just one of those days

[Arianna]

gah. PMS is hitting me really hard this month. i've been bitchy and crying and pretty much you name it. overall, confusing. confused.

i'm not sure what to do about it.

and, to compound all this unwanted emotion. i tried to make sauerkraut (not sure why... other than that i had some cabbage i wanted to use and i came across a recipe). i don't even like sauerkraut. but, i made it anways. so its been sitting for a little over a week "fermenting" and i decide to open it tonight. and it was SO DISGUSTING. what a waste of time and energy. and it smelled like death. salty, salty death.

[Arianna]

so i'm conducting interviews for my job. and pretty much EVERYONE i'm interviewing (for positions all lower than my own) are at least 5 years older than me. this gives them more experience than me as well. i'm not really looking forward to interviewing them, much less managing them once i hire them. then again, i am

its just kind of akward.

[Arianna]

thanks folks who reassured me that this would all be okay. and i KNOW it will. i'm actually already a little smug aobut it and it hasn't even started yet. it's just a mix of emotions on the subject. besides, i do like interviewing. kind of a guilty pleasure, a little bit. or just odd taste. not sure which.

[Arianna]

so, after yet another day/night of drugfest, i'm not feeling very well. this has prompted me to give up drugs. and, i'm by no means an addict. i'll still drink occasionally, but that is all. and just in time for a friend who grew his own shrooms trying to pawn them off for cheap we'll see how long this sobriety lasts. hopefully at least long enough to detox my body for hte next wave

[Arianna]

so, the owner of my place of work, hates me. because he thinks i've been doing drugs with his 18 yr old son. and i have, but in my defense, the kid already did them. and i've been really careful not to make it known, especially to the owner. and i only know that he knows b/c my direct boss (between me and the owner) told me in confidence after the boss told him in confidence. so i can't even go to my owner and tell him that its not true, b/c then i'm betraying my boss's confidence AND my owner will know that my boss told me.
and i've noticed within the last week or slightly more, that my owner has been distant towards me (not rude or mean, exactly, but displeased for some reason... which i know now). the thing is, i rarely see the owner, so its not a big deal in my day to day life, but i really do want to just take it back to where this didn't happen or at least that he didn't know. i don't think, even if i did explain it to my boss (convince him that he was wrong about it all), that his pov would go back to how it was before, he's just that kind of man. i just don't know what to do about this.

[Arianna]

wow, i know i say this each time i write something here, but so much has been happening to me that i haven't had a chance to put down.


tonight, however...

the boyfriend and i got in a really stupid but fairly epic fight. mainly it was me. pms. whatever. so, i was all pissy and he had gone out with friends - part of the basis of htis fight. and i went and messed around online. i saw that i had gotten a myspace message, so i went to check it. it was from this guy i used to work with (briefly) who had a crush on me (i knew it then) and who i really enjoyed spending time with and i guess had a minor crush on. so he tells me that he can't get me out of his head (it's been a little less than 6 months, i think, since we stopped working together) and that he thinks i am beautiful, etc, etc. so, angry bitch that i was (am)... i answered him. i told him that i was still in my relationship, but that i would like to get together as friends and see what happens. but now i feel like a lying (sneaky) bitch. sometimes i really just hate the person i am.

why do i always do this while drunk.

[Arianna]

i've started talking to my sister again. we haven't seen each other or spoken since we were about 10 - there was family drama (we are 2 years apart in age). but we became friends on facebook this past year - and then proceeded to not say anything to each other until she sent me a message wishing me happy birthday the other day and asked what i'm doing with my life. and now we have started messaging with each other. it is pretty neat getting to know her again after all of this time. i'm hopeful for the future a little.

[Arianna]

so i was just uninvited to my friend's husband's birthday party b/c apparently he hates me to the point that he never wants to see me (ditto with aaron). ever. He has no problem with my friend and i continuing to see each other. he just doesn't want anything to do with it. So, basically, I feel like i can't really be friends with my friend anymore. it is just too difficult. this is one of my oldest friends, and i have been nothing but nice to this man. but he is unwilling to make an effort and unwilling to budge. It is just really awkward. but i feel like, by letting it go, she is taking his side and i feel very abandoned by her. that she isn't willing to try enough to salvage this. that i can still see her (just never be invited to her home. never see her husband. never meet their children - when that time comes). i just can't stop crying about this. i have essentially lost one of my oldest friends.

[Arianna]

so, my dad is in the emergency room again. we'll see what happens this time. the worst part is that he never will admit that he needs help (even from a doctor or hospital) so by the time they finally corner him into (insisting on driving himself) going to the emergency room, its a lot worse than it would have had to have been. and the only reason he told me at all is that 'he had some frozen groceries that he didn't have time to take home, so could i keep them in my freezer for a while'
'how long?'
'oh, just till they let me out of the emergency room'
'WHAT?'


well, hopefully its something easily fixable. you never know with him.

[Arianna]

my horse died. It was of old age (she was probably about 25 or 26) but I have had her since we were both little. And I wasn't even there to see her at the end.


EDIT: man, I just realized that every time I reflect here, it is about something totally negative. My life and personality are not really this terrible, I swear. I guess I just don't really need a place to write down the amazing things that happen to me. But maybe I should. Maybe it says something about me.

[Arianna]

oh Thanksgiving. I'm just thankful for my life. I gripe about it on occasion, but overall, its not a bad deal. We had such a wonderful time yesterday. It is so nice to have both mine and Aaron's families living so close. We spent lunch with his family and dinner with mine (and probably ate much more than is ever called for). I also am very happy that Aaron's mom seems to be coming around to the whole vegan thing. (in the beginning, she was not so supportive. I think she just thought it was a phase - Aaron's brother had been vegan for about a month or two because of a girl he was with at the time - and that Aaron would either come around or leave me, or both) but now she has really risen to it. She made several wonderful vegan dishes for their thanksgiving lunch and made sure we had more than enough to eat. It just makes me feel so included and just happy and like his family respects our decision and, in a way, me. And my family. Crazy people that they are, we always have fun no matter how silly.

And thanksgiving marks the beginning of the holidays - and many birthdays - which means lots of time spent with both families. I'll whine about all that too, but I wouldn't trade it for the world

[Arianna]

totally found my wedding dress today. A little early, but I couldn't pass it up now I just have to wait another year or 2 to wear it

[Arianna]

Teehee. I made a wedding website. well, 'made' is too strong a word... I filled in a template on a free wedding website hosting site. but still, I did it!

Now, I'm not inviting you quillers to the wedding (sorry) but if you want to, you can visit my little site (that is the link. I hate that they don't show up in some other colour anymore) and look at a few of my engagement photos and my utter lack of taste.

[Arianna]

ah. less than 2 weeks til the wedding. I guess I should stop procrastinating now. eek.

[Arianna]

wedding is finally OVER. we're officially married now. and I'm so glad. Its great to be settled back in at home. I'll probably post a picture at some point (still waiting on the ones from our officially designated photographer) but some are up on facebook for those who have fb/know me. no big plans on the horizon at the time, but we're debating a trip to madagascar in nov/dec. we'll see what comes of that.