Random Thoughts on Oblivion; and Other Such Cheery Topics

**Anita Blake** · June 21st, 2003

I have never seen him before. But I saw him today. Lean, graceful, elegant, dangerous, and beautiful. Not handsome, no, no one woudl ever call him that, for he is quite simply stunningly beautiful. He looked at me, that casual interest of a passerby, nothing more, nothing less. Perhaps he felt me looking at him from behind my sunglasses, felt compelled to return the favor.

I wanted to walk up to him, kiss him, and tell him he was beautiful. But you simply don't kiss perfect stangers and tell them they are beautiful. I didn't want to come on to him, no, though he was so heart-breakingly beautiful. It wasn't about sex, no, it was about the raw force of his inner self shining through the dirty black leather pants, grungy paint-spattered t-shirt, 2nd hand jacket. Greasy hair lankly hanging to just below his ears. And i thought, does he know how beautiful he is? I crossed the street, and looked back at him, leaning casually.

Could I love this man, this boy? Certainly not. For while beauty can be overwhelming, his beauty came not from the strength of his character, not so much as it was from the sadness of him. Prostitute, possibly, too pretty to be wasted on a decent life of cleanliness and a straight routine. The fire of his personality, so strong and hot, looks sure to burn him out too soon. What makes him so attractive is not completely himself, no it's the life he leads, the danger he is to himself. Passionate to the end, his life is surely a great tragedy, or will be. Put him in a suit and jacket and give him a nice safe office job, and watch the beauty that he is dissipate and dissolve, watch him become ordinary, watch him lose the part of himself that burns so brightly.

I wanted to hold his hand, tell him to get off whatever he is on, to go home and be safe, but looking again at him, seeing once more the cat-like grace he moves with, i know it would be futile. He is a boy who walks alone at night through the wrong part of town, and he is at home. He is a king of the street, sleek, graceful, beautiful, dangerous, and perhaps he has not a little big of love within him.

In the end, though, I walked by. His world and mine are too far apart, to try to bring them together would be disastrous, perhaps more for me. For while I can look at his self destruction and admire it, comment upon it's tragic beauty, I don't wish to have any part of it. I can imagine a life for this boy where he can be strong, where he can choose his lovers instead of having them chosen for him, where his beauty could make him a dark lord over all he touches.

**Anita Blake** · June 27th, 2003

contemplation infinity music haunting lovely sweet sorrow singing morose darkness points of light infinity the universe discovery forgotten realms desire reach touch feel see hear smell internalize hate love opposites polarization terrifying thrilling life death afterlife ghosts reality illusion depth depravity sinking stones water rushing childhood camping memories different person past present future distinct separate unconnected unrelated questions family loyalty love friendship green grass sunshine blue skies idyllic summer death is winter eternity seasons mother earth pagans witches burning sadness horror hatred fear loathing refusal denial stubbornness proud and straight tall and strong.

life.

**Anita Blake** · July 2nd, 2003

well now. today was rather interesting. Canada Day = Cannabis Day. i'm sure you can guess how that turns out. in my case i'd say it led to a certain 'experience' that i would like to hope is unforgettable.

The main gist of the thing was this, for me, at that moment in time at least: we are living at the end of a great civilization. In the wealthy nations we can sit in idle decadence, wasting away a day of celebration in the sunshine, surrounded by a cacophony of sounds, peacefully protesting in a way that is closer to an orgy of drugs and decadence, and in the years to come we can look back on it and say " those days will never come again" but of course, they will come again, in another generation, in another nation, in another time, another place. The youht of today, the youth of yesterday, the youth of tomorrow, we all fight the smae fight, rebellion against the status quo simply because it's in human nature, once a society has a certain degree of luxury. One society may fight the government's stance on marriage, another on drugs, another on whatever the issue of the day is, but in the end, this act of coming together seemingly for a superficial cause is only a part of the human condition, these events, things like woodstock, it's been happening all throughout the course of human history, and it will continue on until the end of the the world. it's the beginning of then end, in many ways, it signals the end of a great era, a historical period. And i don't know this becuase i've read about it, but because i simply opened myself up to it and saw it through the eyes of the past and the future and knew it to be. drug-induced hallucinations and visions? surely. but all prophets have an aid to theit prophecy. this is the way of the world, and one does not need books and study to feel it, to know it. one needs only to stop, listen, and feel it in the air.

we are coming to an end, but there will be others after us. these days will not be long for us, but soon will be there for others. in the meantime, celebrate our destiny. this is what we are.

**Anita Blake** · July 2nd, 2003

and it brings me great curiosity to wonder about the past. sometimes i think we are truly living in atlantis, a civilization that in the millenia to come will be wondered at in awe and amazement, philosophized about, with out legends and myths, and most of what gets told will be the truth, in a way, in a form, for is that not what legends are? truth, distorted through the lens of time? i often wonder, what are the stories that will prevail? what knowledge will we leave for future generations. and did past generations wonder the same thing? I for one don't think that we are very much different from our counterparts in the past, from atlantis. Every day the people of atlantis worked, they had a purpose in their society, they purchased things from the markets, they had homes and families and filled the streets with their important and busy tasks. And all those important people, who were they? Where did they go? well, they died, and their civilization died with them. Kind of makes you reevaluate your own existence, doesn't it. Those people protested their governments, they choices that were made day to day, they had ideas for bettering the world, and in the end, their entire civilization sunk into the water. All their technnology could not help them. And it won't help us. In the end, we are just dust in the wind, and that's all we really can be. All our contributions to society are as short lived as we are. It shoudl be depressing, i guess, and it might sound that way, but in a way, i think it makes me feel mor elike i have a connection with the people of the distant past, the people of the distant future. We don't know one another, and we never will, and we have almost no effect on one another, but there it is, we are all in the same planet, the same species, the same civilization, really. our mortality and ultimate lack of consequence is what binds us together.

**Anita Blake** · July 7th, 2003

sigh. today will, i fear, not be good. Because the school was unexpectedly closed for 2 days last week due to the fire across the street, a lot of classes got missed and this week we'll probably have to scramble to get up to date. *sigh* Plus there's already a lot on the plate this week. egads. well, i should probably go to work early, and i'm going to, because it's juts going to be one of those days where i have to go to work early and stay late and then pretend i did no such thing.

One of the great perks of being moved up to the full time TA.... yay, now i get to deal with all this crap. well, at least i had a long weekend full of fun and a haircut.... unfortunately for the haircut, the hairdresser did a great job of styling it, and now that the hairdresser os nowhere to be seen, my hair is being unruly. I left the hairdresser withpeople going "wow, you look so good like that!" and "i really like your hair straight!" (which is kind of silly, because my hair is straight).... lol but now, it's a curly mass of waves and insanity, and i have to buy a straightener for it since it's just way too curly now.... my hair just goes really wavy at certain lengths, and this is the length it goes wavy at.

alas.

anyhoo... my cat is howling at me for no apparent reaon again, and i really should go to work.

**Anita Blake** · July 8th, 2003

that feeling is there, that sensatin of being too tired to possibly be awake, with the desire to do something, anything, but not being quite sure what, the natural instinct is to sit and stare, waiting for the information to come to you, waiting waiting, waiting. It never does, though. Things don't just 'come to you'. YOu have to seek them out. You have to get them. what are these things? i don't know. ideas, motivation, breath. whatever. it doesn't matter.

yesterday, i was confronted with the realization that i am no longer 15. Not by a long shot. And it occured to me that i would like to be 15 again. Now, my roommate, he claims that he woudl never want to be 15 again. T o painful, to horrendous. And yes, being 15 is something akin to having your flesh peeled off of you every day ahile pouring salt over your exposed muscles. Followed shortly therafter with a nice soothing lemon juice shower. But the thing about being young is this: what makes it so painful is that you are filled with so many desires and longings that you can do nothing about. And yet, that is what akes it so wonderful. The desire, the longing, the anticipation. You don't have the ability to actually achieve any of your youthful goals and desires. Once you can achieve them, you don't want it so much any more. Or to paraphrase, using Courtney Love's words " I get what i want/ and i never want it again". (Violet)

Now i am old. I have a job, i have money, and the ability to achieve many things, and yet the very ability to achive certain things makes it certain that i no longer desire them.

i miss the bittersweet longings of youth.

**Anita Blake** · July 12th, 2003

well, yesterday was fun. OK, the morning part of it, where i had to get up and go to work early, only to find out (again) that some of my students are complete idiots who can't read a schedule

..... yeah, that part wasn't as much fun. When i get up too early, i have a tendency to grunt a lot instead of actually speaking. Whimpery little grunts that mean "no" "leave me alone" "ugh" "what?" "go away" "because i'm tired" and of course, the best one is the quiet, soft, somehwat screechy one that means "fuck off and die please". *nods*

but where was i? oh yes, my day did get better. I made new posters for the computer lab, helpful tips for students, That was really fun. Of course, i was only doing that because i honestly had nothign to do, but i needed to be there. But whatver. Eventually, i did get to leave work, to a swelteringly hot, humid day. The kind of heat where you step outside and think to yourself, "holy crap, it's hot out here!" and then your jeans start kind of sticking to the back of your knees. And suddenly, a semi-truck goes by, radiating about 4 tiems as much heat as the sun, and you just kind of stop and let the heat soak into your bones, and it feels really relaxing, gross but good, almost orgasmic in the way it leaves you feeling nearly exhausted. OK, so maybe none of that sounds very good, except the orgasmic part, but I really enjoy the heat, so i like it. So i went home and sat outside by my pool and read some more of the eye of the world because i have decided to to a whole WOT reread (for some godforsaken reason). My friend lent me the first harry potter book, which i think i will read today. but that is neither here nor there.

I had some ahi tuna for dinner, which was good. I love tuna, but i have very little experience with cooking it. IT's pretty expensive, and hard to find fresh, but i got some on sale. It was good, though, i am inclined to think it tastes better raw than cooked... mmmm sushi. anyhoo.

then i had a couple drinks with my bf and my roommate, and then my bf was at the window and he saw the next door naighbor on his patio, since our window kind of looks out on their patio. He ended up inviting the guy over, and so we got to meet our next door neighbor. That was kind of cool. I've never really been much of one for introducing myself to my neighbors,. but it was really nice to meet my neighbor and hang out with him until the wee hours of the morning. His girlfriend had to get up early so she coulnd't come over, but we'll all meet one day. It's pretty cool. I think that was the best part of the day, just because it's so rare taht i meet new people, well, new peopel that i'm not teaching. And the weird thing is, my neighbor is friends with one of my students! It's such a small, strange world we live in. I wouldn't have been surprised if my neighbor had turned out to be a secret wotist.

Of course, on the sad side of yesterday, there's a guy at work who is probably going to get fired, who is realy sweet, but kind of annoying and acs like a 15 year old girl, who keeps on reminding me about his housewarming party, that i probably can't go to even if i had wanted to, which i don't, but he went up and said to me, and my coworker, "oh, i told my friends that you 2 are the only ones who will probably come", even though i told him that i think i'm busy that day, being an extra on a student film, and he was like 'oh i don't care, come to my party!". *sigh* and he will get fired, becaue he doesn't do his job very well, and takes a lot of days off, and generally annoys people. that makes me feel really bad. I mean, he's a nice guy, just a little despareate for friends, and inept at his job, which are 2 things that don't really go together very well, in my mind. ahhh..... whatever. only thought of it because i had a dream about him getting fired and how crushed he was..... but even in my dream he was annoying me by trying to get into my bathroom stall. dreams are strange beasts.

but the happy part of the story is, met my neighbor, pretty cool guy, and now i have the weekend to read harry potter.

(finally!

) *dances some sort of jig*

**Anita Blake** · July 14th, 2003

early in the morning is when it's hardest. thought comes slowly, unbidden, unwanted really. And there is a dull ache, a longing for there to be someone to take care of you. Someone to smooth over all the rough pathces of your life and just make it easy for you. But it never really will be. BEcause the rising of the sun makes no guarantees. The sun does not want to make your life easier, and no matter what, your bagel is gone. even if you can't remember eating it and were sure it was there. some things just weren't meant to be.

*sigh*

**Anita Blake** · July 28th, 2003

well, hello my long neglected reflections thread. how are you? me, i'm fine. Been busy lately since i'm working full time now. It's good though. We've got our office organized, not that we spend much time in the office mind, but it was a bomb shelter before we took over. So, that's good.

The big news, of course, is that after my purchase of a sewing machine a few months ago, i have finally started along my way to my manifest destiny. or something like that anyway. It's been a long slow process, what with being broke and not able to afford stuff like thread and material, but i've finally made a rough draft of my very first corset. OK, it's not even a complete rough draft, but as far as understanding the pattern pieces and sewing them together in a somewhat coherent manner, i think i've done pretty well. I still don't have the bones, and it's made out of really cheap cotton, so it's all floppy and doesn't quite fit properly, but the point it, i did it. I did it, i did it, i did it, and i understand how to fix what's wrong with it, and i think that when i am finally ready to make the real corset, it will be actually pretty nice. So, i am very proud of myself, and i can't stop fiddling with the damn thing when i sit in front of my sewing machine, which is on a table in my living room, and thusly, i fiddle with it quite often.

I've been lamenting my lack of time to write. It seems that when i am at wor, i am too busy to write much, and when i go home my bf is on the computer so i can't go online that often and i don't write since i'm pretty much out of paper.

note to self: must buy new notebook.

well, that about wraps up this edition of Random Thoughs on Oblivion; and Other Such Cheery Topics. Thank you and have a nice day.

**Anita Blake** · July 29th, 2003

No, no! There seems to have been some kind of a misunderstanding, good sir. You see, i requested the "sleep in every day" option, not get up early and o to work. I really do think a mistake has been made, i believe i was meant to be a rich debutante who would never have to work for a living.

Oh, good, now that we've got that all sorted out, i'll be going to live that life.... what? What do you mean, 'not really'?????!! No, check your book, you'll see it right there.... what? I'm in the right place? NO, that can't be possible, perhaps if i could speak to your supervisor?

**Anita Blake** · August 14th, 2003

ANd of course, the deepest irony is that lonliness is what we all have in common, for alone is what we all are. We can stand together as much as we want, we can pretend to share one another, pretend that we have more than ourselves, but ultimately, in the end, the only thing we really have is ourselves. We are born alone, we live alone, and we die alone, in our heads. We look out every day through the same set of eyes, the set of eyes that no one else can look through, and that is all we have.

Lonliness is what we are.

**Anita Blake** · August 15th, 2003

there is a spinning, breathing, harsh reality that calls us all. We live in it, but we are not of it. Our dreams are what have created us, for only in our dreams are we ever truly real. Only our dreams contain the seeds of truth that shall set us free.

a child has more wonderment, more knowledge in that wonderment than the harshest of all men. Grown men often see life in terms of black and white, right and wrong, and in that sight they miss out the truth that lies under there noses: that life is about enjoyment and pleasure.

And in my mind i can see a world run by children, where flowers bloom wildly and streets are paved with rough dirt and people frolick freely and naked through their days, doing that work which is necessary with a smile and open heart, sure in the knowledge that the work is not the goal, but that it helps to make the goal that much sweeter.

And in this world i can see that those who are hard of heart and old in mind are not banished, but are pitied and suffer an exile of their own making.

**Anita Blake** · August 17th, 2003

curious curious, i can see my coherence slipping away again in my writing, and while this perhaps shoudl be disoncerting, i am quite pleased. Coherence is highly overrated anyway. you see, i have come to a point in my life where i want to regain that which i was as a youth, yet move forward into the next stage, whatever that may be. And thusly, i amke very little sense. It's hard ot move backwads and forwards at the same time, but i manage ok. i am fortunate in that i have this opportunity to reflect. others never have the need for such trivialities, and thusly they may percieve my problems and troubels to be very small indeed, but the thing is, because i do have luxury, my problems are luxurious, but that doesn ont make them any less troubleseme. By this i mean, look at a rich man, who must worry daily about losing his money, who's biggest problem is a lingering sense of depression that makes him wish that he were dead, so he eats and he eats until he is as corpulent in his form as he is in his mind. He must see psychiatrists to rid himself of these debilitating concerns, to make his life filled once more with happiness. Then look at a child, starving in a third world nation, who's biggest concern is the next meal he may or may not eat, who may die by days end because of a wayward bullet shot by rebels or dirty water that will give him a lethal disease. Are the rich man's problems less of a problem because they are not a matter of life and death? Is he less valid in his existence? How can he be? Surely, if he was placed in the same situation as the starving child, his priorities would change, and his previous problems woudl seem irrelevant, and the child woudl surely change places to not have to worry about death looming over his shoulder eveyr moment, but does it make the man irrelevant? No, we all have the problems we have, and just because the problems might seem trivial to another, to you, your problems are all you have. Your concerns are yours, and you can't really change them or worry about whether or not they might seem trivial next to a starving child's. You can't feel guilt for not sharing that problem because you can't share that problem, not without detriment to yourself.

and i digress. i don't know what my original point was but i don't think it matters. i probably didn'teven had one. one of the luxuries of being me, i guess, not havign a point, not having coherence, not being glued together in the same fashion that most people are. It's OK, you know, being different, being strange, being uniquely similar to everyone else.

i worry sometimes at the state of my sanity, whether i am sane, or will remain sane, or if one day i will wake up to recognize that i am completely insane. And i think sometimes that i'd ratehr be insane and happy than sane and depressed. For the world is a terrifying, depressing, horrifying place. Tragedies occur everyday, and it's insane to think that they don't, but it's also so much more pleasant to believe that we are safe, that we are protected, and that all things are possible. i want to believe that all things are possible. in some ways, i do, i really do. but then the realistic self chimes in letting me know that i know this isn't so. Well, so be it. I care not for the matters of lofty men. i want only to write and to be loved and to be admired, to create, to imagine, to dream. Is that a noble goal? or is it running away from the responsibilities of life? DOn't ask me, i asked you. At any rate...

one other thought that flitters ceaselessly through my wasted excuse for a mind these days is that there are some thigns that you can never really escape. you can rebel from them, and run away, and spit in their eyes, but in the end one day you stop and find that it was there, inside you all along. Mayeb that makes me hate it more, knowing that i can't escape cetain inevitabilities, when i question, if i had children, how woudl i raise them, and though i lothe and despise the voice that chimes in, i can't help but to agree that to rase any child without at least the knowledge of religions would be folly, regardless of my personal thoughts on religion. I despise it, really, because it has taken a large part in turning me into what i am: a person who feels guilt over everything. guilt over my actions, my inactions, the actiosn of those around me, the actions of the rulers of the world, how guilty i feel that i am not changin the world, even though i know that i can't change the world, that i can do nothing about who is voted as president of the united state, or who rules far awy nations, i cannot control these things, and yet, because i see them as wrong and frightening to my beliefs, i feel guilt that i have done nothingto affect change. I feel guilt for living my life, and i lay the blame for this overactive sense of guilt at the feet of the catholic church and their leader of men, the pope. adn yet the nagging voice in my head..... that perhaps i'm not wrong to feel this guilt, that perhaps i could give my life in service of a greater good, sacrifice myself, my desires, my needs, in order that others can benefit. I felel guilt that i do not do this, and yet not quite enough to renounce my worldly possessions and toil selflessly to satisy the needs of others. Because ultimately, what it comes down to is this: i am one of those others, too. I have my own needs that must be satisfied before i can care for others. if you give all of yoursel,f you'll find that there is no you, that you cease to exist, and become a slave, worthless and small, and i refuse to be that. i refuse to give into my inner nature and suffer at the hands of others. Does this make me a bad person? According to some doctrine, yes, and that is what enrages me. that is what makes me want to scream in anguish and rage, fuels my desire for destruction. for not all gods are benevolent and merciful all the time. and if we are made in the image of god, then perhaps we too must cast aside benevolence and mercy from time to time and just be what we are, selfish, hard, cold bitches. balance is in order, one cannot be purely good, or purely evil. All good contains within it the seeds of evil, just as all evil contains the seeds of good. yin and yang. balance in the force. it's a curious thing, life is, and perhaps we'll never have it worked out entirely to our satisfaction, unles we learned to be satisfied with mystery and half-answers.

and now that my rant has moved on to other things, i feel it necessary to stop, quit while i'm (rather dubiously) ahead. for isn't that what separates us from the animals? the ability to see the line, and quit while we're ahead? perhaps not. perhaps that's just what separates smart from dumb. and i suspect that i ride that line very clumsily, shifting balance from smart to dumb without ever seeing my erratic movements. and there you are. the end.

**Anita Blake** · August 23rd, 2003

ahh, on wiht the random.....

yesterday was yet another grad at my school (we have one every 2 months). This one was cool, kind of because it's the first class that i've been with since they started.... they started right after i started, so i feel kind of sad to see them gho. OK, i always feel kind of sad to see classes go. Juts when i get to know some of the students and find out how cool they really are, that's when they graduate. It's a vicious cycle, since i get classes with them in the beginning of the year, and then i see those narroweed down into my department (editing) closer to the middle, and then i get to meet some people i haven't dealt with much right in the last month.... so it's sad

the boys all seem to flirt with me more near the end of their year, which is nice, teehee, even though my bf works in the basement... i like innocent flirtation that means nothing but a bit of fun. after all, what the fun in being a teacher if you don't get boys flirting with you

well, i didn't go to their after party, i maybe should have, but i was dead tired. passed out shortly after 11. that's tired. there was no way i was travelling across the city to go to a beach party. nope. then again, i never go to their parties. i never feel like i know them well enough, or at least, i feel kind of strange in that initial transition from teacher-type to fellow party-goer. it's too weird for me. i'm the type of person that needs to have clearly defined lines and boundaries.... i like to keep personal and professional separate, and i have a really hard time just flipping the switch on the day that 'professional' ceases to be an option. maybe i'm just a tightass. well, that may be the case. all i know now is: my bf did go to the party, and it's 1:30 PM and he's still passed out on the couch. i managed to get him to say "morning" and to reply to my query of the party that it was "awesome" before he rolled over again burying his face in the couch. i think i shall bang some dishes about to wake him from his drunken slumber.

perhaps make him a coffee to encourage him to wake up. because the fact of the matter is, i am rather bored. i've read a bunch of the new harry potter, and though it is enticing, i can't quite shake the feeling that i shoudl get off my lazy ass to do something. so perhaps i shall sew something. hooray! a task. a quest. or something like that. anyhoo. ta ta!

**Anita Blake** · August 28th, 2003

CAUTION! DEPRESSING, BORING TRIVIAL CRAP AHEAD!! SKIP IT!!!

I am so frustrated and depressed.... part of it is my own fault, and the other part of it is the way i am being treated. A word to any wise canadians who happen to read this: In your financial dealings, avoid the Bank of Montreal like the plague. It's not that they mess you around financially, it's that when you make a mistake and perhaps an error in judgement, they treat you like a vagrant, and when you complain to the top, they don't seem to really give a damn.

I mean, i'm not in the best financial situation right now, and that is partly of my own doing, so the bank is understandably a little miffed at me. When i went in to try to clear things up and come to a resolution, i was treated so rudely, with such an amazing level of ignorance that I left in tears. My friend referred me to his bank, so i went to talk to them.... they could't do anything for me, but i was treated with so much more respect... certain things were explained to me clearly, my options were made clear to me, but most importantly, i was given time and respect .... my bank literally told me there was "nothing" i could do.... and the situation is really not all that bad... they made it seem like i was the worst person in the world.... it's very frustrating and demoralizing to be treated that way.... even when i made a 2 page letter of complaint.... the lady that called me tried to explain why i was treated to rudely ... that their agents "have high expectations of the customers" WTF?! I mean, i'm giving them money, you'd think they'd be a little more accomodating.... stupid banks.... thankfully i have it mostly worked out now.... the letter of complaint seems to have bought me some time and a little bit of leverage .. i mean, i'm not asking for a lot, just that they talk to me and are willing to make some kidn of negotiotation. *sigh*. I am moving all my banking to the bank i talked to today.... honestly, if anyone moves to canada or lives here, i fully advise you not to deal with the bank of montreal. for any reason. it's just not worth being treated like a scum bag.

the stress is killing me. i can't eat. i am finally starting to feel hungry. but i don't want to eat anything. my coworker feels the same way so i hope it's not some bug that's goign around the office.... but she is under considerable financial stress as well.... i hate that something as stupid as money can make people feel so ill. I want to buy a farm and live on a commune where i won't need moeny because i'll grow/raise everything i need. wouldn't that be nice? not to have to deal with a stupid bank?

on a side note, i saw a seagull wandering on the road. i thought it was cute until it got hit by a car and then run over by several passing vehicles. I know seagulls are supposd to be nuissance animals and such, but still.... i think they are kind of pretty, and with all the stress i was under, and plus i think i ate some bad shrimp last night, it made me feel really sick. poor poor seagull. i wanted to scream at the people who hit it.... i mean.... it wasn't like it was invisible... it was right there.... just because people were in a rush to get to wherever they were going and the light turned green.... i hope they have nightmares tonight, because they deserve it.

*sigh* well... this is probably very depressing. i think i shall make it all spoiler text. lol. except for the parts about avoiding the bank of montreal.

well.... i do really feel much better after the meeting i had this morning... compare: my bank.... 10 minute meeting, left in tears in utter confusion.... other bank: hour and a half meeting, left smiling and clear on what i need to do, even though the result and advice was exactly the same.... i am so switching banks. who needs to deal with assholes? not me.