My country is a apple-flavoured muffin

[Eyreplenh]

Norway, old girl, it is time you got some air

The discussion of elections, presidents and other things concerning a nations well being over there *points* made me think about the general feeling of things up here in the icy north. Norway, most known for its fjords and its ability to pop up as some obscure reference in various movies and television series.

First of all, let me just say that a situation like you have over there, cross-Atlantic wise, could never occur here. Maybe it is good, maybe it is bad. In general, nothing the politicians do will bring forth strong feelings from the crowds. What surprises me, yeah it surprise me because I don’t pay all that much attention, is that the turnout on Election Day were that low. I mean, I thought we had a pretty apathy-flavoured crowd over here, when in our last election the turnout went below 70 percent. I don’t know exactly why we vote over here, but I suspect it is out of habit, and perhaps because we still are very young as a nation. A kind of childish pride, if you will.

Norwegians living in the US would, I think, find the elections kind of boring. What do you do with only two options, flip a coin? We like to atleast have enough options to throw a dice. There are no really strong political messages or opposites anywhere.

In the seventies we had a far out right wing with strong feelings against immigration and People Different than Us in general. They also were against public ownership, taxes, and everything infringing the privileges of the rich, ethnic Norwegian male. And weren’t afraid to say so either. We also had an extreme left, calling for Equality, Lenin for Prime Minister and more taxes to the Betterment of All. These jolly fellows would clash together here and there, making every political debate interesting. There was always a chance you would get to see a balding man in a tight, dark blue suit try to fend off raging young women clad in a red dresses and sporting nifty haircuts in their armpits.

Today our political debates are most interesting for the comedians. Great material for the show next Friday! Politicians are the new clowns, and the notion of any publicity is good publicity is generally applied.

We have about eight parties making up our Parliament, and usually three, sometimes four, parties decide to get together and form a Government. They sit for four years, and then we switch. This period we have a “red”, or “left”, based government, and the next we will have a “blue” one. It is like kids playing games. It wouldn’t be any fun if the same side won every time.

All the parties have grand visions and big promises; you have to fill the campaign with something, each promise grander than the last. But then when they are going to form a government, most of these promises are cancelled out by their fellow parties. The rest of the promises get cancelled by the Parliament. An important note is that the reigning government never ever has the majority of the Parliament. And this is why nothing ever happens, and why it doesn’t really matter what we vote. Bureaucracy will take care of any crafty people with Ideas.

The aforementioned left and right wing parties don’t exist as extreme parties anymore. Seeing as they were mostly lunatics, it is maybe as good. But they added some spice. At the last election these parties fought over how much money we should give as help to development countries. The left wing shouted More! More! and the right Less! Less! This time, the reds won, so there was to be more money to development countries. We aren’t that good with numbers over here, so agreeing on large sums and the like is very difficult, (After all, how many zeroes does a billion have??) so we usually decide on a percentage of our budget to give, and then pay some dude from Sweden to do the maths. The oohing and ahhhing, and come and look at what we’ve accomplished-ing this time turned out to be a whooping increase of 0.5 percent comparing to the last blue government. Wow.

If you want to have something done in this country you have to have someone crying on TV. If someone old dies in a public retirement home and someone seize the moment and puts a crying widow, or better, some grandchildren, on the screen, there will be more fundings to public health-care. Professionals complaining and experts clawing their faces in frustration does not help. But beware the power of live-television crying. Kind of cute, no?

Disclaimer: This unfinished piece of information abouth the wee nation of Norway (hopefully I’ll edit it soon, because I think it really stinks), does not necessarily represent the views of the Norwegian majority, nor is any of the information based on so called facts. But, you know, screw that.

Just to say so, I vote. I’m just happy that we have the opportunity to vote blank. It is my way to say that I could have been a Youth with an Interest, but I think you all are equally stupid and pointless and therefore hope you all die.

My country is so cute.

[Eyreplenh]

Here is is again, the brave and most dashing reporter in foreign affairs! It's EP! Reporting from the most unholy of places north of Umbria, the dark and most unholy place! It's EP, the only foreign reporter in his own country! It's EP from Norway!

And have I got some news for you! The time for droll politics is by us, now is the hour of fashion! Or is it? String political forces in norway are now reported to be quite shaken as a new piece of fashion is spreading across the land. They call it an abomination, they call it a disgrace, they call it the final fall of youth. But the youth are in revolt! They are tired of being weighed down with freedom, choices and the burden of "doing something with their lives". They are tired of the demands of this modern day, the social media, friends and unhealthy pressure to fit a label.

The elder generation have called out to them; repent! Stop this! You cannot go down this road into the past! But the youths do as youths are wont to do, they ignore the words of their elder. The youths long for simpler times, when things were... more simple!

The revolution is headed by a fierce corporation called Onepiece, with the notorius lieutenants BigBaby and Cuddlypiece as support, and the youths are completely taken in. Never have teens in such numbers left their secluded palaces of necking, facebooking and pinkblogs to take to the streets. And they come uniformed and on the ready. It is the dawn of the... Babylution!


My own web of spies are now, right now, trying to penetrate the organizations supporting this uprising, and the intelligence so far is quite dreadful. Rumours have it the absolutely evil Ragdoll Productions is scheming behind the veils, and if this really is... Never heard of Ragdoll Productions? Never seen a representative of Ragdoll Productions? You think it's outrageous to think someone you've never even heard about is governing your lives? Well, it because THEY WANT YOU TO THINK THAT WAY!

To refresh the memories of our audience today. Remember the shutdown of the so-called television programme "The Teletubbies" in 2001? This seemingly peaceful closeup of a wildly popular show was in truth a military operation of diabolical dimensions, with the assebled (working) forces of the UK and US, where the disease had spread the furthest. The Teletubbies was a cleverly designed viromental substance that almost subjugated a full generation of children and young adults. The show, seemingly about nothing at all, was all but impossible to look away from, noted mentalists tride and failed to experiment with it; such as Yuri from Russia who said pulling his eyes away in the course of an "episode" (in truth, "dose" would be a more fitting term) was his greatest mental achievement. The show would slowly still the activity of alphawaves in the brain, until it would come to a minimal standstill. Subjects exposed to the critical amount, made out to be about 131 "episodes" would become gholems, mindless, slobbering... babies.

Evidence is pointing to the Ragdoll Productions machine again, the question is will the authorative forces become aware in time? Ragdoll Productions might have be overconfident, otherwise how would they dare to make this latest instalment in their war against humanity so similar to their weapons of choice from last time?