Lies, deceit and all the other pleasantries that keep the weels turning...

[Eyreplenh]

Is it a coincidence this thread starts in the middle of the night, me starting up the computer after heroiccally returning from an after-concert party? I think not, (my friends have such bad stamina-but hey, I need to spend some more energy!) after all, parties is one of the areas where people-skills are most important....

People-skills; that's me, I'm not particularly good at anything, but people will do pretty much(in the end)what I want them to. Rather sad actually, after all being good with people can be summed up like this: I'm good at lying. You know with some people when they trie to lie they have these holes and imperfections in their stories that means their lying, you probably wont find them with me. I wont say it doesnt happen that people see through me, but as I don't live with my mom anymore thats not often...But although I find lying amusing at times, gods above, it's taken me through more than one boring party; it's really nothing that I find good. You know, positive. One of my friends(a girl of course, they're the ones that on occasion manage to get a piece of the real me), once commented on my ability to always have something going on, and never burning any bridges or closing any doors. I told her, in one of my flips of truthfullness, that when you leave all the doors open there really isn't much of a house left...anybody know what I'm talking about? She didn't of course, unless of course, she plays her game with me as I do with her, but I don't think so...

To get to the core of the issue, I'm starting to feel a bit stuck (hold it; I'm not depressed or anything like that, I'm very happy with my life so far; I thank the small things... Yay, is that a beer? Anyone say brownie?) in life, because I feel like nobody knows who I am, and I'm afraid to let anyone close because then they will see through me and then they'll tell my friends and it will all come apart... The only one I talk competely honestly with is a girl I've known for half a year or something, she has a boyfriend that bores her and she too is a liar of some rank.This is partly because I really feel I can trust her, but also because there's small chance of her meetin any of my other friends, but this again means that we can spend less time together and...sheesh! Quit rambling....

Why am I telling you this? Oh, its so much harder to lie to someone you can't see(true!), and I don't think any of you will be hooking up with anyone I know...Who comes to Norway anyway? Besides, I reaaaly need to went my feelings to someone.Sorry folks, for bringing this upon you... Anyone want to be my Shield Anvil?

Ah I've got to get something more to drink lest I fall back into sobriety, not quite ready for that yet...

Anyway, I'll be back with more about myself, lies about my life, no wait, I'll stop doing that... I'll probably end up writing about something that annoys me, I like that.

Cheers!*Wherever the fck did I put my beers?!*

[Eyreplenh]

Okay, after reading the first post when sober...Well, it didn't come out just the way I wanted it, but I think it's perhaps the closest I've been.

Today, I've been alone all day, something which for me is great, I have a great need to be alone sometimes and thats really not so easy when living with a couple of other persons...I don't know why it is so, but I find that I am often a bit sad, or, filled with melancholy when alone,...I like it.I have no explanation for this, only being down actually isn't all that bad. I think the reasoning my brain does(the self, per say, I don't think know) is when alone and down, I want companionship, but as there is no other persons at the moment(or not living half a world away)that is in line with my person, my thoughts, my everything; that kind of companionship is impossible.But then, I'm doing quite allright alone, aren't I... So, I think my subconsciousness is really having a pep talk with my brain, at least I always feel much moore cheery when I wake up after a "melancholy" day, than I usually do...

So I think tomorrow will be good... Maybe I'll make someone at work believe I went to Romania this weekend. Hmm...

[Eyreplenh]

I rediscovered again how easy it is to really despise people. As I often do. One guy at work today got really worked up because we didn't have the gold and leather edition of the bible.-In Norway, this costs about 350 or so us $... Not very popular to buy, we don't stock it!- He wondered how we could call this a bookshop without this, whereupon I replied that we didn't really have any religious tomes at all(we have a store for that about 5 minutes of walking from where I work), as you can see, I said, we don't have the Koran or any Buddhist or Hindu verses either... To this he said, quote; What has that got to do with it? Are you comparing the bible with any of those things?!... of course, I had about a million things I wanted to reply(what I wanted most was to beat him with a bat a time or fourteen), but as I am an employee, it would look rather stupid to create a scene, hate being on the wrong side of the counter...

After eight hours of this(okay, there was SOME good people in as well, but never mind those.Damn, losing my anger...Refocusing...), yeah, thats right, I dont have any hot water in my apartment!! I haven't for five days now and it won't be back for another couple(read as six) of days. A warm shower cures most things, but not today.

I figured the only thing I could do, not to lighten up, oh no, but to fuel my anger; was this-This I strongly recommend people who feels misanthropic and intend to stay so for a while-; I sat down with a bottle of beer(actually it was five; but don't give me that "you drink too much" crap, I won't take it ), a novel by Chuck Palahniuk, and Turbonegro pumping from the stereo.Ah, winning combination. The book I chose this time was Haunted, which is great. Man, I love that man. Eventually you could read some Bukowski or Hunter S, but for me, Palahniuk works the better...(Any hints on alternative con-human, pro-apocalyptic-chaotic-degredation literature? These things aren't really a hit in Norway...)

Anyway, gotta go to bed, tomorrow I have to use my creative and sneaky self to lie my way past that I haven't handed in the obligatory pre-exam papers on 16th century british poets(Shakespeare)... Should be easy

*prepares stories while jacking another beer*

[Eyreplenh]

Not really that much I need to tell the world today, first and foremost I wan't to thank this cute girl that came by work today. She's been in a time or three before, she's been smiling and pointing at me in front of her friends, while calling me curly(it comes with the hair I guess).You know, giggling and smiling as only 15 yearolds can. Anyway, today she walked up to me and asked for some of my hair, as I've got alot of it I really didn't mind, and it gave me something to smile at for the rest of the day.Apparently I'm not all that hard to please...I'm having some regrets on the account of her being some occult voodoopriestess or something, but to be honest I think it would it would be worth it to get some proof that there is more to the world than what we see

Oh, and in this book I'm reading, there was a really cool quote by some dude called Vachss or something(not sure, it was a little out of context), it goes like this:
"From the very second that two people sat together round a fire
in the forest, there was another human out there who felt better
in the dark"

I thought it was nice, and something I, for one, can relate to ever more often.

I know yesterday was I hate the world day, at least for me, today I have some books that actually might (should anyway!) make anyone feel better and see the world through some lighter shades: The Shadow of the Wind, Carlos Ruiz Zafon, and Life of Pi, Yann Martel. These are books, especially the former, which I at any time can pick up, and after twenty pages actually feel better. Happy, almost

Well... Ngh.. Can't get anything else out..

[Eyreplenh]

So, here's the deal. I'm twenty. I feel twenty-something(feeling twentytwooo-acting sev... No, cut it, it's nothing like that), which, on account of my age isn't very bad. The weird thing is, I've felt this way for a pretty long time. I can't say I don't like it, twenty is, and should be, a good age. Lately, however, I've started to wonder; will I always feel this old? I mean, there are very few things I can foresee that will change me as a person, I think I've lost the track of how to evolve... Nah, probably it has always felt like this, noone probably has a marked change like Ding! Now I'm 22...

The thing is, I think I've found the answer to what will take me further as a person; only I hate those answers. They're all about me giving up control. I've always been in control, at least emotionally. I've never given enough of myself to anybody, to give them control over myself. It was close with my ex-girlfriend, and probably the one before then too, but luckily ? I withdrew before anything bad happened...One answer is therefore this; to dedicate myself to someone to a degree where I no longer can control how I feel for someone. As I see it the only other thing were you completely give up control; is if I were to try some heavier drugs...

Nah, I'm such a coward. Luckily, one would think of the latter, but kind of unfortunate for the former. As one of my brighter friends said,after I panicked when I had been seeing this girl for a month or something, and the actual thing that struck my mind was: I've got books to read! Movies to see!, and I don't want her looking over my shoulder as I do it! So pathetic... Anyway, what she said was that all this is probably because I haven't met the right one... Ah, I hate to give her right, so I'll blame something else...She bored me, okay!

Well, guess I'll just wait it out, gotta be a fase of some kind...

Cannot lose control......................

[Eyreplenh]

Okay, so the things I said earlier about giving up control and all that, I've decided I won't do it. Not happening. No chance. 'Cause I figured if I have to decide to do something like this it isn't worth it. The difference I came to: I won't give up control, but someday I might lose it. There, that's okay.

Now, this morning I realized I depend alot on my shoes. I woke up and had to go out and meet someone, this really should not be legal on a sunday morning, and I found my Superstars in a very depressing condition. Wet. Dirty. With a smell that can only be described as, no, it can't be described, lets just say it goes to the point were it can be no worse. And beyond. I think there was some blood on them as well. What have I done? Anyway, I have other shoes, but putting them on because I per se, have to, felt awful. And the whole time I have this mantra, this voice keeps saying: You're gonna need quality shoes.... I know this is from a song or a flick of some kind, but I cannot remember.Frustrating!

Shoes aside, I got really depressed at the party I was at yesterday(probably the reason for my, er, reduced state later on), when this guy brings up the standard "I'm a deep kinda fellow who thinks about this alot"-question: If given, would you accept the gift of eternal life? The party I was at was with the people that disappoint me the most; my fellow students(I'll get back to this later). They are the kind of people that likes to think of themselves as "intellectuals" and "artist-spirited",and while I enjoy being with people that are actually talented or well-read and whatever, I can't stand the pretenders.
.....Lets see, the people at the party were all twenty something-not-to-large-number, and one by one they gave their consent to "I,for one, would not stand the idea of eternal life". How depressing. I mean, I'm in a room full of people that has lived a handful of years, that's all more afraid of living than of dying! I kept my silence at this point, but when it was clear that all their reasons for not living forever was in the terms of "so much crap in the world" and "my children will die before me" I had to do something.

Myself, I would give this question serious consideration, and probably accept the gift/burden based on these(among others) points: I'm sceared(to death ) of dying. I have so far had a good life, with this meaning I would rather relive it than don't if given the choice, and rather continue it than end it.(I have no reason to think that life will be worse for the next ten years, how can I then assume it will be worse in 100?? These things we can not know, so I'll take my chances). There is alot of things wrong with the world today, spend 500 years and try to make things better! I'll lose everyone I love... Buhu, mourn 50, mourn 100, mourn 1000 years and get on with it. Books, music, movies, art-I would spend several years finishing the books only at my local library. Just imagine."But life would be pointless after such and such years..."HOW DO YOU KNOW?

Anyway, I decided on giving the question a bit more substance for them and asked: Choose, eternal life or instant death? That shut them up for a while. Not so sure now, are ya? Muhahahaha. At this point everyone looked at me as some kind of alien, so I decided to retreat back in to the shadows; smiled a disarming smile, grabbed a whench and went dancing. I'll let them think what they want.Ha.

[Eyreplenh]

What's the point?

I am aware of the fact that a lot of people feel this way, but it still needs to be said; I find all the things I do more or less pointless. At least if you look big at it, I mean, I find a lot of things amusing or interesting, but not to the point where it concerns anyone else. Also, I think to myself, is there any meaning in what other people do? Is there supposed to be a meaning, a motivation behind what I do? What I am doing so far is satisfying my impulses, I do what I want to do. There is not really anything wrong with this, only I am afraid. Afraid that when it's time to add up the scales, I'll end up owing a great deal.

Wonder if people enthralled with some religion or other feels this same uncertainty, the fear of closing your eyes to nothing. An end to everything, see, I need to know that when I close those eyes for the last time; It'll be to wake up somewhere else. But I cannot force myself to believe, and so my life as a doubtfilled drifter resumes its usual pace, leaving a part of me screaming behind for confirmation of some kind.

My ?god? I am to sober. Refuge can be found in noise. Keep the mind focused on other things and the questions will go away. Check this out, all four seasons of Blackadder.Blackaaaaader, Blackaaader!

Ah, bliss...

[Eyreplenh]

I have found a new way to mess with the heads of my lecturers and study-supervisors. A small step for mankind you say, but for a man who lives for the small things, quite a leap.Or really tiny jump. Call it what you like, I at least am capable of seeing the possible grandness in this. The thing I do now is quite simple. I completely ignore their feeble attemps to take care of me as a student. What a bad thing to do, one might think, when they are trying to take care of you; but no! The thing I really want to piss of is the system. That the systems employees have to suffer, I actually care a great deal about. See, I'm born with ten peoplesworth of conscience. But anyway, they suffer only slightly as I am convinced that if you reach into it, they don't really care about me at all. The system today in Norway for students at Universities is this: you go to a lecture, then you have to attend classes where you will be helped! with the digestion of said lectures. Between these classes you have to hand in papers, plus attend student groups where you will be helped in the writing of the weekly papers. Wonderful, some say, but I despise it. Four years ago this was the system: you went to lectures which was on a wide variation of themes, you could choose what part of curriculum to make your own... and then you handed in one (1) paper at the end of the year, as well as taking the required exams. Why would I prefer this? Firstly it means I could spend the five first months of the year doing other things, because I'm not one of these do a little today, a little tomorrow, and soon you'll be done guys. Give me a deadline a year from now, two weeks or three months from now; to me a deadline is always, on some level, tomorrow. So with the new system I have about 25 stay-up-all-night-working-my-ass-off sessions each term, while with the old system I'd have about 5. Spot the difference. And I wont get started on the lot of no-gooders that call themselves fellow students. At least not today. I'm on a low angry level today, and they deserve my in all my fury.

Anyway, what I've been doing is neglecting to turn in these small papers, even though I actually finished most of them Ha! does anyone believe that?!?, and just now they presented me with this new rule, which I suspect is something they just made up, that I have to turn these in to be allowed to take my exams. This one class I hadn't turned in a single paper, and out of eight there where two to go. Then this supervisor she goes on about how she'll rate my papers in a special way, and I better do pretty damn well good on the last two, if I were to have any dreams of passing them. The beaty of the story is while these two supervisors actually manages to get quite mad at me for not realizing the effects these papers being ruled out can have for my future studies, I keep a straight face and smile to them; everything is gonna be allright. They went quite literally red. I love people that manage to produce some real anger, they're so cute

I know I'll pass those papers cause they are really, really simple. And thus my frustration to have to spend six months learning what could have been done in a couple of weeks. *Bored!*

[Eyreplenh]

Hmm... Today was for me the equivalent of a sick day. I haven't been sick for a couple of years now. (knocks on wall, throws salt over shoulder and spins three times around. Willy willy wally wally wolly.) But the days of being just a little bit sick is just to good to pass up, so I'll pretend from time to time. I guess living by myself should make it a legitimate matter to just lie around in bed or on the couch or whatever all day, but it makes me feel weird. So I'll convince my body I'm a bit sick, which is easy; my body is a real no-brainer

Anyway, I've read a great book; The Miraculous Life of Edgar Mint (hereby recommended!), I've seen Kung Fu Hustle (several times actually, but it never fails to make me smile) and Oldboy. Cool stuff. At the moment I'm working my way through the third season of Seinfeld (the best if you ask me), and to finish it off, unless I for once will fall asleep early, I have On the Campaign trail, by Hunter S waiting, which I have been waiting quite a while to read.

Of course I were prepared for this passing weakening of my health, so my apartment held almost endless amounts of chocolate, cookies and delightful small jelly-beans.

Just thought I'd tell you this, but now I feel my strenght seeping away.

*manages a halfway believable cough*

"Thats like an ice-cream man named Cone!"- Cosmo Kramer

[Eyreplenh]

If you stand aimlessly at the phone-booth on a rainy day and meet a man whose face is covered by a violet umbrella. I'd suggest you get close to the TV.

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry, and you cry alone.

*shrugs*

[Eyreplenh]

Time to present to you my hopeless studycomrades. I despise them. Not everyone as individuals, but every fibre of them as a group. I study literature and english language(I know, it doesn't show in my writing, but bear with me), the reason for this, simple; they are things I like. And, my ignorant self also believed that I would meet other people that liked those things. I imagined coming to the university in the morning and someone, at least one, would say something a great book he or she'd just read. But no. The lot of no-gooders don't read a book outside the curriculum. How droll. Granted, there are a lot of good texts on our schedule, but surely some of these oafs have some interests of their own!?

Alas, I'm stuck with the dimwits for at least two more years, if I decide to finish my degree. And one other thing that really bugs me, is that they are so stereotype intellectual-deep-a-bit-weird-artistic phoneys.

The other day we were discussion about Crime and Punishment, and everybody were more or less saying how good it was(I agree), when I utter the now famous words; but how about those Karamazov Brothers, eh? Now thats a good book! The room were suddenly silent, before one of the geniuses replies; WtF-We're discussing Dostoevsky here. That in itself being okay as he would fit right into any cluster of apes.I imagine apes smell better though. It was when most of the other students nodded their consent I closed my eyes.And wished for a baseballbat.Iron studded.

And now for something completely different

I just bought tickets to go home for Easter. And found I am actually looking forward to it. More alarmingly I actually am hoping there is some work to do.Real work. Body work. Digging or stacking or cutting or whatever. I haven't touched a shovel or axe ever since I became a citydweller. And I miss it! I hated it when I were a little boy, but I guess it's the power of having a choice. Anyway, seeing some of the old faces will be great.


But here it was. Mountains of duck!

[Eyreplenh]

There is more wisdom at the bottom of a bottle of Vodka than in most books.
-Ancient saying

[Eyreplenh]

Hmm... Our undisputed hero has just returned from a somewhat interesting encounter at a bar in the small city known as Bergen. A girl approached him at a very early stage of the night, thus committing herself to entertain him for some hours to pass. Why is this of any interest? Well ,she came quite close to some realization, thats why. (Follow me for just a few more lines would you?)

She managed to capture the Hero's interest with the most primitive means possible. Remember girls, what's simple is often the best . She was nice and acted interested. After some time, which contained dancing, talking with respectively friends and friends, and buying drinks of some variation, the time came for our hero to present himself. As a consequence of the amount of booze and beer consumed, the hero decided to share a piece of himself; explaining the tricks and wonders of lying to the princess to be. At the end of this, indeed lenghty, explanation the wench asked; but what is to gain by lying?, whereupon our hero incorporated replied, quite eloquently; Do you not perceive the options I present to you? By admitting to be a oft-times notorious liar I give you an option. You can believe, and so judge me; or you can doubt me and wonder. Ah, such a gift as imagination is given to the few.

The could-be princess failed to understand the profoundness of the heros spoken words, and instead took of with some oaf that offered no such intellectual barriers, indeed raised no objections at all.

The hero ,now a bit taken back by tonights failure tries to convince himself that someday, somewhere, someone will appreciate his worries and expectations.

Until then, raise your glasses and hail to the king of words, the prince of deceivery, and master of the many signs. May you forever taste beer in your horns and know maidens by your beds! Cherioo

[Eyreplenh]

So, after reading my last post I realize I talk too much when I am drinking. What kind of person do this make me, I wonder? For isn't it a fact that most everybody when under the influence turns away from speech; travels back to when there was no language and instead let themselves be led by desire and non-verbal communication?

On the other hand I too have been to the place of this much simpler world of react and respond. But as I seem to recall, that required some serious drinking. Through the bottom of the bottle drunk. Why then does this seem to be the natural state for so many others when put together with other individuals, clear-minded or not?

This is starting to resemble last nights ramblings, does it not?

InterLude

Had a nice sunday today, at least if you count out the painful half-hour it took to get out of bed. Went down to the fields in the neighbourhood and played some football(soccer, to those other-side-of-pacific-beings)... And had a couple of friends over, we saw a couple of films; Serenity and The Island. Serenity; heh, I admit it, I thought it was great fun. How cool isn't it to be named River, after all. But, as it goes it wasn't a really good movie... The Island; loved it! Great plot and overall good acting, plus a couple of goosebumpy moments. Alas, it was the kind of film that makes me question things, so it might be I will have to watch another Seinfeld or three to make them voices go away...

Could do a review on the films but I'm afraid I'm just too lazy to do it now.

Nobodys perfect.

*Sigh*

[Eyreplenh]

-Hey, Lincoln, how are you doing?
-I'm missing a shoe