All Alexia. All the time.

[Alexia]

A little while back I was getting dissatisfied with all I had. Thought it wasn't enough. Thought it wasn't exciting. Thought I'd do something about it. So have bought a townhouse.

Am resigned to living on beans for next many years, but at least have little square of land to call own. Quite nice. Has a balcony. Always wanted a balcony. Nothing to do with Romeo and Juliet. Just like being off the ground but not falling towards the ground.


In sad news, Darcy died. 14 years and 10 months. Incredible effort for a Doberman whose best-by date is capped at 10 years. Loved him muchly. Miss him even more.


22 tomorrow. Going to eat a lot of cake. Going to embrace bad language, selfish behaviour and spend 10+ minutes on my hair. Because I can.

[Alexia]

I'm tired of giving everybody else my money.


Shenanigans at work. In-fighting. Not involved and keeping a big stick between myself and the drama.


Bought a couch. Picking it up tomorrow. Gleeeeeee.

[Alexia]

Nothing much new to report.

Free dress day tomorrow. Going to be surrounded by boys in bad fashion and girls looking trashy. Sure they won't understand when I tell them I can't recognise them through the inch-thick make-up. Silly teens.

In better news, visiting Ikea on Saturday and making rice paper rolls and cherry clafoutis for dinner. The Brother invited me to his and The Girlfriend's Halloween party, but am not so keen on their friends so made other plans. Think it's part-Halloween, part-Congrats party since they recently bought an apartment together. Hello committment, right? Can't criticise since The Brother is happy.

Love The Fam but am ready and keen to get away from them sometimes. Don't tolerate being with them all in a small space very well. Track record lists some pretty incredible arguments erupting. Usually my fault. Just don't like the way I fall into a place I don't want to be in. The place I've been given since forever no matter change in person or circumstance or mood. Don't like being 'boxed' and don't always keep my mouth shut about things. Anywho.

Ed still gorgeous. Lou still fat and claiming turf where he shouldn't. Often have to mediate between him and The Mother.

I'm not restless at the moment, but I feel it coming on. And I need to think quick or I'll go for the short-term and regrettable fix of over-spending on current fashion clothing and shoes that I'll get tired of within the month. Thinking cap on.

[Alexia]

For a long time I've known that the mood I'm in quickly affects everyone else's moods, regardless of however they're feeling. I don't know why this is, I just know that people have confirmed this with me since I was a little girl. I read an article a while back calling it 'moodis contagiosum'. It claims that the person with the strongest mood is the one who inflluences others with their mood, which makes sense.

So sometimes 'moodis contagisum' works for me, and sometimes it doesn't. It works when a co-worker who sits near me is in a particularly Negative Nancy attitude while I'm in a robustly positive one, and it doesn't when I'm told I have a class with any grouping of Grade 10 kids and I get my annoyed pants on before I even start the lesson (though often with good reason).

Fun fact.

My 10s were real punks this arvo. Thank goodness they go on exam block tomorrow. I only have to see them one more time before they leave. Happy days me.

[Alexia]

Resolution for 2010 revolves around fitness. Goal is to not be so feeble, really. Have had good start. 500m in the mornings. Any more and I wouldn't be able to float to save myself. Walks with Fat Ed every arvo. If I can make this a habit, I'll be fine. Something about me has always loved routine.

Also, bought a TV and XBOX on Monday. XBOX was The Brother's suggestion so I could play my Viva Pinata (yay!), watch DVDs and connect it with my laptop using only one box. Nice plan. Haven't tested all this yet.

School is back in a few weeks. Got 2 classes of grade 8s this year. Freak out! Haven't started my lesson planning yet, but am leaving that until mid-Jan. If my brain hasn't turned to mush from boredom by that point in time.

[Alexia]

I try my best to be positive and 99.9% of the time I am, but at some point I fail a little bit. Usually something small turns into something big or something totally hopeless in my mind and I'm a casserole of hopelessness over the incident and anger over the fact that I'm feeling hopeless and there's a whole lot of 'fuck it, what's the point'. It's been a long term and a long time since I got to the 'fuck it' stage but it's back. And after 7 weeks, I'm so horribly diappointed by how things have turned out with someone I thought was worth the effort. I actually stopped myself from the tragic habit of 'thinking the relationship ahead' and took it easy. I got myself off my high horse when I shouldn't've been climbing up there. I ignored the 'not good enough' voices in my head and didn't read into certain incidents or comments. And now... nothing. And I'm angry and disappointed and I'm hoping if I get these words out here I can get over this phase in my world a little faster, but I have a feeling that when I most likely deconstruct the situation in my head and assign the blame to myself I'll end up thinking 'fuck it, what's the point' anyway.

In other news, it's school holidays. Time for a haircut, time to visit the dentist (noooooooooo!), time to get some more house projects happening. Courtyard and garden, check. Balcony, check. All windows, check. Time to get out the ladder and check out the roof and ridiculously high windows that are part of the house and apparently have not been cleaned since it was built. Hello insects and spiders and goodness knows what else. I can see heart palpitations with that adventure. I've been in this place for 4 months now and I've pretty much reorganised almost every bit of furniture since it's first placement, and it's kind of feeling like home. I find I have too much space and the house makes me actually feel small at times. Like buying a stool just so I can reach the tops of cupboards and a proper ladder to change lightbulbs. I'm sure I'm still growing, though...

I'm looking at meerkats on TV in a zoo. I like how they chill. Time for me to do the same.

[Alexia]

So it's been a while. And that would be the understatement of the day.

Still happy in my little home. Am painting, frosting, decorating, rearranging, drilling things in, pulling things apart, killing the bastard spiders, replenishing my poisonous ant barrier, swearing at Franklin the storm bird who has set up in the tree outside and fake warns me of storms in the early hours of the morning... that sort of thing.

I've been at my school for two years now and the shine is wearing off. I'm not sure whether this is a Term 4 thing or a school thing or what. If I can explain this adequately... the school I'm at is fucked for organisation. I mean, we haven't had an ordinary week since first term. Every week assembly is cancelled or assembly is called unexpectedly or lesson times are swapped or lesson times are changed or something equally fucking ridiculous. Any system, not just a school one, cannot properly function in this environment of instability and unpredictably, and compared with the majority of staff (based on whinging) I'm a remarkably tolerant person. I figure what's the point wasting energy on complaining - just get on with things, adjust, all that jazz. But, really. Add the general idiocy of students at present and I'll admit there are a few cracks showing in my general good humour. Last Friday I gave up coaxing kids back on task, armed myself with waste paper and just threw scrunched up paper at anyone who talked. Pretty effective, but not great for professionalism. But let's be realistic - I'll persist, I'll stay, I'll keep on - and it'll be because of my innate stubborness; but it won't keep me from at least a little arm flailing and carefully-worded comment about the state of the place.


So since Mister I'm-a-pansy-who-hasn't-the-balls-to-follow-through disappeared things have been fairly quiet. Story of my life. But I'm optimistic. How can a person not be?

[Alexia]

This is the time when I should be screaming "I'm stuck" and looking for something incredible/expensive/outlandish to amuse myself with or at least inject some pizazz into my life and then suffer with for a little while until I re-appreciate the simplicity of what I previously had (think last August and buying a townhouse?)... but I'm not. I'm oddly content. I do little things like put up curtains, install glass frosting on some windows, drill holes into my walls and spakfill them up, bake lasagnes, and read strange paperback novels I pick up for cheap in supermarkets and I'm pretty okay with that.

I'm 23 and I remind myself a lot that 23 is a young number. Because I work in an environment where the majority of my colleagues are middle-aged, married and think I need advice on how to become just like them but right now. I have a family that I adore but aunts who observe how I'm the only female cousin without bebes or a ring, and am I getting the not-so-subtle hint there? I have a brother who's entering, I think, the fourth year of his relationship with a really nice girl and the table still has an odd number of plates.

I don't know what comes next at my age. And I've never not known.


In other news, my war against insects - primarily spiders - continues. Tomorrow I will launch an attack on a particularly creepy-looking mutha who set up shop overnight high above the table in my courtyard. I've killed his kind before, though smaller adversaries, and I predict his death will be hard won. Hence, I have a shitload of poison at the ready and I will not back down until his unnatural body is still on the ground. Bleh.