The "Help a quiller with their Love Life" Thread

[Tatum]

I agree Epiph. Minor flirting is fun and its always a confidence booster. I try to never promise what I can't or won't deliver though. I generally will cut it off at minor flirting..unless it really is someone I'm attracted too and then I've been known to be aggressive about the flirting, especially online. Geez, flirting online is so easy and can easily get out of hand. I used to tell wendy that MSN messenger is like an emotional slot machine. You just say what you think/feel, press the send button and wait for your suprise.

[jabbernaut]

i like flirting, but find few people who i can just flirt with.

Aww, you can flirt with me anytime, Anita-poo. lol

... of course, that goes for all the ladies of the quill. hehe

I think knowing someone and being aware of not only their personality but also the circumstances surrounding their life is important in flirting wisely. For instance, there is a great deal of flirting that goes on between myself and a lady at the office. We hug, touch hands, give neck rubs, tell each other how good we look, and even offer the occassional naughty comment. (well, she does that more than I do hehe)

... BUT, she's a married woman in her mid thirties. And realizing that, I know things are safe, because she's not going to be unfaithful to her hubby, nor am I going to allow her to be. We have a mutual understanding that she's taken and I'm just a bit of silly fun... and happy to be so. So I think flirting just for kicks and amusement is best done with those you know well enough to trust, and who know you just as well.

Not to say that flirting with a stranger (like a waitress or a pretty cashier in my case) isn't fun, of course, but even then there's still that element of knowing the circumstance. "Okay, she's a waitress and I'm just another patron; she's probably hit on all the time; and once I've payed the check and left, she'll just move on to the next customer".... it's a ripe opportunity for a bit of harmless teasing and repartee.

[night faerie]

Heh, you said repartee. *giggles*

[~KA3AK~]

I've got a question for everyone. If your significant other ever cheats on you, will you ever be able to forgive him/her?

oh, and that's just a hypothetical question, there is no cheating going on in my relationship

[Kindred]

I guess eventually forgive, but never forget, or trust again.

[Kindred]

i like flirting, but find few people who i can just flirt with. so i don't think i do flirt that often.

You can flirt with me anytime....

[Tatum]

I think it all depends on the situation. I mean, if you are married, cheating is a bit more severe than if you were just boyfriend/girlfriend..even though both ways would cut to the bone.

My first boyfriend cheated on me in college and I chose to forgive him. I cared a lot about him and didn't feel like cheating was a habitual thing with him. The irony of that situation was that I then turned around and cheated on him two years later. It wasn't revenge by any means. It just happened and I got to see things from both sides.

I'd like to say "NO WAY, I'd never forgive that cheating SOB EVER" but its hard to say. It would definitely take a long long time if I did decide to forgive though.

[jabbernaut]

Heh, you said repartee. *giggles*

um .... okay. hehe

As for K3's question, I would say yes. If I truly love her, even despite the betrayal which would hurt like hell for a while, I would forgive her. Especially if she were to come to me and confess what she had done, admit it without excuses or trying to justify it, and show genuine, sincere grief and regret for her mistake. Then it would be up to us both to work together through the healing and making sure such mistakes would never occur again, for either of us. And that wouldn't work very well if there was constant bitterness and contention looming in our realtionship.

If, on the other hand, she were not sorry for whatever reason, and wanted to be with another man... well, not much can be done in that situation, I suppose. Just gotta turn a soul loose. But even then, at some point I'd still bring myself to forgive her. Otherwise the festering hatred I'd hold would eat me alive, and who needs that?

But really, if my girl ever cheated on me, it would tell me that she had been in need of something that I wasn't rightly providing for her. That could be the toughest part of all; and the one I might struggle more with forgiving would be myself.

[Apoc]

~hangs head in shame~

In response to K3's question....

I would not be angry, I would however, be dissapointed.

If she came to me and told me honestly and with sincere regret then of course I would forgive, but if she had kept it secret for a while and I per chance stumbled onto it, then I woud not be forgiving...not angry...just not forgiving...for a while at least, but my dissapointment would be there for ages.

[~KA3AK~]

Ok, to answer my own question, I think I would never able to forgive my girl if she cheated on me. There are not many things that are really important to me, and loyalty is definitely one of them.

But really, if my girl ever cheated on me, it would tell me that she had been in need of something that I wasn't rightly providing for her. That could be the toughest part of all; and the one I might struggle more with forgiving would be myself.

I disagree with you. It is never your fault when your girlfriend cheats on you (unless she is trying to get even for you cheating on her). She always has other options, primarily confronting you about it. Cheating might appear as a quick fix, but it is a really cowardly way to solve problems. Besides, quick fixes never work out.

[jabbernaut]

I disagree with you. It is never your fault when your girlfriend cheats on you (unless she is trying to get even for you cheating on her). She always has other options, primarily confronting you about it. Cheating might appear as a quick fix, but it is a really cowardly way to solve problems.

Well, be that true or otherwise, I tend to be harder on myself than I am on other people. So even though I wouldn't necessarily blame myself for my SO's infidelity, I would have lots of nagging thoughts on how I might have contributed to it.

I'm sure that stems from nothing but insecurities on my part, but hey... sometimes your insecurites can make you wiser if you're aware of them.

[Anita Blake]

I'm sure that stems from nothing but insecurities on my part, but hey... sometimes your insecurites can make you wiser if you're aware of them.

hear hear!!! that is very true and wise. of course, they can also cripple you if you let them, but it is good to know your insecurities so you can battle them and become Ultimate Fighting Champion!



or something like that.

[Dregs]

I would forgive them, and end the relationship and have nothing to do with them ever again.

[jabbernaut]

So, I was in the shower this morning thinking about all sorts of stuff, and that's when I realized...

We never got an update on how wiggin's prospective date went!

So, how about it, wiggy ol' pal?

[Amelia]

Thinking about wiggin in the shower???