not that hawaii wasn't fun or anything. But i would have traded being there for whatever they spent on me going towards my education in some way. Hmm...now i'm painting this bad picture i suppose. My parents aren't bad people, they're great. Just...that's the way it's done, so that's the way they do it. Ah fuck me. Here i am, blathering along, it's 1030, and i've got a paper due in 12 hours or so. Now i know why nobody wants to pay me through college.

man. i should stop laughing now.

[sir archely]

Just ignore this if you don't want to hear another rant/complaining post.

Last week one of my former roommates got back his security deposit from last year. So i'm thinking, what the hell, why hasn't mine come back? I ask him where his was sent, and he says to the 'permanent' address he put down on our lease. This permanent address is something people ask for on a regular basis when you're in college, since everyone is moving around so much, it's usually your parents' address or whatever equivalent. Anyway, i go down to their office today to inquire as to where the hell my money is. So...they tell me they sent it out...(here's the kicker) to my old apartment. WHAT THE FUCK? they own the damn building...they rent it out, they know for DAMN sure that i'm not fricking living there anymore. This is just so stupid i can't even express it in words. Stupefying. I feel myself getting dumber just for being an unwitting participant in this fiasco. WHAT THE HELL? seriously, i can't comprehend it. Yes, send my security deposit (one months rent, about $500, just in case some of you think i'm freaking out about chump change) to the place that i just got done living in...and i'm moved out of...and that's why you're sending me the security deposit. We ALL put our permanent addresses on the lease...we had to...they made us, since our parents had to co-sign.

~explodes~

[sir archely]

How come i always decide to take on big important tasks when it's late at night?

Oh, it's about 2 am, i think i'll clean my room. Or, i think i'll reorganize my bookshelves. Or, i think i'll clean out the fridge, do the dishes, and go through the pantry. :dozey: What the hell am i doing? I sit around all night, and on weekends, all day, without doing much of anything at all. And i like it that way. And then, just about when everyone wants to go to bed, that's when i get the urge to go do things. I dunno.

I just think that things work out better when it's nighttime. I'm just nocturnal, that's all there is to it. I think being forced into a day-time schedule screws me up a bit. I've said it before, but whenever i get to just let my body take over and make its own schedule, i end up basically staying up all night, and sleeping during the day. I don't know why.

The night is just so much more peaceful, soothing, quiet, calm. Laid back. Inspiration almost always strikes me at night, i simply don't get good ideas until the sun goes down. When morning comes around and i'm supposed to get up, my body is saying, what the hell? this is when you should be getting in bed you moron.

Anyway, that's my reflection for the night...now i think i'm off to clean my room and do a few other things. ~shrug~

[sir archely]

Man, i feel weird. Just....weird.

My brain isn't following the paths it normally does. I barely understand what i'm trying to say or write. I find myself just trailing off when i'm trying to do something.

This afternoon in my AI seminar class, which is basically just a discussion with everyone in there (about 20 or so) i was making a point, a decent point, and all of a sudden everything just shut down. Like my brain just said no, i don't feel like doing this anymore. What the hell? I stopped in mid-sentence and just looked around and was really confused for a bit. I ended up having to just say that my train of thought just completely derailed and i had no idea what i was even talking about. I couldn't even remember what the previous parts of the conversation had been. That was fun. :dozey:

But...the crappy part is that it won't get back on the tracks. I have an exam tomorrow, so i was trying to do some reading for it, and i found myself just reading the same lines over and over, like i couldn't process it. Hopefully this will pass quickly. I don't know what's going on. Now i can't even really figure out what i'm trying to say with this.

Maybe this will make sense. Usually when i'm thinking, it's way ahead of what i'm actually doing.

Gah. now i let this sit for a while and i really don't know what i'm talking about. ~sigh~

~wanders off~

[sir archely]

hmm...here's my exam questions for tomorrow....i don't think it'll be that bad. (don't worry, i'm not cheating, they gave this out on purpose. i have to answer 4 of them.)

1. (With the summary of the text provided) a) Explain the literary
structure of Genesis 1.1-2.4 (Dr. Troxel's lecture). b) Assuming that P
has prefixed its creation narrative to that of J, specify two ends P
achieved by doing so.

2. You and a friend are discussing what you have studied in this
class. You mention Source Criticism and your friend asks you to explain it.
(a) Summarize the essential tenets of the Documentary Hypothesis and
describe the character of two of the "documents." (b) Specify two
criticisms of the Documentary Hypothesis made by Dr. Troxel. (c) Describe the
essential tenets of the Supplementary Hypothesis.

3. (a) Describe the main features of Canaanite religion. (b)
Incorporate three major figures in the Canaanite pantheon in your description.
(c) Identify two features or ideas evident in both Israelite and
Canaanite religion. (Dr. Troxel's lecture).

6. a) Identify and describe three differences between the J and P
sources of the Flood Story, according to the classic Documentary Hypothesis
(Dr. Troxel's lecture). b) According to a theory of supplementation,
how do P's supplements modify the thrust of the story?

hehe, if you're a WTP-er you can see one of my sources of inspiration on questions. Well 1 question at least. Classes are always a good place for questions. ;)

EDIT: well, those are the four i had to answer. pft. breeze.

[sir archely]

hooray for good days!

i definitely had/am having one today. woo! i feel good. sun's out. i used my study time during the day to write a poem. that always makes me feel good. plus, my exam went really well. the bus ride home was even nice and relaxing. :)

hooray!

[sir archely]

it smells like autumn at my house. yum. autumn is the best season for smells. spring is still the best overall though. ~nods~

[sir archely]

man, i'm burned out.

don't really feel like doing stuff.

or thinking very much.

don't really feel like going to class.

or staying home.

okay, i think i'm off to space out for a while. maybe this is just post-sig-other-visit-let-down-syndrome. ~sigh~

on the plus side, today i convinced one of my TAs that i had some condition called pelarariosis, which causes my hair to grow exceptionally slowly, and that i've only had my hair cut three times in my entire life, a week ago being one. i honestly think he believed me. course, why would i lie? ~shrug~

[sir archely]

man, i had a good day yesterday. dunno why exactly... started off as nothing more than a normal day. class was okay... ~shrug~

in any case, last night i went to a coffee shop that a friend of a friend owns, and played a game of trivial pursuit with my roommates. it was really relaxing and really fun.

plus, i realized that the book festival is going on this week. since i love books, this is amazingly great. they have tons of speakers, authors, profs, poets, tons. these people give talks at a bunch of various sites through the university and downtown madison. I'm thinking about going to see dan savage speak tonight (he writes "savage love" in the onion) and i'm also definitely going to go see Patricia Mcconnell tonight. I had her as a prof last semester, probably my best prof ever. Read her book, and i just want to see what she has to say. Should be good.

However, the very best part of this book festival thing is that they sell books cheaply! there's a huge used book sale that goes on at memorial library yesterday, today, friday and then saturday. On wed. it's 5 bucks to get in, so only people who are really motivated go. Thursday and friday it's open pretty much all day, and books are bought individually. BUT! on saturday, it's only open in the morning, and it's bring-your-own-bag, $2 a bag! ~drools~ you know how many books i could fit in a bag and get for two bucks!?! I'm so excited. this is only the second year of the festival, and i wanted to go so badly last year but something came up. now i get to go! going to the farmer's market sat. morning and then to the book sale. man, i'm so excited. the thing is, i'm so non-discriminating when it comes to books, i'll take anything. if you have a book you're going to throw away, DON'T!!! please, i implore you, send it to me first.

HOORAY for book sales!

~skips away~

:D

[sir archely]

arg.

storm=good.

storm knocking out phone line and therefore internet=bad.

this afternoon my phone was out, so that meant to internet.

and that meant no doing WTP, no updating the fantasy index, and no writing in the war....all of which were on my plan for today. doh.

well, maybe i'll do them in a bit, but i need some food. :)

[sir archely]

First, to NF - Your last post commenting on that time you "used" to think about stuff is a post that's thinking about stuff. ;)

That said...

It's been and is going to continue to be a crappy week. Big presentation tomorrow in my AI class, and my group blows ass. I've ended up formulating most of the arguments myself, and coming up with our entire script. ~sigh~ we're meeting again tonight and i really don't want to go because they're all idiots. oh well...it's only half my grade. ~kills group members with laser beams from eyes~

also, things with my fiancee aren't so hot at the moment. nothing big, but we're both stressed and being continuously far apart doesn't help matters any. been fighting about really stupid stuff lately. ~sigh~ oh well, i'll see her this weekend (i hope) so that should be nice.

there's some other stuff, but i don't feel like writing it.

don't really feel like going to class in a few minutes, but i know i will anyway. on the bright side, i've only got something like 40 days of class left, and then i'm done with this whole undergrad thing. then it's on to being an even more poor college grad with no job! woo!


well, i just killed my bright side. doh.

[sir archely]

I'm going to be gone for the weekend.

*cough*

Could you stop cheering at least til i'm gone?

:p

[sir archely]

~sigh~

i'm so pissed off right now.

the problem is that i don't even know why.

[sir archely]

I want to post here. But i don't have anything good to post. So...you get a picture. I always get a kick out of happy jesus stuff...

edit: i should mention that this is an actual product you can buy.

[sir archely]

Must...suppress...quill....time.

ACK!

~runs off screaming~

I have a paper due.

~runs off~

[sir archely]

arg. stupid papers. Now let me tell you something...you would not believe how accurate NF's article on the front page was for last night.

a: went to bed with about 3 pages done.
b: went to bed with a melting popsicle on my desk, hidden under a folder and some papers. ( :cry: )
c: had a half eaten bag of chips next to me. (sorry, no ramen.)

I woke up this morning, went over to the desk and saw purple liquid everywhere from the popsicle i forgot to eat. ~sigh~ at least it didn't get on the carpet. That marks the first time i've forgotten about a popsicle, ever. A lot of the liquid was actually still in the plastic wrapper, so that was good at least, it's sitting in a cup now so it won't spill anymore.

Paper is not coming along at all. This just sucks. I've got about 2 hours until class time, so i think i'm okay, but still. Sucks sucks sucks. Tonight i've got another big paper to do for tomorrow. Then...another paper due on monday. ~sigh~ at least after that i think i'm good until finals or so. Plus, while thanksgiving break is supposed to only give me thursday and friday off, so many of my classes are cancelled that i have tues. off outright as well, only one lecture on wed. that will probably be cancelled, and just two classes on monday. So...since even if my class on wed. isn't cancelled i don't plan on going, i have basically almost the entire week off. Hurrah! And with all this crap i'm doing before it, i won't have any work i need to do over that time period. Huzzah!

Mmmm....mashed potatoes...

In any case, there is a lot more i want to say, here and in other threads, particularly the deep thoughts forum, but i probably won't be able to have time to post anything meaningfull until thanksgiving break. ~shrug~ oh well.

[sir archely]

I think i decided that while i could take the time to post something meaningful, i just don't feel like it at this point. ~shrug~ I think i get into bouts of deep thoughtitude. Right now, i just don't feel like thinking that way. In any case, whatever.

Also, mmmm...mashed potatoes. I have another thing to post.

[sir archely]

You know what i like? Sneezing.

It's fun. I mean, don't get me wrong, i know it's just a bodily reflex and all that, but it's kind of a rush, isn't it? Rapid and violent exhalation and stuff? Pretty cool.

The really funny part for me is that I sneeze at very predictable times. And no, i don't mean when i inhale some pepper, or anything like that. Odd as it sounds (and probably just a correlation in my head, but still...) I tend to sneeze when i'm thinking...or doing...something, well, naughty. Fiancee and i are swapping spit, or even just sitting next to each other and i'm thinking about it, and there i go, sneezing away. And I don't even think it's because i'm allergic to something she's got on (like shampoo or whatever) because it happens even when i'm not around her. I mean, we have a very long distance relationship, so i go without seeing her for weeks and months sometimes. No matter what, if i start to think about those types of thoughts...bam...sneezing. It's rather odd how much it happens.

But you know what i don't like? Bless yous. Or God Bless yous. Or Gesundheits.

I really hate that. I don't get the point. It doesn't even matter that i like sneezing. It's not that, hey, i like sneezing, so no worries. It's more like, hey i just sneezed. How come you don't say Bless you when i fart? Or burp maybe? I think next time i hear somebody on the bus rip one i'm going to say bless you. Just because.

Seriously, yeah yeah, i'm sure that there's some history to it. As milhouse says, that's your soul trying to escape, and saying God Bless you crams it back in there. But really, what's the point? It's a friggin' sneeze. Am i supposed to say Bless me when i sneeze alone? Apparently i'm now soulless. :dozey:

The most ridiculous thing about it is that this is apparently something you're expected to do. It's not even like, hey, that was nice of you to say Bless you. (which it is for some reason) But it's also like, hey you BASTARD. I sneezed and you didn't say bless you. You motherfucking inconsiderate piece of monkey dung. Well, see if i say Bless you when YOU sneeze. I mean, c'mon.

Why is it even nice when people do it. How random is that? It's just so pointless, and inane. I mean, if you really believe in the "God Bless you" aspect of it, why the hell are you waiting to tell me that after i sneeze? And why even pick out sneezes? I don't really even want to know how it originated (hmm...WTP question forming...whirr click) but what seems to matter is how stupid it is now. If you don't believe in the "God Bless you" aspect, what the hell are you doing saying something you don't even believe in, and even further, saying it when i sneeze? Bah? I'm no expert with German, so maybe someone can help me out if i screw up this gesundheit thing, but i'm pretty sure it means something like, "good health" or "to your good health" or something like that. I supposed that's marginally better, but it's still so much pointlessness. I really don't like how far this is ingrained into our culture, that when someone sneezes, you're apparently a jackass for not saying something to recognize it. Maybe i'll start saying "Nice mucosal explosion!"

Hmm...that doesn't seem catchy enough. It's gotta pop. Something like...."bless you".....

[sir archely]

I'm just going to say this once.

[sir archely]

Heh, i just have to respond to anita's post about wombs not "meaning shit" without penises.

I know what you're saying but...

In my biotech class the prof was talking about some technique where two women could contribute genetic material to a kid, and have a child without a man being involved at all. i don't think it's currently possible (and i don't know how that falls in cloning crap) but it's around the corner. ;)

[sir archely]

Last night i dreamt that all these tiny little insect-like things were crawling all over me. I was fine with it. They were taking my body apart and assembling me into something else. I was very curious to see what they'd turn me into, but i didn't get to see. Doh.

[sir archely]

stuff your face day is almost upon us, and i'm going back to my parents' house tonight. signing off for now, might be on later though...not sure how much i'll be on this weekend. anyway, have a great night, whoever you are.

~waves~

[sir archely]

when will people get the point that just because i choose not to say anything, it doesn't mean i don't have anything to say?

[sir archely]

Why do people write "F***" or "F---" or "$hit" or anything else like that? what is the damn point? are you trying to swear without swearing? somehow you're a better person for substituting asterisks or characters that aren't quite letters but just look like them? am i supposed to applaud your restraint? it can't be because you want to spare others, since everybody knows what you're saying anyway. does it make you feel better to know that you aren't really swearing?

I guess i can understand it if you're making a joke, or saying it incomplete on purpose. like, effin something or other. or frick. i understand that. i mean, i don't really think of frick as a substitute for fuck anymore anyhow. seems like it has its own subtly different definition.

but to say "F---"? that's just stupid. if you're going to swear anyway, you might as well not do a half-a$$ed job of it.

[sir archely]

Well, i just finished up the paper i have due in about 40 minutes, and at that time i'll be heading off to my last lecture here at UW-Madtown. crazy. after that, it's two finals to go, and i'm done. it's going to be strange to be out of any type of education and have it not just be a "break." i think i'll miss the learning. i came into this university with a heavy math/science background. i expected to follow in the footsteps of my father and become an engineer. though, i expected to go into materials science and engineering, the only division that really interested me to a large extent. then... i don't know. it's not that i failed classes or anything like that, i just found myself not being interested in it anymore. not even that i wasn't interested in the material. materials science is a rather interesting field if you ask me. except, i questioned the purpose of what i was doing. what was my goal here, why was i at college at all? i look around, and i can't believe that most people around me answer that question by saying they want to be able to get a good job, and make more money. i'm here for learning, plain and simple.

i don't plan on attending my graduation, and some people don't get that either. i was at my sister's graduation, same university, so why do i need to go see it again? i'm not interested in having my name read for thousands of people who don't care (and shouldn't) and won't remember it after about 20 seconds or so (and shouldn't). i have equal non-interest in the little piece of paper that i'll be getting through the mail. i don't need someone to tell me that i've learned something, i don't need someone to tell me that i've changed. i look back at my life and i realize that this was what i needed to do. this is what i should be doing. is it selective memory? of course, even photographs are selective memory.

people keep asking me what i'm going to do now. what are my plans. i know that over x-mas, when i see relatives, the questions are going to come about the future, marriage, and philosophy. i'll answer, and i'll smile to myself, because nobody will really understand the why.

[sir archely]

well, finals, papers, school....all done. as of approximately 10:13 this morning, i finished up the last couple questions on my internet final.

strange.

anywho, you'd think that'd give me a lot more time to be around the quill. and you'd be right. except that my fiancee is coming up to visit this afternoon for a few days, so.... probably won't be around very much for those few days. ;)

[sir archely]

just a note, while i'm at my parents' i don't have MSN, so you won't find me on it at all. you'll have to sign on AIM if you wanted to talk to me. ;)

[sir archely]

well, i haven't been here in a while. actually, i guess it hasn't been really that long, not even a week. somehow it feels like a pretty long time though. i don't know why. in case anyone was wondering why i fell off the face of the earth, though i doubt it, it's because i was up north visiting relatives for the holidays, and i don't have computer access up there. ~shrug~

i'm really sad today, and i can't figure out why. i had a great day yesterday, got a bunch of my friends together and watched the entire lotr series from start to finish. that was fun. especially since we watched the first two on a huge wide-screen tv with an amazing sound system. but...i dunno. just a blah day today. i hope your day is going better than mine. or at least feels like it is.

more i want to write, but nothing i really feel like saying.

[sir archely]

again, it's been a week since i've been here. on the first, around 11 pm, i started looking for plane tickets to go out the PA to see my fiancee for a week. so, i'm looking, and thinking that to get them cheap enough, i wouldn't leave for probably another week at least. then, on a whim, i search for flights on the second....it paid off. i found a nice cheap one, it left at 6 am friday morning. so, within 7 hours of my buying a ticket i was on a plane. :) just got back to madison yesterday, and i'm here for a while now. out of school and out of work, so...~shrug~ trying to get a job.

anyway, the days seem to be going extremely slowly for me right now, and i think that's a good thing. today, i think, is monday, but it seems like it should be friday. i had a looooong day yesterady, but in a good way. it's fun when the days don't end sometimes, and you can just sit in them for a while. nothing extraordinary happened, but it's nice to be slow.

also, i wanted to say a special thank you to nightfairy. i actually got to talk to her for a bit last night, and it made my day. makes me smile. thank you.

[sir archely]

~rides around on shiny new unicycle~

:D

[sir archely]

~mutters incoherently~

[sir archely]

I made some good soup this afternoon.

[sir archely]

heh, if you want to know what "kind of DnD character" i am, just look at nf's results. ;)

also, i think my MSN crapped out. :( in any case, it won't let me log on, or if it does, everything goes all white. stupid MSN.

[sir archely]

I don't understand the desire to unravel the mysteries of the universe. I don't understand why scientists pour effort into studies and experiments that explain something in terms we've invented to explain things. I don't understand why people always want to know the trick behind the magic. Or the answer to a riddle.

What is this drive that so many people seem to share? This want to know all the answers? Know as much as possible? Know the truth? Where does it come from? Why does it seem to drive our species to new heights of greatness and idiocy? Why Why Why?

How many people like to say they don't know something? Do you find yourself making up excuses and half-truths so you can avoid saying "i don't know" ? Or are you consumed by learning and your memory so much that you don't have to say it? What's wrong with an unanswered question? Everyone wants a little bit of the Truth. Wants to figure Something out. I'm doing it right now.

I don't understand why being content is a bad thing. Sated. Complacent. Serene. Lazy? Pacified. Soothed. Tranquil? Placated? How being happy with where you are and what you know is negative. You have no drive, no aspirations, no desire, no aim, ambition, goals.

I don't know all of these things. I don't have the answer. And I don't want to find out. Once you know the trick, it's not magic anymore.

[sir archely]

Oh yippee. I'm probably going to get a job. ~sigh~ i'd be happy, but for a few things. the job is not in madison. it's near where my parents live... so... i'll be going back to live with them again for a while, which i really don't want to do. I'm rather comfortable in my apartment, and plus, my parents aren't here. Not that i don't get along with them... they just get annoying after a while. But, that's not the worst part.

The worst part is that it's a second shift job. Meaning, i'm probably going to end up working 3-11 PM, monday-friday. yippee. scratch any evening plans i might have, including RPG nights. Oh, and also, scratch pretty much all human contact, since most people i know do stuff during the day, and then come home in the evening... when i'll be at work. ~sigh~ and that's not even the worst part of that deal. The absolute WORST part of it is that my fiancee works pretty much 9-5. So... i have no clue how we're going to be able to talk, or do anything that we normally do. Being roughly 1000 miles apart, more or less permanently until we get married in july, it's not as though we can just make time to zip over to the other person's house for a bit. Plus, since she's on EST, i'll be getting off of work at midnight her time, add on a 25 minute drive home, and it's close to 12:30 her time when i could call. When she has to get up at 7, that's not really great for a nice phone conversation. Looks to be many nights of "hello, goodnight."

Thing is, i don't think i can really turn this job down either. I haven't been able to find anything here, and my dad has pretty much lined this up for me. Plus, it'd be full time, at 8 bucks an hour, which, considering my current wages of -something an hour, is good.

~sigh~

~waves~

[sir archely]

well, i've been at the new job a week. it's... good. i think. just getting the feel for the situation, what's expected of me, and what everyone there is like. it's interesting. i work in a plastic injection molding factory, makes lots of little plastic pieces for bunches of different applications. today i worked on clips and washers for harleys, cable guides for chrysler cars, and some little things that i can't remember what they were. in any case, the machine spits out the pieces into a box, you take them out of the box, dump them on the table, and go through them to make sure they're up to specifications. sometimes you have to break them off the runners, or do something else to them. it's pretty repetitive, but it's okay work. don't have to think much, and i'm free to let my mind wander. put the good ones in the box, put the scrap in the grinder.

i've been practicing saying the alphabet backwards in my head, just in case it ever comes up.

in any given day i go through 7000 or so parts, sometimes more, sometimes less, depending on the part and the cycle time of the machine. you have to make sure to look at every one, cause they might have flash, or be shorted, or any number of other errors. i'm developing factory hands as well. callouses, nicks, cuts, gouges, burns (the plastic is damn hot when it pops out of the mold) and they're pretty much perpetually dirty with oil and grease that comes off the machines. i like having dirty hands. something satisfying about having dirty hands. used hands. about having dirt under my nails, and seeing how the dirt forms to the lines.

the people are interesting too. they're still feeling me out. find out i graduated with a degree in philosophy and they want me to "philosophize" for them. heh. they're nice, helpful, and most have a sense of humor.

all in all, it's a good job. well, not a good job, the actual work is shit. but, it's still a good job.

[sir archely]

frigging hell, when it's the other guy's bombs, it's unspeakable evil. when it's your bombs, it's a necessary evil, or even a righteous act. your adversary is still a person, god damn it.

rules of the playground govern the world, and everyone says the other one started it. killing, war, terrorism, it's all the same. just cowardice.

[sir archely]

it's a silent kind of day for me. i'd like to just sit with you all, sit and be comfortable. though, the silence doesn't quite translate well to this. just imagine a quiet moonlit night on the grass with me. :)

[sir archely]

i saw a bumper sticker today that had an american flag on it, of course, the red was faded out. it also had this slogan.

"support peace. kill saddam."

~confused/disgusted/angry/sad~

[sir archely]

i delight myself by singing to a deaf dog.

:D

~goes on singing~

[sir archely]

ugh. greeting cards. my mom and i have this ongoing feud. she sees fit to send everyone she knows greeting cards for any reason or no reason at all, and i see fit to not acknowledge them or send anything back. good thing i'm living here now, i don't get as many (yes, as many) cards.

okay, here's what i don't understand. she goes to the store, looks at cards, and will buy some that she doesn't even have a use for yet. c'mon! i suppose it at least saves on some trips to the store, but what the hell? ~sigh~ i'm just bitter i guess. or something.

but, i'm not big on holidays and b-days in general, cause they're just... pretty... pointless. i dunno. yes, i know it's a nice time to have with your family, and an excuse to have a party or whatever. but i'd rather have a party for no reason at all than to celebrate the day i was born. if anything b-days should be parties for the mother, not the kid.

gah. sick of writing. more i could write on this and ramble but...

in conclusion, if you're going to write me a note, and it's not on the computer, take the damn time to write a real letter, on real paper, (as opposed to the fake paper of greeting cards :umm: ) and put some real thought into it, instead of picking out some stranger's thoughts or joke that you like the bestest out of the bunch.

~recycles another greeting card~

~sigh~

[sir archely]

oh boy. tonight as i let the dog outside i just wandered out for a bit. it was so quiet and peaceful and it smelled so good i couldn't believe it. spring is just starting up around here, and it rained a bit tonight. not the harsh rains of winter when it's just not cold enough to snow, but the really nice rains of spring. and the smell of earth and things and the rain. oh boy it was nice. i just stood out there for who knows how long smelling until the dog started getting impatient.

and! we even had some thunder and lightning last night. :D

that smell tonight has just... recharged me or something.

~contented sigh~

[sir archely]

ha! i just stole 5 seconds of your time.

and i'm not giving it back.

:p

[sir archely]

it seems to me that the world would be a better place if there weren't so many people trying to make it so.

[sir archely]

won't be around so much this week, fiancee is here to visit. :D

also, to the game group, don't hold your breath waiting for me tomorrow night. sorry, but sometimes things to take priority. ;)

[sir archely]

oops, apparently me fail english for that last post. blah.

haven't posted in here for a while, dunno why.

job is interesting. i've been transferred twice since i've been there now. first they transferred me from molding (sorting parts) to assembly, where i actually used welders and stuff to put plastic parts together. that was better, but then once they found out i could use a comp, i was transferred to the quality assurance department. i have my own desk and computer now, and i sit there all day and do tons of measurments of parts off the blueprint. strange. too bad it didn't come with a raise. ah well.

also, my fiancee now has sure paid tuition to seminary next year, which is great, and she's possibly going to have her room, board and books paid for, and a stipend on top of that. which would be amazingly nifty. cause then we might not have to eat so much cardboard.

and my other bit of news was that my comp died a bit ago. which sucks a lot. the burner still works, so i'm trying to get everything off of there that i can, but it's slow going. this means i can't do anything with the stuff i was doing. you heard me. oh well. at least right now i have my parents' comp to fall back on. and they just got a new one so... yeah. too bad mine died AFTER they gave away their old one. damn it.

anyway, no real thoughts, but i had to post something, i was getting near the dreaded SECOND PAGE OF REFLECTIONS. where all the posts are deleted by nasty admins. so be warned. heh.

[sir archely]

i'm still not understanding this whole job thing. gah. time at work passes so slowly... and then it's tomorrow. where did today go? i'm all thrown off cause my head thinks it's still supposed to be winter. i just slipped, and when i got up and looked around, it was two months later.

And i don't even know what i'm doing it for. i do all of these measurements and record all of this crap, and even IN context it makes no sense. Not to mention that if you step back and look at it, it's nothing at all. I originally was amazed that someone would pay me to do something like this... now it just seems appropriate that i get money for it.

i can't understand where all of this is leading. not even that. i can't understand why everyone seems to think they're going somewhere. why this stuff HAS to lead somewhere. as i understand it, we're all working all this time to make our lives better, and improve our quality of life... but i don't see how that can be if we spend all of our time working at it. i'd rather die at 35 after living a life of easygoing times than die at 80 after spending much of my life working to save up money so i can stop working, and then spend my last years being kept alive by some machine.

it's really tiring watching all of these people trying so hard. trying to do well in school, trying to get a good job, trying trying trying. i don't know why we have to force everything. i mean, who cares what kind of tree it is? isn't it good enough that it gives you shade and sways in the wind?

[sir archely]

well, just a what's going on post here. today my fiancee comes to visit :D and then during july i'll be staying with her family. just don't know what my internet access will be like (and i'd have to use a mac, so you know i'm not going to be too eager about it). so... yeah. probably won't be around very much at all. hope everyone has a fun july. and so forth.

[sir archely]

Ha HA! Just managed not to fall off the first page. So my reflections weren't eaten by the monster. Anyway, i'm really missing all of you guys, computer stuff here is crappy. My wife has a wonderful little iBook that connects to the internet in the happiest of manners. (blech.) while my old PC keeps sending me the message of "screw off you bastard, i've done my piece." mostly by randomly shutting itself off. i've done nearly everything i can think of to fix the problem with no success. if anyone who reads this randomly has some advice, it would be appreciated.

i'm all out of touch with the board here and disoriented because the update i was so looking forward to happened while i was gone. and it's not that it's confusing, just that it's like i've come back to a different place. (but thanks mike! *cheer9mike* yes, the 9 is on purpose. i like nines.

oh well. still working on compy. hopefully i'll either get a job soon and be able to buy a new one, or my head will explode. we'll see. much hugs to you all.

[sir archely]

i'm feeling particularly multi-dimensional today.

[sir archely]

ugh, no offense to all you vegetarians or vegans out there, but at least have a good reason for doing it. and be SMART, not s-m-r-t about your vegetarian lifestyle. becoming a vegetarian does not equal eating everything you normally do except meat.

so, this girl in my wife's class is a vegan. great, that's fine, she's also a professional clown. same difference, good for her. except... her stated reason for being a vegan is that she doesn't eat things that were once alive. she explained this while chowing down on a salad and veggies. uh... what was that? i mean, come on. i didn't get a chance to talk to her about it, but i'm mighty curious to hear what criteria she uses for determining that plants aren't alive.

and, okay, i can almost see saying that you don't eat animals cause, well, they're animals and you think they're cute and have feelings. even that's a little weak from this philosophy major's perspective... considering that the classification of animal or plant is a pretty weak one to begin with. some things don't fit in either, and some fit in both and we have no freakin idea where they belong. the whole deal is contrived so we can have some nice labels and boxes for things in our heads for the ease of thinking. but to base your holier than thou eating morals on it? nsh. not eating "animals" for religious reasons holds about the same amount of water... unless of course you've got a handy list. but i guess at least that way you don't have to think about it and wonder about the whys at all, huh?

in addition to this, there's a whole host of reasons why cutting animal meat or all animal products out of your diet is a bad move with regards to your health. you can't get all the substances your body needs from pure plant sources. i'm sorry, you just can't. if you're a vegetarian, and you're not taking some sort of supplement, you are harming yourself. end of story. do you not think there's a reason your body is designed as an omnivore? you have the structures and organs necessary to process meat.

edit cause epiph commented: okay, the only thing you really can't get from a pure plant diet is B12. i should point out that technically vegetarianism is a purely plant sources diet. though, with my earlier comments regarding vegetarians and vegans i probably should have said vegans to be more consistent. the problem is that while you can get everything else from plant sources, it's probably not a good idea to. Simply because some things just don't occur in high enough frequency in plants to be useful. it should be apparent that this sort of diet requires much close monitoring with regards to intake than another, more "balanced" (by which i mean balanced from all different types of food) diet would. supplements are pretty much a given, and even if you think not, it's not a bad idea. furthermore, the ability to do it does not make a good case for engaging in the behavior. you still need a decent reason.

the only real reason i can see being a vegetarian or vegan is for environmental reasons. the only problem with this is that there are organically raised (and most times humanely killed as well) meat sources that aim for exactly this crowd of people. maybe not as good as hunting it yourself (but if you're out for environmental protection, this is puzzling as well.. why vegetarian? is hunted animal okay?) but it's as close as some people, like city-dwellers, can get.

on the other side though, at least these people are thinking about what they're eating and taking some responsibility for it. i'm damn sick of people not caring where things like that come from. it's all packaged nicely there in the grocery store, and you don't even have to think before you toss it in the cart. be responsible! acknowledge that your choices have consequences!

i'm just rambling at this stage. the point i was trying to make is that vegetarians and vegans have a lot of thinking to do. oh, one final thing, if you're a vegetarian cause it's "trendy," i might have to punch you in the face.

[sir archely]

hmm... i don't think i should be allowed to use exclamation points very often. somehow that just doesn't fit.

[sir archely]

So. there's this notion that a lot of people have that we need to have the bad times to appreciate the good times. i got a comment on a reflection a while ago about jobs/working. basically amounted to this idea. we need work to appreciate the fun.

even in discussions of good/evil in a philosophy setting this idea comes up. can't have evil without good. it's always this antipodean idea. if it's not good, it's evil. or the other way around.

the reality is more of a spectrum. there are plenty of things that aren't good or evil. it's strange how people recognize this fact all the time, and yet are still willing to divide everything into black and white terms seemingly for convenience.

the idea that you need contrast to appreciate something or notice something isn't necessarily even a given... but i'm not even going to get into that. i'll just pretend it is. there's nothing in it that says you need the opposite to see either. you don't need black to see white... you'd just need not white. you don't need evil to appreciate good, or work to appreciate fun, you just need things that aren't good... and aren't fun. and not good does not necessarily equal evil.

[sir archely]

oh hummus. how i love thee.

[sir archely]

so, i've decided i need a title other than the faithful tilda.

anyone who reads this, i am taking suggestions. so, suggest away in PM form. hooray.

[sir archely]

it sometimes bothers me that i only have two hands with which to do things. it seems like i should have more. i keep trying to use arms that don't exist.

[sir archely]

sorry, totally meaningless post. i just wanted to see a bunch of this guy all twirling in unison.


:quirk: :quirk: :quirk: :quirk: :quirk: :quirk: :quirk: :quirk: :quirk: :quirk:

[sir archely]

I thought about putting this in the post-election thoughts thread, but i really didn't want to start anything, just put down some thoughts.

It seems that the more i read, the more i'm convinced that this election is just as much a mess as the 2000 election.... and guess what, elections will continue to be a mess unless something major is done. That doesn't seem exactly likely given that the Bush administration was supposedly going to reform the system and that never happened. The Help America Vote Act (HAVA) is largely an empty promise, with many of the bills passing, but nothing actually being done. The infrastructure just isn't there. In fact, the vast majority of the deadlines that were set with the HAVA haven't been met, and the responsibility for those deadlines not met is largely on the shoulders of the federal end of things, not the state.


The really sad thing is that there are millions of votes that won't have a possibility of being counted for this election... and this doesn't even qualify as a story for most news sources, because it's so common. It's just glossed over. Vote results never add up to the nice 100% totals that you see on the news networks, they just throw these spoiled votes out and don't even count them as possible votes cast. Apparently the technical term for these uncounted votes is "spoilage" and there can be may different ways a vote is spoiled and tossed out. Everybody knows the chads language now, but the interesting part to think about is that the most likely machines to screw up a vote are the oldest and crappiest ones. This isn't the interesting part. The interesting part is that these machines are far more likely, duh, to be in the lowest class areas... coincidentally these are the same areas that are usually minority regions. And, amazingly, these regions usually vote overwhelmingly Democratic. In 2000 there were more than 2 million "spoiled" votes. And in FL, some 54% of the spoiled votes were from black voters.


[uh, still more to come, but i've been caught up in chat and don't want to keep this open any longer.]

[sir archely]

I remember days my sister and i would wake up and not know where we were. We'd be in a strange room, the roof was slanted over our heads, the bed was creaky and old, and the window looked out from an unfamiliar height. Then the smell of bacon and eggs would reach us from the kitchen downstairs and we'd instantly remember that we were at our grandparents' home. We'd jump out of bed and race down the twisting wooden stairs, only to skid to a halt at the bottom and receive a stern motherly reprimand for running on the "dangerous" steps. Even that couldn't dampen our excitement.

Every saturday morning, and nearly every morning otherwise, while we were at our grandparent's house in northern wisconsin my grandma would wake up around four in the morning. I don't know why, just one of those things that it seemed like all old people did: start getting up earlier and earlier. She'd play solitaire for a couple hours with a deck of cards that seemed to barely resemble cards anymore. I'm pretty sure only she knew which cards were which. Then she might do a little baking, a pie for later, or something to put in the freezer for us to take home when we went. After that she'd start on the scrambled eggs, bacon and toast. Her scrambled eggs were perfectly fluffy and light, and delicious. For some reason there seemed to perpetually be bacon in that house. Reach into her fridge without looking and you had a good chance to come away with some bacon. I still don't know where it all came from. It wasn't good for us, but it was oh so good. The smell would just drift up and get us out of bed. The toast always came with fresh rhubarb jam made from the rhubarb my grandfather grew in his garden. I hated the stuff, but that's what everyone put on their toast at grandparents' house.

After breakfast, we would go up and get dressed to start exploring. The house itself seemed to have no end of nooks and crannies to hide oneself in, and the attic was full to the brim with old odds and ends. But we'd come down and into the living room and be distracted by my grandfather. An old gruff man on the surface, he lived to see us kids smile. I remember him saying that a child's smile can light up the world. He'd be in his old chair, reading the paper. Until we came down. Then he might tell us a joke, or tickle us, or just sit us on his lap while he read. He loved to sit us on his lap and we loved it too. Sometimes he would take us out to his garden. He spent hours in that garden, just poking around, caring for his plants, the rhubarb most of all. He always liked showing off how big they were. We loved the flowers he grew, but they couldn't keep our attention like they kept his. We'd explore the yard, climbing the good climbing trees and hanging string and can telephones from tree to tree. After a while we'd follow him into the garage. While he tinkered around with who knows what we'd explore among the objects that can accumulate after a lifetime. Old things from the farm that we didn't even recognize. Things only made of wood and smarts that seemed foreign to us. He always used to tell us, with a wink and a smile, that he had built the garage with his own bare hands. We never did believe him and laughed along with him, but now I wonder if it was true.

As the years went on he began to turn more and more angry and gruff. His garden became forgotten and the garage was mostly just full of dust and memories. He'd get frustrated because he couldn't find his glasses to read the paper. Then he just stopped reading the paper alltogether. He'd get upset because he forgot where the remote was when he wanted to watch the Packer game on tv. Then he forgot that the Packers were on. By the time he and my grandma moved from that house into an assisted living apartment, we knew that it wasn't just him getting old. The Alzheimer's was doing a number on his head, and he was frustrated and angry that things weren't like he remembered them; or that he couldn't remember them at all. He didn't tickle any more, and eventually he couldn't function on his own. My grandma helped him live then, getting him dressed and getting him to eat. She would turn the game on for him then, and he'd watch, but he wouldn't be interested in it any more. Eventually it got so my grandma couldn't handle it. He was visible deteriorating, getting skinnier and more of a glazed look that saw past anything. He tried to pretend sometimes, he knew he was supposed to know you, but he didn't. Finally my grandpa had to move into a place where nurses were on duty all day, and took care of him more than my grandma could. We'd go to see him then, and he'd be in a wheelchair, his head down, in his bathrobe, and pointed at a wall. He didn't seem to mind. He'd frequently be wearing only a single shoe. The nurses told us that for some reason he would kick off a shoe all the time and they would find it in strange places. He never recognized me or my sister. Sometimes he would know my mom or my dad, but not very often. Very often he would not even realize that we were there and talking to him. My grandma would go see him, and he always seemed to recognize her. I guess sixty-plus years of seeing someone every day gets them fairly deep into your brain. She would talk to him, spend hours talking to him, and he would hold her hand. It wasn't much of a surprise when he passed away.

I remember driving up there for the funeral. Going to the church and sitting in the front because we were family. It didn't matter much anyway; there weren't many people in the church at all. My grandfather had outlived most of his friends and a lot of the relatives were either too old or too far away to come. I remember crying during that service. It just didn't seem real. The person that my grandfather was hadn't been the one that we'd seen the past few years. That person was someone else. I remember driving to the gravesite in the funeral procession. All the cars we passed pulling over and offering a silent prayer for the dead, only moving on once the procession was passed. That's how it is in small town northern wisconsin. I remember reaching the grave and going to the back of the hearse. The grandchildren were the pall-bearers and so we rolled the casket into our hands. I remember thinking that it was so light. We carried it over and then stood with our family. I can see my dad crying for his dad and realizing that someday that will be me, crying for him.

It's been more than a few years since my grandfather died. Enough years that my memory of it is faded and patchy. There are things I don't remember. Things that only came back to me in this telling. And i know that most of it will probably fade as more years pile on. There may come a time within my lifetime that there is nobody, including me, who remembers my grandpa's smile and laugh. That's okay though. Memories fade and disappear, or become distorted with the passing of time. I will enjoy mine while i have them, and not cry for them when they're gone.

[sir archely]

blarg. at the in-laws for gluttony day. thought i would have time to read and post on here. i do, but i'm having trouble getting past the damn all-mac interface here. arg. will be back in a few days when i have a mouse with more than one button. g.

[sir archely]

bah, should probably finish that post from a few posts ago. oh well.

anyway, this is the time of the year that i get really moody i think. every other second i'm seeing images of either kindness or greed. pointless consumption for the sake of consumption on one hand, and in the other a truly compassionate spirit of giving. seeing commercials for diamonds, luxury cars, etc. etc. just makes me want to hurl. or throw something at the tv. most times i just go read or flip on the x-box. i can only tolerate tv for so long. most of what i watch is football and even that can't keep me glued unless it's a phenomenal game.

i saw this commercial the other day for some sort of luxury car and the message was something about how every dream is different. but i'm thinking, since when? the vast majority of people dream about what they see on tv, the balanced happy family with a 2 car garage and the shot throw the frosted window of little jimmy getting a puppy for xmas in front of the fire while richard and nancy look on with smiles and sister betty brushes the hair on her new doll. i mean, that's extreme, and i guess each dream is different in that it's different names, different houses, in the details. but so many people have the same basic dreams it's amazing. i don't know why i think that's wrong, but it just is. something lacking by way of variety or diversity. i guess the car commercial actually makes a good deal of reflection possible. the claim is (i think) that they have different deals, or packages on the car to satisfy every desire. but it's only in the details, the overall product isn't that different. there's just something about the homogenization of dreams that really disturbs me.

and then i turn and see all of this... well, for lack of a more apt term, crap. all this stuff that's just sitting on shelves waiting to be purchased so it can make the trip to the dump that's only been slightly delayed so that someone can make money off of it. stuff like talking fish or dancing flowers. people buy this crap? i don't get it. there's so much random junk that doesn't even really bring joy to people. i mean, take my x-box for example. i don't need it. it's pretty much a waste if you look at it from a strictly "is it useful" point of view. it's not going to get me food, directly or indirectly. it won't provide shelter, or any basic need of my body staying alive. but it is providing me with entertainment and enjoyment, and especially over a long period of time. but there's this stuff out there that's just so much waste and it's pretending to be worthwhile less and less it seems like. i feel like people are buying all of these things just so they can be the ones to put it in the trash. and then i think about all the people who are employed in building, managing and selling this crap and i can't even believe it. i mean, somewhere there's some guy who says, i'm in the dancing flower business. or, i assemble fake fruit baskets. it completely blows me away that the society we live in takes for granted that in order to keep everyone employed and eating, we have to engage in activities simply for the sake of consumption. there will be no sort of environmental reform or energy reform as long as we stick to this sort of capitalism, it just can't work. the whole thing is driven by waste.

---

and then, the next moment, i'm walking into the grocery store and confronted by a couple people who have dedicated a few hours of their life to collecting money for the salvation army. sitting outside ringing a bell for a few hours in the cold probably isn't very fun, but people do it anyway. i see different charities trying to get together old toys for kids who probably wouldn't get an xmas otherwise. there's this spirit of niceness that for some reason lays dormant for most of the year and tries to peek its timid head out during this season. and i can think how good it is to see that people are trying help one another out and giving of their time and resources for those who are less fortunate.

every other minute i'm confronted with this imagery of giving and taking, one part of the information i'm receiving is about fostering a sense of helpfulness, selflessness, and kindness. then i turn around and i'm hit in the face with an ad about how much i must want something and how cool it would be to have it. how my wife needs a little sparkly stone to sit idly on a band of semi-shiny metal for us both to feel good about our marriage. it changes my mood so much that i'd like to just block everything out. sometimes i do, but i feel like that's not the way to go about things. keeps a little perspective if you actually let yourself feel with the world for a while. let the reins go on your thoughts and just let yourself be affected by whatever hits you.

[sir archely]

So... news...

Monday, i have the first really promising interview for a job since i've been out here. At a uni library, really hoping it goes well, despite the fact that getting the job may screw up flight plans to go back to see relatives over x-mas...


in other news, my internet has been wonky for the past week. it was frustrating as hell... unfortunately, last night someone from the campus' tech dept. called... it seemed that one of our comps was spewing viruses all over the campus network. awesome. guess who's comp it was? mine. awesome. So the guy came up here and said he would look at it. all he proceeded to do was update my virus definitions and restart the comp. then my comp hung on reboot for about an hour. he left long before it actually booted though. so now, i've run the scan, cleaned things up a bit... and still have no idea if it's okay for me to get back on the network. great. oh well, at least i'm not screwing the entire rest of the campus anymore. it would be nice to know if it was okay for me to get back online though.

[sir archely]

so, they told me that if i hadn't heard anything about the job by now i should give them a call and see what's up. turns out some other interviewee had to push their interview back, and with xmas here already everything else is getting pushed back to early january. so i'm still stuck in limbo. i guess that isn't exactly bad news, as they didn't say, sorry, you blow, but it's not great either.

today/tonight/as-soon-as-i-get-off-here my wife and i are driving up to my in-laws and staying there until sunday, doing the whole xmas thing with them this year. then when we get back here, we'll stay a night and then fly to wisconsin to do post-xmas thing with family and friends out there. anyway, the point is that i probably won't be around here regularly again until after new years. have fun all and have safe travel if you're going anywhere. :)

[sir archely]

i have returned safely from my trip home. now i am sick and sleepy. blarg.

[sir archely]

heh, all the way at the bottom.

anyway.

http://us.news1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/uc/20050124/lnq050124.gif

[sir archely]

sad today. it's time to go apply for a job i don't want, at a place i don't want to work, which will probably offer me a job that i have every expectation of doing badly, because i suck at that whole sort of thing.

that's not why i'm sad though.

i can't decide if it's growth or decay. odd. oh well.

it's a shame i can't get the hang of this being friendly thing.

[sir archely]

well, just a post by way of updating my life i guess. nothing interesting here, so move on unless you are somehow intrigued. (i wouldn't be.)

in any case, yesterday i remember that i had received a gift certificate to borders book store that i had yet to use. fifty bucks! woo. mass market paperbacks are my friend. so.... well, i picked up the trade paperback of deadhouse gates, cause the stupid book isn't out in mass market edition yet. ~shakes fist~ but i did get Gaiman's American Gods and Stardust. not so sure about stardust but it was really cheap. also got the first two books of King's Dark tower series. i really wanted to get some Lovecraft too, but i figured something i hadn't already read would be better than something i had. i was tempted by this encyclopedia of fantasy literature or something that was on the shelf. it was $30 though and i didn't want to only come home with that and a couple other things. too bad i have to finish my reread of the silmarillion before i can jump into the new books. i'm anal like that with books i guess.

in other news, my dear sweet amazing wife found me something that i am incredibly excited about. probably only to have my hopes dashed again, but hey, being excited actually feels good right now, and it's been a bit since i was. anyway, the real story is that on the free library of philly website they talk about this program in which you have a "temp" job at a library in philly and while you're doing that and making money they pay for you to get your masters in library science. all you have to do is agree to work at least 2 years in the philly system after you earn it. which is no problem really. it might turn out to be difficult depending on how long the masters courses last, but not impossible. this would be amazingly perfect for me and basically instead of a crappy temporary job while my spouse is in school still, i'd get to do what i wanted to do all along. ugh, i can't even express how excited i am and how cool this would be. it's in complete contrast to my normal demeanor. i'm almost reflecting a portion of how i feel on the outside. heh. i just called and talked to some people about it and they're going to send me a packet of information about what i have to do and so forth. i can't believe i'm letting myself get my hopes up. anyway, i wanted to share that with nobody in particular, so i posted here.

having a good day today. i'll probably start volunteering at a local elementary school soon, helping with reading and that was kicked off today as well. plus i tied up a few very loose ends that i've been ignoring for the past year or so, wasted much, but hey, it's done now. phew.

only bad thing is that my father sent my W2 forms to the wrong address. so now i get to wander down the street and knock on some strangers form and ask them, "can i please have my SS number back? please?" gah! oh well, a 3 turns into an 8 so easily i guess. even that crappiness can't put a damper on me today.

[sir archely]

yikes, so many reflections, they sink quickly these days.

anyway, today i received the news about the library stuff in the mail... and all i found out was that i have to wait and take the civil service exam that'll be offered in spring or summer. damn it. why couldn't they just have said that? i also got a CD from them which was exactly the same flash video that i watched on their website. :dozey:

in other news, while slicing up an onion for dinne tonight, i managed to slice a good 60% or so of the fingernail off my left-hand index finger. dug a nice gouge out under it too. huzzah. now it's got a few bandaids on it to keep the blood from going everywhere and i can't really type with it. this post took me entirely too long to write. so that's going to be it for this crappy edition.

[sir archely]

i got a job.

i think...

~sigh~

worst job ever. no wait, that's not true, cause i'm sure some of you have worse ones. worst job i've ever had though. if i actually have it... the manager was less than clear about what exactly was going on. i have orientation, that much i know. i think maybe after orientation i'm evaluated and then we'll see.

[sir archely]

i need a hug. :(

edit: sorry for writing nothing interesting, but it is my reflections. go away.

[sir archely]

so, among other things, the last hug i needed was because my grandma went to the hospital. she had fallen down in her apt. and couldn't get back up. of course, she has one of those beeper thingies that she can push if this were to happen, but according to grandma logic she's supposed to tough it out with a couple cracked vertebrae. she spent a few days in the hospital, and is at a nursing home right now. she'll do rehab for six weeks and either get to go home, or basically spend the rest of her life there. it's frustrating that i can't really go see her since she's so far away.

the other thing is that my job really blows. okay, that was an overstatement until today. i was pretty upset earlier this week just cause i would go to work, come home, and just be tired. serving is basically walking around fetching things all day, and maybe it gets easier once you've done it a while, but being new, i'm really feeling the miles i'm putting on all the time. so i'd come home, be tired, and just sit around until i'd go to bed pretty early since i'd have to get up at 5 or 6 the next morning. just the feeling that i wasn't really thinking anymore. i don't feel much like me. it was extremely easy to sit on the couch and just zone out at the television for a few hours at night, and that was disappointing, to say the least. i don't even like tv that much, but it's just an easy way to be bored. so i was really feeling that the other night.

which leads me to today. today was crap. total utter crap. i worked 8-4. around 10 this dude comes in for breakfast, and i'm his server. i've even served him before, only a few days ago maybe. so i'm all nice and welcome him back and cheesy crap like that. he orders breakfast and eats, and then i get him his check. well, we're supposed to take the money at the table, and then go put it in the computer. however, we carry all the money we've taken in for the day in our aprons. (if you think this sounds retarded, you're right. i couldn't believe this when i first started working there. it's incredibly inefficient, but i guess... well, i'll get there.) So the dude is sitting there for probably about an hour, just sitting with his bill and drinking water. At this point i'm starting to wonder what's up with him, that he hasn't paid yet. He does have a newspaper, so hey, maybe he's a slow reader, right? well, i'm back in the service aisle getting drinks for some other table, and he comes up to the front register. this is not uncommon, when people get antsy sometimes, they just come up to pay. also, the place just switched from paying up front to paying at the table, so people get confused. i'm his server, so in the computer, i'm the only one able to check him out. i got up to help him, and he pats his pockets and searches in them like he's looking for money. at this point i get out the money in my apron, cause i figure i'm going to have to make change. so with my left hand, i have a wad of money, my right is up on the computer touch screen. instead of pulling out money, the guy pulls out a knife, grabs my right wrist, pulls me towards him, and puts the knife over the counter and sort of at my stomach. no other customers are really up there, and they can't see the knife anyway. so he demands i open the register. which has no money in it. and i can't open anyway, cause i don't have key for it. i tell him it's empty, i can't open it, and all i have is the money already in my hand. he keeps demanding i open the register, and luckily a manager came up then and realized what was going on. she opened the register, showed him the emptiness and then he grabbed the money out of my hand and took off. she instantly dialed 911 and ran to the door to try and get his car make and plates. then another manager came up, i told him what happened and he took off, got in his car, and chased after the guy. he got the plates. well, i'm sick of the story, so, to make a long story short, i spent much of the day at the police station or riding in the back of the police car to and from the station. i gave my statement, ID'ed a pic of the guy out of a bunch of pictures they showed me, and then went back to work. i told them all what the deal was, and then they gave me the option of just taking off for the day or staying there. i definitely decided to just come home and i've been sitting here wondering if it actually happened for much of the night.

[sir archely]

so... went in to work today. worked 8-4. around 9:30 my manager came out front, stopped me, and told me that the police had called and told him they caught the guy. which is reassuring. but anyway, the license plates on his car were registered to a local address. the address turned out to be a vacant lot or empty building or something, but the police questioned some neighbors who said the guy sleeps in his car around there a lot. So apparently they picked him up there this morning.

maybe i shouldn't, i dunno, but i really kind of feel sorry for the guy. it's hard for me to imagine what is happening in his life that he's at the point where he thinks he needs to do something like this. he ended up getting something like $100-$120, but i'm told (don't know if this is right or not) that any sort of armed robbery in PA (whether it be with a gun, a knife, a screwdriver or a water pistol) is automatic jail time. i mean, when do you weigh it out and honestly think that it's worth it. i just hope that contrary to what my intuition says, being processed in this system actually helps him get straightened out and back on track.

[sir archely]

i've been messing about with this anagram thingy (http://www.wordsmith.org/anagram/advanced.html) lately. well, today. cause it's my day off, and i can do worthless things like that.

some funny ones:

nightfairy =
angry if hit
or
thy fair gin

malcor sylverwood =
lo, lords, a mercy vow
or
comely sword valor (oooh, that's a good one. then again, there are a ton of options for malcor's name.)

laughing turtle =
light tuna gruel
(i didn't find too many other good ones for LT, but again, there were a TON of results and i didn't feel like sifting so long.)

sir archely =
rich layers
or
rich slayer


hehe

maybe i'll do some more later. some people don't have long enough names though... :p

[sir archely]

more anagrams, cause i'm bored.

apocalypse:
a sloppy ace
or
coy appeals

anita blake:
a balkan tie (i enjoy this one)
or
a banal kite
or
a lab intake

jennifer:
free jinn
or
reef jinn

lyle:
yell

nachtnoir:
a torch inn
or
torn chain
or
iron chant

tatum:
a mutt
(Sorry! it was too good to pass up. :blush: )

waffles:
Fe flaws (tis the only one actually)

wiggin:
gin wig
or
win gig





tried with too many options to sort through:
sonofthesands (nests of hondas?)
quirky template



tried with little success:
alexia
chronodmin
jabbernaut
james
vivacia
wendy

[sir archely]

hehe

Bellaedonna:
a non labeled
or
abandon elle (who's elle?)
or
no anal bleed (ew)
or
all bade none (cool)
or
and noble ale

;)

[sir archely]

wow, a lot of reflections today. anyway, on to the main feature.

arch's Top Ten Reasons Why Having a Job Sucks
(in no particular order, i just felt like counting down. Also, this seemed to start as a joke, but developed into an actual rant. My apologies.)

Reason #10: The Clothes. See, they make you not only wear socks and shoes, but pants as well. I mean, i pine for the days when i could just slap on some shorts and a pair of sandals and head out. But not even that! I'm forced to get dressed at all. Nsh!

Reason #9: Idiots. They're everywhere. I'm not just talking about your garden variety idiot that everyone is occasionally. I'm talking about the real ones. I mean, if you have to ask me where the meat is on your burger... when you ordered a damn Veggieburger... I'm pretty sure that the law says I get to smack you.

Reason #8: The law actually says I can't smack anyone.

Reason #7: The Waste. Why, oh why, can't i eat that mistake-burger you're about to throw in the trash? Why, oh why, if i did eat it, would i have to pay for it? [Okay, this one is actually seriously an issue for me, and should be for everyone. i'll write a serious rant on it later.]

Reason #6: I'm forced to actually know what time it is. All this, 'be here by 8' or 'you're off at 4' business is really getting me down. there was a time in my life when i really didn't have to know what time it was. the good old days. i'm still refusing that whole watch thing though. digital watches are definitely not a pretty neat idea.

Reason #5: Who's my boss? Yeah, you know that bit in Office Space about having 8 bosses? I'm a fricking waiter and i can relate to that. How very sad. I have 5, and would have 7, except that one was fired yesterday and the other quit a week ago. Spec-tacular.

Reason #4: The things i'm required to say. Working for a corporate entity chain restaurant really blows the big one. They have these 'studies' that tell them if i mention soup or salad, people are more likely to partake in said soup or salad. So i must mention it to everyone i meet. Why don't i just read the entire fucking menu to these people so they can buy one of everything? Damn it. The really sad part is that they're completely right on the soup or salad bit. Damn it.

Reason #3: The fake waiter voice. Okay, this one is actually kinda funny, but sad when i realize i'm doing it too. All of my co-workers have a fake server voice. When we talk in the service aisle, they're normal. When we get on the floor, it gets all sugary and sweet. It's great. Like we're talking to a bunch of puppies, or babies.

Reason #2: Knowing i'm getting the shaft and not being able to do anything about it. I get the shaft for a lot of reasons, but one of the really big ones is the hours i work. Today i work 11-5. What this really means is that i'll start at 11, pick up tables until 5, and then make little to no money helping out with busy dinner shit until 6 or 6:30. wonderful. since tips are my wages, i get a whole $2.50 for that extra hour. Simply cause my bosses suck ass. Oh, did i also mention that since that extra hour or so isn't technically scheduled, it doesn't count towards my hours for the week. Meaning i'm scheduled for 36.5 or 37 hours each week, end up working 42 or so, but i'm not eligible for benefits cause i'm not scheduled for 38 hours in a week. Bastards.

Reason #1: Busting my ass for someone who doesn't tip. I think this one speaks for itself. Frankly, if you don't tip, you're... something awful i haven't thought of a word for yet. I just looooove making $2.50/hr to run around and fetch things for people (which is my job in a nutshell).

Oh, and here's a bonus fact for the day. If someone works 40 hours a week on the federal minimum wage ($5.15/hr, unless it's gone up since i saw this bit of info), they only have enough earnings to be able to afford a single bedroom apartment in 4 of the US's 3022 (that number might be off a bit, but it's close to that) counties. That's right, 4. Three in illinois and one in florida. This is according to federal guidelines stipulating what percentage of a person's income is acceptable to be spent on housing. Isn't that just grand?

[sir archely]

You watch other animals do their thing and it's elegant, despite the fact that we may find them ugly according to our own standards of what is beautiful. There is a simple marriage of form and function that can bring a grace to any sort of creature. A shark glides through the water with one unmistakable purpose and it brings a terrible grace to the act of killing. There is something sublime in a colony of ants all working independently towards a single goal, and the efficiency with which they go about their tasks.

It's hard to see that same elegance and efficiency of form within humans. Is it because we are too close to ourselves to see it? What is the function we are formed to complete? The end result seems the same for human and non-human alike, but then, the end result is never really the question at all. Life, death. It's really about how you get from one to the other and grow one from the other. So while it seems like the means of travel is clear for so many of our earthly siblings, we are unfocused. all over the place. we have this form that facillitates so many different means, but is elegant in none of them.

is it our constant ironic fate that our unfocused form is the only one that is able to wonder about it? impossible to have a sort of meaning of life when you're able to ask the question? adams wiser than comedic. the very ability in us that allows us to ask the question of our purpose is only present because our purpose is unclear. the reason we find the clear of purpose so fascinating and amazing. so foreign.

but that doesn't seem to be the main point.

[sir archely]

So Disney's Pocahontas was on tv the other night, and i watched about the last 45 minutes or so, just cause i've never seen it. and it's amazing to me that disney could even put a somewhat happy ending on this thing. i mean, i'll give them credit for not being totally typical and not having the male lead and female lead end up together happily ever after, but still. major conflict is averted. villain lead is subdued and locked up. male lead and female lead will Be Okay.

i think at the end of the movie i was supposed to feel a twinge of sadness that the two couldn't be together. really i was just feeling sick that disney managed to convey the impression that things between settling europeans and native americans would all be fine and dandy. there needs to be some sort of disclaimer at the end saying "despite the temporary peace, settlers continued to abuse, steal from and kill native americans in one of the greatest human tragedies of all time."

yarg.

[sir archely]

So, i've been meaning to write this for some time, and perhaps i have conveyed the general idea across in other writings. I thought memorial day might have been a nice time to write it, but that came and went without motivation. I suppose it's even more fitting on the 4th. The problem is that it shouldn't be more fitting on this day than any other day.

the main point of what i'm thinking is that patriotism is bullshit.

patriotism is one of those things that it seems everyone is raised with, and everyone knows it's a good thing. oh, what? patriotism? yeah, i'm patriotic. he isn't? well, now i just don't know what to think. people assume it's a good thing without even thinking about it. which is appropriate, i guess, given how much people actually think about patriotism when not talking about it directly. there are some few who live their patriotism actively. there are many who live it so passively that it's always a wonder to me how the hundreds of tiny flags in their lawn and the sticker on their car are somehow reconciled with doing good for your country. it's unclear to me how the simple display of a symbol shows that you love a particular geographic region and/or a grouping of people. it's even more random for americans, who have really no genetic ties to be as one "group."

unfortunately, patriotism is bullshit regardless of any sort of genetic ties anyway. it's utterly at odds with any sort of constructive mentality that would help people in general. i can't understand how or why i should favor this group of strangers over any other group of strangers in the world. for example. when 9-11 happened, it was a huge deal. right? except that as it was happening, it wasn't really personal for me as it was for so many other people. i'm sure people reading this right now are thinking "blasphemy!" or some other thought that means approximately the same thing. sure, it was a horrible tragedy. except why was this any more of a tragedy than any other disaster that has happened across the world and killed thousands of people? supposedly 9-11 "changed everything." of course, people have been killing each other by the thousands for a long time now. why should i feel more empathy with this particular group of people i've never met before than i should for a group that's a bit farther around the world? the general attitude inside the US seemed to be that every other gov't should immediately stop what they were doing and lend a hand. either that or get out of the way. americans seemed puzzled by the fact that it was treated as any other terrible event by many.

patriotism is just an excuse for people to favor one group over another, with no real basis for it. and if there is a basis, ie, a genetic link as in many other places besides america, then there's no reason for that either. might as well favor the genetic link between white people over black people. that's pretty much what it comes down to in the end. just a way of making other people less than human. not count as much on whatever scale we wish to put them on. patriotism is precisely the sort of idea that makes it easier for people to commit acts like 9-11. it doesn't quite make sense how it could possibly be a valid reaction to those sorts of acts.

it doesn't even work to say that you should love your country but love everyone as well. the two ideas cannot co-exist. for when there would have to be a decision made between the two, they would not be equal.

patriotism is just so much bullshit.

[sir archely]

the latest news is that my place of employment, Friendly's, where i was previously working as a server, has decided that instead they want to abuse me in even more fun and imaginative ways by training me as a manager. the plan has been in the works for a few weeks, due to the necessity of getting a background check run on me. thankfully (or unfortunately, depending on my mood) my contacts in the government seem to have successfully hushed up my years of plotting and scheming. however, today my semi-unofficial-quasi training began. i say that because i'm still waiting tables. sort of. today i was both trainee and trainer. i basically started the day out by coming in at an unheard of hour which i hope to never see again, and know that this means it is, in fact, guaranteed to make its way into my habitual schedule. i followed a manager around until about 1, then waited tables and trained a new server during the next couple hours. Left at 3:30, having logged nearly 10 hours for the day.

i was initially apprehensive of this supposed "promotion" and remain so even as it starts to take effect. i get the impression quite often that i'm having one pulled over on me, due mostly to the fact that i haven't really been talked to about wage increases, benefits, potential hours, duties or anything of that nature. they are all too lucky to have me in their bullpen, given that at this point i could really care less about all of those things. frankly, what i was and am most concerned with is the impact this will have on my relationships with other servers and staff around the place. up to this point, the staff of the place was my sole bright spot in an otherwise dreary and tedious task. for the most part kind-hearted, my co-workers are some really nice people, and given the average-ness of their collective city upbringings actually leads me to reconsider my oft-repeated unofficial motto- people suck. to my surprise, i'm actually enjoying conversing with people who are relative strangers to my life and i to theirs. in fact, there is very little i have in common with the vast majority of them and i'm finding this to be the most interesting and educational part of the job. when i first heard of a potential promotion, i was immediately worried as to how some of them would take it, especially given that i've only been there for a scant four months or so, when more than a few of them have been there for years upon years. fortunately, i seem to have underestimated them as kind people once again. for the most part they have all been extremely supportive and congratulatory. we shall see if this attitude is maintained when i actually start taking shifts on my own, and higher authorities are no longer present. i'm hopeful that it will. i seem to have won many of them over during a meeting in which i expressed my opinion of some of the more illogical policies of friendly's quite fully and vociferously to the GM. especially given that he was unable to think of a suitable response.

i still remain skeptical of the whole endeavor for both reasons given above and due to the simple fact that this isn't what i'd like to be doing with my life. i'd rather not become sucked into this world. it is almost as if i can feel a part of myself eroding each time i'm forced to comply with a portion of policy that perpetuates and even honors the wastefulness and greed of our current society. i'm not certain that i could be truly happy in any occupational venue, but i'm confident that there is somewhere that is a great deal closer to happiness. we shall see.

[sir archely]

~sigh~

I now have had time to reflect on my sojourn into the realm of quillfest. Even now i am saddened. it seems i only had enough time to realize that i wanted more time. i'm so glad wendy and james were able to stay long enough for me to be able to get up there. but here i am, about to walk out to the work that made me come home so quickly. and it sucks.

i felt very much on the outside though. i was the victim of a post-quillfest camaraderie that meant there were inside jokes and stories passing forth. it was neat to hear the stories, and be let in on some of the jokes, but it just meant i was a passer by for the night. which i really was. sad that i couldn't make it to be a part of all of those stories.

on the other side, i was actually appreciative of the fact that everyone was too tired to want to do anything. i guess i'm not the most exciting person in the world, but that was just the way i like it. just sitting around talking or not talking is fine by me. i think james and i could probably sit in silence for hours. ;)

i have more thoughts, but i'll save them for later... since i must be out the door. still relishing the real, live quill hugs.

~sigh~

[sir archely]

i definitely have a habit of saying i'll write something more later and then just leaving it. maybe that's for the best.

anyway, i've been so busy lately, but i'm not sure exactly what all i've been doing. moving to the new place has been hectic to say the least. it's been a week and we're still trying to get our broken fridge taken care of. frustrating. eating out every night (or at least having to go somewhere to get food to take home and eat or take home, make and eat) is becoming both a huge hassle and a rather annoying expense. it should speak wonders for the maintenance dept. here that the first thing they asked me when i told them about it was "is it plugged in?" sigh. so much to clean and repair and organize. we're almost there though. and we think we're probably going to get a futon for the "den." heh, we have a den. but if we do, it'd mean we could comfortably sleep 4 extra quillers... on mattresses! as long as they don't mind sharing a bed. and one is a queen size. so... i decree there is a new mecca. hehe. maybe if i make this decree in reflections and in the middle of a long post it will pass unnoticed by angry faeries and demons. though, if you come, bring some nice artwork. even nice original artwork. we have too much wall space. ;)

also frustrating was my rude realization that i couldn't find an ethernet cable plug for the internet for my comp. see, rebecca has a laptop (mac... sigh again) that fortunately contains a wireless card. they neglected to inform us before moving that this apartment is only equipped for wireless internet. sadly, my old desktop is not. no problem, right? i just go out and buy a wireless card to put in my comp. well, the first one i screwed up, i can admit it. i bought one only compatible with XP, which i do not have. i have no idea how i missed that on the box. oh well. however, now i've got one which should work... and did work... for all of 10 minutes of internet time. i was pretty much like, hooray!... and then my computer froze. i think it has driver issues, cause i had some similar problems with my webcam which i no longer use because of said issues. so.... the upshot is that my comp has no internet, and probably won't for a while since it'll be a big project (i think) to get it fixed up to the point where i'm comfortable doing resets and cleaning junk out. on the plus side, the last time i cleaned it up i messed up and lost a lot of data i thought i had already backed up... so i don't have as much to back up this time. yeah, that's the upside. well, the actual upside is that a new comp may be in the cards. perhaps a laptop. then i'd have a laptop and a desktop. well, half a desktop. excellent. i could... uh.. well... use my desktop as a glorified stereo while i do real things on my laptop? what a grand scheme. i'm open for suggestions as to brand, model, etc. at least as far as something decent for not so hefty price tag.

job has been a pain in the ass recently as well. just the hours i get are craptacular. close friday night, open sunday means... my day off on sat might as well just be a working day, between sleeping in after getting home late late, and going to be early to get up early the next day, i'm not left with much.

but yeah, not much thought in this post. just a life update.

hopefully in a week or so i'll be able to post on the quill more... and maybe actually be on AIM once in a while again.

~hugs~

[sir archely]

hey, i'm still alive over here. going on vacation up to Cape Cod for a week starting on wed... and it's free! largely the reason i can do it at all. friend has a cottage up there so that's where we're staying.

this means basically nothing, since i haven't had much time for the quill anyway. but at least my next weeklong absence will be explained. lousy aliens with no ID cards.

[sir archely]

And So. It was in the daytime when the first creatures were born. Large, imposing, and handsome. Outspoken and loud. They were proud. They were the destroyers, the subtractors. They erased where they could, and somewheres they couldn't. But when they were born, there was nothing. Nothing but themselves. And So. They lamented that they had no purpose; no reason for being. For their true purpose was to destroy, but they possessed nothing on which to work. They began to bicker amongst themselves, for who else would they bicker with? Soon bickering came to action, and they found that indeed there was something to destroy: each other. And the morning passed into afternoon with fighting and terrible destruction. Their numbers dwindled, and they grew tired. And So. Night came and the destroyers retired to await the next day with dread. For none of them wanted to destroy each other. It is simply what they had to do, what they were good at. But in the depths of the night the second-born arose. Smaller than the first, and less handsome. They were agile, quick and silent. A look of deep thought seemed to always take over their features. They were the creators. They found the nothing that so vexed the first-born and delighted in it. They built up where nothing was. They created things of wonder and amazement. And still they worked. Nothing was beyond their skill to build, seemingly out of nothing at all. And So. Night passed and they built. Soon the world was crowded with their works. Still they built. And their works crowded into one another. And they argued over who could create and who must wait their turn. And they built one another intricate prisons. They grew tired and fell to sleep. Fearing a world filled to the brim.

And So. Morning came and the first children of the world awoke to find they had something to fulfill their purpose. They destroyed with wild abandon. They broke the prisons without even knowing what they were. They even destroyed some of the sleeping children of the night, for they did not recognize them as kindred, and it seemed the correct thing to do. And so they rejoiced. They were fewer now, and unable to create any more, but they were happy. And the day passed and once again they grew tired. But this was a satisfied purposeful tired. Once again they slept. And So. The second children of the world blinked open their eyes to find all of their wondrous creations destroyed, in shambles. Not a single wonder remained from their previous hard work. And they shed tears of joy for a slate wiped clean. Those who were imprisoned cried aloud for finding themselves in freedom. They were saddened by the loss of many of their siblings, but they were the creators. And they found it good to create more of themselves. And they celebrated. Soon the world was teeming with creators and their creations. And day approached again, and they grew tired with their efforts, falling asleep before the break of day.

And So. Day and night, night and day passed. During daylight the first children destroyed, for this was right for them. During the darkness the second children built and created in the void left for them, for this was right for them. And So. It now came to pass that in the middling times a curiousity arose. In the dawning hours and the gloam a new child was born. This third child was no part of the plan, but there are always curiousities at the edges and borders of time and space. These children had aspects of both the first and second children. And many of them found a place in day or night and were happy. But some few found themselves destroying, but weeping. Or creating, but being angered. They had the ability of one child, but longed to be part of the other. And So. They only came out in the between hours of the day. Creating some little trinkets, or knocking down the same. They were confused, and always regretted what they did. Thinking, i musn't destroy this. It is wrong to undo what another has done. Or, what I am creating has no purpose. It is merely a space filler. A work of art that serves no good in this world. Who am I to make this?

And So. The numbers of these third children grew over time, even while the first and second children dwindled. Soon it was not even possible to tell the difference between the children. And these last children were a mix of the three who had passed before them. Though they felt most at home in the shadings of the day, some were born who walked about most during the noon hour in the bright light, and some were born who passed unseen through the darkest shadows of night. And So. These were acknowledged as the greatest of the children, these few who destroyed and created as the elder children did, but. Wondrous addition, and perfect subtraction. And So. They had a tempering of wisdom with their purposes. This truly gave them insight into their own abilities. And they knew not only their own purposes, but recognized that they could not stand on their own. These last few taught this wisdom to the children of the twilight and passed on. Fading into the world from which they came, they became the world. And the world sprang alive with birth and death and rebirth in a joyous celebration of creation and destruction. The children of the twilight truly learned the lesson they had been taught. And So. These children wept when they destroyed, and cried when they created.

And Yet. They smiled through the tears.

[sir archely]

so, it's been a little while since i reflected. it's been a while since i really quilled i guess. been missing people here. the way you miss when it's not just the good things, but good and bad. missing something that's absent. the problem wasn't that i had forgotten what nifty people you are, but that i hadn't.

anyway, i'm really reflecting because i had a dream a couple nights ago that i'm really still trying to figure out. i'm not necessarily of the school that dreams must mean something, but this one was just odd. the only thing i'm worried about is that people are going to think i'm some kind of psychopath if i post it.

hmm.. on that note, i think i'll think on it a bit.

[sir archely]

so, i thought on it, and i suppose i'll post it anyway...

in it, i was me, and it was in first person. ie, i was looking out through my own eyes. it started in a small town. i knew it was a small town because i knew. i was at some sort of small gathering at a kind of hall, and walked outside for some air. in a silver car outside the hall, there was a person sitting in the driver's seat. while i watched, this man placed his hands at his eyes, and ripped them out. apparently painlessly. he then ripped open his own stomach and pulled various organs out, placing them on his face. i realized (thankfully) that something was wrong with his brain, and i somehow knew it was some kind of plague. i turned to go back inside to the party, and found that people were doing this same thing behind me. i was confident, for some reason, that i wouldn't catch this plague, but wanted to be out of the area anyway. so this guy drives up in a sort of converted go-kart. the driver's seat is enclosed like a race car, but he offers me to grab on the roll cage and ride with him out of town. i agree, and we zoom off. unfortunately, this car only has three of four wheels and he makes too sharp a turn. the car flips into the air over and over, i fly off and land unharmed in a now barren desert landscape. i pick myself up, dust off, and investigate the crashed car. it is totally destroyed, and he is still inside, also totally destroyed. i wander along the road a little farther, and find a broken down shack with the word's "munn's cafe" painted on the side above the door. (at least i think so, i've heard you can't read in dreams, but i always at least seem to be able to, ~shrug~) so i go inside, hoping to find something to drink at least, because i can tell it's been a while since anyone was out this way. i go inside, and, in the back, find a freezer working overtime. the entire outside is iced up. i go to open it, and a clearly dead woman walks into the room, looks at me and says, "munn's not coming back. he's dead." i nod, understanding, and she nods back. then she turns and walks away. i open the freezer, and inside is a long dead man. i reach in, break a part of the ice off of his head, and start licking it, because i'm thirsty. then i wake up.

now, what really disturbed me about this dream is that it didn't disturb me. i mean that it's a pretty freaky dream, but during it i was totally calm. i didn't think really too much was amiss with the organ pulling out and so forth. the crushed driver wasn't all that frightening, and i was totally calm with the undead lady and dead man-sicle. it seems like it should have been a nightmare, but it really wasn't. anyway. hopefully i'm not a psychopath in your eyes now.

[sir archely]

so i guess this is the week fuck, i just got spaghetti sauce on my keyboard of arch having weird nighttime things. rebecca explained to me that while sleeping last night i starting talking to her about how confused i was that we were speaking english, and how it was all wrong. umm...right.

[sir archely]

so... today i took a civil service test. the test was for getting into this city-funded program that would pay for me to go to get my masters in library science while i worked in the free library system of philadelphia. would be cool, i think. it's too early for me to know how well i did, but it's probably not going to yield much. i understand there are people taking the test that are already technically employed by the city, and they get preferential treatment in placement and things. plus, what i had expected to be a test with maybe 10-20 participants had nearly 100 or so. so who knows. i'm not holding my breath. even if i pass this first part, i'd still have to do an oral exam. but hey, i have nothing to lose on it. well, except the $35 exam fee. but whatever.

also, i had a really good idea today. so, let's say on the side of your fridge, there was a bar code scanner, and on the front, a monitor. so everytime you get groceries, you scan the food you bought and put it away. so this computer would have a record of everything in your fridge. say a touchscreen interface for entering non-barcoded items. so when making a grocery list, you would be able to pull up a list of everything in your fridge/freezer/pantry without having to go through it. plus, it could have software that would recognize the shelf life of items, and let you know if something is bad or will be bad soon. and how about cross-referencing the items you have in your possession with various recipes, to give you some good ideas for dinners? and comparing that list with the list of nearly bad stuff, so you know what you could make with the things about to go bad? you could enter in favorite recipes, plan your meals and have the thing spit out a grocery list automatically.

of course, i really just want to live in a wired house. it'd be nice if we had keyless entry locks on doors, and a remote that could turn on outside/inside lights while you're in the car, etc etc.

[sir archely]

i would like a hat to wear that would massage my head while i wore it.

[sir archely]

just need some rambling space.

today my parents cut short their florida vacation and flew home early. it seems bailey, the puppy of 16 years, is not doing so well. she hasn't been for a while, but she got along. she can't hear at all, and has nearly lost her vision, but was peppy and playful at christmas when i went. but she always is playful with me. she was the dog i grew up with. now she isn't moving much. she's not able to get outside without being carried. she can't control her bladder. it's her time i suppose. everything, everyone has an end. there's no reason i can't be happy and sad at the same time.

also today, some people from the ELCA met in texas somewhere and decided where i'm going to live for the next year. basically they decided where my wife's internship is going to be. and where she goes, i follow. so i think we'll hear on monday. could be california, could be minnesota, could be damned near anywhere in the US. possibly canada as well, but i'm less sure of that.

job still sucks, at least this gives me ample reason to quit. even if it didn't, it's been almost 2 years, so i think i put in my time. it's funny, i hate the place, but i've really learned a lot there. not necessarily the kind of knowledge you can put on a resume, but about myself, and how i fit. i'm grateful for that, but there had to be an easier way. probably not. it's funny, when i was in high school and college, i dreaded the day i'd wake up and be 25 and have done nothing for the last half-decade but work a job. all i would be concerned about would be making more money. but it hasn't happened. i'll be 25 in april if i can add properly, and i've woken up to a job i hate for the last 2 years. before that it was a job i merely disliked. but i couldn't give a shit about the money. i'm not sure what to do with money now. i listen to corporate stuff sent down the ladder about profit and turning one, and am baffled by it. i'm not sure why we even need this profit thing they speak of. if you have enough money to live a decent life, why do you need more? i can't fathom what people are doing with the millions of dollars they have. money is no objective of mine.

but then what is my objective? kids? procreation? not sure on that either. i waffle, and when it comes to creating life, waffling is probably not a good position to have. maybe in a few years i'll be more certain one way or the other, but hey, whatever comes. education maybe? procurement of knowledge? that's more like a hobby. a side-effect of reading whatever i can sink my teeth into. and i have no specific realm of knowledge that i delve deeply into, so i'm not focused enough for it to be a real objective. happiness? i'm not into happiness any more than i'm into sadness or anger or whatever. i'm into them all i guess. being sad can be happiness.

[sir archely]

so, another general life update post here. i've once again been semi-neglecting the quill, just because things have been coming up. my job is somehow getting worse with each passing day. the equation seems to be that as the number of days i have left gets smaller, the horribleness increases exponentially.

though, this week i have jury duty. that's actually a good thing, believe it or not. i read Neil Gaiman's Anansi Boys from cover to cover Monday from about 9am to 2 pm. Just to give you some idea of how incredibly exciting and busy the Jury selection process can be. Of course, it was horrible once i ran out of book and had to sit there for another 2 hours. i was the last person picked on a civil court case jury, so i was there all day tuesday, and will be there all day friday as well. it would be wed or thurs, but there was some medical emergency. who knows. i ended up going into work today to help out, and it's amazing what a shithole it is right now. and nobody seems to care. and there's a huge evaluation of everything that can possibly be evaluated tomorrow morning. hah. oh well, it's not really my ass on the line.

the really big and exciting news is that this past weekend i spent the weekend up in the boston area. Arlington, to be more specific. which is where i'll be living for a year starting in late august. i'm really looking forward to it, for a variety of reasons. one is that i'll be able to quit philly. which i'm despising at the moment. probably the single most violent place i've lived in. it can't hold a candle to war-torn regions in other world locations, but to say that it's currently the record-holder in gun violence in the states isn't saying nothing either. i mean, more here than camden, for frank's sake. the other really exciting thing is that i'll probably be able to actually get a job within the library science field. which would be an amazingly wonderful switch from restaurant manager. i am worried about a lack of experience, but i've got some good contacts up there, and at this point i'm not reluctant to try and pull some strings, as it were. so hope along with me!

as another thought, i'm kicking around the idea of doing maybe a monthly enchanted quill podcast... not that i have a good radio voice, or that i hold some illusion that many people would listen to it, but it might be fun, eh?

[sir archely]

so, i just got done with my jury duty. went over into today from last week due to the judge getting food poisoning. great. anyway, the case was really not that interesting, except that i was the sole dissenter on the jury. and, interestingly enough, the judge told us afterwards that in her 9 years on the bench she's never seen a jury rule the way we did in a case of this type.

so, it was a civil case, and the short of it is that the jury had to decide if this accident had provided the cause of injury and if so, to award a monetary amount based on the plaintiff's loss of enjoyment of life, and past and future pain and suffering. one weird thing was that they sent us to deliberate with basically zero indication of what might be a good range to decide on for money. so we just had to pull figures out of our butt. we ended on $15,000. I wanted zero. oh well. regardless of the actual case, here's what i learned from jury duty:

For starters, the legal system in this country is extremely slow. we spent 3 solid days on a matter that could have been resolved in hours. there is so much technical crap to avoid someone saying this was a mistrial, and making sure everything is done properly, that we definitely spent more time doing that than actually listening to and evaluating the case. we only had to deliberate for about an hour, and the reason it took that long is because we ate lunch while we did it. not to mention the speed at which the wheels of justice turn (so slowly it's almost imperceptible), but there's also the amazing cost for just this tiny case. 8 jurors, paying each $102 for the total of 6 days. $816 just for that. plus fees for lawyers, judge's salary, court clerk, court supervisor guy, law clerks, it's amazing. this case was in the works for three years before it came before us this past week.

the other thing that i wanted to put in this post was that it really made me feel like litigation in this country is totally out of control. i wanted to say to everyone, look, accidents happen! that's life! you deal with it. if the same results had happened to this woman but the cause wasn't traceable to any human, she would have dealt with it and moved on with her life. pain and suffering? loss of enjoyment? pretty soon someone is going to figure out who they can sue for loss of enjoyment because they grow older and age, for fuck's sake. i mean, there was an accident. do we even know what accident means anymore? i read, chance, fortune, luck in there. it's chance! things happen! i mean, this lady went to the ER and they saw, "no visible sign of injury" and "no distress, no tenderness" and she still ended up getting $15K. damn. (and i can talk about it now, judge said so.) arg. it's hard to put into words what i'm thinking here, but i feel like, once medical bills are paid for (which they were) you just live your life the best you can. loss of enjoyment happens. i'd like to see a case in which an accident happened that benefitted the 'victim' (oops, i bumped them and they fell and landed on a winning lottery ticket) and have the person sue for 'exceeding amount of joy given for that period of their life. ups and downs are life. you don't need to blame someone and make them pay every time you stub your toe, or pour hot coffee on your own lap. last year i was walking down my hallway, tripped on myself, and fell funny, probably breaking my toe. it hurt like hell for a while, and it still doesn't bend properly. probably never will. do i go sue the carpet installer for that little bump? maybe the landlord for it? no, you move on. i fell, it happens.

blarg. now i'm just ranting and rambling, so i'll stop myself before it degenerates any farther. i'm just disgusted right now.

[sir archely]

it's unbelievably sad to me that there are people living in cities who have never been far enough away from the city lights to see the stars sprayed across a black velvet sky. never slept out in the open and been kept awake by the bright light of the moon. never wandered silently down a black path in the deep green forest.

[sir archely]

bah. so, i accidentally bought some crappy music on iTunes that was not at all what i thought it was. now i'm faced with this decision of: do i keep the music just because i bought it and have it on my computer? or do i delete the music? in essence this would be like opening my wallet, taking out a 10, and lighting it on fire.

in case you're wondering, the music is The Trucks, which turns out to be some kind of whiny all teenage girl band yelling and screaming repetitive lyrics. ~sigh~ i heard a brief portion of a review on the radio, but what i heard was a portion of music from some other band they were reviewing, and then they started talking about the trucks, and i thought that was the music i liked. blast it. that'll learn me to listen to the samples first.

damn it. i don't want to delete 10 dollars, but i also don't actually want to listen to this crappy music. arg.

[sir archely]

argh, facebook. i think it was anita who just posted on it in reflections? i'm not sure what to do with this thing. so, a college friend of mine who i email back and forth with has persuaded me to join this facebook thing. after months, possibly more than 12, of pestering, i finally gave in. so now i have a facebook page. but like i said, what do i do with it? i already email with this friend, so why would i get on there and write little notes to them for other people, who i don't know, to see? not only that, but none of my other good friends from high school or college or post-college have facebook pages. and even if they did, i'm far more likely to email them or, oh, i don't know, call them on the telephone, than i am to write on facebook. so today i check my email and see a message from facebook telling me someone has written me. and, of course, it's a person who i was semi-friends with in high school, but never really enjoyed the company of, and who i thought i had safely left behind and out of my life.

see, i'm totally okay with never seeing people again. i mean, there's no possible way i'm going to keep in touch with every damn person i ever had a friendly conversation with, but it seems like more and more, that's what i'm expected to do. i don't want to keep in touch with all of these people. that's far too much work. so now i have all of these old high school people coming out of the woodwork and seeing how my life is going, and i would have preferred if they just left me the hell alone. i guess that's what i get for starting a facebook page. ~sigh~

[sir archely]

So, here is the entire... i started to type entire moving saga, but one of the horrible parts of this saga is that it won't be completed until August 16th. At the earliest. Right now i'm just in the eye of the storm.

In any event, here's half of the saga. and it's damn long, and probably boring to most everyone.

It all started with a week from hell of packing and throwing useless things away, and in general getting rather stressed out and snappy. The week before our move, it was in the mid-90s F, and although we have an A/C unit, it only cools the bedroom. So we cranked that on for most of the time and snuck in there anytime the heat became just too unbearable. So couple the heat with the stress of packing and tying up loose ends, and you get a recipe for angry spouses. We had so many fights over really stupid stuff. It was not pleasant.

There were also some rather weird incidents that didn't help. The first incident I mentioned in random. Strange lady bangs on our front door and yells at 12:30am. Scares my wife (who was out there) and she (wife) comes to get me. I was in the back. I go out to talk to this woman, and she tells me she wants money for a cab ride downtown, as she has missed the last train. Sorry, I'm not about to shell out $60 for a taxi ride because she messed up, and there are other ways of getting a ride without bumming complete strangers for money. Hey, I don't know, maybe you could call the taxi from a pay-phone, and then when you get to your house, go up and get money for them? Even tell them to keep the meter running until you get back down. Give them something you have to ensure your own goodwill. Obviously she just didn't want to pay for the cab fare. I told her to go talk to security.

So then the next strange incident was just the capstone of 3 years of the worst administration i have EVER seen in an institution of higher education. i mean, just awful. They suck. (also, i am now abandoning capital letters. possibly some punctuation as well. i was going to leave that parenthesis hanging as a joke, but the logician in me just couldn't take it.) so the morning after the lady wants cab fare, my wife and i are laying in bed dozing at about 9am, and we hear someone start to rattle the outside doors. I'm like, what the fuck? I get out of bed, get dressed, and rebecca stays under the covers. So i go out to the kitchen where i can hear someone starting to unlock the door. clearly whoever it is has keys. so i take of the bolt, and open the door. it's a maintenance guy, with someone i've never seen before, and he has a clipboard. i say, "can i help you?" in a not so nice voice, because they're barging into my home without concern for what i'm doing, or even waiting to see if i might come to the door. (they have already come in before once while my wife was showering and i wasn't home, which is just wrong on so many levels.) they say "we're here to check out the apartment." i say, "sorry, i'm still here, and i will be here until June 30th, which is when my lease ends. You can come back after that." then i shut the door in their faces. while i'm walking back to the bedroom, i hear the front door open (different door) and bang against the chain. we never use the front door, so the chain is always across the door. i go out there, and it's a security guy. i open the door, and say "what the hell are you doing?" he says to me, "someone turned in keys for this apartment, so we're here to check it out." i say "who turned in keys? i live here, and i haven't turned any in, so if someone else did, there's a problem." he says "i don't know." (this is the head security officer for the place.) i say, "you don't know? maybe you should get your facts straight before you come barging into people's homes." i start to shut the door in his face, and he catches it saying, "but someone turned in keys." and holding up the keys to show me. i say "and i said before, who turned them in?" he says again, "i don't know." and i just shut the door in his face. argh.

so that was the week before the move. now, this is a Uhaul move, so we had a reservation for a truck with a 17' bed on it. when you make a reservation, uhaul tells you that someone will call you the day before you are supposed to pick the truck up to tell you where your site is, and when your pickup time is. so thursday was the day we were supposed to get the call. pick up on friday. so all day thursday i had the phone in my pocket, and i'm waiting for the call. 5:30pm rolls around, still no call. so, as instructed, i call the 800 number uhaul provided for me in the event that nobody calls me. i'm on hold for about 20 minutes when a guy comes on. i give him my confirmation number, and he tells me my pick up place is 2505 woodland ave, oakland, new jersey. and i have no idea where this is. (i was moving from philadelphia.) he gives me the phone number to the place, which is an express food mini-mart, and tells me to call them and confirm my pick up for tomorrow. i'm thinking, what? why do i have to call your company to tell them i'm picking up the truck? i'm on the phone with you right now. but i don't say that, i just chalk one up to uhaul being unprofessionally structured, and give the minimart a jingle. i tell the guy who i am, my confirmation number, and that i just got off the phone with uhaul telling me to pick up my truck there. he tells me okay, but i need to bring the truck back by saturday morning because he has other people who need it. i say, no, this is a one-way move, i'm dropping the truck off in boston when i get there. i'm not even leaving philadelphia until saturday morning. he says, no, no truck for you. i start to explain again that this is where uhaul told me to call and he hangs up on me. now i am getting just a wee bit pissed off. so i call the first guy back. i'm put on hold, and the thing goes to voice mail and tells me to call back during normal business hours. now i'm even more pissed off. i call back again and talk to the same guy. i tell him what happened when i called the minimart, and he says, okay we'll resolve this and get back to you before 7pm tonight. now, during the holds and calling and whatever, a few things happened. 1)i got my computer out, booted up and tried to find out where this place was in new jersey. 2)a third uhaul rep called and left a voicemail for me. when i got off the phone, i listened to the voicemail and finished my directions. then i became irate. see, the voicemail was someone else telling me that my pick up was 9am friday at the same address i got before. and the directions told me that this place was 2 hours (about 115 miles) away from where i was. it was pretty much as if i were going to new york city. so i call the first guy back, go through a bunch of hold nonsense, and finally talk to him again. i say, "so while i was on the phone with you, a different uhaul person called me and told me the same pick up place. is this my resolution? should i be waiting for another call from you? or what?" he tells me, yes, this is my resolution, i will be getting no more calls. i'm thinking, how the hell did he even know someone called me? but whatever. i then say, "do you realize that this pick up location is about 120 miles away from my moving location?" he says "yes sir, i'm sorry, but it is the closest available location with the equipment you need." i say "okay, but my truck rental only has a 400 mile limit on it, i'm not paying for the extra milage when i go over because you made me drive it an extra 120 miles in the wrong direction." he says, "i understand sir, you now have a 530 mile range." i say, "this is unbelievable, okay." and i hang up. then, since i have my computer open, i see that i have gotten a new email. the email says "your uhaul pick up is confirmed for friday, at 9am, 2505 Woodlynne Ave., Oaklyn New Jersey. I'm like, what the hell. I look up this location, and it's about a half hour drive. not great, but a hell of a lot better than 2 hours. the weird part is not that both of these places exist, but that the uhaul rep didn't bat an eye (figuratively) when i started ranting about a 2 hour drive to pick up the truck, and in fact extended my milage. like, he had no idea where i was or where my pick up was.

...continues in next post...

[sir archely]

....continued from previous post....


So the next morning we go to get the truck. we actually got it without a hitch, but the guy made a big stick about how terrible one way trips were for him because he would have to go get a truck from some other location to rent out now and he was going to have to spend the gas to pick up a different truck. boo hoo. that's the job buddy. i just stayed mostly silent so as not to jinx the deal and end up with no truck. we got a little lost on the way back due to construction, but we found our way. i also think the toll booth guy on the bridge back to philly cheated me. sign said $3 toll. nowhere was anything at all posted about higher rates for other vehicles. i get out my 3 bucks and he says, it's $9. i just gave him the 9 dollars to be done with it, but i feel like when a toll booth person sees someone in a uhaul coming up, they know it's someone who probably isn't used to driving larger vehicles. he could have said it's $20 and i wouldn't really have known any better. i probably would have questioned a $17 jump, but still. ah, whatever. he was probably being totally honest. just seemed fishy.

so friday during the day we pack the truck up, rebecca going "it's not all going to fit!" about every 10 minutes. of course, it did, with space to spare. we don't have that much stuff. big thanks to my father in law, who did much of the organizing and tetrising in the truck. brother and law and i did the heavy lifting. well, and rebecca and i moved most of the really heavy stuff out before the in-laws drove in. she was impressive too. went out to dinner at the cafette for the last time. (best restaurant in chestnut hill, philly.) then to bed on an air mattress. the next morning we got ready to go and rolled out at about 6:30am. i drove by myself in the uhaul, and rebecca and her brother drove in front of me in our car. the plan was they navigate, i just follow. it worked okay. i don't like driving big things though. i didn't hit anyone though. actually only went into the warning bumps once, and only hit one curb. 7 hours later we were at the storage facility in medford, mass. since we can't move in until august 15th, everything is going into storage until that point. we get to the storage place and the guy gives us three different units to look at and pick between. now, we had reserved a 12'x8'x6' unit. we go up and find out that the units are not only an elevator ride up, but also up a steep flight of about 8 stairs to get into the unit. not only that, but they clearly aren't even close to 6' tall. i'm about 5'8'', and i had about half an inch clearance to the ceiling. not to mention the emergency sprinkler system pipes that hung lower. i think i cracked my head seriously on about 8 different places in the unit. plus, all of the units had a rather large concrete support pole in the middle of them. so, we chose the largest one, which was also the one closest to the elevator. strangely enough, there were large differences in the sizes, obvious to the naked eye. then we pulled the uhaul up to the loading dock, and starting moving. 3.5 hours and many many crazy elevator rides later, we were totally unloaded. the elevator didn't really feel like actually coming when you pushed the button, or even going to the floor you picked, so it took a bit to actually get to the correct floor each time. plus there were only the three of us, and we didn't feel comfortable leaving the truck with nobody around it while we were up putting things in storage, so only two could go up at a time.

so, we stayed overnight with some friends in the area and did the 7 hour drive home the next day. finally, we were done.

but... like i said, we have to do it all in reverse in 6 weeks. hooray. i can't wait. anybody feel like flying out to boston for a moving fest? your payment will be as many empty boxes as you can carry...

[sir archely]

So, there we are, it's saturday night, and since neither my wife nor i actually know anyone here yet, or anywhere to go, we're at home. it's a nice night, so the windows are open, letting a slight breeze in. we live not really on the first floor, but say half a story below that. i'm laying on the floor in the living room reading, and my wife is on the couch on her computer. all of a sudden, something slams into the window screen. we both look up, freaked out, and there is a chicken, sitting on the window ledge outside, pecking at our screen and pushing against it. in general trying to get into our apartment. of course, i get up and go closer to it and start to make noise and yell at it, thinking that this will drive it away. no such luck. i actually go up to the window and push the chicken where it is bulging the screen inwards. it simply moves away from my hand and comes back again, eyeballing me and clucking in what i can only asume is anger at my insolence. i close the glass windows, fearing that this mega-chicken is going to burst through the screen into our living room and wreak havoc. i would be somewhat upset to have chicken shit on the carpet. still, the chicken does not leave. we turn off the lights, and after 10 minutes or so of glaring in at us and continuing the clucking, it wanders off. the very next night, it tried to get in again.

so now we live in terror of the urban chicken. none may know the hour of its coming. one night we could be sleeping in bed and the chicken will come to peck out our eyes. this might not be terribly unusual if we didn't live in the city.

[sir archely]

So this is in reply to the discussion in absnot largely between apoc and myself about birthdays and holidays, and apoc asked me about how i value other holidays such as christmas, etc.

i value holidays in the sense that i value that other people value them and plan time off work around them. i don't think that holidays have much intrinsic value of their own, especially when you look at the historical origins of most holidays. modern holidays (most often) bear little resemblance to their forebears, so i don't see them as being valuable in a historical context. most often they are more valuable as set-aside times of feasting/partying/in-general-not-working within close communities where tradition binds people together. and if what is really valuable about holidays is that time of togetherness and joy, i'd just as soon celebrate that without all of the bullshit commerce driven trappings of modern society.

which is not necessarily to say that i think the main problem with holidays is the way they've become trashy within our own capitalistic society. i just think that's a road they've gone down that is unfortunate. let's see...

let's set
Holiday = H
Tradition and practices = T
Celebration and togetherness = C.
so
H = T + C

I find the value of T to be largely unimportant. you could inject anything in there, as we do with quill holidays, and it doesn't matter. What is important to me is the C variable. That's what's really valuable out of the whole thing, so what's the point in putting it with T at all, why not just appreciate the celebration and love in of itself, and make it known that the tradition you actually follow is simply that of celebration of community? i dislike that we seem to need to put the mask of holiday over it. when you take the T away, the holiday just means celebrating your community, and that seems far less corruptible to me than when it's paired with tradition. less exploitable perhaps. i don't need to put up decorations, or buy meaningless gifts. maybe i'll buy a gift, and it'll be that much more meaningful and heartfelt precisely because it's not expected, or necessary and social conventions don't expect it in whatever situation.

~~~

i know this all sounds fairly cold and calculating. at least, calculating for sure, hopefully you as a reader realize i'm being anything but cold about it. certainly i do practice holidays, and i'll do things for them out of respect for popular convention and how others feel about the day(s). but, in my own heart, i feel a want for there to be no holidays, or maybe all holidays, so that we are always celebrating and enjoying time with each other.

maybe i'm totally bonkers about the whole thing, and the reason we have holidays is because it's so hard to get into that mindset all the time. maybe holidays are reminders and excuses to let your guard down and celebrate because we so often forget to do this. i just find that often people get so caught up in the specific trappings and traditions of a holiday that they forget to see what the real reason is for it, and it turns into a bad thing rather than a celebration. (no, i wasn't burned on horrible holidays as a child.)

Holidays are a time of childish snag-free and expectationless love and happiness. Letting go of your anxiety, worries, arguments and fears and remembering to live a little. modern holidays have become the antitheses to this.

i wish we could all remember to holiday a little bit every day.

now you've gotten my rambling sappy thoughts on holidays, which more than likely turn in upon themselves. but for some reason that isn't all that concerning to me.

[sir archely]

what the hell, i'll play the question game too. 3 questions, yadda yadda. i doubt there are really any questions for people to ask me though, i don't think i'm very mysterious. but hey, someone might surprise me.

~shrug~