REALLY bad jokes

[Kindred]

OK, here's my attempt at starting a new thread... People that know me know I have a really bad sense of humor... Feel free to post your bad jokes here so we can all groan at them.... I'll go first:



Youngest Son: "Tell me Daddy, what is the difference between 'potential' and 'reality'?"

Dad: "I will show you."

Dad turns to his wife and asks her: "Would you sleep with Robert Redford for one million dollars?"

Wife: "Yes of course! I would never waste such an opportunity!"

Then Dad asks his daughter if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for one Million dollars.

Daughter: " Wow! Yes! This is my fantasy!"

So Dad turns to his elder son and asks him: "Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for one million dollars"?

Elder Son: "Yeah! Why not? Imagine what I could do with one million dollars! I wouldn't even hesitate!"

So the father turns back to his younger son saying: "You see son, 'potentially' we are sitting on three
million dollars, but in 'reality' we are living with two whores and a homo."

[Dregs]

~restrains self~ Much to the relief of the Quill, no doubt

[Apoc]

Two muffins are baking in an oven...so as not to loose track I will name them approprately...archley on the left and malcor on the right...ok...I'll continue...

archley turns to malcor and says, "wow its getting pretty hot in here."

malcor "omg a talking muffin!"

~bows~

~runs away~

[Alexia]

My totally fav joke! KUDOS Apoc!

Also I like...

Why did the girl fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms!

And...

Why did the girl fall off her bike?
Because someone threw a fridge at her.

[prophetic_joe]

ummm umm wow.

[jabbernaut]

you can thank my brother-in-law for this one:

Two penguins are in a bathtub. One says to the other, "Hey pass me the typewriter," and the other says, "What do I look like, a football bat?"


... yeah, I know

~braces for plummeting rep~

[Cloric the Cleric]

Here's a list:

Q. What do you call a guy with no arms or legs, who lays on the porch?

A. Matt

Q. What do you call a guy with no arms or legs, who hangs on the wall?

A. Art

Q. What do you call a guy with no arms or legs, who sits in the bathroom?

A. John

Q. What do you call a guy with no arms or legs, who floats in the ocean?

A. Bob

Q. What do you call a guy with no arms or legs, who holds up a car?

A. Jack



I think there might be a couple more that I can't remember at the moment.

[Jonboy]

no arms, no lrgs, lives in your mail box...bill

[jabbernaut]

Why do seagulls fly near the sea?
If they flew near the bay they'd be bagles.

What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A stick.

What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn't really matter, he ain't gonna come to ya.

[Corvus Corax]

a letter to Cosmopolitan:

"Dear Cosmo,

I'm a thirteen year old girl and I'm still a virgin, What's wrong with my father?"

[Cloric the Cleric]

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez

"How was he killed?" Asked the first detective.

"With a golf gun." The second replied.

"What the heck's a golf gun?"

"I don't know, but it sure made a hole in Juan!"

:broken:

[satan]

three guys walk into a bar...



you'd think the third one would have ducked

[Alexia]

Two pigeons were getting prepared to fly a long distance.
One pigeon says, "I can't make it; I'll get too tired."
To which the other replies, "Don't worry; I'll tie a piece of string to one of your legs and the other end to mine."
The first pigeon starts to cry.
"What's wrong?" says the second.
"I don't want to be pigeon towed!"

[jabbernaut]

This is bad, not in the sense of "that's not funny", but rather more in the sense of "that just isn't right"... I was very surprised that my mother laughed so hard at it.


Doctor: Mr. Smith, your wife's condition is very serious, but also very unique.

Smith: What is it, doctor?

Doctor: I'm still not entirely sure, but I've finally narrowed it down to two possibilities. She's either suffering from Alzheimer's... or AIDS.

Smith: Oh dear... Doctor, what do I do?

Doctor: I'm afraid there's nothing we can do. She can't be properly treated as long as I can't identify her illness.

Smith: Then how do find out for certain?

Doctor: Well, Mr. Smith, I recommend that you take your wife for a leisurely drive in the country... and leave her out in the middle of nowhere. If she comes back, don't have sex with her.

[Apoc]

why did the mexican throw his wife off a cliff?

TEQUILA...(to-kill-her) duh

Why have mexico not got an olympic swimming team?

Cause anyone who can run, swim or jump is in america already.

A horse walks into a bar.
Bartender: "Why the long face?"

Whats good about sleeping with twenty nine year olds?

There are twenty of them...ewwwwwwwwwww

And for the totally tasteless and simply awful winning joke of them all...
[EDIT]sorry had to cut this joke out cause some fucking asshole who remains anonymous thought it a tasteless bad joke isn't that what I said it was.....anyway thats not what pissed me off to remove it....I just wanted to vent my feelings about people who neg rep and don't leave there name...I'm not going to neg rep you back I just want to know who I offended so as to not say things of that nature around them....dickhead