Yes! Julian shook his head in self-induced wonder. He had always been fully aware of how brilliant and special and cool he was, but occasionally even he was surprised at just how smart he could be. ‘Once upon a Time’ that’s genius! Ah to be or not be so bloody clever. His candles had all long since flickered out and he scribbled to the quickly fading light of the single, sputtering survivor. He grasped the lone illuminator and lifted it high that he might better survey his soon-to-be masterpiece. All of a sudden Julian Kell, artist extraordinaire was struck with the forceful impression that everything was not as it should be.Originally Posted by dark fuschia
Ever since he was very young Julian had possessed a mysterious connection to the multi-verse and all its denizens through judicious application, and rigorous regulation of a highly tuned sense of paranoia. This feeling of intense fear and suspicion had been with him for most of his life. He did not think that everyone was out to get him. He knew it for true. So it was that upon intuiting that, at long last his numerous enemies had come for him Julian reacted with weasel-like speed. He threw down his tastefully expensive manuscript, the very work that would insure his name would be remembered for centuries to come, likely as a byword for ingenious word-craft, he threw it down and began to disrobe in the flickering gloom with near inadvisable haste. His pants came off quickly enough, draped around a pair of legs that resembled toothpicks as they did. His sweater was giving him more trouble and it was as he struggled with the item, surely knitted by sadistic hell-hags intent on strangling the unwary wearer that the lady innkeeper knocked on his door. “Mr. Barkley? Mr. Barkley, are you awake?” Julian began to swear very forcefully and very very quietly.
“Erm…no?” he quavered, endeavoring to sound as old and frail as was possible to sound, which as it turned out was not all that difficult to do. He applauded himself for his non-generic reply, coming as it did at this moment of horrible dilemma. A true artist indeed.
“Mr. Barkley, I’m afraid there’s been some sort of issue with the currency you provided us with on your checking in,” she went on, clearly not fooled by his canny ruse. Or either of his canny ruses, from the sound of things. “Why that’s dreadful,” he stalled, still struggling with his obstinate shirt “I don’t understand, Mrs. Kenly” his voice muffled from under the clothing. He finally got the shirt off and beamed triumphantly. Then, suddenly reminded of his perilous situation Julian staggered over to his wardrobe and began randomly throwing things out or shoving them aside. “It seems that the gold you provided us with has been identified as stolen, Mr. Barkley,” her voice drifting from sullen resentment and spite to a tone of doubt when she reached his name. “Oh yes? Good then, good,” Julian replied absently, grey head buried in clothing, books and various bits and pieces whose purpose or use was long forgotten. Finally his failing eye sight fell on what he needed; a small glass jar and he pulled it out hastily. “Uh, perhaps we could discuss this at a later date, Mrs. Keneely. I’m afraid I’m a trifle busy at the moment, you see.” There was no response from the cantankerous innkeeper and Julian only dimly heard her heavy footsteps receding down the hallway. Muttering to himself about etiquette and proper manners, and how in his day people answered other people in polite circles, Julian walked into the centre of his room. He opened the jar and liberally smeared the contents over himself, in runes and arty designs the likes of which a layman is never fortunate enough to see. He didn't recall the Magical Juice of the WakkaWagga clan being quite so lumpy when he purchased it but then he didn't really know all that much about dark rituals and the weird potions one needed to successfully perform them.
"Oh mighty Jackals of Twilight," he intoned in his reedy, fragile-sounding voice
"Protect me from mine enemies be they legion or alone." As he spoke, more or less making up the sacred ritual as he went along, he began to dance and cavort in a manner that he imagined was authentically tribal. He knocked over his candle in his enthusiasm but he never slowed in his spastic gyrations.
Like many people who had no natural rhythm, Julian fancied himself a fine dancer. "Hiya-hoa-Hiya-toa," he panted, the ability to form actual words having fled him after the third or fourth movement.
Julian Kell, sublimely convinced that his immediate future (and the likelihood of him seeing that future) rested entirely on the correct and artistic completion of the Sacred dance of the WakkaWagga tribe gave it his all. He remembered reading of this very ritual one summers day, in his now rapidly distant seeming youth. It was supposed to ward off harmful or malevolent forces. Also by some zaney coincidence, the ritual was meant to have very painful effects on any nearby tax collectors. Julian hated tax-collectors.
Finally, a good three minutes after he had begun he slowed then stopped, his heart beating frantically as though a small bird was trapped in his chest and was flapping its wings desperately. He huffed a mighty sigh and then listened intently. His raging sense of paranoia had eased and he took this to mean that his brilliant strategy of impromptu witchcraft and elegant dance moves had worked. He idly wondered what he was going to do about his pesky land-lady and her irritating tendency of knowing things she shouldn't.
He bent down slowly, still drained from his efforts and with some difficulty managed to light his candle. The new radiance revealed a very strange thing.
All around the centre of the room was a great mass of crunched up spiders. In his dancing he must have crushed the wee blighters! Julian was remorseful at his inadvertent slaughter and bent down to more closely examine the evidence of his carelessness. As he did so he happened to see the jar of Magical Juice, the sacred potion of the WakkaWagga tribe. Only that jar was full and sitting underneath his bed. Frowning, Julian lifted his candle to peer at his own flesh, the army of albino arachnids forgotten for the moment. He dubiously brought a dollop of the substance smeared on his gorgeous hide to his tongue. The Magical Juice of the WakkaWagga tended to taste a good bit like dirty water which made sense because thats all it really is. As a result of this the Sacred Juice could usually be purchased quite cheaply. Blueberry jam, however was not at all cheap and was what Julian had just covered himself in. He felt a rage unlike any he had ever experienced (that day) and he roared and threw his candle at the wall. Blueberry jam was his favorite spread! He had killed a family of friendly spiders! His land-lady was onto him! And most grating of all, most fiendishly aggravating was that due to some stupid, filthy witch woman, his eyesight was now so bad he couldn't tell a lowly vial of the Sacred WakkaWagga juice from that most precious of substances - Blueberry jam. He raced around in the newly-returned darkness, screaming in incoherent, impotent fury. He kicked something wooden and hard. He yowled in pain and hopped around on one foot. As that one foot tripped over an empty jar of sweetly edible jam, Julian Kell, artist extraordinaire had a small revelation as to the questionable wisdom of leaping about ones room in the dark, before his head crashed into the hard floor and he passed out.
However even blanketed as he was by unconsciousness, Julian continued to grimace, such was his awful and irate anger. His fingers curled and twitched as well, as though he were strangling an unfortunate tax-collector in his dreams.


Reply With Quote
Bookmarks