Apocalyptic Tales

[Apoc]

Intro

Apocalyptic Tales, the short tales of hero's, heroines, kings, queens, princesses, fairies, witches, warlocks and various other strange characters in an enchanted world of kingdoms, dark magics, dragons and nasty beasties that make those bumps in the night.

The stories will involve quill members, if you have any problems with anything I write, just give me a buzz and I shall change it..the stories are merely for a laugh and I hope you enjoy them as simply that ;)

Completed & Upcoming Tales
Lexi and the Stealth Assassins of the Eclipsed Moon..completed
Waffles and the Dragon parts 1&2..completed
Under the Bed..completed
Of an Accidental Hero..completed
When Two Knights Collide, Day is Born...completed

The Apocalyptic StarWars Saga
Chapter 1 Intro...completed
Rise Of The New Order...in progress



please keep this thread clear of comments so as to keep everything tidy and easy to follow...thank you...hope you enjoy

[Apoc]

Lexi and the Stealth Assassins of the Eclipsed Moon

The wind blew slowly across the beautiful red grass creating a blue haze of light reversed brilliant blue rain, that rose upwards.

Lexi, our heroine in the making, hung upside down from the gigantic tarantula tree, it was called this for it had eight branches and the wood was two shades of brown, some appearing like orange stripes across it bark.

It was known to Lexi that the spider of the same name liked hiding amoungst the crags in the bark, yet she held no fear for them as she was....fearless. Well thats what she was striving to be.

She had spent three hundred and eighty two rises of the sun in the secluded provance to the north of the enchanted kingdom, training to become fearless. A squirrel had guided her to the greatest master in all the enchanted land, an old turtle who, to Lexi's annoyance, liked to laugh alot and stroke his wiry little beard whilst continuing to laugh maniacally at Lexi's failures. Yet she did not quit, she did NOT quit!

This, the old turtle had told her, was her last test in her training, if she survived, she would be a master in the ancient art of Fuk Yu.

To become fearless in the face of many fears, and so she hang, upside down on a tree full of tarantulas. She did not know how long she was to hang there, her master, the mad turtle, had said nothing of it, yet he rarely did speak of anything that made sense to Lexi's ears.

It suddenly became dark, in only a blink of lexi's eyes, the world had turned black. Pulling herself up onto the branch to see better, she noticed the giant ball of flame in the sky that gave the world light had turned into a silver ring with a large diamond, she stared wonderously at the sparkling diamond, "ohh pretty!" she whispered to herself, but then gasped in fright as she felt things moving with great speed all over her, the tarantulas had attacked, "damn" she thought, "they knew it, they knew it...taking away the ball of fire and replacing it with a diamond ring, so as to surprise attack me..well they have tricked the wrong little lady!" in all her thoughts, she hadn't noticed that the spiders had gone, realising this she shouted in triumph, "Ha, my telepathy attack frightened you away, yay me!"

But they had not been frightened away by Lexi's telepathy attack, but by something far more terrifying. Through the diamond ring in the sky came fourth the three stealth assassins of the eclipsed moon, landing without noise mere feet from where Lexi was shouting in triumph over the spiders of the tarantula tree.

Clad in the darkness of the night, they now moved without noise toward the oblivious Lexi. Killing all the little ants on their short journey to the tree with stealthly ease, a beatle gave a moment of almost failure, for if the stealth assassins of the eclipsed moon made a sound then they would be banished back to the light they so hated coming from. They kill everything they come across but it must be in absolute silence.

Lexi swung down from the tree and made a spinning, summersaulting leap from the lowest branch just as four little pitch black knives inplanted into the bark where she had sat only moments before. She landed perfectly and made the small bows to the ghost judges, they all gave her tens, to which Lexi beamed at proudly, the cloady apparitions vanished in a puff of smoke after scoring.

Lexi stretched for a moment, she had been in that tree for a while afterall, as she bent over for a leg stretch, a sword whistled silently over her head, missing by a millimeter. She stood up once more and went for an arm stretch, turning sideways suddenly, the stealth assassin had no warning as he went flying past her and impaling himself on the tarantula tree, a soft gurgle escaped his lips that was drowned out by a bee buzzing home bumbuly in the dark. It sadly never returned home to its two hundred sprogs, for between thumb and finger it was crushed in an instant by the stealth assassin of the eclipsed moons leader.

Lexi finished her stretches and decided it was about time to return to her master, the laughing turtle. Picking up her kittyana, which lay at the base of the tree, she unsheathed it just to gaze at the beauty of its blade, "ahhh still sooo pretty my kitty hehe" she giggled. Looking left, then right to make sure no one was watching, she unsheathed it fully. The stealth assassins had had to jump when she had so unexpectadly looked left and right, unfortunaltely one landed right next to an ant hill, which would now take alot of his attention into killing all of them silently, leaving his master to take on Lexi alone, for a while at least.

Swinging the blade freely gave Lexi a buzz, she giggled constantly as she swung her kittyana around her in the movements the laughing turtle had instructed, she began to realise why the turtle laughed so much, it was fun to swing the blade in the art of Fuk Yu. Her laughing however had caused tears to well up in her eyes so she closed them as she spun skillfully around in the joy of Fuk Yu. She was totally oblivious to the stealth assassin who was desperately trying to kill her since she had unsheathed her sword. A random backflip from Lexi evaded her head from so closely going into the assassins garrot wire, he now confronted her one on one, yet with her eyes closed she was still oblivious to the stealth assassin of the eclipsed moons blade missing with each swing, as she continued her dance he continued his attack, again, again and again he failed to make any contact, he became obsessed into trying to make blade contact skin so as to eradicate this being that was evading him so deftly.

Lexi suddenly stopped her dance, she thought that should be enough and that she had best return to her master the laughing turtle, though when she opened her eyes she was confronted by a blade whistling toward her neck, it took her by such surprise that she didn't have time to evade the slice, yet just before contact, it stopped.

Eyes stared at her out of the darkness, the blade fell to the floor and the eyes retreated a step, "who are you?" she asked, he shook his head, well, she thought he did, but she could only see his eyes. Lifting up a finger he wrote in the dirt at her feet, "I can't make a sound." she read, he nodded, "oh, but thats terrible...whats your name", she asked and he wrote in the dirt once more, "James...thats your name?" a smile came out of the darkness, "why didn't you kill me...why are you trying to kill me? she asked, and he wrote, and she read, "second answer first: because its what I do" he nodded, then began writing again, but before he was finished he suddenly jumped up and screamed "NO!"

Behind Lexi the other stealth assassin who had finally finished eradicating the ants screamed as he was dragged backward into a ball of light, as did James in front of her, they had made a sound and now they had been banished back to the place they sooo hated.

Lexi looked down at what James had written, "Because your .." is all it said.

She returned to the master turtle a couple of hours later, she felt very confused as she approached the temple of the turtle, she was shocked that someone tried to kill her, happy that he didn't but sad because he was gone..very confused.

The turtle strode out and welcomed her with a maniacal laugh and a stroke of his beard, "Ahh you have passed I see." is all he said then burst out into more maniacal laughter.

Lexi thought to herself a moment, "I suppose I did pass the fearlessness test, I showed no fear with a blade at my throat or with the tarantulas running over me, or with the confrontation with a deady opponent..hehe, I passed." and with that thought she skipped into the temple.


This story featured the wonderous Lexi, The deadly James and the master Laughing Turtle

[Apoc]

Waffles and the Dragon part1

"A great dragon lives under that mountain." said a voice from the shadows.

"A dragon?" Waffles whispered as he gaised at the large painting, "it cannot be, dragons only live in the far south, that mountain is in the north, isn't it?"

Wizard Wiggin strode out from the darkness, his hands clasped under each long sleeve of his long blue robe, he gave the knights apprentice a wizardly look, for that was who Waffles was, an apprentice and he wore the name with pride for one day he would be a true knight, like the Great Jabb of Luvslif or the mythical Sir Archely of Absno.

"Very true young man, very true." replied the wise wizard, "but this dragon refused to return to the south after the great cold winter, he is an angry one and has killed many farmfolk and a dozen knights who thought they could slay a dragon."

Waffles gazed at the painting in awe, "can a dragon be slain..killed I mean, is it even possible?"

Wizard Wiggin let out a low chuckle, "of course my lad, but he must have the right weapons." The wizard held up a finger to waffles in warning, "though you must not attempt such a feat yet, for you would fail."

"I would not even think of it." Waffles replied, slightly hurt by the confidence dropper.

"I can see it in your eyes young man!" the wizard glared, "you forget I am a wizard of the First Order, I know all there is to know about everything."

A small smile spread on the apprentices lips, "even women?" he asked jokingly.

"Of course." replied the wizard, and with a click of his finger out strode four of the most beautiful women Waffles had ever seen. Leaning forward the wizard placed his finger under Waffles' chin and closed his gaping mouth. "Sorry ladies for disturbing your beauty sleep, I was merely making a point to this young man."

They looked over at Waffles for a moment then began to walk away, whispering about how much of a stud wizard wiggin was. Waffles could not believe it, "will you teach me that skill?"

"Oh, it is not a skill, merely an understanding of their needs, because I know all, I know their desires, needs and pleasures." he smiled happily. "Now, the dragon."

"The dragon?"

"Yes, the dragon, you will be its slayer..."

"I thought you said I would fail." Waffles cut in.

The wizard replied slightly heatedly, "I said you are not ready YET, if you proceded straight away then you would fail."

"I do not understand?" Waffles said with the most confused and funny expression upon his face.

The wizard laughed, "There are a few things that you need to aquire before you fight it.."

"I'm only an apprentice, I'm not ready to fight a dragon!"

"Will you let me finish!" the wizard boomed in a voice that scared waffles and made him retreat a few steps. " I know all, and because of this, I know, that you will slay the dragon and save the princess from unima..."

"A princess, I save a princess!" Waffles said with a massive smile blooming on his face, "Is she pretty?"

"Does it matter, she's a princess isn't she?"

Waffles looked down, "Ugly then, I save an ugly princess," he replied glumly.

"You should know by now, young Waffles, that no princess in the Enchanted Kingdoms is ugly." replied the wizard with a warm smile. "There are things you must do before you save her, you MUST kill the dragon before you save her, not after, this is very important so don't forget it!"

Waffles nodded but was actually in a little dream world, "ahhhh a princess, a beautiful princess and I will be her knight in shining armour." he said in a dreamy whisper to himself.

"What was that?"

"Oh nothing Wizard Wiggin, carry on." he said prompting the wizard on with a slight wave of his hand.

"After you get the golden shield from the Bog of Deaths Excrement, then you must win the Mirror Sword of Argo in the tourney of the King of Absno, which will be no easy feat, after you have got these then proceed to the temple of the laughing tutle, from him you will receive your armour. Your horse you can get from my stable and it has plenty money to see you through, ok, thats it...off with you now, I have given you all you need to know, now begone on your quest!"

Off Waffles raced, across the plains he sped toward his first destination, The Bog Of Deaths Excrement to retrieve the golden shield. The place stank before he even got within a mile of the actual bog, dismounting, he proceded on foot, leading his horse ever so slowly toward the bog.

After loosing his first boot, he almost gave up, spewing many times from the putrid stench he slowly proceded onward. He had thrown up soo much that he no longer threw up but just made the sounds of it with nothing exiting to his mild relief.

Before he knew it, he stood before the round golden shield. It was displayed on a white marble slab, that stood about four by six feet in diameter and about three feet off the bogs surface, leaning down he snatched it up quickly, "well, that was easy" he said to himself, not noticing the slab sinking slowly now because of his theft.

Turning to his horse, he grabbed the bridle, "nice huh?" the horse suddenly whinnied madly and broke free of his grip, racing off across the bog back the wa they had come, " Hey, come back here you stupid horse, wht th..." then he heard it, the soft rumble and bubble as the bog began to stir, "ahhh hell" Waffles cursed to himself as suddenly the bog erupted all around him, covering him head to toe in excrement.

It took him days to get fully clean but still the stench hung onto him, it was enough to knock people out, yet he had become somewhat used to it, for now anyway, but his quest must continue he told himself, a princess needed saving afterall.

Arriving at Absno, he went to enter the lists imediately, it took some doing, for each time he attempted it, the list writer would faint from the smell of the Bog Of Deaths Excrement, so on the night before the tourney, when nobody was about, he entered himself onto the lists after knocking the writer out first with the stench.

When the sun rose, Waffles strode out onto the field and mounted his horse at the end of the tourney ground. Nobody approached closer than ten feet from fear of passing out.

Malcor, King of Absno began the tourney with the wave of a hand. Waffles' first opponent in the joust didn't even get within striking distance before falling from his horse, the second immediately tried to hold his nose when the smell hit him and through his visored helmet he knocked himself out with his giant gauntleted hand. The third fell just as quickly, and before Waffles knew it, he was in the final and he hadn't even splintered his jousting spear. Just as hope rose in Waffles' heart, it sank quickly when the final was announced by the joustmaster, "Waffles of Egow verses The Great Jabb of Luvslif!" a massive cheer rose when the former champions name was mentioned, all the girls screamed as he rode pass, making a small lap of honour.

Waffles just sat silently waiting, "This stench will get him down, he's still only human after all" he thought to himself, then with shock, he suddenly discovered that the stench had gone, it was definately not there anymore, panic seized him and it all happened so fast, the trumpets blared, his horse shot forward, as the great Jabb also came down toward him thunderously, in his panic, he raised the golden shield before him.

He heard a thunderous crunch and realised that he was still alive somehow. Turning his mount he noticed the whole crowd shy away from the glare of the ball of fire in the sky reflecting of his shield, and then to his amazement he could see the Great Jabb of Luvslif in the crowd, his horse stopped just before the barracade seperating crowd from tourney ground. The glare off the shield had forced Jabb to steer his horse wildly off and throw him into the audiance.

Quiet surrounded him for a moment, then King Malcor rose from his throne and boomed in a voice for all to hear, "To the champion, Waffles of Egow!" he unsheathed the mirror blade and presented it to the shocked champion, the crowd erupted in equally shocked celebration.

[Apoc]

Waffles and the Dragonpart2

After two nights of heavy partying, drink and women, Waffles finally set out north, toward the Temple of The Turtle, there he would get his armour and finally proceed to saving his princess.

The green fields became red as he approached the temple, some strange magic was at work in this place for it seemed to rain upwards also, but unafraid he proceded into the temple grounds.

He heard maniacal laughter eminating from a courtyard round that back and when he entered he was shocked at what he was witnessing. A turtle sat crossed legged stroking his thin white beard, laughing like a mad man, at a girl, punching through blocks of what appeared to be shortbread.

"Ahhh a visitor has come! Lexi, welcome him, in our little way!" the turtle giggled madly.

The girl approached Waffles with a little skip to her step, a smile bloomed across her face and then out of nowhere Waffles was struck about hundred times in a hundred different places by finger jabs, each jab cut off a nerve ending and made Waffles unable to move even a millimeter.

The attack had only lasted about two seconds, yet the turtle approached and smacked Lexi on the head with his short walking stick, "too slow!" was all it said and then started laughing again.

"What have you done to me?" Waffles asked with a hint of fear and panic to his voice.

The laughing turtle regarded him for a moment then giggled again, "hehe statue you are now, model for armour fitting!" it walked off out of Waffles' view, leaving him alone with the mad girl who had done this to him.

"Why are you here?" Lexi asked, "It surely is not to learn Fuk Yu for you are obviously not fast enough."

"I'm on a quest to slay a dragon and save a princess, I was told to come here for armour to fight the dragon."

"And who told you this?"

"A powerful all knowing wizard, thats who!" he replied.

Lexi's face lit up, "ohhh, wizard wiggin!!!!"

"You know him?" Waffles asked baffled.

"Who doesn't know wiggin the all knowing, the all powerful!" she giggled, " he's such a stud, don't you think?"

"Well no, I'm a guy"

Out of nowhere Lexi spun through the air and kicked waffles in the side of the head.

"Ow what was that for, I'm kinda at an unfair diadvantage being unable to move and all."

"You will always be in an unfair disavantage against me, I know Fuk Yu!" she replied, sticking her tounge out for emphasis. Just then she suddenly retreated and returned to punching through shortbread blocks. The turtle had returned.

In the midst of placing the armour on Waffles, he heard a load scream. Lexi held her hand in pain, all bloodied and probably broken. Looking down, Waffles could see that the shortbread block she had just punched was in fact a brick diguised cunningly as a shortbread block. The turtle approached her slowly, obseved her hand then smacked his wooden walking stick across it, "haha always expect the pain...and never cry!' it instructed harshly, Lexi bowed and then proceded to punch more shortbread blocks, Waffles thought it very strange and after the fitting was done and the turtle had removed the nerve disablings, Waffles sped out of there as fast as he possibly could.

Finally he was set and in the distance he could make out the mountain and the tall tower in which the princess must be being held. Entering a nearby village, the townsfolk poured out to see him, looking all grand in all the new armour, with the golden shield slung upon his back and the mirror blade at his waist he rode through slowly.

"A hero has come, a hero to slay the dragon!" they shouted. Waffles beamed with pride, "Will you be saving the princess Amelia?" one man shouted.

"Amelia?" Waffles called out, "is that the princesses' name who is being held captive by the dragon?"

"Yes?" the man shouted in reply, "will you be saving the princess?"

"Hmmm Amelia" he thought, "what a lovely name", turning his attention back to the man, he answered in a voice for all to hear, " I will be saving the princess Amelia from the dragon in the morning, but first!" he held up his finger like wizard Wiggin had done before, "First, I need food and a place to rest for the night."

They offered it gladly, and all refreshed and ready to fight, Waffles set of at dawn to save the princess and battle the dragon.

The tower stood ominously before him as he rode over the rise, "don't worry princess, I'm here for you." he said to himself. Riding quickly to the draw bridge he noticed the draw bridge was up, yet a large round disc shape with a symbol upon it stood to the side of it, Waffles studied it for a moment and realised that his shield bore the same symbol, placing the shield in place a mechanism of somekind kicked in and the drawbridge lowered.

Striding across the drawbridge he came to a large door with a triangular engraving next to it, on closer inspection he realised the mirror blade could fit into it. The large door opened before him and he gazed into the darkness. He could make out a spiralling staircase that went all the way up to a room at the towers top, "that must be where the princess is" he thought again.

Striding, two steps at a time, he reached the door at the top. Thinking it may be locked he tried the handle anyway and to his surprise it opened. "That was strange" he thought, "shouldn't a captie princess be locket in?"

Opening the door, he entered. A lone window let light into the large room and in its centre lay a large bed, and upon that bed lay the most beautiful woman Waffles had ever laid his eyes on.

"Princess Amelia?" the womans eyes shot open.

"Oh my handsome hero, you did it, you saved me!" she showered him with kisses and tousseled his hair till it couldn't be tousseled anymore. "You killed the dragon!"

Waffles in all the enjoyment of being tousseled merely spoke in a dreamy whisper, "Not yet my dear, not yet." The princess went quiet. "What is the matter?"

"The dragon is not dead?" she asked half jokingly, but her eyes showed genuine anguish. In answer to her question, outside the wind stirred and the sound of mighty wings beating were followed by an earthshattering roar. "Run!" she screamed and sped through the door and down the spiral stairs, Waffles followed closely behind.

To his horror he could hear the draw bridge going up and see the front door closing, his shield and sword still outside he suddenly remembered what wizard wiggin had told him.

"There are things you must do before you save her, you MUST kill the dragon before you save her, not after, this is very important so don't forget it!"

Waffles crumpled in a heap upon the spiral staircase, his world had just crashed down on his head, he was now a prisoner to the dragon and though he was prisoner with a beautiful princess, she was most certainly not happy with him.


This story featured the Dashing Waffles, the Wizardly Wiggin, the Wonderous Lexi, the Kingly Malcor, the Master Laughing Turtle, the Heroic Jabb, the Beautiful Amelia and a mention of the Mythical Archely

[Apoc]

Under the Bed


hehe haha hoohoo a small tale I have for you.

“Its under the bed!” the girl said, she did, “its under the bed, under the bed.”
“What dear”, the motherly Amaia said, “what dear, is under your bed?”
“The dwarf!” she said, in a shriek full of dread, “the evil dwarf is under my bed!”

“And why is a dwarf under your bed?”
To that the dwarf replied, “I’ve come for her head.”

A hand reached up and grabbed the girl,
to which Amaia wailed and swirled,
and so the dwarf took the head,
and left Amaia full of dread,
laying on her daughters bed,

she cried for her sunshine was now dead,
for the dwarf had taken her pretty lil head.

The dwarf skuttled toward its home,
up the paved steps with a skip and stubbed toe,
through the arches and into the darkness,
then lifting a slab of the grey stone,
it entered into its abode,
under the steet,
was its home,
where many heads,
of kids long dead,
sat in nice little rows.

It ate their eyes and knawed on the bones,
pulled on the ears and bit off the nose,
it drank on the blood and ripped off eyebrows,
and for what, nobody knows.

Under the street,
it lives in shadows,
oblivious to adults for it knows it knows,
that children have the tastier nose.

This story featured the motherly Amaia

[Apoc]

Of An Accidental Hero

Satan, the dark goddess of the underworld, watched the small seeing pool with disdain. Nachtnoir, her prince of the underworld, watched with a wide grin and..well... her minions just did not dare to look for fear of her wrath.

"So, it looks like your dragon failed to bring any new souls to you." Nacht said with a laugh, "And you seemed sooo sure that this one would fight the dragon, but instead he just trapped himself in the castle alongside your bait....who's going to rescue them now...Sir Archely would surely slay your dragon as would the heroic Jabb...so who now would you send, that would actually be foolish enough to think he could beat a dragon?"

The dark godesses eyes lit up, "I have just the man." she replied with an evil smile spreading ever wider.

***

Buck placed the Bit firmly between the stallions mouth, and pulling the reigns up around its neck he tied them tightly to the saddle. His sword hung loosely at his waist aloung with his small pouch of coppers that made a small clinking sound with each step he made, that matched his bells. Placing one foot in the stirrup he swung himself up into the saddle. A small gust of wind blew his scenery shifting cloak out behind him, raising his head to see where the small draft had come from, a man stood, silhouetted with the sun coming in through the stables door, Buck did not recognise him at first, but then he spoke and it was obvious who had come to see him off.

"What makes you believe you can save her?" Wizard Wiggin asked in a sad tone, "The one man who could, failed..."

"The one man who could? He was a mere apprentice...not even close to being a knight, it was folly for you to have sent him!" Buck replied angrily.

"But nor are you a knight..."

Buck simply laid his heels in, sending the stallion rearing past wiggin and out of the city before the wizard could finish. He knew the dream was a foretelling from the gods, he knew he would succeed where waffles had failed, he WOULD slay the dragon!

He galloped steadily north, through rain and heat, tornadoes and lightning, past the Bog Of Deaths Excrement, past the Enchanted Forest and upinto the land of the Laughing Turtle, where he got directions from the Fuk Yu master.

Finally, bridging the rise of the highest hill in the land he caught sight of the lonely tower, where his princess awaited. Behind, standing ominously against the dark sky, stood the mountain of the dragon.

***

"Ahhh, and so he has arrived to face his doom." said she of the deviish smile.

"Do you not think this is a bit of a joke, sending a jester...a lackwit fool to fight a dragon?" replied Nacht.

"Oh, he is hardly a lackwit...a fool maybe and a jester yes, but not a lackwit, did you know he would have been a knight, but was not sworn in because of his clumsiness, he unsaddled Sir Archely in a tourney once."

"He did?"

"Yes, but he has the tendency to cause bizarre accidents and so the king made him a jester instead...as punishment for sleeping with the kings daughter...it was entirely an accident, I can assure you of that, but nobody believed him, I mean who would..." bursting into a fit of giggles nacht could barely make out what she was saying, but caught the jist of it, "and he did just slip hehe." she finally finished.

***

Buck dismounted before the large cave. Laying his hand upon the hilt of his sword he set about tying his stallion to a small frazzled tree, before calling out, "Dragon, show yourself!"

Silence.

"Dragon!" he called again.

Silence.

Stepping forward, a twig broke under foot, its sound reverberated into the cave...a moment passed...and it still reverberated, then deep down came a soft rumble, "Dragon!" Buck called again and this time was greeted with a load rumble that was soon followed by a wall of flame out of the caves mouth. Diving quickly to the side, Buck avoided the dragons fiery breath but landed in a pile of what must have been the dragons excrement... swords, armour and bone stuck out in fragments here and there.

The Dragon strode out of its cave to see who had disturbed its rest and found...nothing...a horse was riding rapidly off into the distance with a small tree attached to it, but that was all...it sniffed the air...nothing...

Buck lay still in the beasts filth, he realised that it could not see him, or smell his presance for he was now smelling of its filth...he knew he couldn't unsheath his blade for it would attract the beast attention, but what was he to do...then, fumbling through the crap slowly he came upon a blade of a long dead warrior who had been digested, he gripped it tightly for it was slippery and needed to be held as tight as possible...the dragon turned its head away from him and in that moment Buck sprang forward, but with a curse as he slipped and lost his grip on the blade, sending it hurtling through the air and him hurtling toward more excrement.

***

Nacht laughed out load as he watched one accident after another unfold into the dragon getting a sword in its eye, satan had stormed off long ago after seeing what was unfolding before her eyes, her dragon was defeated by Buck the accidental hero.

***

Striding up to the tower, Buck replaced the shield that brought the drawbridge down, then the sword to open the doors and climbed to the highest room of the tower where he opened the door to find to his dismay...nothing...but a note...

and it read as so...

To the one who is keeping the dragon entertained should you defeat it and get this note...well done...and thank you, for you have distracted the dragon, giving me the chance to save the beautiful Princess Amelia and the dashing Waffles from their imprisonment, I thank you again, maybe one day I can by you a drink...signed SotS


This story featured the Accidental Hero Buck, the devlish satan, the dark Nachtnoir, the wizardly wiggin, the beautiful Amelia, the dashing waffles and honourable mentions for the Heroic Jabb, the mythical Sir Archely, the master Laughing Turtle and the dastardly SotS

[Apoc]

When Two Knights Collide, Day is Born.

"You will taste my blade this day." promised the mythical Sir Archely as he drew his sword from its golden sheath.

The Heroic Jabb made no reply to the taunt. Unsheathing his fine double edged midnight blade, the knight merely raised it toward the mythical knight in invatation.

There was only a frog...who used to be the infamous Prince Dregs, but thats another tale...where was I, oh yeah, there was only a frog to bare witness to this legendary duel of the two best knights in the kingdom and this is his account of what happpened on that fateful morning as the sun was just rising..

"Well," said the frog, "I was just minding my own business, sitting on this lovely big green leaf, getting ready to eat a nice juicy big fly," he paused to drool for a moment, then continued, "well, as I was saying, minding my own busness when those famous lines of the mythical knight caught my attention...you know the ones he always used..."you will taste my blade this day" so unoriginal...anyway, Archely moved like lightning, but Jabb was his equal in speed. They both moved mighty fast to land a killing blow that neither bothered with attempting to parry the others...and thus in the blink of an eye the Mythical Knights head went flying away from his shoulders in a huge spray of blood, as his blade plunged clean through the Heroic Knights breastplate, piercing his heart and killing him instantly. So there...can I have my big juicy fly back please...well...where are you going...come back..arghhh." he screamed as the writer of this tale, sped away, ready to make a million gold pieces with the tale of the kingdoms two best knights very very silly demise.

This tale featured the Frog Dregs, the Mythical Sir Archely and the Heroic Jabb ...on a side note, I'd just like to add, that yes, I do make these very very silly tales up on the spot...so ~shrugs~ whatever ya know hehe

[Apoc]

Disclaimer: I intend no infringement on the Lucasfilm characters, situations, or storylines. I'm making absolutely NO money off of this. I also intend no offense to any quiller portrayed within, its just a bit of fun. If offense is caused simply contact me via pm and i’ll remedy the problem. Just a bit of fanfiction with a twist heh


A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away....


Chapter 1
Rise Of The New Order

A shadow hangs over the Galactic Republic.
War ravages many of the planets on the
outer rim. The Jedi, Guardians of peace
and justice in the galaxy are stretched thin
as they attempt to bring an end to the many
conflicts.

On K’wyl, the nearest unaffected planet in
the war torn region, the evil Gamorrean
crime lord, Boss Nacht, has reportedly
kidnapped the princess of the K’wyl people.

Fearing this action will lead to another planet
falling into war, the Jedi Masters convene in
the Great Temple on Coruscant to discuss their
limited options in effectively dealing with this
disturbing rumour, should it be true....

[Apoc]

Part 1

The sounds of the temple on Coruscant, the squeal of speeders outside, the droids beeping, the teachers and students in their classes, the general noise of discussions and idol chat , faded from Lucians hearing as he followed the two masters, Jedi Knights Wan and Malcor, into the Council Dome on the northern spire.

Lucian felt a great sense of unease as he entered the Jedi council. The two masters took their places amongst the others. Respectful nods of greeting ran between the council members, as Lucian stood awaiting them in the centre of the room. All the council seated around him, every eye upon him, Master Sylverwood began, “Lucian, you have been called before the council to undergo a mission.”

“Master? I have not yet completed the trials...”

“The jedi are stretched too thin, Lucian.” he interrupted. “Should another planet fall into war, we will be overwhelmed. Your knowledge of the force still requires training, yes. But your skills with the lightsaber are more than adequate. Your training is almost complete, my young padawan.” he said with a pleased nod,

“Master?”

Sensing the question to come, Master Sylverwood answered before it was spoken, “Unfortunately, at this critical time, I am required to stay here, as are the other masters. So you will be going alone. On your return you will complete the trials, but as of now, the council confers upon you the position of Jedi Knight and requests you go to K’wyl.”

“Thank you, Master.”

Master Archely leaned forward, “Lucian, what do you know of the situation on K’wyl?”

“Master Wan informed me of it before our entrance. It appears strange that a Gamorrean could do such a thing, I had been led to believe they where rather...dim witted.”

Master Wan spoke up then, “I sense great danger should K’wyl fall into war. This Gamorrean, dim witted he is not, tread carefully Lucian, be sure he actually has the princess before any action be taken.”

“I shall, Master Wan.” replied Lucian.

“Go then and may the force be with you.”

“Yes, Master, thank you.”

***

The two Twi’lek dancers had their audience, he was theirs. Captivated by their simple moves of seduction, his credits lost on the pod race bettings, he obviously did not have what he owed Boss Nacht.

They had chased him far, all the way to Nar Shadaa and now they’d collect his bounty. For he had no way of knowing that these dancers where no mere dancers.

The pilot of the Encha Qui, Fles Waf, was visibly oblivious to their intentions, a smile painted broadly across his face as the blue Twi’lek, Fiz, slowly, ever so slowly danced her dance toward him, her outstretched hand gently lifting his chin, his eyes fixed upon her so securely that he did not notice the red Twi’lek, Amelia, as she manoeuvred behind him and slowly robbed Fles of his blaster, changing the setting to stun after thinking about it awhile, after all, he was worth more credits alive.

To be continued....

This part of the tale featured Jedi masters, Malcor Sylverwood, Archely and Jediwan, the two Twi'lek bounty hunters, Fiz and Amelia, the pilot Fles Waf(Waffles) and a mention of the dastardly crimeboss Nacht.