Staring into the mirror, some reflections from the raven's nest

[Corvus Corax]

Since I seem to have too much time on my hands (I'm here aren't I ) I thought I might take up the responsability to make a reflection thread for myself. I plan on posting quite frequently, although I've proven to be unreliable in such matters. Lyrics I like, or not, will appear here along with maybe some poetry, although I'm not much of a poet. So the poetry will probably come from other people, just as the lyrics. Isn't it nice to make a reflectionsthread for yourself and posting mostly other people's writings .

Then I'll try to post some writings of my own, although I don't know how often this will take place. Sometimes I'm a man of few words, other moments I seem to suffer from a form of verbal diarhoea. In neither case it would be wise for me to post in here, but believe me, I will.

I'll try to choose carefully in what I write here and what I'll write on other threads. I wouldn't want to write everything down here.

And thusly, I think I have posted my first rant, there'll be a few of those as well I'm afaid, sutable for those people who have even more time on their hands than me.

And so, it begins......

[Corvus Corax]

I'll start of with some lyrics, nice and easy (ergo lazy )

most people will know this from the tv-series M*A*S*H* (I've seen that dozens of times, but can't seem to remember speific episodes, they were all very simmilar imo, but I liked them )

It's the themesong for the movie and the series, and it was a hit for the Zombies, if memory serves. So here goes :

Suicide is painless (damn, reading that I resemble a bad DJ from a very local radiostation *sighs* )




Through early morning fog I see,
Visions of the things to be,
The pains that are withheld for me,
I realize and I can see...


[REFRAIN]:
That suicide is painless.
It brings on many changes.
And I can take or leave it if I please.




I try to find a way to make,
All our little joys relate,
Without that ever-present hate,
But now I know that it's too late, and...


[REFRAIN]

The game of life is hard to play,
I'm gonna lose it anyway.
The losing card I'll someday lay,
So this is all I have to say.


[REFRAIN]

The only way to win is cheat,
And lay it down before I'm beat,
And to another give my seat,
For that's the only painless feat.


[REFRAIN]

The sword of time will pierce our skins.
It doesn't hurt when it begins.
But as it works its way on in,
The pain grows stronger...watch it grin, but...


[REFRAIN]

A brave man once requested me,
to answer questions that are key.
Is it to be or not to be?
And I replied 'Oh why ask me?'


[REFRAIN]


'Cause suicide is painless.

It brings on many changes.

And I can take or leave it if I please.

...And you can do the same thing if you choose.

[Corvus Corax]

To make sure I can put my raven avatar up in no time I'll post some other lyrics as well .

But first, very important, some poetry.

The Raven, by Edgar Allen Poe

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
`'Tis some visitor,' I muttered, `tapping at my chamber door -
Only this, and nothing more.'

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; - vainly I had sought to borrow
From my books surcease of sorrow - sorrow for the lost Lenore -
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels named Lenore -
Nameless here for evermore.

And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
`'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door -
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door; -
This it is, and nothing more,'

Presently my heart grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
`Sir,' said I, `or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you' - here I opened wide the door; -
Darkness there, and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream to dream before
But the silence was unbroken, and the darkness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, `Lenore!'
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, `Lenore!'
Merely this and nothing more.

Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
`Surely,' said I, `surely that is something at my window lattice;
Let me see then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore -
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; -
'Tis the wind and nothing more!'

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of yore.
Not the least obeisance made he; not an instant stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door -
Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door -
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,
`Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,' I said, `art sure no craven.
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the nightly shore -
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Thouhg its answer little meaning - little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door -
Bird or beast above the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
With such name as `Nevermore.'

But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only,
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing further then he uttered - not a feather then he fluttered -
Till I scarcely more than muttered `Other friends have flown before -
On the morrow will he leave me, as my hopes have flown before.'
Then the bird said, `Nevermore.'

Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
`Doubtless,' said I, `what it utters is its only stock and store,
Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful disaster
Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore -
Till the dirges of his hope that melancholy burden bore
Of "Never-nevermore."'

But the raven still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird and bust and door;
Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore -
What this grim, ungainly, gaunt, and ominous bird of yore
Meant in croaking `Nevermore.'

This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
On the cushion's velvet violet lining that the lamp-light gloated o'er,
But whose velvet violet lining with the lamp-light gloating o'er,
She shall press, ah, nevermore!

Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by angels whose faint foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor.
`Wretch,' I cried, `thy God hath lent thee - by these angels he has sent thee
Respite - respite and nepenthe from tha memories of Lenore!
Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe, and forget this lost Lenore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

`Prophet!' said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil! -
Whether tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted -
On this home by horror haunted - tell me truly, I implore -
Is there - is there balm in Gilead? - tell me - tell me, I implore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

`Prophet!' said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil!
By that Heaven that bends above us - by that God we both adore -
Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels named Lenore -
Clasp a rare and radiant maiden, whom the angels named Lenore?'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

`Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!' I shrieked upstarting -
`Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken! - quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take tha form from off my door!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted - nevermore!

somewhat funnier:
http://www.aridolan.com/ofiles/Pictu...reBrowser.html

[Corvus Corax]

Now, for some 'lighter' work, here's

Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds - Red Right Hand

Take a litle walk to the edge of town
Go across the tracks
Where the viaduct looms,
like a bird of doom
As it shifts and cracks
Where secrets lie in the border fires,
in the humming wires
Hey man, you know
you're never coming back
Past the square, past the bridge,
past the mills, past the stacks
On a gathering storm comes
a tall handsome man
In a dusty black coat with
a red right hand


He'll wrap you in his arms,
tell you that you've been a good boy
He'll rekindle all the dreams
it took you a lifetime to destroy
He'll reach deep into the hole,
heal your shrinking soul
Hey buddy, you know you're
never ever coming back
He's a god, he's a man,
he's a ghost, he's a guru
They're whispering his name
through this disappearing land
But hidden in his coat
is a red right hand


You ain't got no money?
He'll get you some
You ain't got no car? He'll get you one
You ain't got no self-respect,
you feel like an insect
Well don't you worry buddy,
cause here he comes
Through the ghettos and the barrio
and the bowery and the slum
A shadow is cast wherever he stands
Stacks of green paper in his
red right hand


(Organ solo)


You'll see him in your nightmares,
you'll see him in your dreams
He'll appear out of nowhere but
he ain't what he seems
You'll see him in your head,
on the TV screen
And hey buddy, I'm warning
you to turn it off
He's a ghost, he's a god,
he's a man, he's a guru
You're one microscopic cog
in his catastrophic plan
Designed and directed by
his red right hand


(Organ solo)

[Corvus Corax]

So far for the personal input . I'm finding it difficult to post here without getting any responce.

I'm trying my poetry skills a bit now, but I won't even bother trying to make it rhyme. Still unfinished and quite rough.

We're all lost in the darkest of forests
Lost on a walk we never planned to take
with only the lightening to show us,
hints of what we'd see by day
burning trees as it shows us
roaring thunders to remind us

In the darkness we stumble
bumping into the trees
climbing them, in despair
to have a look, into the pitchblack night
burning as the lightening hits

some try to guide
some try to follow
both to find the edge
without hitting the trees
never knowing
the forest is the trees

Some are scared to hit another tree,
some of the raging storm
but do not feel lost
on a walk that leads nowhere.



Ok, I know, work under construction. If I ever finifsh it, I'll post it on an appropriate thread. To think I originally wanted to post a 'scientific' post on evolution . Well, that will be the next then

[Corvus Corax]

ok, I've tought about that 'poem' thingy and desided to cut a bit. Newer version, nice and short:

Lost in the darkest of forests
Lost on a walk we never planned to take
with only the lightening to show us,
hints of what we'd see by day
burning trees as it shows us
roaring thunders as it reminds us

Not to fear the burning trees
in a forest with an ever closing edge
not to feel lost
on a walk that leads nowhere

still not what it should be, but a work in progress none the less

[Corvus Corax]

The lyrics are pointless, but a beautifull song which brings me lots of different memories, some very nice, some very sad. btw, sorry about the language .

Gorky - Mia

Toen ik honger had
Kwam ik naar je toe
Je zei: eten kan
Als je de afwas doet
Mensen als jij moeten niet moeilijk doen
Geef ze een kans voor ze stom gaan doen

De middenstand regeert het land
Beter dan ooit tevoren
Mia heeft het licht gezien
ze zegt: niemand gaat verloren

Sterren komen, sterren gaan
Alleen Elvis blijft bestaan
Mia heeft nooit afgezien
Ze vraagt: kun jij nog dromen

Voorlopig gaan we nog even door
Op het lichtend pad
Het verkeerde spoor
Mensen als ik vind je overal
Op de arbeidsmarkt
In dit tranendal

Sterren komen, sterren gaan
Alleen Elvis blijft bestaan
Mia heeft nooit afgezien
Ze vraagt: kun jij nog dromen

De middenstand regeert het land
Beter dan ooit tevoren
Mia heeft het licht gezien
Ze zegt: niemand gaat verloren


Sterren komen, sterren gaan
Alleen Elvis blijft bestaan
Mia heeft nooit afgezien
Ze vraagt: kun jij nog dromen

Sterren komen, sterren gaan
Alleen Elvis blijft bestaan
Mia heeft nooit afgezien
Ze vraagt: kun jij nog dromen

[Corvus Corax]

Another song I like a lot and has different kinds of memories attached to it.

The Cure - A Forest

Come closer and see
See into the trees
Find the girl
If you can
Come closer and see
See into the dark
Just follow your eyes
Just follow your eyes

I hear her voice
Calling my name
The sound is deep
In the dark
I hear her voice
And start to run
Into the trees
Into the trees

Into the trees

Suddenly I stop
But I know it's too late
I'm lost in a forest
All alone
The girl was never there
It's always the same
I'm running towards nothing
Again and again and again and again


I must admit that these memories aren't as sad as earlier

[Corvus Corax]

Well, since I don't know in what kind of mood I am today,ranting or silent, I will just start typing and see where I end up.

First of all, I've deleted some posts I posted in this thread earlier. They were about evolution and I was boring myself (believe me, this is difficult) while I typed them. So, to make this thread a bit more readable, I just killed them. Nice evolution .

Sighs

*tumbleweed*

BORINGWARNING

So, how is my week going on?

Not too bad. Had to work the early shift on sunday (up at 4:30 am) and went to a volleyballtournament afterwards. I only got to play two matches, since I arrived there straight from work at 3pm. But I enjoyed the matches I played. It's only recreational, but I like it.

Now, this week, my brother's on vacation, after buying a second hand car last week. He asked me to take care of the deal for him .
So I had to remove his radio from his car, had to change the wheels before I can go to the cardealer to pick up his "new" car. Now I'm just waiting for the dealer to give a call, so I can pick up the new one and deliver the cheque. So next week when, or if, he returns, his car will be waiting for him.

*nagging about work part*
I've had to work last sunday, and the saturday the week before and I think I'll have to work this saturdaymorning as well . And I fear that this is just the begining, soon I'll have to change shifts in the weekend, which is horrible. Getting home friday evening at 23:00 (11pm) and getting up saturday at 4:30 (am). bleuuuh. I'll have to work during the three weeks the rest of the factory is practicaly closed, since I have only three days of vacation this year. I haven't had a day off yet, except for the days they forced me to use my days of compensation I collected with the overtime I put in. .

*End nag*
*End Boringwarning*

ok, so I've posted once again and I've cut a lot, so I think I was in a ranting mood . I hope to post better stuff in real threads.

it might not be good to try to justify a reflections thread.

[Corvus Corax]

Another set of lyrics, from back in the day. They used to mean something to me. I guess they still do.

Channel Zero - Self control

I had some news today
I lose control in here
My self control is coming down

I've lost the world today
I slightly fade away
My self control is going down

Ignorance feels the worst
The bad stay, the good go first
All I observe is black for me without a smile

My world falls apart
Reality strikes and hits you real hard
Sometimes reality is killing you without a sound

I'm gonna breakdown my agony
Mastering my self control
So I'll breakdown my agony
Searching for my self control

I heard the news again
I lose control in here
My self control is coming down

I've lost the world today
Slightly fade away
My self control is going down

I need to hold on tight
Mind struggling in my fight
My mind struggles every night since you're gone

I feel so helpless now
I try to catch it somehow
All you ever leave behind are memories to find

Breakdown my agony
Mastering my self control
So I'll breakdown my agony
Searching for my self control

Inside my head it's kinda weird
I try to follow you
I feel the pain it's like a gain
That keeps me going on

I speak to you, communicate
Ask for advice to know
Maybe it's a crazy thought
I know that I will walk alone

[Corvus Corax]

So, in order to fill this place up I'll write down things that happened to me. As simple as that.

Been having headaches again, not heavy, but a mild headache with a peak, now and then. It sucks .


On monday, while I was at work, someone from the nightshift at my departement was hit by a truck as he was checking his motorbike by the side of the road. I did not know this untill the day after, when I was told that he was in hospital in a critical condition. To be honest, I didn't know who they were talking about, since I only know the name of the supervisor of the nightshift. As work went on I got a call from his son (19 years old) telling me that his father had died. This was not an easy phonecall, as you might imagine. I noted it and went to inform my boss. As I went to talk to some of my workers on this matter, since the guy used to work on my shift, before I worked there. Only then I found out that it was the guy from the nightshift who always came in 20 minutes early, to drink his coffee and chat with me while I was doing my end of the day paperwork. He had been on vacation for a while, so I didn't notice him not being there that monday. Quite a shock. He's being cremated this saturday, but I won't be able to go. No one will miss me there, but still I feel bad about it, since I'm going to a "birthdayparty" this weekend. Yet again a dent in my selfimage.

On a different note:
While I am still looking for another job (things are going faster on that front ) a small problem appears on the horizon . Today my boss wasn't at work, as he left for his vacation. And he won't be back untill the second half of august. With him gone I am now in charge of the departement, which brings some extra responsabilities. Within three weeks the factory will close down for a big part during the three week vacation. Since I only have three days of vacation this year (and i don't think it will be possible for me to take this while my boss is away) I have to work during those three weeks, seeing to it that housekeeping and maintenance works are done in my departement and see to production of another departement. Chances are that my boss will not come back at all, since he might retire within a few months.

Now: if I get another job soon, I'll leave a big mess behind, I think. It's not that I would feel bad for the company, since I know they are using me as much as I'm using them, but I would feel bad for the people I work with, as it would be them who would have to deal with that mess.

On the other hand, if I don't take a job now, will I have one before my contract is finished.

Another thought on this matter: this evening I got a message to call for a jobinterview. Since my contract includes that I can go to jobinterviews during workhours and still get payed (I know it, lovely, isn't it? ) I am thinking of planning this interview during workhours next week. This will show the boss of my boss ( not the easiest person to work for) that I'm thinking of leaving and may put some presure to get a fixed contract, if not, there's always the jobinterview . Since there is a departement closing just when my contract expires and it's being replaced by another six months later, there will be supervisors a plenty, so my contract will not be renewed at that time. Maybe by aplying some presure at this time, I'll be able to get the contract. Although the other job as test engineer is quite appealing as well.

bwah, I'll see how things work out. But a storm is forming, that's for sure.

[Corvus Corax]

I'm just back from "the birthdayparty", so it's probably time again to write a bit.

friday: I made the appointement for my jobinterview. I had the choise between tuesday 10:00 and tuesday 15:00 (3pm). Since I have the early shift next week, which ends at 14:00, it would be the easiest if I planned the interview for 15:00. But I decided to go for the 10:00 option. I've convinced myself this was the correct choise (or I tried to at least) . First of all, I finaly get to enjoy my sollicitation vacation and I get to send out my signal (at a perfect timing). If I were to go at 15:00 I should keep quiet about it, since going to my boss's boss to tell him I might be leaving soon is quite rediculous (this may sound crazy, but believe me, it is). So if I would get the job, I would leave them no warning and put the knife straight to their throat.

I know, selfjustification has always been a hobby of mine .

anyway, alea jacta est. The mail to ask for my leave has been sent, since the one responsible for this was away when I tried to phone him.

So, friday, straight from work I got in my car and drove to the ardennes, to the birthdayparty. A friend of mine had his birthday last week and had rented a bungalow for the weekend, to throw a birthdayparty. No trouble finding the way, which was a small miracle, driving through the dark in such a place . As I arrived after a two hour drive, I found the other guys playing drinking games (they had brought 264 beercans for 9 people ) . So I joined them, grabbing a snack which had a funny taste. The others were suprised to see I was the first one to notice they were dogbiscuits . We all drank too much (I brought a bottle of sheridans (empty after the first night) and a bottle of woodberriegin). On saturday we went to visit a brewery (la chouffe ) (healthy friends of mine), but since I was driving I didn't drink any. I'm glad about that, since I don't want my weekends to be one period of being drunk. At night we had a big bbq, at which the bottle of gin was emptied, together with a great part of the beers. I slept a lot (for me) this weekend. We went to sleep at 3:30 (since alcohol and a nearby bed have devestating effects on one's abilities) and I got up at 9:00, which gave me the chance to enjoy a relaxed shower, go to the baker and read a bit in my book (golden fool, arrived last week ) while I waited for the others to wake up. All in all it was fun, but fun enough not to go to a funeral? And then there is the question: what if it was the most fun I ever had (which it wasn't), would I feel worse about the funeral?

Next week will be hell in a freezer, but I fear it might appear just as boring to me as the last . *sighs*
I need a good hobby.

[Corvus Corax]

Jaques Brel - le plat pays

Avec la mer du Nord pour dernier terrain vague
Et des vagues de dunes pour arrêter les vagues
Et de vagues rochers que les marées dépassent
Et qui ont à jamais le coeur à marée basse
Avec infiniment de brumes à venir
Avec le vent de l'est écoutez-le tenir
Le plat pays qui est le mien

Avec des cathédrales pour uniques montagnes
Et de noirs clochers comme mâts de cocagne
Où des diables en pierre décrochent les nuages
Avec le fil des jours pour unique voyage
Et des chemins de pluie pour unique bonsoir
Avec le vent d'ouest écoutez le vouloir
Le plat pays qui est le mien

Avec un ciel si bas qu'un canal s'est perdu
Avec un ciel si bas qu'il fait l'humilité
Avec un ciel si gris qu'un canal s'est pendu
Avec un ciel si gris qu'il faut lui pardonner
Avec le vent du nord qui vient s'écarteler
Avec le vent du nord écoutez-le craquer
Le plat pays qui est le mien

Avec de l'Italie qui descendrait l'Escaut
Avec Frida la blonde quand elle devient Margot
Quand les fils de novembre nous reviennent en mai
Quand la plaine est fumante et tremble sous juillet
Quand le vent est au rire quand le vent est au blé
Quand le vent est au sud écoutez-le chanter
Le plat pays qui est le mien.

[Corvus Corax]

Another grasp at poetry
Another work under construction (man, my horoscope is right)


the taming of the singing sun,
the leaving of forced tranquility,
it happenes fast, it has to come,
no day has immortality.

with a decadence of its own
the heat carreses all to kneel,
all motivation overthrown
this will end, can't you feel?

None dare to fear, the dark that rose
none dare to speak, the warning words
apathy is all that grows
apathy, for all, no worse

the dark has rissen, inevitably
holding he who holds captive fear
holding even his memory
there it is, the first tear

blown to shreds before it hits the ground
fear, it is released at last
bewilderment is in all around
the chaos has come fast

the dark it eats itself
with ever growing apitite
untill the burner comes again
he's called savior, this time

the frightened world, it breathes again
it knows it had to be choked
before rebirth, you have to die
the truth of heat can be so cold

and thus the path, it starts again
none of this can be revoked
cycles turn, it is no lie
and thus, even the sun grows old



needs a bit of work on the rhyming, hehe, another understatement
anyway, another post, another feather plucked.

[Corvus Corax]

some lyrics:
The perfect drug - Nine Inch nails


I got my head but my head is unraveling
cant keep control can't keep track of where it's traveling
I got my heart but my heart's no good
you're the only one that's understood

I come along but I don't know where you're taking me
I shouldn't go but you're wrenching dragging shaking me
turn off the sun pull the stars from the sky
the more I give to you the more I die

and I want you

you are the perfect drug
the perfect drug
the perfect drug
the perfect drug

you make me hard when i'm all soft inside
I see the truth when i'm all stupid-eyed
the arrow goes straight through my heart
without you everything just falls apart

my blood just wants to say hello to you
my fear is warm to get inside of you
my soul is so afraid to realize
how every little bit is left of me

take me with you
without you everything just falls apart
it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces




The calm ending realy makes this song special to me, although I don't realy know why.