Maybe it's just me getting to this point where I'm strung so tight the danger of snapping and going conpletely awol is dangerously close, but as of late, I have been very short with people I'm close to and alarmingly short with anyone who shows too much emotion around me.
Some people are so rude and I don't even think they know it. Today alone I let a girl degrade 4 hours and 2000 words of my effort when she jokingly said that I hadn't contributed to an assessment piece I am doing with a friend for English. I let it go. Like usual. Or when someone made a joke about the food I was eating and how it would affect my weight (orange creams - my favourite biscuits, and I haven't eaten any type of biscuit in months), I merely shrugged and put down the food.
I despise that people can say things, innocently or otherwise, and I don't say anything against them.I go with the flow because I don't like conflict - it upsets me. And my complacency and submissive demeanor makes me so angry.
Let's make this clear: I don't want to hear about your boyfriend who dumped you because he said you were too clingy - you are too clingy! And I don't want to hear about how reckless you were at the party on the weekend where you tried oh so many drugs and mixed oh so much alcohol - I still think you're an asshole and I don't give a fuck. And I sure as hell don't want to listen to you bitch to me about why I am not being sympathetic enough - if I don't care, get the message you're wasting my time and go away. Oh, and did I mention the fact that I don't share people. You pick one or the other, and honestly, the time you have to make that choice is fast running out.
It's clear people, while I'm generally a nice person and I keep my trap shut, somebody's gotta tell you the truth eventually and if that's me, all the better - at least I'm honest.
You know, today my English teacher blatantly insulted the grade 12s by making reference to our grade having a limited vocabulary and indicating that most wouldn't understand the term 'affecting'. I don't think that was a very nice thing to say.
Sunday will be a mess. There is no doubt about it. I approach the day, the very hour that creeps upon the turn of date, with dread.
I wish people would get off their high horses. Quit with the whole deal that simply because I don't care to elaborate on deep and meaningful issues makes me someone who would never comprehend them. Oh look! It's another ditty of randomness and flippancy! Gee gosh and woah! Dare I even explain that I find happiness more key to a person than some sense of fucking enlightenment. I bring humour and light-heartedness, not an opinion of elaborate insight. Get over it. And if not, don't come whining to me because I sure don't give a fuck.
[deep breath]
Still, on the bright side:
I did get lots of work done last night and with some assistance during the day, know how to make my work even better over the weekend. I'm thinking my analysis of the rise of Christianity in Imperial Rome isn't really up to standard. Thinking about it, I've put a lot of facts and straightforward detailing stuff, but the hypothesis I developed to answer seems to not be focused on enough for my liking. And considering my Ancient teacher is so pedantic, i reckon all the better I up the grade a bit before she takes a look at the work.
Then there's English - I reckon it's a little lacking as well. There's just so much to cover in the speech and the time limit is well and truly passed at this stage, but I'm going to run a few more checks through it and see how to make it better. I just feel it focuses too much on the characters and not enough on the actual influence of Elizabethan society on Shakespeare as he wrote the play.
Plus English number 2 that I must do this weekend. That's a huge assessment. Just thinking about it worries me - I'm not quite sure how it's all going to come together, you know what I mean? Still, I have a vague idea of what I'd like to focus on, so all I really need to do is put in a little depth, do a bit of planning and "fluff things out some more" so I can make it worth my while and the teacher's. I think this is another 10 minute speech, plus there'll need to be novel and film extracts which isn't counted in time. *sigh* Go me.
Note to self: Running in stockings on polished floors down a dark hallway is not always the safest thing to do.
You know how you have that person or persons who, no matter in what condition you are, talking to will always make you feel better? Well, Liam's not around, atm. In fact, he's asleep. And keeping in mind my recent attitude, this wouldn't normally make me hesitate from waking him up anyway except that I know he needs his sleep and the nicer part of me is kinda beating the other more careless part of me with a stick atm, so I'm going to stay kindly.
Decided i'm sitting with Ash and Brendan, Madeline and her partner and Kamaya and her partner for the Formal, though I still need to find one more person. Also got pre drinks at Katherine's and a post at Ash's. Update on other stuff: still no dress, still no shoes, still no bag (but do I really need one anyway?), still no transport, and still no idea for hair, though I have booked an appointment. OK, I lied. Mum booked it.
Litter is oh so bad at school atm, but I have no idea why all of a sudden it's suddenly an OK thing to do. And it's the 8s and 9s who are the culprits. They are absolutely filthy. Honestly, Jen and I picked up stuff from their locker area yesterday and that place is a pigsty. Wrappers, food, books... everything they just drop and leave there. Our gardens look awful! And note that our school has the most fabulous appearance. The plants in the gardens, the buildings, the facilities - they are immaculately modern and fresh-looking, but all of that is diminshed when you see straw wrappers and scrunched-up paper thrown in amongst the bark and leaves and so on. Still, at least I get to make people pick up their rubbish or I can detention them. Go me! And being someone as pedantic as myself where rubbish and untidyness and germs are concerned - they had better clean up their acts fast. Ha. :broken: That's almost a pun.
It got to 9 degrees C last night. Very cold, huh? Very veeery cold.
Our proposed Budget atm is alright. Family stuff is neat, tax cuts are a crap move when compared with the option to spend more on education and health like the majority of voters wanted, and I'm extremely displeased at the lack of funding for higher education or education at all. Extra tonight also raised a valid point in saying how people will start having kids just for the money, and that may affect teens as well. This, obviously, is not cool. Anywho, I'd like to elaborate more on thie topic some time, but not right now when I'm tired and running out of time.
I like this time of the year. Sure, it's hellacold and only going to get moreso, but the freshness of the air is incredible. The chill either bites into your skin and trickles through your layers of clothing like water between rocks, able to reach any place possible. Then at times, especially at dusk or at night when the little icy particles of air have only just become to come out, the air hangs still and silent and the chill doesn't necessarily disturb you. It's just there. It's reminding you so with light touches of coolness on your skin, but not enough to steal your body heat too much. It's just so... awesome.
Was going to go to a party tomorrow night, but reminders of the last party in the near area (which I didn't attend, but heard about and saw on the news) haunt my thoughts and I've decided against it. Plus, I have work to do.
To fill in the blanks, an open party at Wynnum last Sat/Sun ended in some Serbs (they've got a gang in the area) tracking down and beating a guy withy crowbars, shovels and other things outside a Macca's. He was rushed to the hospital but his life support was turned off the next day. A man who was no doubt a first or second year uni student with so much life to live. He wasn't picked out particularly - he hadn't done any wrong. Simply, he was seen nearby when this bunch of Serbs weren't allowed into the open party that night, they saw him again and remembered his face, tracked him down and beat him to within an inch of his life - literally. I heard that his scalp was almost completely removed from the assault.
Just the retelling of such a thing makes tears well in my eyes. Some mother and father have lost a son. Some boys or girls may have lost a brother. Some people have lost a friend. Maybe even some woman has lost the man she loved. Why? Because some stupid motherfuckers thought they had a right or reason to take his life. Before he'd lived half a life, or even a quarter, he was committed to the earth.
Theor the
smileys do not do the sorrow of this situation justice if they were duplicated million-fold.
Sometimes when you think everything is low, you get these little surprises and you think "oh hey wow! look at that! now i feel a little lighter than i did before so go me!". Maybe there's still a little bit of hope left for the temporary emotional extremists like me.
Reply With Quote
Still, I'm warm and comfortable and there's a 50/50 chance things can be fixed up today... I only have until midday. Am hoping something can be worked out and all will go to plan for the afternoon. Fingers are crossed.
AHH!).
But I think it is also make me think of new places and be very tricksy of me. Go me!
In the end, I just tucked him under my arm and left to feed the chooks and he let go of my now goosey-drooled-on top when he realised I wasn't going to pay attention to him. Little bugger.
mood because my friend and I do the sound and lighting at our school and usually we'd play music at the beginning of assembly for the hell of it. We get bored, right? But this morning, the Deputy said we weren't allowed to because some said it "unsettled" the girls. My immediate response was something akin to crying "bullshit" but I held my tongue. All we'd do is play music - it had no unsettling effect on anyone whatsoever. My idea is that it was the principal having a bitch on Jess and I because we never got her "permission" to play any music in the first place. But what is the bloody problem!? It's music. The last time it happened, we played "U Can't Touch This" by request. No explicit nature to the music, nor unsettling factors. So I found the principal and asked her to explain to me how our playing music was detrimental to the girls, because surely the teachers had no qualms about something so trivial. Well, she made an excuse about a meeting and fobbed me off. Biatch. In conclusion, there will be music playing next Wednesday, and I never ever heard that we were discouraged to do so. Rah. 
Bookmarks