A strange and random world...

[Lyle]

I was feeling weird and out of place so I decided to have a sandwich. Did'nt help. It's warm where I am. Blue skies and speeding clouds, with chirping birds outside my window. I give them my sandwich.
The beach is roaring it's ancient song, unheeded by the masses. I listen politely for a moment then carry on. Singing my own shiny, new song. Unheeded by the masses. My mother bought a puppy today. I wonder what her name is...Life is fun with all it's noise and commotion. I'm not tired of it yet. The birds have gone now.
My time is only getting started. It's my time...

[Lyle]

I had a dream last night that I was doing exactly what I've done today.
Like deja vu only not really. Sometimes I get almost-flashes of the future when I'm sleeping, often enough that most of the week always seems like a re-run of an old movie. It can be weird sometimes and sometimes it can be comforting. Like even if something bad is gonna happen it's O.k cause I'll already have known about it anyway and be ready. Or if not exactly ready then always unsurprised. Lyle the Eternally Unsurprised. yeah...
I wonder, too, if it's very rare this added perception or unintentional glimpse of the unknowable or if a lot of people share it with me and just don't say anything. Like we're all plugged into the very essence of time through some transparent umbilical cord, like on Donnie Darko. Thats' a good movie if you haven't seen it. The first time I saw it I was...well...my perception had been altered shall we say. Interesting stuff. I still haven't decided if Donnie was some kind of time-traveller or if he was really mad...

I haven't been here in a while cause james (when drunk, mind you) threw his laptop on the ground. Accidentally he claims but really I know he just has anger issues. He broke the cord but has ordered another so if you guys have wondered where he is, there you go. He tells me to say he'll be back soon.

Enough about him though. This thread is supposed to be about me after all. Let's talk about my problems for two seconds
Actually I don't have any problems so there goes that topic. Had a burger for breakfast at about three in the afternoon. Starting work soon. Thats about all thats going on right now.
Catch you later.

Hopefully be back regularly soon.

[Lyle]

I was in chat today for the first time. It was interesting. There was talk of lesbians, hippos, trout and clowns. Some of my favourite topics.

what to say what to say?

Nearly christmas and I have no idea what to get people. Maybe a card expressing my regrets that I can think of nothing to get. hmm, I dunno. I've been reading alot of stuff, philosophy stuff mostly. Nietzsche ( I don't know if I spelt that right. Can't be reading that much of him huh?) mostly but some Kant as well. Also Ken Wilber. Who is excellent. Talk's about the web of life and the bio-sphere and all kinds of interesting stuff that I can't remember right now. Going up to Wellington over new years which should be cool. See my sister and her smart-ass kid. He likes to pretend he does'nt like me but I know he's just playing...I think. Yes so that's about all that is relevent going on right now.
I think I'm getting over alcohol. I drank some Jim Beam last night and don't get me wrong, it was good but I dunno...Maybe my giving up of the good,green gunja has affected my attitude towards drunkeness, in a way.
It just seem less enjoyable these days. Maybe I'm getting old. My mate turned twenty last week and his life has taken a decided turn for the tragic.
I feel for him as much as I can feel for anyone. Some months yet before I too must face the music and get one year closer to ...well.. death. I'm rather looking forward to it. I'm always up for a challenge and maturity may well be the king-kong of challenges. (when I say I'm up for a challenge I of course mean any challenge that is not difficult or time-consuming. you understand.) Next year holds a number of obstacles for your humble narrator. Namely university. If I ever manage to get there that is. I'm looking forward to it but at the same time...not. Philosophy, Psychology and something else. Maybe english. Go for my bachelor of arts. Should be interesting anyway. My twenty year old mate who's life currently sucks doubts my integrity and claims I only go to university to avoid getting a job.
He may have a point. At the end of the day though, I don't think it really matters why you do something, so long as you come away with something new. An experience or some new knowledge. Which is what I am hopeful for.
If that makes sense. I think it does. I'm sad about the whole war taking a break thing.( the quill war not the real one) I guess I am gone alot so...

Anyway not much else going on. I shall leave you with some Poe which I have somehow, memorized.

Fill with mingled cream and amber,
I shall drain that glass again.
Such hilarious visions clamber,
through the chamber of my brain.

Quaintest thoughts-queerest fancies
come to life and fade away.
What care I how time advances?
I am drinking ale today.

[Lyle]

I sometimes wonder at my good fortune. I have'nt really earned any of it.
You know, the lazy stress free life-style, the large and entertaining family, the amusingly flawed friends and last but not least my penchant for thinking entirely too much. I'm a lucky guy alright. Not that I don't have my share of problems which crop up now and again but all and all my problems are pretty tame. No debt, no chemical dependency, no legal drama and no baby mama drama. It's all good in lyle-land. As I write this, in my insufferably smug manner I remember an old saying about tempting the fates...bah! what care I about some dusty greek legends, for I am...Prudence raises her insidious head and my overblown pride at my trouble-free existence subsides, as if some gigantic balloon were to be popped,all of a sudden. I can be modest. I can be humble. Damn right I can be humble, for I am he who...this modesty stuff is harder than it sounds.
heh. But seriously though, things are good right now and I'm enjoying it. Theres' still christmas to get past and university around the corner but my soul remains calm. Sedate even. I wonder if this is how a lot of people feel a lot of the time or if something this excellent is jealously guarded. Rare.
I dunno. In any case my childish self-indulgence phase is slowly coming to an end. All my life there's been a puffed up psuedo-arrogance about me which has gradually, over time become distasteful to me.
Which is good. Because arrogance really is very stupid. And I am many things but I don't think I'm stupid...was that arrogant?

nevermind. It's a work in progress anyway.

until the next exciting installment of 'a strange and random world'...I really wish I had taken more time to choose a name. I mean how lame is that.
Oh well...we all have our problems. Later

[Lyle]

and here we are...
the next installment as it were. I'm sitting in the public library, willing it to stop hailing long enough for me to actually be able to think. Here's hoping.

I wanted to post in the Beliefs' thread but I have yet to order my thoughts in a way that would make sense written down. So I thought " Reflection Time!".
Which is cool. I do enjoy reflecting.

I had to wake up at an ungodly hour this morning in order to catch a ride. I couldn't get back to sleep so I thought I'd read. The only books in my house are either philosophical works or criticisms of philosophical works. Not exactly 6:00 am kind of stuff. Nevertheless I bravely endured and now here I sit, vaguely hungry and mind full of conflicting views on morality. Joy!
Seriously though I think reading that calibre of stuff at that time of the morning is good for you. I sucked up all the knowledge like a sponge. A sponge even!...heh...sorry. Yeah, it's like at that half-awake sort of state your mind is far more receptive than usual and in the time it would usually take to finish one book I had already started on my second. and then it got light and my reading became less fun. go figure.
I've been trying to dig through this particular book; Sex, Ecology and Spirit by Ken Wilber. I've had it out for I don't know how long ( one of the reasons I'm at the library ) and still I've barely passed the 200 page mark. I don't understand because his other works I've more or less breezed through. As much as anyone breezes through Ken Wilber anyway. I thought maybe I just wasn't concentrating hard enough or that maybe my IQ had plummeted recently. this happens sometimes If that were the case though wouldn't I have difficulty with the other books I have out, which are all of similar topics and quality. I don't so...I dunno. Not really important I guess only it's a really good book and...Bah! On to more exciting subjects.

Like my wonderful work which is about to end my lay-a-bout lifestyle. Hooray!
All of that free time was just sickening. Yes. It's not that I don't like to work.
It's just that there are so many more interesting things to be doing. An arguement I'm positive noone's heard before I'm sure.
I am nothing if not original.

I look at it with only the mildest distress however. Contrary to what my previous comments may indicate. My vigourous absorption of all things philosophical has given me, almost by default a rather detatched view of it all.
Detatched in a good way. Not the bad way...is there a bad way? So in conclusion; the weathers' crap, things are good, I'm reading and soon I'm starting work. There, much more eloquent. I don't know why I didn't just write that in the first place.
until next time. Dos Badanya. ...

[Lyle]

Just when I think I'm out...they pull me back in!

This is my attitude towards the reflections thread, though I think I mind less than pacino did in that movie. My little brother is all excited about this t-shirt he bought. A t-shirt bearing Kurt Cobain on the front. I feel proud that he likes such noteworthy music yet also a little concerned that he worships such a troubled figure. Not that I, at one point didn't, but thats just it. I hope he doesn't turn out even remotely like me.
Heh heh. Not that I'm such a bad guy-don't get me wrong. I'm ok. It's just that I don't think I'll lead what you'd call a normal/carefree life. What is it that guy said..." if you would be at peace,believe. If you would be a disciple of truth,inquire". Which while very eloquent, coming from me probably sounds a little pretentious. Ah well.
I was listening to A Perfect Circle's latest album today when my mother came in. She listened for a moment then asked " is this song all about war?"
A little surprised I said that yes, actually the whole album is. She then asked
" why would you want to sing about war? It's so depressing" I explained that APC was attempting to educate listeners about the general stupidity of war.
She was having none of it though, insisting that one should only sing about "happy things" and that this "kind of music" was a waste of time.
~sigh~
My mother and I, while we have a good relationship have never really understood each other. That's Ok though. I don't really need to understand everything I suppose.
For three days now I've had to get up before sunrise. I pause for the exclamations of shock and dismay. No? alright then. Yes three days. I'm actually kind of enjoying it and will try to keep it up. The early bird gets the worm and all that.
A girl told me recently that I am very sexy and should actually leave the house every once in a while, so I can benefit from said sexiness. Those weren't her exact words. I've decided that she was a) unbelieveably intoxicated. b) has a long history of severe mental problems or c) just broke out of a womens' prison.
Although even if one happened to have all three I still fail to understand how she could think me irresistable. must've been pissed.

s'about all I can think of just now.
for reading all this twaddle I gift you with copious amounts of special brownies and good irish whisky. Bottoms' up!

[Lyle]

Conversations with an uninterested reflection.

Musings of a past that didn't happen...

...and a future that probably wont.

Mirth at things that aren't funny.

Craving things but I have no money.

THAT'S IT! TIME'S UP!

now piss off...

[Lyle]

listen. listen. listen.
shadow's gleaming. More away than what she say's.
With much to prove and lot's to lose...singing the blues.
naught to say-naught to say,
persecuted cause they're gay,
We're all the same anyway.

Time is slipping slipping fast,
grasping,straining; make it last.
Morbid laughter rings out loud...
be sure to make your daddy proud.
Ha!
sing with me, dance with me,
please bring out the best in me...
...succeeding to speak like I'm fucking mad.

let the light wash over you, let the words break on through,
...bringing out our hope and reason.

I don't know.

[Lyle]

I have something of a problem.
Only a small one, mind but still...It starts rather predictably, with a girl. Now I have known this girl for some time, three or four years in fact. Which let's face it-is a lifetime.
I know her because she is my good buddy's paramour. Or lover. Or cuddly, fluffy love muffin. Whatever. The point is recently,for reasons of their own they decided to call it quits. End their torrid affair. Go their seperate ways.
Whatever.
Only thing is...she's always around! Always! I asked my buddy about this and he claims they're still friends. Yeah still friends. Which Ok. No big deal. Only thing is she's not just always around him, that I could deal with.
Nooo she's always txting me, talking to me...running her fingers through my hair like we're very very close. Which we're not. Not even remotely.
and she does this stuff right in front of him, like she has no consideration at all for her professed friend.
( I enjoy the italics. Have you noticed?)
It is at this point I take a step back and examine the situation calmly and rationally. Kind of. well...Yes! Calmly! I am the essence of cool. There are any number of explanations for her behaviour. One: she is attempting to make her new friend jealous. Which means she's not over him. This also means she's not very mature but this is hardly a shocking revelation. Two: aforementioned girl is a natural flirt who just does this stuff and it means nothing. Which means I should just get over it and stop being such a drama queen. I don't like number two much. Three: the giddy bint actually, for some reason is crazy about me. Which besides being highly unlikely leaves me with a real problem. No matter what I do should number three be accurate, my friend will be pissed, the girl will not be going anywhere anytime soon and my stress free philosophical life as I know it...will be over.

Over-dramatic you say? You don't know this girl.
I haven't yet decided what to do, if anything but it has in a way been nice to have something practical to wax philosophical about.
A little silver lining as it were.

On reflection my 'problem' doesn't really seem all that dire,does it?
I'll have to shake up some more exciting ones for my next post. It's all about style dahling! style...lyle-style? ha!

[Lyle]

On the merits of darkness. And light too, but mostly darkness.
Alot of people deliberately repress their dark side and I feel that this can be harmful.
On the other hand, giving in to your baser qualities can also be undeniably bad but to go through life never exploring your own inner shadow is...silly?

Is silly the word I'm looking for? regardless...Yin and Yang yes? Balance?
Light and Dark, Good and Evil. Hand in hand. All that crap.
I suppose what I'm trying to say is people should stop trying so hard to eradicate impulses or emotions they deem to be harmful, and instead try to incorporate these impulses and understand them-which, hopefully will lead to them becoming...harmless.
Anyway...an old buddy of mine will be coming down from dunedin over christmas. I guess I will be expected to get drunk with him; and possibly stoned. I've given up but I suppose I can handle once or twice.
For old times' sake and all that. How a nineteen year old know-it-all can have old times, your guess is as good as mine.
They do say "your only as old as you feel", I guess that works both ways.

On a slightly more irrelevent note;
my older brother was at home recently(he hardly ever is) and myself and my three other brothers decided to ambush him. He walked into the living room about nine. It was dark(for I had turned the lights off,mwa ha ha)and he was like "WTF?"
I called out from the far side of the room. I could vaguely see him, in the gloom turn towards me and come a little closer. Alex leapt on his back, screaming some unintelligable war cry. Mark roared like a wounded animal and spun around, seeking to identify his assailant. Just as it seemed he was about to gain the upper hand, my other nasty little sibling,Tarquin rushed in from the side giving Mark a good shot in the kidneys. Just as we had planned.

I sadistically turned on the light switch, so that Mark might know his attackers. Mark was on the floor now,huddled up to protect himself. Alex and Tarquin were gleefully kicking him and screaming abuse. I leapt into the fray, liberally punching and gouging while we all laughed and jeered.
" You remember all those wedgies you used to give me, you miserable bastard?" smack! " What about those noogies?!" crash! " Die mark! Die, Die, Die!"...that kind of thing. Good times.

Of course eventually we tired and left him sobbing there. We congratulated each other, high fives and the like and walked off to play playstation.
Later on in the night we each recieved a bucket of extremely cold water all over us as we slumbered. Mark is not one to forgive. Bastardo...

He had best not turn his back on me though. That is never wise...

[Lyle]

folding chairs who have
no prayer of ever coming down,
more like a festival of death
than a psychotic clown- Everybody now!

la la la doo dee doo...dum dum dee dum...

can a priest do the hippy-hippy shake?
Or if he tried,
Would he just die and his fragile hips'
Just break? hmmm

what a wonderful world

You're invisible to me, you're invisible;
you should just speak louder. You're
Arrogant and ignorant, a father
could not be prouder...

la lA la La la...festival of death...come and use my breath...

psychotic clown...we're going down...

down.

down.

down.

Enjoy the veal ladies and gentlemen! Tip your waitresses!
We'll be here all week...Good Night!

[Lyle]

I decided to write some things , some random events and/or thoughts which have permeated my consciousness of late. An emotional multi-vitamin , that's what laughter is , I read that somewhere. transient. My parents are divorced they're also not speaking. To each other I mean. They can still both talk they just don't to each other...you know what I mean , you comprehend what I'm verbalising...you grasp the concept. The notion. If the world is a place is it a time as well? Because of the space-time continuo...continuos...space-time thing. Even if it is though I think it's still gonna end. Conclude. Finish. Cause of politics and stuff. Due to the destructive actions and policies of the majority of the species we call humanity...HuManiTy...ha. S'a funny word. humanity. Mankind. Man is rarely kind. End of our kind. Unique. One of a kind.
Turbulence and swirling orbs of mythic force all crunched up and bleeding...bleeding?...Bleat. Bleating like sheep. heh. Baa Baa. thats' a funny sound too. Bastard. Barley. Barley and wheat. Bread. I just literally made bread! Like a baker...A word baker. Monstrously arrogant and misinformed. We must take definitive action if we are to avert...aver...Avril Lavigne. Lavi- Lascivious. lactose intolerant. Small minded and intolerant. Gautama Buddha. Peaceful. Smoke the buddha , makes' you peaceful. Beer. Barley makes beer as well. I forgot about that. Forgot. Forgive. My parents should forgive each other. Should? Moral judgement implying superiority
Unacceptable. They will judge me if I judge others. Can't have that. That. Cat. Hat. Cat in the Hat. I should see that movie. I HEAR it's good. Should?
Again? no wait...no judgement there. musn't judge. exoskeletal junction at the...at the...words slipped away. Had them just a second ago. Regret.

I love the friends we have gathered here , we build pyramids in honour of our escaping. Jim Morrison said that. Years ago. I just heard him today though.
I wonder what he meant. I'm not like them but I can pretend , I think I'm dumb or maybe just happy. Kurt Cobain said that. I don't have to wonder what he meant. All too clear. Clear...clear my head. Clearwater springs rising into the atmosphere like...like rainfall only backwards. Backwards-backwards hick or redneck. " the uneducated and unclean , numerous like rodents on a sinking ship. They reproduce as fast as we kill them off..." As fast as we can educate and cleanse. So much dirt. Why was floyd pink? Why not orange floyd or purple floyd...Why Floyd? Introspective to a fault , made mad by the ceaseless interuptions and giant 'cano eruptions. heh heh...cano. Lamo. Lame.
I cannot walk and am therefore lame. Don't judge. It's wrong to judge. Recurring dreams of enigmatic theme. Something to do with ice-cream. I know that much. Hanging on to grim negation is my morbid way , now I'm done. The post is over...thought I'd something more to say.

[Lyle]

Things are good. Things are strange.
I love life.

[Lyle]

Listening to 'Maynard's dick' by tool , quite possibly one of the greatest songs ever written. EVER.

Christmas was good. Not really over yet but what are ya gonna do? Got some gifts , ate some food the usual...OK now I'm listening to Kanye West vs Common. Don't usually like hip-hop but this is pretty good.

Have to pack tomorrow for Wellington. I'm not very good at packing so it should be an adventure. Should be good getting out of this...place? the word place doesn't convey my utter disdain and contempt for Invercargill. I try to see it for it's good points...but it doesn't have any. ...nah that's pretty harsh but meh. It's my reflection thread.

My mission in life at this point in time?
...er...sleep. Absolutely. Looking forward to work , which in of itself should be a fair indication of my mindset. no more mind games? no more mind

Also looking forward to getting a brand new Laptop of my very own!
I haven't decided what sort yet but I'm determined. After I get back, first order of business.~nods firmly~

Probably wont be around much for a while though I'll try.
I want to rejoin the war!!
Ok. after I get my laptop...second order of business; write shiny new war-post.~nods once more~

I'm too tired to think straight so for the sake of the over-all coherency of my reflections thread (Ha!) I think I'll take my leave.
Hope you had a merry christmas and have a happy new year...
(I wonder if M'cdonalds is open today. hmmm)

[Lyle]

...pull the pins , save your grace
mark these words on his grave...

Ah liquor. Why is something I love so much always so cruel??
I dunno.

I had an interesting christmas. There was food. There was drama. There was the indiscriminate imbibing of far too much alcohol. Nothing revolutionary.

slowly though , from the farthest reaches of my identity there comes a sneaking suspician that my alcohol days are ending. ( )

I know I know. It's horrible to contemplate but I fear it may be so. The more I read...the more I think the less sense drinking myself stupid seems to make. I know again I know. "whats so great about sense?!?"
I read some more Ken Wilber. Talked about the spectrum of conciousness. Also about a truly integral culture. I like Ken Wilber. I'm gonna take a stand and say he's a smart guy. certain grudging appreciation has to be given to james for introducing Ken Wilber to me. I dont like james but there you go.

Not much else going on. Looking forward to Uni.
thats about it. Later.